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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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School reports
After a filling at the dentists I have to go to my daughter's school for her parent's evening.

What were you told in school? Were you never going to amount to much?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:38, 120 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
I was alright at school. Middle of the road.
I sort of flitted between groups of people. was definitely more of a chav. Did the whole drinking on the streets thing.
Hell, we even drank before assembly sometimes.

Ahh... Council.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:45, Reply)
Where were you from in Newcastle again?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:46, Reply)
behind teh bins
pizza hut
bigg market
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:00, Reply)
There actually is a Pizza Hut at the top of the Bigg Market
Although I'm not sure how to access the bins
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:01, Reply)
Grew up in Fawdon, moved to City Centre, then Benwell.
Classy lass
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:02, Reply)
Nothing says class like Benwell

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:02, Reply)
It was near the river though, in a nice bit.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:06, Reply)
I've not seen that "bit"

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:08, Reply)
"Whilst AA is clearly full of ideas, we wish he wouldn't share them quite so readily"
i.e. Shut the fuck up you little shit.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:47, Reply)
i.e. Gobshite

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:48, Reply)
One of my favourite Northern terms

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:48, Reply)
I learned it as an Irish term
Interestingly*, the Dictionary of Slang gives an alternative definition of "market trader"


*Interest may go down as well as up
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)
It just sounds really offensive with a Northern accent
as does everything, etc...
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:06, Reply)
Can you edit a mod edited post?
Could tangled sneak back and change his post back to what it was without shitmod noticing?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:51, Reply)
Probably, yes

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:51, Reply)
No problem mate
5.9.83.79/questions/offtopic/post2253124
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:03, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:04, Reply)
I should probably edit that out again

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:15, Reply)
Might be a good idea

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:15, Reply)
I was told I would most likely get a job that allowed me to be paid for sitting on a puerile digital arts community's Off Topic board.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:53, Reply)
I was taught the importance of good oral hygiene.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:53, Reply)
Me too
but I chipped a tooth
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:55, Reply)
Teacher had a Prince Albert, did he?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:58, Reply)
Not any more

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:59, Reply)
I gave YM a dose of oral hygiene last night

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:58, Reply)
YM gave me unhygienic oral last night.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:59, Reply)
Yeah that one works better

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:00, Reply)
xx

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:01, Reply)
So you know in school if you die you get a full page in the yearbook.
Well so many kids in my year died that they took up most of the book.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:58, Reply)
But they never caught you, eh?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:59, Reply)
They must have left you with a Colum(bine) though

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 14:59, Reply)
Someone in my year was murdered by Sunderland's very own gay serial killer

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:00, Reply)
Beat them to death with a box of Weetabix.
He was also a bad speller.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:07, Reply)
That took me far too long to work out

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:07, Reply)
steven grieveson?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:22, Reply)
Thats our murderer, yes

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:23, Reply)
A mate's cousin spent 6 months locked up as he and his bird were fucking in a house that he killed one of the boys in
He left a bloody fingerprint there and his lass wouldn't fess up to being there with him
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:25, Reply)
Well he shouldnt have gone for the ol stink finger
if she was blobbing
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:26, Reply)
tggi^

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:26, Reply)
Ah now, thy found Jason not guilty.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 17:51, Reply)
Yearbook? WTF?
Like in America?

Did you all write gay farewells to each other?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:03, Reply)
In spunk
on his back
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)
Hahahahahaha.
After a few Ziders.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:11, Reply)
No, most school I have worked in have had a yearbook with photos of all their year in as a keepsake.
Its surely not that unusual. I got mine 16 years ago.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)
I was told to leave and never return.
I was expelled when I was 13.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:02, Reply)
Expelled as a miner then?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)
No wonder your folks used to beat you up

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:05, Reply)
I am seeing my parents in a few days time.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:06, Reply)
Its off to home you go

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:07, Reply)
They've sold the family place. Never seen the current one.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:10, Reply)
Don't bang your head on the table when you walk in.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:12, Reply)
haha!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:12, Reply)
My final R.E. report stated that I have a warped and perverse sense of humour.
The teacher had taken offence to me drawing a picture of Jesus holding a blood soaked chainsaw, with the words 'suck this' written on his robes, also in blood.

I had issues with religion as a child.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:08, Reply)
I like this

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:09, Reply)
They made RE so boring!
If they included all the genocide I may have listened.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:17, Reply)

listened produced testosterone.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:19, Reply)
You want testosterone?
I may be queer but I'd still knock you into next week.

GRRRRR!
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:24, Reply)

knock bum
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:25, Reply)
Isn't baldness linked to high testosterone levels?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:48, Reply)
No, due to hair falling out.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:04, Reply)
Mrs Cow works in a Catholic school
They have all the prayers, etc.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:19, Reply)
Our church is so boring.
Hymns. No.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:25, Reply)
So does Mrs Hats!
SPOOKY DOOKY!
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 17:08, Reply)
I was consistently told from early school reports right up to the end that I was doing well but was a lazy shite who could and should do even better.
I'm not convinced this was a great lesson as I have continued to do alright and am still pretty lazy.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:20, Reply)
Thats pretty much the same as me
Apart from Biology which simply said
***** has no interest in this subject
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:23, Reply)
Alright *****

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:25, Reply)
five star are fucking shit

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:27, Reply)
Alright Eliot

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:28, Reply)
*phones home*

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:30, Reply)
blah blah blah

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:24, Reply)
I got expelled.
I was told once "What you are doing is desperately trying to prove to the world that you are a grown up. When you finally are a grown up (which might well never happen), you will know it, and no longer feel the need to try to prove it to anyone."
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:31, Reply)
still not had chance to test that theory, huh?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)
Absolutely not - as evinced by my going on b3ta.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:34, Reply)
at what age are we supposed to be grown up
I think I passed it by accident
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:36, Reply)
I won the Stan Spencer Award for music.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:33, Reply)

stan frank
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:34, Reply)

spencer skinner
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)

frank Dennis
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:40, Reply)

skinner Bin lorries
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 15:42, Reply)

orries aden
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:05, Reply)
I can't believe that he'd accept an award with that cunts name on it.
He disgusts me.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:08, Reply)
i always had a good report, apparently I was a pleasure to teach.
Well, except for PE where I complained about a PE teacher on a local radio 'comedy' show.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 16:36, Reply)
In my careers advice meeting my results came out as "mutha fuckin hustla"

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 17:02, Reply)

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