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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Alright wee wee tapirs?
Amerca, ever been? Is it full of fat, bible bashing racists or enlightened and interesting people? Like on here

Altalt: I'm going to ten dordogne in September; holiday plans
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:14, 151 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
America gets a bad rep.
Holiday plans are going on a distillery tour, then going up to Orkney to see Skara Brae. Older than the pyramids innit mein schwester, ja?
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:17, Reply)
Bit like your mum

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:18, Reply)
Which distilleries?
Bought some Penrhyn whisky yesterday - nice stuff, distilled in Wales!
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:20, Reply)
Penderyn?
Is it nice?

Going to start at Auchentoshan and work my way north.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:25, Reply)
Is anyone going with you?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:27, Reply)
'Mrs Dozer' ??????

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:28, Reply)
I heard she's a hard drinking ex super model, with top bants and a trust fund!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)
I hear she is the only person who can *almost* match his superior intellect and refined tastes

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
like that could ever happen

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Yes
Quite light like Speyside ones are, but strong (46%).
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:28, Reply)
Bruichladdich is 46%, needs a drop of water

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
We spoke about this months ago and I told you to get some
I even sent you the link you useless fuck
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 16:16, Reply)
And congratulations to Kroney who is celebrating 7 years as an IT drone at his current employer

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:18, Reply)
no real names eh

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:19, Reply)
Sorry Darrel

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:20, Reply)
Alright Bumhead.
I've never been to America, but I understand they are all fat stupid religious 'patriots', and this is the same wherever you go across the different states.

I wouldn't bother going to France as I already live closer to there than I do to work. Plans are afoot for a holiday but the destination appears to still be under discussion and tense negotiation.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:21, Reply)
I wonder if swipes dad will buy her half a holiday

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:23, Reply)
I dunno, I might if she's nice.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:23, Reply)
that's a no then

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:25, Reply)
Nah, she's 'alright' in real life, I s'pose.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:27, Reply)
'get fucked'

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)
'brilliant, classic dozer'

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
'technically, a camouflage-clad sartorial idiot'

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:42, Reply)
Will you take frog with you as well?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:26, Reply)
Frog is dead :(

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:28, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)
He might come back at some point.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)
Is this because I've not been doing train threads?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
Never been to America, never really wanted to.
Passed through Dordogne on a driving trip through France in 1997, seemed nice.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)
You'd like it, they're all thick and have funny accents like you lot

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:30, Reply)
Been to America a couple of times, mostly for work.
So you tend to meet real people. The ones in Pennsylvania were more or less normal. The ones in Oklahoma were all bible thumping maniacs.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:33, Reply)
I would love a holiday but can't book anything for a few months.
I have a serious case of wanderlust.
Another year of attending weddings is draining my finances.
Other people's weddings are expensive.
How are we all then?
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:35, Reply)
I have been to about 10 weddings each year for 3 years now
Saying no to lots this year, but I am going to a bent wedding
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:56, Reply)
I've been a bridesmaid three times in the last year.
Hen weekends, travel, hotels, extra shoes all add up. My cousins wedding cost me close to £600.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and am very happy to have been asked. Hmmmm I just sound a bit moany here don't I?
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:00, Reply)
not at all, costs me a small fortune
some of the boys just got back from a stag do in Vegas, it was £2k +
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:01, Reply)
That's just madness.
Can't people just have an evening in the pub?

I went to Budapest a few months ago for a hen. That I didn't mind though as I organised it all so was sensible regarding costs. Plus, it was hilarious.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:04, Reply)
I did Amsterdam last year that cost that cost £750 in the end...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:08, Reply)
Warsaw, Riga and Berlin recently.
There's something a bit too LAD about stag weekends for my tastes. Plus I ALWAYS set off the metal detector and have to get my willy out in that body scanner thing :(
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Jeeze
Budapest next time he gets married then? Cheap and beautiful and fun.
The best bit was the bride's face when she realised where we were going. She had no idea until we got to the departure gate.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:14, Reply)
when you think that 50% end up getting divorced
that's a LOT of wasted cash.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:20, Reply)
Not quite 50%
www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2011/sty-what-percentage-of-marriages-end-in-divorce.html

Luckily we don't all spend £100k on weddings
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:22, Reply)
yeah, but the number is going up all the time, i bet it was about 2% a hundred years ago
the wedding industry employs a LOT of people, which is good, but imma guess that's not such a comfort to battered's father in law right now. or my friend's dad, who spent £250k on his daughter's new years eve wedding, which included a massive firework display and a 3 day free bar in the marquee. by april, they'd split up.

cracking new year's eve party, mind.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:25, Reply)
I though marriage rates were going down?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:31, Reply)
I know.
I think two of the couples won't last.
I really hope I'm wrong as I love them all dearly. But yeah marrying a gay man wasn't the smartest thing my female cousin has done.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:23, Reply)
D'you think he misunderstood about gays being allowed to marry now?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:24, Reply)
ha!
He does love her, but I reckon he loves the cock more.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:30, Reply)
Still, at least their house looks nice

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:35, Reply)
sometimes i think that'd be a damn sight easier than a straight one, mind you...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:26, Reply)
50% of marriages may end in divorce
but people forget that some people get married loads of times 66% of my mums marriages have ended in divorce and shes just one person. So idiots don't learn after the 4th time. So yes Basically that stats are skewed because some people get divorced several times whereas others are too scared to leave their wives in case they beat them harder. Out of those 10 weddings I bet only 3 will get divorced and then remarry and two of them will divorce again and again and again because they are whores.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:05, Reply)
Never been, but there is plenty I'd like to see over there.
I used to regard Americans as boorish, uncultured oafs, then I met a few and they were alright.

