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Late night soup thread.
What's your favourite soup?

Alt: how much veg can you put in a liquid before it surpasses soup and becomes stew?
(immadme, Thu 24 Sep 2015, 0:43, archived)

NM
Shipping forecast is on.
(immadme, Thu 24 Sep 2015, 0:49, archived)

campbells condensed cream of mushroom, if we're talking tins
alt: 72.4
(

brb pussy in bio, Thu 24 Sep 2015, 0:57, archived)

We're definitely talking tins.
Crosse and blackwell do a mean mulligatawny, according to my friend.
Can you clarify your ratio?
(immadme, Thu 24 Sep 2015, 1:04, archived)

Stilton and broccoli if we're talking home made.

(immadme, Thu 24 Sep 2015, 1:07, archived)

If Diesel vehicles are so bad like the press are going mad about...
what are they going to do about all the buses, vans, lorries and trains that nobody seems that bothered about? Are they all going to convert to petrol?
(Testicles just for you, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:19, archived)

the answer to all is 'cargo bikes'

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:25, archived)

convert to Islam, m8

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:28, archived)

No one has a problem with diesel mhat8y
They have a problem with VUU installing a device that switches between Low emissions of nitroglycerine and low miles to the litter, and high emissions of nitrates and high miles to the gallon. Switching between the two whenever it was being testied so they it looks like der cars are a lot better at the environment than they actually are.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:32, archived)

^pretty sure this answer should be added to the faq at least for a week or so

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:36, archived)

The UK government was on about charging diesel drivers when entering city centres
after every fucker went and bought a diesel
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 23:49, archived)

I can't see that happening tho

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 23:51, archived)

Van Diesel is gonna have to change his name.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:36, archived)

To Vin, probably.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:36, archived)

bit french

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:37, archived)

Vin O

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:55, archived)

I'm eating carbonara out of a saucepan and drinking grolsch from the tin.
Is anyone else as tragic as me?
Alt: I also roll my own cigarettes.
(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:12, archived)

Tragic is an abstract concept

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:22, archived)

I feel I'm making the term more objective through my observable and repeatable lifestyle choices.

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:26, archived)

Feeling is an abstract concept

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:34, archived)

I feel! The researcher next to me is quantifying the degree of tragedy.
James May is on R4 and it's broken the researcher's instruments.
(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:39, archived)

^ the degree of tragedy

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:19, archived)

It's measured in Robs.

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:27, archived)

I don't feel tragic,
I feel magic!
Although there's a good chance I've just sharted.
(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 20:23, archived)

Bavaria now, it gets worse!

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:18, archived)

Still not an awful beer
reminds me of being 14
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:22, archived)

S'pose it could be worse.

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:25, archived)

imported lager, la-de-da

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:29, archived)

Ooh I had leftovers for lunch and I'm drinking homebrew, I'm not far off

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:20, archived)

There's room in this gutter for both of us.

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:24, archived)

homebrew is for winners.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:36, archived)

turned out a lot better than I thought it would

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 22:02, archived)

I've just finished a 2 hour after-work meeting with my financial adviser.
He started off by telling me there was an irregularity in my pension statement and I would have to pay another £30,000 in tax, then watched me become increasingly panicked for half an hour before announcing that he'd read it wrong and I didn't have to pay it after all.

fucking

cunt.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:31, archived)

Who would like to hear some jokes from the new series of the Muppets?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:40, archived)

bet it's all cgi and shit and shia labeouf

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:54, archived)

Nah actual muppets.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:57, archived)

Miss Piggy has left Kermit and shacked up with David Cameron?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:55, archived)

no bestiality jokes
although kermit did say "what can I say I'm attracted to pigs"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 21:58, archived)

fuck you thread

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:47, archived)

fuck you string

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:59, archived)

fuck you cord

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:59, archived)

fuck you twine

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:59, archived)

fuck you

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:09, archived)

+ rope

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:45, archived)

Fuck a horse.

(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:10, archived)

you're mad, you

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:12, archived)

Mad? I'm fuckin' incensed!
The argument between the SCVO and the NCVO over regulation has left me livid.
(immadme, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:20, archived)

certainly not!

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:15, archived)

New series of gotham
Fuck that.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:17, archived)

HORSE FUCKING CUNT

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 18:56, archived)

I am a cunt

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 19:08, archived)

fuck me 'til I'm thread raw

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 19:08, archived)

So according to this film if you save the world you get to do a Swedish princess up the bum.
What encouraging things have you learned from films recently?
(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:20, archived)

Also ... earlier in the film the princess didn't seem particularly attractive but when she offered him anal she became strangely appealing.
Does this make me gay?
(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:22, archived)

of course

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:23, archived)

Cool.
Wanna fuck?
(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:31, archived)

nah, you're not my type
get some tits and we'll talk
(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:32, archived)

What if I just fill this bra with a couple of pig livers?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:35, archived)

throw in a spleen and you have yourself a deal

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:43, archived)

Done.
*spits and shakes*
(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)

But enough about my wanking technique.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)

no. more.

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)

*slaps it against the edge of a yellow pages*

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:04, archived)

oh god

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:47, archived)

death

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:22, archived)

that just because she seems to prefer the popular rich kid at school over you, her reliable but kooky friend, if you hang on in there you'll probably get together when she realises he wasn't as nice as his wealth and popularity first made him seem

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:25, archived)

87% of comic super hero romantic storylines are designed to reassure hopeless virgins that one day they'll see a woman naked.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:33, archived)

I still live in hope

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:35, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roar_%281981_film%29
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:27, archived)

A lesson for everybody.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:32, archived)

I wonder what Melanie Griffith's face tastes like

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:32, archived)

Today? Spanish spunk.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:34, archived)

like chorizo?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:36, archived)

It's alright. The stuff you get here isn't anything like the stuff you get in Spain though.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:40, archived)

The way to stop death hurting
is by eating delicious BRAAAAAIIIINNSSSS
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:43, archived)

Also dinosaurs should rule the earth
cos humans are pricks
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:44, archived)

Dinosaurs don't even HAVE pricks.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:11, archived)

alright blue star

(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:32, archived)

that life is meaningless

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:46, archived)

life is meaningless II: the klumps

(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:51, archived)

one of bergman's finest

(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:53, archived)

life is meaningless part 3: Jesus Returns!

