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I quite fancy watching Deliverance, again.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:56, archived)
never seen it

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:58, archived)
Porky's

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:58, archived)
David HAMeron

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:00, archived)

i.imgur.com/I7ia5KA.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:53, archived)
Babe: Pig in the Capital City

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:01, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7845627
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:01, archived)
Meh, yours is better

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:02, archived)
PIIIIIGS
IIIIIIN
DOWNING STREEEEEEEET
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:01, archived)
Hahahapigslol

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:06, archived)
Lotso Huggin' Bear being violated by a hillbilly!

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:10, archived)
Funny enough to make me post on /board again
b3ta.com/board/11171320
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:22, archived)
"the david cameron pig genitals mini challenge challenge"

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:29, archived)
does make that ice-bucket bollocks rather tame, in perspective

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:31, archived)
i don't remember any bollocks being involved
must be different in poland
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:45, archived)
getting doused with icy water is daily life in Poland
so the challenge veered towards extreme teabagging
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:48, archived)
And none of it is funny, well done /bored

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:39, archived)
if only cheery_tomato would make a comeback :(

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:44, archived)
shit and rubbish

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:46, archived)
If those furry paedo pricks can't even squeeze lols out of facefucking a dead pig then we're doomed.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:45, archived)
I'm glad the 'jokes are better than technique' has been completely ignored on both counts now

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:49, archived)
well, duh

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 11:45, archived)
morning

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 7:02, archived)
I need a poo.

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 7:54, archived)
I've got one here, but you'll have to pay the postage.

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:03, archived)
poostage more like!
lol
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:13, archived)
shipping <s>pp</s> tt
:D
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:15, archived)
damn, i meant
:|
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:15, archived)

lol
(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:27, archived)
lol

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:27, archived)
good morning grrrmachine
I trust you had a pleasant weekend
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:13, archived)
spent it in my workshop, bashed out some 3-metre-high bookcases
Now I smell of beeswax.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:14, archived)
Sounds like a yes to me

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:18, archived)
dunno about that. Satisfactory, yes. Productive, sure. Pleasant? questionable
sliced my finger open on a fucking tape measure.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:22, archived)
Oof
They're lethal, those things
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:30, archived)
I was so careful with using my router and chisels and saws and drills
and then drew blood with a fucking tape measure.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:45, archived)
Cabinets turned out alright though
i.imgur.com/BxWQcmN.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:49, archived)
Blimey, nice work

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:52, archived)
Cheers
There are some 6-foot bookshelves that mount on top of each one, then a 1x2-metre unit on top of both of those. Then I want to add a slidey ladder.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:01, archived)
+and then remove the ceiling so I can actually get them in the room

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:04, archived)
it's fitting them in the car I'm worried about
I built them a mile away from where I live, and I'm not sure I can take them on the bus.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:12, archived)
Put casters on them and punt them home
Combine furniture moving with all the glamour and romance of Venice
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:13, archived)
:O

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:14, archived)
a mile?
put castors on the back and push em
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:14, archived)
well as far as I'm concerned, this just shows what a brilliant idea it is

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:15, archived)
heehee
punting a cupboard
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:18, archived)
Coat the streets with castor oil and slide them home.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:50, archived)
snickers

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:58, archived)
That sounds like a painful wank

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:41, archived)
That's just Polish foreplay

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:42, archived)
beeswax is an important part of Polish romance

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:44, archived)
do you mean polish or Polish?

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:02, archived)
oi

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:27, archived)
+ oi saveloy

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:29, archived)
sup

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:32, archived)
morning all

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:34, archived)
I can't believe Jackie Chan is dead

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:37, archived)
Still freaks my nut out to this day

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:51, archived)
She was no boxxy

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:35, archived)

w h
oxx ivv
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:41, archived)
just another manic monday, innit

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 8:58, archived)
nothing compares 2 u, innit

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:07, archived)
once, twice, three times a lady, innit

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:10, archived)
Oh, I'm sorry
The song we had on the card was Jungle Love by Morris Day & The Time. Thanks for playing, you've been a great sport
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:12, archived)
fuck you
it's my game!
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:39, archived)
Tweeted by the great political commentator @GarethBale22 late last night
@David_Cameron mate you fucked a pig
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:56, archived)
has there been any word back from timmy mallett yet about him joining /talk?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 9:58, archived)
I didn't get round to asking him
I'll make time, don't worry
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:02, archived)
Twitter is really enjoying itself, this morning.
I particularly liked the story about Cameron leaving millions of (potential) children inside the Hogshead.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:17, archived)
oh dear
So what do you think will become of this? If he says it's a lie, people won't believe him. If he admits it, he's finished, right? Or could he survive this, citing the case of The People VS #Ladbantz?
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:20, archived)
If he tweets something like "yeah I fucked a pig, so what #toplad" then he'll survive unscathed