Alt: La belle France à la Pentecôte et aussi à l'été
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:46, Reply)
they gave us:
Jazz
Hip hop
Techno
Punk
House
Don de Lillo
Paul Auster
Soul

They can't be all bad.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:49, Reply)
Don't forget 'crunk'! YEAAAHAAA!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:51, Reply)
and 'Insane Clown Posse'!
FUCK YEAH, JUGGALOS!
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:53, Reply)
WELL OKAAAAAYYYYY!!!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:54, Reply)
I'm just a juggalo and everywhere I go people know the part I'm playin'

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:57, Reply)
They also gave your mum syphalis

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:54, Reply)
they gave your wife her two kids

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:56, Reply)
Aren't these largely African American inventions?
In which case it's only the white ones I can't stand.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:55, Reply)
bit racist

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:57, Reply)
goddamn honkys

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:57, Reply)
I've spent far more time in the US than I have ever wanted to. Mainly for work.
New York. Great for the first 72 hours, annoying after that.
Atlanta. Deep South. Combination of rednecks, ambitious white collar blacks and far too much religion.
Chicago. Full of 4th generation spud wogs. Avoid.
Boston. Nice. Laid back. Reasonably civilised.
Seattle. Cold. The Manchester of America. Good weed though.
San Diago. Probably the nicest part I've been to.
North West Arkansas. Deliverance.
LA. Horrible. Mad. Synthetic.
San Fransisco. Full of queers. Excellent Chinese food.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 8:58, Reply)
I like San Demus

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:06, Reply)

San Chaka
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:06, Reply)

Demus Khan
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:17, Reply)
*Captain Kirks*

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:20, Reply)
San Dimas High School Football Rules!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:07, Reply)
I'd like to travel across america in a winniebaygo doing all the man vs food challenges
see if I come out the other ending looking like the ghostbuster cunt with the pink sunglasses
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:03, Reply)
that program represents all that's wrong with the world

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:04, Reply)
Whoah, when were you on it?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:08, Reply)
I'd like to go and see where all my favourite films were shot
Altalt: Somewhere sunny I guess. Might just book a week off and try and get something cheap last minute like.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:07, Reply)
like what?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:08, Reply)
Seven Samurai, Mad Max and Withnail & I

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:11, Reply)
Gaping Anus Cum Whore Vol 3 was filmed inside YM, hth

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:09, Reply)
Were you all full after Vol 2 then?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:12, Reply)
Yes
Yes
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:08, Reply)
CONGRATULATIONS!

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:09, Reply)
Hm?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:10, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2256306
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:10, Reply)
Christ
/Life fail
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:12, Reply)
glad I could help

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:14, Reply)
I just got distracted by other things :(

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:16, Reply)
like trying to sleep with everyone in the office?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:17, Reply)
I've run out, now. It might be time to move on.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:18, Reply)
Reason for leaving previous employment?
cA: Clunge campaign complete
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:20, Reply)
"What do you think our company can offer you?"
Well, I'm really hoping you can help me accomplish some personal goals; so far I've not contracted full-blown AIDS, merely syphilis and some of the lesser STIs.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:26, Reply)
america's fucking awesome
whatever you want out of a holiday, they've got it. i like san diego and miami the best out of the places i've been.

alt: long weekend at the place in cornwall, plotting a week of sun in june, cornwall with the family in july, spain in september, probably the usual family christmas thing and if i can manage it, a weekend in new york.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:10, Reply)
Morning.
No, never been.

Off to the Ball tick and St Peterssburg later this month.
Ballet and all that lot
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:15, Reply)
i went to a talk by the walking with the wounded south pole soldiers last week
they were talking about the lodge out in the antarctic which is manned by a couple of huge burly russians, who basically see nothing but snow and wind 24/7, apart from occasional crew staying there. they said that these massive russians survive on "vodka, pig fat, and lots and lots of porn."

russians: a nation of contrasts, is what i'm saying here.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Are you saying I've booked the wrong place?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:21, Reply)
all i'm saying is
given a choice between ponces in tights and vodka and porn, you've picked the former.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:22, Reply)
Maybe I could go next year
and take them some pig fat.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:35, Reply)
Beth doesnt fly well

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:39, Reply)
She will when she reads this ^.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:53, Reply)
b3th fuckin loves me innit