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:53, archived)

the sound of meaninglessness

(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:55, archived)

Bring me the ennui of alfredo whoever it doesn't really matter nothing matters.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)

ennui were soldiers

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:52, archived)

Oh splendid.
I'd click that if there were any meaning to the universe.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:05, archived)

Die quietly with ambivalence.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:14, archived)

If this were still a thriving online community this would have been dead cert populol page material.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:24, archived)

the few remaining posters are too apathetic to click anything

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:38, archived)

i can confirm that no-one has clicked on it and you are shit and rubbish

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:53, archived)

clicks are meaningless and then we die

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:04, archived)

The Jewel of the Nihilism

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:25, archived)

Nice.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)

All you ever wanted to know about life but never bothered to ask because what's the point we're all going to die.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)

schindler's listless

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:40, archived)

back to the futile

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:45, archived)

20,000 Leagues Under the Nausea

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)

Weltschmerz and I.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:01, archived)

I don't remember frozen working out this way

(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:47, archived)

that's what happens if you don't want to build a snowman

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)

Last four I've watched
* Having lots of good sci-fi ideas isn't enough without a plot
* We should be glad that pricks don't have superpowers
* You can't make F1 racing into an excting film, even if people get killed and/or disfigured
* October 2015 looks sort of rubbish apart from the flying cars
(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:39, archived)

hmm
*dunno
*chronicle?
*rush
*bttf 2
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 15:54, archived)

Watched 'Horns' the other night
Pretty good. Chronicle is on the pile.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)

chronicle was the best of the three.

(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)

chronicle is pretty great
haven't seen horns. didn't look like my cuppa tea
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:03, archived)

There's a bit of tit in it

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:06, archived)

and Harry Potter has horns and says 'fuck'

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:06, archived)

which bit?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:08, archived)

There's partial curvature and pronounced nipplery

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)

I'll probably wait until someone uploads that particular scene to youtube then

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:16, archived)

Well I enjoyed the film
do with that what you will
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:18, archived)

~~do with that what you will~~ There.
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:19, archived)

quite

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:20, archived)

first one was tomorrowland, others are right.
first three were the best malaysia airlines had to offer that I hadn't seen.
(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)

ah, i haven't seen tomorrowland because i'd heard it was pants

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:03, archived)

it feels like they made another film that was really good and this is the extra one they made with the bits they didn't use
if you know what i mean.
(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:06, archived)

Oh yeah, tomorrowland was so fucking nice
Almost felt like it could have been a trilogy if there was more to it.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:07, archived)

Your opinions on literally everything are wrong.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:09, archived)

they spent ages setting up this whole world, which was ok, then they just had a big fight and a tower fell on hugh laurie and it was all "oh, that's all there is?"
so i know what you mean, but no.
(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)

cloud atlas?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:03, archived)

have the dvd of that but haven't watched it, heard it's rubbish.
DVDs cost 50p here, i should stop buying ones i don't really want to watch.
(

Zuowan, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:09, archived)

But how else will terrorism be funded?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:18, archived)

Halal chicken.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 16:23, archived)

Cloud Atlas Shrugged amirite?

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 17:11, archived)

I work with a bunch of really stupid, overpaid cunts
Who do you work with?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:54, archived)

WHOM, you ignoramus.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:58, archived)

ALRIGHT
Who do you work WHOM?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:00, archived)

Better.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:07, archived)

FEWER

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:15, archived)

HOOM!

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:33, archived)

O M
M O
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:35, archived)

my mate Stanley, you'll get to meet him if you ain't careful son

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:59, archived)

^danny dyer

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:00, archived)

you're mum LOLOLOL!

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:01, archived)

hahaha sometimes I think you DO work with my're Mum!

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:07, archived)

ROFL!

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:11, archived)

disgusting

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:12, archived)

I love you xx

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:14, archived)

I know you do love, I know you do

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:28, archived)

get fucked you creepy old man

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:33, archived)

you ungrateful little swine

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:00, archived)

I used to think that
but now I just think everyone is trying to wing it at some degree.
(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:01, archived)

In my heart I know this to be true
But every fucking week the same thing happens.
Someone tries to do X, I advise that it won't work and they'll need to do Y. They say that Y will take another week to arrange, so let's just go ahead with X.
X then fails, and they say 'Lets go with Y'. Project is, by now, 2 weeks behind.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:09, archived)

well that is super shit with extra shit on top

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:10, archived)

all the fucking time, man, I swear to god

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:10, archived)

It's happening again right now!
RAAAAAAGE!
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:11, archived)

I best come down and have a word in their shell like

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:19, archived)

Nobody you'd know.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:02, archived)

Oh really??
What about Steve?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:11, archived)

Steve left ages ago
He works in the local Texaco now.
(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:12, archived)

Does he?
Well I'm not surprised. He was a thief, you know
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:13, archived)

Loves Greek penis cheese as well

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:14, archived)

Just because he stole your heart doesn't make him a thief

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:15, archived)

I'm often mistaken for Steve.
I'm not him, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:22, archived)

Seriously??
Pete looks more like him than you do!
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:28, archived)

I always thought Pete was related to the orc in the canteen
They both look like they were beaten horribly with the ugly forest
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:35, archived)

Crazy, right?!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:43, archived)

I don't really work with anyone
I mean, there are other people who do stuff in other parts of the building, but I just sort of sit by myself in an office dicking around on the internet for most of the day
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:17, archived)

God, I wish people would leave me alone
I really don't like people, Tangled
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:29, archived)

I make it absolutely clear to anyone who comes into my office that their presence is an inconvenience to me
yet they all treat it as though it's a big joke and we're just having top bantz
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:33, archived)

I often use "ugh, what the fuck do YOU want?"
which is always laughed off. I always mean it though.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:48, archived)

usually myself which is nice

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:18, archived)

Is this a sex thing?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:29, archived)

depends how bored i get

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)

some cool people and an incompetent old prick
got any jobs going? i could do with being a stupid overpaid cunt
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:19, archived)

Soz, no
Your best bet is going back in time and applying when you left university. They're the only new people we get these days.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:31, archived)

aren't these time travellers actually old people not new people?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:34, archived)

dude, woah

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:10, archived)

i didn't graduate, man
thanks for bringing that up
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:36, archived)

I didn't even fucking go
now who's the prick?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:39, archived)

YOUR MUM

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:40, archived)

well that's true

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:44, archived)

3 years, all the debt, none of the qualifications.
I win!
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:54, archived)

same story here
i got a worthless hnd in computing though!
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:03, archived)

As if computers will ever be of any use

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:07, archived)

I give the internet 5 years, tops

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:09, archived)

I've read most of it and it's shit and rubbish

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:13, archived)

It's all kittens and porn anyway

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:14, archived)

exactly!