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:23, archived)
He might even win a few more votes
I like Dave coz he's honest, innit. He fucked a pig and came out and said "Yeah? So facking wot?" I fink he's rated.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:29, archived)
The real story is when he found out about Ashcroft non dom status, but nobody cares about that massive lie it seems

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:24, archived)
People are never going to find the tax system as interesting as finding out who has put their willy in a pig.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:27, archived)
You lost me to begin with, but you piqued my interest with 'willy in a pig'

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:30, archived)
Well if I was going to cover up something bad I'd done
I'd definitely leak a pig head fucking story
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:27, archived)
that will be treated with derision and as a lie from a bitter man who spent 8 million on the party thinking he would get a senior post, then everything else in the book will be considered a bitter fantasy, so cameron will win in the end

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:30, archived)
That sounds about right.
I loathed David Cameron before this story broke, I don't think any less of him now.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:39, archived)
I can't imagine him owning up to it.
I doubt there's any photos, so it just remains to see whether he has the brass neck to sue for libel.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 10:31, archived)
Fuck my boots

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Mon 21 Sep 2015, 1:12, archived)
RTPYBO;IRTW.
alt: anyone own a copy of big fish cantus?
(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 18:34, archived)
Does Jackie Collins go in the green bin or does she go in the bag with the plastic.

(PsychoChomp, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 20:29, archived)
compost heap or organic waste bin

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 23:43, archived)
Jackie Collins now dead as well.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 2:12, archived)
This is the only time I have ever found Jackie Collins sexually attractive

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 8:17, archived)
J-J-J-J-J-J-J-Jackie Your Body

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 10:05, archived)
dead body more like!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 10:40, archived)
YESSSS

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 11:02, archived)
some of her books were actually good

(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)
Really? Which one should I read first?

(I helped save b3ta! Zuowan, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 15:45, archived)
Collins Pocket English Dictionary

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 17:49, archived)
No.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 15:54, archived)
No

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 18:13, archived)
actually to be fair,
one time i thumbed through a few trashy novels from the bookshelf of a cafe, and out of all of them (including Dan Brown) she was the best writer. By which i mean, she was capable of using words properly and of writing grammatical sentences.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 18:19, archived)
this one time in book club, I stuck no actually I'm not gonna finish that

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 18:33, archived)
aww that sentence was going so well

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 18:35, archived)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! Shlvng, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 23:17, archived)
First John Peel, and now Jackie. :(((

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 20 Sep 2015, 22:02, archived)
Brian Sewell died tomatoes

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:37, archived)
He was gnarly.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:46, archived)
K just watching some stupid boring french period drama my wife insisted on and then suddenly they've all got their waps out.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 22:50, archived)
I heard evening primrose oil can help with period drama.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 22:55, archived)

Eurotrash isn't a period drama.
(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 22:57, archived)
So, was SpanishFly finally arrested?

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 19:03, archived)
What for?
He's not *really* a paedophile, we just say he is for the sake of giggles and bants.

Haven't you got some dolphins you should be whippering somewhere?
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 19:52, archived)
No

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 19:53, archived)
That's why I'm here.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 19:57, archived)
Which desperate yet unpopular regular are you again? One of the wakki needy ones obvs. But you all bland into one.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 20:04, archived)
I am DolphinWhipperer.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 20:36, archived)
probably a new person, b3ta tends to attract them.

(PsychoChomp, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:18, archived)

3 years mate
(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:46, archived)
I like the use of bland, I know a fella called Phil bland, what a name

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:28, archived)
Was he?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 22:23, archived)
are you hoping to take his place as shittest forum member?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:07, archived)
IT'S A START

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:10, archived)
I'm in some back street boozer now, bevedere, there's a horse outside, lol

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 21:33, archived)

youtu.be/ljPFZrRD3J8
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 23:11, archived)
He was so dull even the police ignored him

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 22:04, archived)
haha!

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 23:11, archived)
Given the option. Yeah?