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:58, Reply)
Where is mighty badger these days?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:39, Reply)
in a better place
*gazzes lies and jest*
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:41, Reply)
4EVR IN AR HARTZ XXX

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Never been to the States - never really wanted to, despite my love of handguns
Nearly always gone East (except for a cheeky 10 dayer in the Dominican Republic).
The Dordogne's lovely. I'm planning a trip to my cousin's place in France later this year - he's near Laragne in Les Haut Alpes.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:49, Reply)
Is Asus a good brand of laptop?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:50, Reply)

s n

yes. for you.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:50, Reply)
You are fucking idiot.
And a fat ginger cunt.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:55, Reply)
whatever, anus boy

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:01, Reply)
Doesn't it simply come down to teh parts they use?
I have a zoostorm, which has been great and really good value. I'd never heard of them but some research suggested that they bought in good quality internals and built decent laptops. they're customer service has been good as well.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:53, Reply)
Asus are well priced for the spec I believe, last ione I had was good

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:54, Reply)
Thanks.
Might buy one today. Insurance company are offering me a shit replacement machine but £1400 instead if I want.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:57, Reply)
£1400?
I've never spent more than £420 on a laptop and never had any issues or lack of power etc
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:58, Reply)
The one I'm looking at is £749. That way I can use some of the rest of the cash for software, a new tablet and still have some cash.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:01, Reply)
Insurance fraud is a crime.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:22, Reply)
yer but insurance companies do their best not to pay out and just want to rip everyone off
Which is why life and CI claims payouts are in the high 90% range.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Only because fuckheads like you buy cheap insurance.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:27, Reply)
it was sarcasm, you ugly witted fuck knuckle

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:29, Reply)
I'm not the one with a load of shit in my face.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:31, Reply)
no, you just have shit on your face and only one foot

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:32, Reply)
Erm, course I have.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:36, Reply)
It's not fraud. They're offering me a cash alternative. Up to me how I use the cash.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:27, Reply)
I KNOW.
gimp
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Wanker.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:30, Reply)
are you coming on thu? you have to be polite, if so

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:31, Reply)
Unlikely.
He can't keep a civil tongue in his head at the moment.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:33, Reply)
i have noticed this

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:43, Reply)
He's a terrible cunt

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
i have noticed this.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Fuck off.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:48, Reply)
To what?

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:34, Reply)
so is having a face like a freshly raped baboon, but he does that too

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:29, Reply)
I've done a couple of touristy bits.
My favourite was New Orleans, as - although it's got it's fair, massive share of tourism, being English there is still a relative novelty for them, so we got lots of lovely attention, which is what we crave.

Las Vegas, New York - you're just another tourist, so it was all pretty sausage-machine stuff, although the bars were fun.

Like everywhere else, it's got a pretty equal balance of arseholes and groovy types. New York we seemed to encounter more of the latter.

San Fran did come across as genuinely friendly, cool and laid-back.

None of it compares to the majesty of Croydon on a Friday night, though.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:52, Reply)
Well when I went to Croydon I was just another tourist.
Coulsden was nice..
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:56, Reply)
Coulsdon's lovely.
It's no Swindon, mind.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:00, Reply)
Apparently so
Went to A&E this morning for my purple foot. Lady doctor says it's just gravity has pulled the bruise from my banged shin down to the bottom of my leg and it will go away in a few weeks to a month.

So I'm not going to need an amputation, fortunately.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:20, Reply)
Yer.
My BiL got slapped about in a nightclub once, and ended up with a massive bruise on his cheek. It drifted slowly down his face and onto his neck before it faded.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:22, Reply)
poor stunned
forever alone
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:22, Reply)
That's good news.
Can you get this gravity stuff on prescription?
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:23, Reply)
It's free!
Side effects may include falling over while drunk.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:28, Reply)
The States is great. Just stay out of most of the big cities and away from the touristy areas. I am going back to do the RV thing again as it was so good when I did it in October.
I am going back to California on the 16/05.

Cornwall for Easter. Munich for my birthday. Red Sea diving for a week in November.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:25, Reply)
I thought your type prefer to walk through the Red Sea

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:26, Reply)
Hahahaha. Red Sea pedestrians.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:27, Reply)
that was the joke, yes

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:28, Reply)
Hahahaha. Red Sea pedestrians.
Nice one.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:29, Reply)
fuck off kike

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:32, Reply)
It's "Fuck off, Kike."

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:34, Reply)
I've done Florida, Seattle and Vegas
Florida was alright, Seattle was excellent, and Vegas was Vegas. HTH!

EDIT: And Atlanta, briefly.
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:29, Reply)
is tyhis stil going...

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
Nyot really.

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:56, Reply)
I DID ANOTHER

(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Went to Florida a couple of years back with the sprogs and going again this year.
Yeah it's touristy, but we all really enjoyed it, hence our return.

Would like to see a lot more of it though - NY, Chicago, Las Vegas, San Francisco etc. Will leave it a bit until the kids are too old to come away with their old man - cuts down on costs, innit?
(, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 11:02, Reply)

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