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:33, archived)

Post uni, I started a Microsoft Certification,
but they insisted I complete the Office User Specialist qualification first, so I got bored and gave up. Money well spent!
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

I did
but looking back I should have stuck with working for my dad as I would have been minted by now.
(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:56, archived)

^ dropped out first day of school, coz wookies got cocaine to move

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:49, archived)

"I'll give you something that'll make you feel strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark"

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:56, archived)

This is a star wars joke, in case anyone was wondering
I apologise for any offence caused
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:01, archived)

^ nerf herder

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:09, archived)

That's OUR word, YOU don't get to use it

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:10, archived)

I dated a nerf-herding girl in sixth form, so nyer.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:39, archived)

^some of his best friends are nerf-herders

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:48, archived)

yeah you did
you graduated from the university of lyfe, m8
(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:54, archived)

YES

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:58, archived)

I failed that

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:59, archived)

a bunch of dicksplats

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:21, archived)

You should probably get those sent off to Pathology.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:22, archived)

I concur

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:32, archived)

Charmless Joy-Voids.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:34, archived)

good name for a band

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:48, archived)

A bunch of really intelligent people who really earn their keep (and in all fairness should get more)
But there's this one surly cunt in the corner who never gets involved, always throwing spanners in the works, has shit taste in headgear as well
(

H.B.Mupps, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:37, archived)

I'll have you know that I wear a simpsons tie everyday
and keep everyone in fits with almost constant use of my Little Britain talking keychain
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:47, archived)

Computer says no.
#epiclulz
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:56, archived)

I am a lady hahahaha
I'm not really a lady, that's what makes it so amusing
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:58, archived)

I don't get it.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:40, archived)

I think he's saying he identifies as trans gender

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:45, archived)

Just because I'd prefer to live my life as a woman, including but not limited to hormone therapy
doesn't make me transgender, right?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:49, archived)

Show us yer tits, luv.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:02, archived)

( o ) ( o )

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:06, archived)

Wahey!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 14:17, archived)

MONO!'s mum.

(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:53, archived)

m B
+hole
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:00, archived)

a really nice bunch of up-and-coming young programmers in an enthusiastic startup that shows real potential

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:50, archived)

sure

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 13:56, archived)

I've arrived too late for the morning thread, so I'm starting a thread of my own.
Don't really have much to say, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:46, archived)

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt
there
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:47, archived)

My intellectual prowess is held in high regard by all members of this forum.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:49, archived)

true enough

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:50, archived)

~~remove all doubt~~ find the prime minister's cock in there
(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:10, archived)

Cheers

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:50, archived)

you say it best when you say nothing at all

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:51, archived)

My work colleagues are encouraging me to set up a home recording booth to do voiceovers
now I'm being flooded by product recommendations for things I don't really want
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:06, archived)

Do you sound like Redd Pepper?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:13, archived)

I wish, but I don't have enough of a cigar addiction

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:17, archived)

BUY BUY BUY
(

vladimir, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:17, archived)

wat is dis
I am not good at computer
(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:18, archived)

Read the FAQ.
Everyone here abides by its teachings.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:35, archived)

I know I've been away for, like, nearly 9 years, but I do remember how it works around here.

(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:39, archived)

how does it work around here?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:56, archived)

It doesn't.

(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:06, archived)

Well we're all fucked now.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:44, archived)

a wild muhnquai appears!

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:21, archived)

and disappears :(

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:56, archived)

I'm still here.
Silently judging everyone.
(

Bud Muhnquai Update your profile or fuck off, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 12:52, archived)

Try saying something nice about everybody here.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:27, archived)

Everybody?
I'm not sure I could manage that whilst maintaining the necessary air of sincerity.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 10:33, archived)

believe and you can achieve

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:12, archived)

I want to believe.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:15, archived)

youtu.be/LIyibFd6WaA
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:34, archived)

yeah, fair enough
you can leave out 2 can
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 11:23, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:10, archived)

You'd better have a good excuse for this preposterous bullshit

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:45, archived)

get with the times granddad, night-time is out of fashion right now, daylight is in

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:46, archived)

I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was. Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you...

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:51, archived)

I used to be with the Woolwich.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:25, archived)

I had a Midlands account with a quid in it
must be worth millions by now
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:39, archived)

the government privatised it

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:48, archived)

good
I don't want filthy Marxist pigs having access to my pound.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:49, archived)

reet

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:46, archived)

Your Bumholiness

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:51, archived)

yeah

(

MONO!, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:33, archived)

hi

(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 7:55, archived)

salut

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:00, archived)

I miss Sof :(
jelly.b3ta.com/talk/7846225
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:15, archived)

The last thing he'll ever write, and he chose this board to put it on

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:17, archived)

we all do two hats, we all do.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:26, archived)

Getting to know you! Getting to know all about you!

(blah di blah di blah blah, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:19, archived)

Poo off

(

mongychops, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:22, archived)

bit harsh

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:34, archived)

err marching

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:42, archived)

fuck a horse

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:49, archived)

up yours, dickface

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 8:54, archived)

another one
the cunty builders are back but i needed to be up this morning anyway
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:18, archived)

They're rebuilding the Cunty, are they?
Well it's about time, it was in a serious state of disrepair
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:23, archived)

you should have seen what I did to it!
eh lads, hahaha.
(

$$ ✅, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:27, archived)

wahey!
#finalbanterzy7
(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:35, archived)

wahey!
#rosenBantz&guildensternaredead
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:36, archived)

i think someone had to step in when it got made an area of outstanding natural beauty

(

manolith hooray for me, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:34, archived)

well you have to draw the line somewhere

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 23 Sep 2015, 9:35, archived)

Pig face-fucking question
On the subject of things a PM might be ashamed of, what is the worst thing that DC could have done that most people might believe he might actually have done? On a scale with overdue library book at one end and babies on spikes at the other.

Most folks seem to think it plausible that he put his old chap in a dead pig, what do you think is the worst thing that the British public believe he might be capable of?
(

notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:09, archived)

For fucks sake
That thread hadn't ended, you insensitive prick.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:14, archived)

I bet people would think it plausible DC threadstomps.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:16, archived)

He's some sort of prick cunt and no mistake.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:16, archived)

Oh it's some /links dickrind.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:17, archived)

Allowing vulnerable people to die by dismantling the welfare state.
Deliberately mismanaging the NHS to the point where previously world renowned hospitals are effectively bankrupt.
Voting consistently in favour of illegal wars that have directly led to the deaths of tens of thousands of children and the biggest humanitarian crisis since the 1930s.

He can fuck as many dead pigs as he likes.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:15, archived)

And when the votes for wars don't go his way he just lends the military to another nation.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:16, archived)

Nobody bombs civilians quite as politely as a True Brit pilot.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:18, archived)

yeah, but at least he kneels to the queen, eh?

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:17, archived)

The simpering plastic faced psycho probably cums up his y-fronts while he does it.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:19, archived)

All this, and more, explain my general dismay at his continued existence.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:20, archived)

GeordieGay voted for him.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:22, archived)

best of a bad bunch
my vote was void anyway cos I dun a scribble
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:15, archived)

He's not the "best of a bad bunch", you witless prat.
He's systematically destroying the welfare and national health service and people are dying. What sort of dumb cunt are you?
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:23, archived)

Get fucked, dear.
at the time, there was a choice of him, Farage, Clegg and Milliband,

Doesn't matter what they all promise, they never deliver.
What they do deliver is always vastly different.
Not once did they say they were going to remove the NHS in their manifesto. Rather put more money into it.

Here's a flash, Politicians lie.

Don't blame the voters. Blame the system.