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:36, archived)
Shit and rubbish

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 17:23, archived)
I'd have a cool refreshing 660ml bottle of Peroni

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 17:26, archived)
I got a jug of long island in the spoons, it came out of a box, I told them to bin it

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 17:33, archived)
good call

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 17:40, archived)
I was suspicious when they said it was 7 quid

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 17:55, archived)
do they still do three bottles of corona for a fiver?
I used to snap that shit right up
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 18:03, archived)
I'll ask I'm at the bar

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 18:15, archived)
2 for 5

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 18:17, archived)
those fucking jews

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 18:43, archived)
cheers for asking

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 18:43, archived)
No problem, always happy to help

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 19:18, archived)
But dead in here ain't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)
hiya

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:14, archived)
Hello.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:17, archived)
good grief

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:34, archived)
Somebody should give a welcome home glomp.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:42, archived)
Hello bum eyes

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:49, archived)
how dare you
i'm very sensitive about my bumeyes
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:06, archived)
Well this is a turn up for the books.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:41, archived)
I guess it is.
I don't know why I'm here. I'm dozing watching the rugby and waiting for a man to tidy my garden.

But hello.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:51, archived)
I'm drinking beer in the garden pretending I'm clearing up.
Don't tell.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:52, archived)
*pulls pretend zip across lips*
*attaches pretend padlock*
*locks pretend padlock*
*throws pretend key away*
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:55, archived)
nice IRCing

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)
Keep it down.
Some of us are trying to concentrate.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:47, archived)
Soz

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:51, archived)
are you re-taking your GCSEs?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)
are you an orange?

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:03, archived)
i like this

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:26, archived)
totally

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:02, archived)
!

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:11, archived)
^just spotted solid snake

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:20, archived)
Better than the spoons I'm in

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 16:36, archived)
Rugby needs to be renamed.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:44, archived)
ok

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:48, archived)
i have nothing to add to this discussion

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)
So where do you stand on table tennis?

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)
it's fine

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)
I swear to god, I will 2.0 you

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:55, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7762153
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:59, archived)
look at billy big-potatoes over here

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:00, archived)
faggot-ball

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:12, archived)
middleclassball

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 15:13, archived)
morning

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 2:24, archived)
mornin

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 2:28, archived)
morni

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:20, archived)
morn

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)
morning dozer

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 7:32, archived)
Morning, fod.
There's a squirrel sitting on my pizza oven like he owns the place. Prick.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 8:24, archived)
alright Brian

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 11:56, archived)
Probably

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 10:51, archived)
lol no it isn't

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 12:15, archived)
Morning. I've decided I want a monitor for my birthday. Anyone got any suggestions? I think I want a 27 inch 1440p IPS screen.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 12:36, archived)
buy an imac

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 12:55, archived)
I prefer waxing but thanks for the suggestion.

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:03, archived)
Monitors are for pussies.
Get a real komodo dragon.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:03, archived)
+milk

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 13:19, archived)
Get a projector.

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:08, archived)
fuck a horse

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 14:59, archived)
Cumulonimbus never solved any crimes.
Didn't commit any either so there is that.
(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 0:29, archived)
sympathy reply

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:29, archived)
boop

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:58, archived)
I quite like cheese on toast.
/ac
(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:30, archived)
mini chevron?

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:31, archived)
at this time of night?

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:31, archived)
yeah, why not?

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:31, archived)
good point

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:32, archived)
bringing it back. whooh!

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:32, archived)
bounce

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:43, archived)
boingy bounce

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:43, archived)
here we go again

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:44, archived)
one more time

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:44, archived)
hitting the new heights

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:45, archived)
eastbound and down

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:45, archived)
*sounds klaxon*

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:46, archived)
-->

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:47, archived)
->

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:47, archived)
*gets on CB radio*

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:46, archived)
don't want to ever stop

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:46, archived)
one more time

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:45, archived)
ah yeah

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:44, archived)
almost there

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:44, archived)
hi

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:50, archived)
boing

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:43, archived)
alright mns

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:32, archived)
alright

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:41, archived)
major

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:42, archived)
and back home in time for tea

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:32, archived)
sorry i fucked that right up didn't i

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:33, archived)
nah, it's cool. we'll have another one here

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:41, archived)
Jam sandwiches.
What weird food did you used to get given when you were a kid that you wouldn't even think of eating now?
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:29, archived)
semolina

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:37, archived)
i don't think i've ever had semolina,
i have vague recollection of them serving it at primary school but i don't remember actually eating it.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:41, archived)
Fish fingers

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:37, archived)
i actually voluntarily had fish fingers as an adult a few years ago,
i had them as a starter, served with Tartare sauce on a bed of lettuce. it wasn't bad, gave a kind of illusion of sophistication.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:40, archived)
meat
I mean, can you imagine it? putting gradually decaying pieces of an animal's corpse in your mouth. ugh
(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:38, archived)
wtf is wrong with you

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:40, archived)
oh man, now i'm hungry

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:45, archived)
chopped bananas in custard

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:45, archived)
Puddi Puddi Puddi Puddi, Puddi Puddi

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 22:48, archived)
stop it daddy - it tastes like the sea

(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 23:16, archived)
Fishermen Friends.