Daft cunt.
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:30, archived)

if only you were capable of making an informed decision based on which party was most likely to do that and not voted for them.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:57, archived)

Their manifesto and voting records were perfectly clear to anybody with a reading age above seven.
You voted for these cunts. You are responsible for their behaviour for the next five years. Eat it up.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:06, archived)

Im not the one crying about it, dear.
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:06, archived)

You elected a psychopath because you're too dumb to vote.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:11, archived)

those too dumb, never voted.

and that's why democracy in this country is a bit shit.
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:33, archived)

Thank God I voted bnp

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:07, archived)

Are they even a thing any more?
All the far right monkeys on the internet seem to be Britain First pansies.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:13, archived)

Yep, on the council here

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:44, archived)

Yeah but he's in a difficult position 'cos he's got idiots like you who think we should pay fat lazy people to sit at home eating chips and smoking fags and then people like me who want him to scrap benefits altogether.
It's very difficult to keep everyone happy, I think if I was in his position I'd probably go and fuck a dead pig too.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:36, archived)

Poofs are allowed to vote?? Hell in a hand cart the lot of us

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:42, archived)

MORE GLITTER FOR EVERYONE!!!
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:07, archived)

Not helping the cause that gay men aren't nonces here

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:12, archived)

Illiterate poofs.
Sad times.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:12, archived)

Don't forget increasingly authoritarian moves like making it harder for unions to strike or mass state surveillance.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:29, archived)

I'm fucking off to France full time if they win another election.
You cunts are on your own.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:31, archived)

I hope I'm not still here by then tbh.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:36, archived)

Your name is Jacob Dyer and you live in Bristol

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:41, archived)

^upset

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:06, archived)

she's turned the weans against us

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:21, archived)

shut up , none of this is remotely funny

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:23, archived)

I really fancy getting utterly bollocksed tonight. Drooling stumbling shouty tramp bollocksed.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:30, archived)

Why not, im up the pub, but I was so mangled Saturday I'm taking it easy

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:32, archived)

I can almost hear the sound of DC's spin doctors telling him to hunker-down and let it blow over
As has already been pointed out, even if he DID do it, it wouldn't be the worst thing he has ever done by a long shot.
(

notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:31, archived)

There's apparently some things happening about people joking about cameron.
www.reddit.com/r/ukpolitics/comments/3lxqs4/strange_goings_on/
(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:38, archived)

/board is gonna look pretty empty in a week's time
YESSSSS
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:44, archived)

I've noticed they're trying to spin it that brave Dave simply refused to give the bloke a position for cash.
As it was a moral thing rather n the fact he'd look a twat when it cane to light he was a non-dom
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:45, archived)

He shouldn't have offered a guy a job for all his "help" then should he.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:55, archived)

your mum

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 18:45, archived)

And now back to Kirsty in the studio

(

CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:17, archived)

And there I was, thinking that /talk was a bit cliquey

(

notoolsovernight you're all luvvly an' 'orrible, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 19:50, archived)

prick

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 23:25, archived)

Busy, eh?
Well let me ask you this; Have you ever promised someone something you know you'll never be able to fulfill? Are you good at lying?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

I'll answer this later

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:19, archived)

*waits*

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:23, archived)

I'll have two dirty martinis and a bag of pickled onion monster munch please.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:30, archived)

Have you got anything smaller than a twenty?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)

What sort of pikey venue charges less than a tenner for a martini?
Just bring me the monster munch and a pint of tizer.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:04, archived)

want an umbrella in it?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:12, archived)

Do I look like a poof?
Yes. Yes I do.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:45, archived)

t j
er z
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:36, archived)

And some salted almonds.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:44, archived)

I've never said anything true in my life.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:30, archived)

You've got the right idea
You should either lie constantly, or always tell the truth. It's when you mix it up that problems occur.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)

I've been called an odious lying cunt, so I suppose

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:31, archived)

Harsh
by who?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)

A bloody women of a all people

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:38, archived)

a woman on the internet?
if so then it probably wasn't a woman
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:39, archived)

No I save them the disappointment by simply refusing everything they request.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:35, archived)

I haven't promised anyone anything for years

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

I'm amazing at lying
but that means that might be a lie
which would mean that it would be a terrible lie
so maybe it wasn't a lie
how would you tell?
(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:38, archived)

Oh man you're so deep let's fuck.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:39, archived)

liar!

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:39, archived)

Oh man you're so shallow let's fuck.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:40, archived)

disgusting

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:47, archived)

You won't be saying that when my poo-tainted seed is dribbling from your secret tunnel.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:05, archived)

get fucked.

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:18, archived)

Just let me lick it up and spit it in your face.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:51, archived)

Hot

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:13, archived)

I like to let it go cold and slightly congealed before I gargle it.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:16, archived)

Secret? MONO! must have the most famous anus on /talk!

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:37, archived)

I'd ask you what the other one would say or summat

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:59, archived)

nah, you div.

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

Christ almighty, I need to break wind in the office again

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:03, archived)

Your 'which Conservative MP would you have sex with' question is attracting a lot of attention.
www.b3ta.com/questions/trouble/post2569471
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:05, archived)

Heavens

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:12, archived)

It's times like these I wish I hadn't promised to stop editing emvee's posts and making him cry.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:47, archived)

if i give my word, i don't break it
so i only give it if i know i can keep it
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:25, archived)

Oh

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 16:51, archived)

I'm waiting for some blokes to fit new windows in my flat
What are you waiting for?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:59, archived)

the man
/predictable response #3
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:01, archived)

if I'm the man then you're the man and he's the man as well

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:02, archived)

You're both fucking pansies.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:04, archived)

So you can point that fuckin' finger up your AAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:05, archived)

Assuming you're not a mod, in which case you may wish to find a dog for this purpose.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:06, archived)

Judgement Day when the Faithful Children of Christ will be lifted up into His Glorious company and the rest of you chimps will suffer eternal damnation.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:03, archived)

If we're all God's children then it's a bit mean of him to pick favourites, innit

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:08, archived)

If you didn't want Him to condemn you to unbearable suffering for the rest of time
then you should have cleaved to the arbitrary and inconsistent rules He set out during the bronze age and neglected to clarify.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:13, archived)

Let's face it man, Pauly needs all the help he can get.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:15, archived)

He needs to be transplanted into a cyborg with a reliable power supply, the massive gutfail.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:17, archived)

Says Dr Spazmopancreas, lol.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:28, archived)

Although I like your idea of a cyber-Pauly.
An exoskeleton that charges off USB and is Wi-Fi compatible would make him very happy indeed, I'm sure.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:29, archived)

I just had an unnecessarily massive slice of cake.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:31, archived)

Was it NOMMY?
Do you want some GIN to go with it?? Or some BACONS??
Do you need GLOMPING and HUGGLY-WUGGLES, hun??? xoxox
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:34, archived)

Are you flirting with me or did you just have a breakdown?
Or both. Both would be double sexy.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

I thought I'd make up for the tragic dearth of blobbing fat birds on /talk these days, as mongy seems to miss them so much.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:18, archived)

or just hollow out his stomach and let Krang live there

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:29, archived)

Things just got Super Sexy.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:39, archived)

For a girl like you

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:29, archived)

to come where?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:30, archived)

All over her face and tits.
/ac
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:31, archived)

then lick it off and spit it in her face

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:36, archived)

It's only polite.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:38, archived)

dunno

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:41, archived)

Why don't you get linux instead?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:55, archived)

because that's for povvos and neckbeards

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:06, archived)

Hey, I don't have a neckbeard.
Might start waxing my moustache, though, like the hipster wanker I apparently am.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:11, archived)

hometime

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:57, archived)

+STOP,
e o
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:35, archived)

u can't touch this, fyi

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:42, archived)

*touches*

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:30, archived)

A bus

(PsychoChomp, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:41, archived)

Some dappy cunt to phone me back

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 12:55, archived)

alright darlin'

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:01, archived)

Wotcher toots
hows life?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:03, archived)

tragic
got some bint pregnant
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

Ewww. Breeding is like well gay.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:10, archived)

Aw man shit one.
Abandon her and come back to dear old Blighty
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:10, archived)

it's been 11 years, I can never go back to the country I left behind.

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:17, archived)

Gutted

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:20, archived)

yeah, still can't get Crunchies here :(

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:21, archived)

So I hear
*wink wink*
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:26, archived)

<s>i</s> a

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:39, archived)

Oh it's like I've never been away

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:40, archived)

what the fuck are you doing here?
can I touch you?
(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:59, archived)

mrs tangles isn't pregnant, which is great news

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:14, archived)

*got some bint pregnant fives*

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:16, archived)

don't touch me
the thing you impregnated will probably release hundreds of gelatinous spawn into the local pond.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:22, archived)

Is it the Dave same one?
Dave? Stupid spazzy phone.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:22, archived)

Mines' not called Dave, not sure about Grrry's though

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:26, archived)

*glomps*

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

you revolting turd

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:09, archived)

*huggles*

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:10, archived)

This was threatened on Saturday
Hello. Which one are you?
(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:11, archived)

he's everyone

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:13, archived)

mortal frankmonkey

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:29, archived)

Shambles.
There was "an incident" and one of the bloobloo Mods destroyed the old account. And got cr3 to update the security so I could never come back. Which is why I'm not here.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:48, archived)

I for one feel safer knowing that you are no longer here

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:53, archived)

If I thought for one second that he WAS back, I'd write to my MP

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:57, archived)

the fit one?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:59, archived)

*blush* oh I don't know, shut up :)

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:00, archived)

seriously though, I couldn't put mine in a tory

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:07, archived)

depends
That Louise Mensch looked like a bit of a goer
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:43, archived)

Please go easy on the misogynistic "I would" type posts whenever a picture of an attractive lady is posted on the board. Not only can it get a bit tiresome, but it can be intimidating and unwelcoming for a lot of lady boarders. Besides, even if you would, she probably wouldn't.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:57, archived)

mensch probably would if she thought it might advance her career, the vile harridan

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:03, archived)

Well I'll tell her that she'll get a prominent place on the cabinet
if she lets me do her up the botty. How does that sound?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:08, archived)

in between the carriage clock and the school picture of the kids?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7846095
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:06, archived)

I'm delighted he's not here, my only regret is that I can't call him a giant shit belming horsefucker to his stupid face.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:00, archived)

haha he does have a stupid face

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:06, archived)

It's the face he deserves, the massive fucking prick

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 14:16, archived)

Hello Blue Star

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:36, archived)

Hi!

(

Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:39, archived)

Are you well?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:47, archived)

a poo thread

(

brb pussy in bio, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:32, archived)

thank you, come again

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 13:34, archived)

can you believe it?

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:09, archived)

Not gay sex

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:11, archived)

I was, right up until the clown turned into a bizarre giant spider and that's where the plot basically fell apart

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:11, archived)

He wrote that bit after masturbating about adolescent boys with large dicks.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:17, archived)

not everyone shares your wank fantasies, you know

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:19, archived)

I'm sure it's more than just me and Stephen King

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:21, archived)

~~Stephen~~ Jonathan
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:27, archived)

~~about~~
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:31, archived)

I can't believe that none of them have heard of deodorant

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:15, archived)

I prefer people to accept my natural aroma

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:17, archived)

I don't believe in anything except the Word of Our Lord Jesus.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:16, archived)

Amen!

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:17, archived)

Praise the Lord Hallelujah!

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:21, archived)

Testify!

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:20, archived)

shambo is a Christian & Im a gay vegetarian pirate

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:29, archived)

Arrrrrrtichokes?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:52, archived)

that's the funniest thing I've ever heard

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:42, archived)

~~Lord~~ immigrant Mexican,
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:45, archived)

He's made the lawns look like golf greens.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:59, archived)

I played golf with Jesus
and lost my ball in a wine hazard.

Where he kept his tees was gross, too.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:04, archived)

fuck off did it

(

mongychops, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:35, archived)

well yeah, it was obvious really
I figured out that the village wasn't really in the olden days right from the beginning
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:08, archived)

^ *spoilers*

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:10, archived)

^ *exhausts*

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:17, archived)

*rims*

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:42, archived)

yeah, if you read the ingredients, it's not technically butter

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:18, archived)

I can't believe it's not bumhole

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:19, archived)

ooh but these must be gravy granules

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:26, archived)

I bought that 'I can't believe it's not butter' the other day.
The wife tried it and said it was shit and made me go and buy real butter.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:18, archived)

^anal^

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:26, archived)

yeah, 2 can deffo gets pegged by his wife. that much is obvious

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:51, archived)

Saturday she gets him loaded on sherry and brings out The Big One.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:04, archived)

^upset

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:27, archived)

I find crumpets go much better with Astroglide.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:38, archived)

you've dug your hole of middle-class pretentions, now you have to throw a dinner party in it.

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:48, archived)

the cunty builders downstairs?
no i can't. why would they start drilling at 8.30 in the fucking morning? don't they realise i have the day off?
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 10:52, archived)

8:30? You crybaby
The builders down the road fire up their power tools at 6am sharp. Every. Fucking. Day.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:01, archived)

but it's my fucking day off
i don't think you understand the gravity of the situation
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:07, archived)

I bet they're not even doing actual work.
They're probably just employed by the Department for Slavic Grimness to make a terrible noise at 6 am for the sake of it.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:07, archived)

I like this

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 17:16, archived)

If the dog three doors down doesn't stop fucking barking
I'm going to kill the fucking thing
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 11:09, archived)

Morning chaps

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 6:59, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 7:17, archived)

nah

(

MONO!, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 7:51, archived)

alright muppo you spunktrumpet

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 7:58, archived)

Morning dozy
Just committed a "bizarre sexual act" on my bacon sandwich to show my Tory solidarity
(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:10, archived)

There'll never be a Muslim PM, that's for sure

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:12, archived)

Anjem Choudary 4 Lib Dem leader

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:17, archived)

Well he could hardly make them *less* popular, let's face it.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:00, archived)

Not the first time you've fucked a pig amirite

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:14, archived)

Chaps?
Well that's rude
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:03, archived)

I speak as I find

(

H.B.Mupps, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:12, archived)

fuck a horse

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:28, archived)

see me in me heels an' ting

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:33, archived)

cor!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:34, archived)

true you see mi inna pants and ting

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:38, archived)

You're still not tall enough to fuck a horse

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:38, archived)

I, a-hi-hi, a-hi-hi, fuck a pony

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:58, archived)

What a morning! Let's pull up our bootstraps, oil up a couple of asses, and do a little ploughing of our own.

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:39, archived)

Not gay sex

(

$$ ✅, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:39, archived)

fuck an ass

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 8:40, archived)

It's not gay if you close your eyes and pretend its a lady's front bottom.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 22 Sep 2015, 9:08, archived)

Pushing that prick down the board
So the phrase I read was collative you, I can't now remember the context, but I didn't think it was a typo for collective, but I don't understand it, anybody?
(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:24, archived)

Google says 'having the power of conferring '

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:28, archived)

I'm sorry mongy but you're not making any sense. Is it time to put you in a home now?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:29, archived)

I'd be more than happy, all those young care assistants washing me, get in

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:31, archived)

Knowing your luck you'd end up with a load of young muslim immigrant blokes giving you your sponge bath and then nicking your rolexes.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:33, archived)

I had Japan to beat the saffiars at 16/1, I'd say my luck is alright

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:34, archived)

yeah it is a word
i think collative is to collective as collate is to collect
collating is usually for data though, isn't it?
www.thefreedictionary.com/collate
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:38, archived)

I think it was being used like the royal we tho, I can't remember now tho, Vlad let me down : (

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:40, archived)

Can someone explain the VW consiracy and why it's caused their shares to drop 20%?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:46, archived)

They lied over the emmision results of the cars, manufacturer has been sending stripped down cars for lower results for years, they lied, got caught, so will all the others, and get sued, end of

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:55, archived)

bit more sophisticated than that. the cars had code in their computers that looked for evidence they were being tested and behaved differently.
Us nitrogen emission standards fuck up economy and performance making diesels not much better than petrol.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 20:41, archived)

So you say

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 22:27, archived)

American regulators like to sue the pants and ass off European Companies.
It's an open cheque book see shell and the libor rigging banks
(DOCTOR FUCK your friend and colleague, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 19:12, archived)

no, soz
no idea what a consiracy is
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 19:35, archived)

Can you not do to him what they did to me on qftw?

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 19:47, archived)

Can't we just call you a thick cunt and then ask whether the internet police have dealt with your terrible online abusers yet?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 22:15, archived)

Sure, ask away.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 22:31, archived)

What's the laziest mountain in the world?
Mount Ever Rest! (Everest )
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:16, archived)

I'm gonna rock down to electric avenue
Not really. We don't have one. It's more likely to be Portugal Place.

Where are you going to take it higher?
(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

the roof

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)

Is it on fire?
Let the motherfucker burn.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:45, archived)

Against mongy's advice, I attempted to listen to that Bloodhound Gang album that I own.
I wish I hadn't.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:52, archived)

Hahaha, shittest band ever.
Well, up there with RHCP, anyway.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:09, archived)

yeah, they lost a lot of their appeal when i stopped being a teenager :(

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:12, archived)

Apologise.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:17, archived)

The arse

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:04, archived)

Everest

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:06, archived)

Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:08, archived)

90s music at its best
youtu.be/J16lInLZRms
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:10, archived)

I remember this being played in the background on Eastbound and Down

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:11, archived)

i've never seen that, it's one of those shows i'm dimly aware of

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)

The first season was fantastic the rest were alright
only six episodes a season. I do recommend you give it a go
(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:17, archived)

maybe i will, ss
maybe i will
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:23, archived)

i suppose i could go and sit in the loft

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:08, archived)

well
that's some lofty ambition right there
(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:10, archived)

jajajaja
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)

watch NoC while you're up there, it's a goodun

(

brb pussy in bio, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:11, archived)

that's the plan

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:12, archived)

Do it, I'll keep an eye on things here while you're gone.

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:33, archived)

i don't think you understand how the internet works

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:41, archived)

I don't think anybody does any more.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:48, archived)

it's a little box with a blinking red light, innit?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:12, archived)

I press my Turbo button on my pc to make it faster

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:16, archived)

ym
/ac
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:10, archived)

She is relatively tall for an old woman.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:46, archived)

With a Sly And The Family Stone LP.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:27, archived)

+all

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:39, archived)

The sun.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:31, archived)

Hmm, well it would have to be somewhere really high up
Like a skyscraper or somethink?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:32, archived)

you're over thinking it
all you need to do is start in one place and then go somewhere higher than that. you could start off in the marinara trench if you liked
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:38, archived)

I bet you couldn't.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:41, archived)

i just did, smart guy

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:42, archived)

That's true, I hadn't thought of it like that
Hey, 1 game of bowling for me and the boys....17 FUCKING POUND FIFTY!!! It's only rolling a bowl at some fucking pins!! How do they justify it??
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:42, archived)

probably worried you'd steal the shoes as an upward investment

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:45, archived)

I won't wear red, I'm not a slag

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:52, archived)

the way of the world, man
everything is bloody expensive. let's build our own bowling alley
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:45, archived)

YES
My garden's long enough, right?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:53, archived)

You're thinking of bowls mate.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:54, archived)

I'm always doing that
Bowls has everything; a green floor, woods, the elderly.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:55, archived)

sometimes there's a crown!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:41, archived)

It's a cunt game for chav cunts and cunts. Which are you?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:47, archived)

^plays pétanque

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:50, archived)

C'est un putain de jeu pour les putains de gitanes et les connards.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:54, archived)

I normally wouldn't frequent such a place
but my children are curious, having never been. Fucking Inset days, I swear to god.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:53, archived)

I went about five years ago to build team spirit with some youth colleagues
It's literally the worst place on earth. Shrieking teens, cheesy pop through 1980s shitty PA, rancid flabby burgers, weak Australian "beer". I'm angry just thinking about it.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:56, archived)

That's like the one here. It's at "Codona's" a horrible americanized 'Sunset Boulevard' with a garish arcade, indoor and outdoor crazy golf and ferris wheel.
They have UV lights above the pins.

The megabowl was a lot better because it was usually quiet, empty, and there was a wimpy.

We nearly got banned because I laughed at the overdramatic way one of the staff told my mate he could kill someone by throwing a bowling ball at a jammed lane.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:59, archived)

Our local alley is divided in two.
One set of lanes for kids and families, the other for grown ups.

The grown up side is peaceful and well lit, the family side is all neons, black lights, lasers, and deafening, shitty music. The bar looks like it might be alright, were it not for the massive tellies, the sperate cafe serves tolerable coffee.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:05, archived)

i like bowling, it's fun!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:01, archived)

I'm not very good at it
I had a terrible time bowling at a work function. I was stuck in a team of super competitive project managers. I drank one bottle of newcastle brown in between each go. By the time I finished I didn't care how competitive they were.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:06, archived)

Well you know what they say: it's a cunt game for cunts.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:07, archived)

where they = you, i guess?
you arrogunt
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:09, archived)

Me too, buy many bowling alleys are pretty hellish.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:08, archived)

oh yeah, no argument here

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:09, archived)

I'm going to miss summer.
Pissing rain will put paid to my "entertain the kids by making them cycle up a massive hill" plans.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:48, archived)

What, are they made of sugar? Make 'em cycle in the rain
builds character
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:54, archived)

^ Calvin's dad

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:59, archived)

They should bring back pubs with skittle alleys.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:52, archived)

Be that as it may
that doesn't solve this particular conundrum
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:55, archived)

bloody hell, usvsth3m had the scoop way back in march last year
usvsth3m.com/post/80574503206/your-delightful-and-frightening-photoshops-of-david
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:42, archived)

They probably twoc'ed it from here.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:46, archived)

Mmmmm. A scoop of pig fluids.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:49, archived)

hello talk <3 <3 <3

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:48, archived)

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
we've been worried sick! :(
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:49, archived)

I'm grounded again aren't I :(

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:51, archived)

all we ask is that you call and let us know you're ok. it only takes a couple of minutes

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:58, archived)

oh god I am even reading it in the tone argh

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:00, archived)

maybe we're wrong for caring about you so much

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:02, archived)

pfft
OK stop it now manolith it's too accurate
(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:05, archived)

When we don't know where you are your mother can't sleep. Which means I can't sleep.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:06, archived)

haha
you were invoked the other day when grrr wrote a shit poem. i think you were named /talk's official poet laureate
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:11, archived)

wahay
\o/
(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 22:50, archived)

Alright stabwound.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:50, archived)

wat

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:52, archived)

Sorry. I meant to type "I love you" but it came out wrong.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:57, archived)

^ story of my life

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:59, archived)

vlud

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:56, archived)

two huts!

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:58, archived)

I had a question for you about words, but you left us : (

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 17:33, archived)

:'(

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 18:15, archived)

oh mongy you should gaz me about this kind of thing

(

vladimir, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 22:49, archived)

I'm gon' play on ma ex box later
you down?
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:37, archived)

I don't own an XBox,
I'm going to moan online that the bbc aren't talking about the PM fucking a pig enough.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:41, archived)

dullard

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:45, archived)

you can't say that he will get his internet lawyers on to you, although he seems quite happy to regurgitate lies about david cameron fucking a pig, some might accuse him of applying double standards

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:47, archived)

haha yeah

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:48, archived)

I thought you didn't read offtopic?
Complaining that the bbc a media organization isn't covering accusations made and published in a major newspaper by a member of the house of lords today about the prime minister doesn't count as far as I can tell.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:53, archived)

not a member of the house of lords and nobody said he fucked a pig, you are just making stuff up

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:18, archived)

I want to see cameron being asked to his face if he put his cock in a dead pigs mouth.
I want him to say "No I didn't put my cock in a dead pigs mouth". Rather than "that's a ridiculous accusation". Then I want to make it a ringtone.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:49, archived)

No, seriously, you're fucking dull

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:52, archived)

it's the living embodiment of student grant from viz

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:53, archived)

it needs to fuck off back to where ever

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:55, archived)

i hope he dies

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:21, archived)

Given that JC wants to bring a more civilised approach to PMQs,
it'll be interesting to see how he handles this. If he crowdsources the questions again, I'll be surprised if he gets any that aren't related to pig fucking.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:55, archived)

I don't think he needs to bring it up.
Just get enough backbenchers to tweet about it when they think of something funny to say.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:00, archived)

I'd be happy for him to forgo the whole civilised approach for one week and have his entire front bench wearing pig masks

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:00, archived)

To cement his apparent anti semitism?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:01, archived)

Is this actually true, or just something the Tories want to be true?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)

He sat next to a bloke who is a holocaust denier once at an anti Iraq war protest.
He also seems to think that Israel shouldn't occupy some sort of place.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

So sitting next to an anti-Semite makes you an anti-Semite?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:19, archived)

Yes

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:25, archived)

Shit! I may very well have sat next to any number of anti-Semites, like on buses or whatever!
I had no idea. I guess that makes me a terrible racist. :(
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:35, archived)

sure
I'll bring some canned lager
(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:48, archived)

great
though I have some lovely beer I brewed myself if you'd prefer
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:49, archived)

nice one
cheers
(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:51, archived)

Kit or all grain?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:53, archived)

Just a kit, twas a present, pointless to waste it.

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:54, archived)

Absolutely, I like kits a lot, anyone who doesn't is a beer snob.
Here are some great ones.
www.lovebrewing.co.uk/admirals-reserve/
www.lovebrewing.co.uk/st-peters-ruby-red-ale/
www.lovebrewing.co.uk/st-peters-ipa/
www.lovebrewing.co.uk/coopers-brewmaster-irish-stout/
www.lovebrewing.co.uk/coopers-canadian-blonde/
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:58, archived)

I'd like to brew my own beer, but I don't have anywhere to keep it
Not with a consistent temperature, anyway
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:04, archived)

I have to often keep mine in the garage, I use a cheapo fish tank heater to keep the temp up if needed.

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:05, archived)

I made a brew box out of these
www.diy.com/departments/bq-3278512402-insulation-board-l610mm-w402mm-t60mm/182547_BQ.prd and gaffer tape. filled up the void with bubble wrap and put a table cloth over it and a lamp on it and it looks like a shitty bedside table. You can put it anywhere. If you want something more substantial make a wooden frame.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:08, archived)

oh god

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:22, archived)

^ this.
Ever time I clear a load of crap out of the garage, more appears to replace it.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)

I hate how ridiculously simple they are, yet all the tediousness of bottling is still present
and how they always taste like a cheap homebrew to me
they taste good, but not amazing
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:06, archived)

Get a pressure barrell like a king keg if you can, then you just syphon once.
two things that make a massive difference between ok homebrew and "good beer" Firstly don't use normal sugar, the two can kits ones above you don't need to, the single can ones instead of adding table sugar get some dry malt extract (expensive)

Secondly make sure that the temperature is as constant as possible, and double the length of fermentation that the instructions tell you.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)

I have one.
and I always use brewing sugar.
and I always keep my temperature perfect.
I'm a brewer.
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

~~brew~~ wank
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:16, archived)

that too

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:17, archived)

Mmm
Yeasty
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:18, archived)

In that case and you're not getting what you consider good enough beer you've got a more refined palate than I have
Try brew in a bag, if you've got a big enough pan.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:18, archived)

Nah, I'll just do some proper brewin'
to be honest part of it is probably never being 100% happy with anything I do ever. I'm a complete perfectionist.

On the plus side I've had a load of beers from big breweries which I found undrinkable, yet all of mine have been more than drinkable.
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:22, archived)

john smiths is quite nice, you should try that

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)

I used to drink about 40 a week of that.
I'm not proud of myself
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)

lol
I went to a wake on Friday. The only thing they had that wasn't lager was Worthington's. They had a nerve calling it a pub.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:40, archived)

Christ.
When we were house hunting in Luton, we stopped off in a pub for some refreshment. It had one tap (Fosters). I'm reasonably certain that there are no good pubs in Luton.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:43, archived)

What a world
They had a tab behind the bar too. Just no decent drinks.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:45, archived)

That is a crying shame.
My dad used to take me drinking in the local council's social club. Subsidised booze, but it was Bass or nothing on tap. I don't think I've seen Bass in a pub ever since.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:47, archived)

Bass is alright when it's well kept. I think its days as the uncontested King Of Ales are well behind it, however.
Also it'll make you fart like the very devil himself. All that gypsum in the water, y'see.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:09, archived)

I had to take my eldest to a party at a social club a few years ago
I thought I'd be alright because at least they had a bar, but it was all carling black label and blue alcopops
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:10, archived)

Why do Northerners like to push nitrogen into their beer?
I remember finding John Smiths to be fairly pleasant, when I was a kid. My dad would always drink it at home, and I remember it being fairly biscuity.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:41, archived)

not sure

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:58, archived)

It's Yom Kippur soon
if you fancy it
(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:02, archived)

Yeah, I'm game
I like their little hats lol
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:02, archived)

lol

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:04, archived)

mazel tov!

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:07, archived)

I bet you don't even have a ex box

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:07, archived)

I do too
only a 360 though. I've got a PS4 too, but I don't have many games yet.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)

I only have a 360
play tonight dicknose
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)

why?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:10, archived)

cause I am

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:11, archived)

I guess if we both look at the moon at the same time, we'll know that we're both playing xbox while we're looking at it

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)

and if we touch ourselves a little it'd be like we're having sex TOGETHER

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:14, archived)

yes I suppose

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

so you playing or fucking what?

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:17, archived)

Maybe, what does it matter to you?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:18, archived)

with me you peenarse

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:23, archived)

I don't have xbox live, if that's what you're getting at

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:24, archived)

you useless cunt

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:25, archived)

OI

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:26, archived)

s'true
get fucking xboxlive
it's only like 30 a year
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:47, archived)

I don't think I have any games that have an online option

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:52, archived)

don't you have friends or something?

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:55, archived)

Human friends?
Not really
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:56, archived)

My idiot friends have been well documented in these pages, MONO
Facebook made me realise how fucking stupid they are. That was that.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:59, archived)

I'm your friend
play ex box wiv me :D
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

Oh yeah, that's what I was planning on doing
I got some new strings for my 8 string. The intonation's knackered on the lowest bass string, so I'm hoping a whole new set up with help.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:55, archived)

correct me if I'm wrong, but new strings won't fix intonation.

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)

Well not on their own, no
But I'll have to adjust the neck, the action, and reset the intonation (different guage of strings innit) so I'm hoping an overhaul will do the trick.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:21, archived)

i don't have it either
i don't play much online multiplayer. i prefer the local kind.
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 16:08, archived)

nah, watching the wrestling tonight
cheers anyway
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)

isn't wrestling for children?

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:10, archived)

heavens no
they even put a warning on it every week not to try it at home
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:14, archived)

Seriously though

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:16, archived)

seriously, don't try it at home

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:27, archived)

^ this
I made a sex tape containing some really racially agressive language
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)

isn't watching for perverts?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:11, archived)

the bird in it was fit, not tarbuck tho, she's fatty fatty fat fat

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:38, archived)

Blimey, that takes me back
Watching, Home to Roost, Fresh Fields, Duty Free....
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:42, archived)

isn't tonight for elves?

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:11, archived)

isn't cheers for woody harrellson?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)

oh pooh

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)

ah, shame

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:14, archived)

~~shame~~ bother
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

no he's in other things now

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

Bullshit

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:15, archived)

isn't cheers no longer on?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)

I cut myself with a tape measure, right on the bit for clicking the mouse
Where have you inflicted a wound upon yourself?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:15, archived)

I have a load of random cuts on my hands, I don't remember doing them.
usually the way with me
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:16, archived)

Cactus wanker.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:30, archived)

I sliced my chin open with a tape when I was kid, loads of stitches, left a big scar

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:20, archived)

C90?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:33, archived)

he won't if he doesn't take care of himself

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

I thought I'd broken myself yesterday morning, after creeping out of a flat at 8am to get a cab home

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:14, archived)

you dirty stopout

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:15, archived)

I know, I'm getting too old for this shit

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:19, archived)

I don't watch star trek, Soz

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:09, archived)

yeah, you already told us
stop milking it, you pussy
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:20, archived)

shoved a sewing needle right down my fucking fingernail yesterday

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:23, archived)

WAAAGGHH!

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:27, archived)

I made a noise like that too

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:33, archived)

I wish I hadn't read that.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:04, archived)

Of all the awful extreme horror movies I've seen
the only thing that really makes me wince is fingernail trauma
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:13, archived)

I was watching some nonsense on the Horror Channel the other night,
where some guy with a "British accent" had all of his toenails pulled out. The person doing the pulling put in so little effort, it missed "cringe inducing horror" and hit "day at the nail salon" instead. His tongue was torn out with less effort than it takes to eat a strawberry bootlace.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:25, archived)

I bet I can make you cringe with the phrase "papercut to the bell-end".

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:46, archived)

I was cleaning a hand blender and accidentally turned it on while I was cleaning the blades
Nearly cut my fucking finger off. Twat.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:27, archived)

you fucking flange

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:28, archived)

I know
I grabbed a cloth and held my finger really tight. I was actually afraid to look at it at first. I really thought I'd cut the top off.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:31, archived)

you fucking flange

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:32, archived)

I sliced my wrist open once by accident #noemo
it was disgusting, I put pressure on it straight away and then looked, I could see everything right down to the bone. it didn't even bleed for like 10 minutes I was pushing on it so hard.
(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:34, archived)

you fucking flange

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:35, archived)

You could of joined my missing tops of fingers Olympic team

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:36, archived)

Not to be confused with my fingers and tops Olympic team which has yet to receive ioc recognition

(

mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:52, archived)

I just ejected a rose thorn from my fingertip on a wave of puss.
I'm like a porcupine or sutin.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:31, archived)

you fucking flange

(

MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:42, archived)

I picked up the rabbit yesterday and he's gouged 3 deep parallel cuts across the palm of my right hand.
Next day I have off work he's getting his balls and his claws cut off.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:36, archived)

that'll teach him

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 12:41, archived)

I peeled the skin off my finger, nail to knuckle, whilst emptying a laundry basket.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:06, archived)

you flanging fuck

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:08, archived)

I was rather careless with it and ended up fucking my flange

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:56, archived)

disgusting

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 13:57, archived)

you pig fucking gimpoid

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:14, archived)

maybe, but it got me into piers gav, what?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:23, archived)

not sure

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:24, archived)

my own heart

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:25, archived)

^if u don't cry after readin this ur dead inside :(

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:26, archived)

retweet if you are a strong powerful woman

(

$$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:29, archived)

Well 2 out of 3 ain't bad
I wish I were strong, though
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:37, archived)

cut my leg with an egg box
also, sliced my shin up good on a glass coffee table
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 14:35, archived)

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