(DolphinWhipperer, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 0:29, archived)
apparently I used to eat tripe
fucking grim
(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:28, archived)
"vegetables"

(starwars mcguinness is now... STARWARS McGUINNESS, Sat 19 Sep 2015, 1:30, archived)
It's motherfucking weekend motherfuckers *airhorn* oh yeah.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:44, archived)
Bit needy.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:44, archived)
I'll be working all the way through it

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:55, archived)
no wonder you're such a miserable cunt

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:01, archived)
There won't be a lie-in for Grrrmachine this weekend,
The greatest gift he'll get tomorrow is work
And no one cares a bit
'cos he's a grumpy shit
Does he know it's weekend time at all?
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:13, archived)

or an
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:03, archived)
lolgutted

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:03, archived)
not really
I'd rather be working than drinking and drugging myself to oblivion to escape the mundanity of my existence.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:20, archived)
you know what,
i half agree with you here. i mean i love getting completely rat-arsed now and again, but not every weekend and not because i hate the rest of the week.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:34, archived)
Curry tonight.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:58, archived)
BCP.

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:48, archived)
Boogie Clown Productions?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 18:17, archived)
before curry psychochomp

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 18:37, archived)
I like it when the doors fall off KRS 1's jalopy

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 18:40, archived)
Meh

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:00, archived)
enjoy your motherfucking

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:00, archived)
Everybody else does!

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:04, archived)
any plans?

(I helped save b3ta! Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:09, archived)
Bit of rugby. Bit of motherfucking.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:51, archived)
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
I'm gonna drink like it's any other weekend
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 17:47, archived)
Turns out I'm off to Twickenham
may drink slightly more than any other weekend
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 20:02, archived)
Rugby is shit and rubbish

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 20:08, archived)
my sweetest m
i fully agree, only there for the booze, and because i miss you obv

always
b xx
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword w⚓, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 21:05, archived)
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 18:52, archived)
I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'U'.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:43, archived)
urethral discharge?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:45, archived)
underpants (with podka dots)

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:48, archived)
*boik*

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:53, archived)
:(

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)
unimportant pricks

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:57, archived)
underwhelming forum member?

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)
It's good but it's not right.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:04, archived)
uninspiring dross

(I helped save b3ta! MONO!, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:58, archived)
usvsth3m p45s?

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)
it's a click from me

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:09, archived)
Uzbekistan?

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)
Untermenschen

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:01, archived)
U are well gay?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:14, archived)
Umbrella

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:28, archived)
The answer is 'upset'.
www.b3ta.com/talk/7845402
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:34, archived)
U are still well gay?

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:43, archived)
^upset

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:53, archived)
How would you upgrade people for Human 2.0?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:43, archived)
Debug port for the subconscious
and a manual
(I helped save b3ta! fuscous, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:45, archived)

ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51QKB6PAVWL._AC_UL320_SR242,320_.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:00, archived)
All orifices would be featured on the face for ease of access like they do with some PCs now.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:46, archived)
'accidental moser'

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:48, archived)
'accidental'

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:52, archived)
I'd like my poo and wee holes to work like Spiderman's web slinging technique
so that I could just point at a toilet and defecate into it, rather than sitting down.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:58, archived)
a shitoon in the corner of every room

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:01, archived)
It should be possible to do this anyway, with practice and sufficient pressure.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:20, archived)
do you have an arsehole on your wrist then?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:31, archived)
I just meant the pointing-instead-of-sitting-down bit.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:35, archived)
something something 'apple watch'

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:38, archived)
Six or eight teats like a pig.
And replaceable heads like worzel gummidge.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:49, archived)
telescopic neck for seeing over high walls

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:50, archived)
like mekaneck

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:09, archived)
remove every last trace of emotion and compassion

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)
already sorted on that front

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:56, archived)
Eyes on the back of me head so I can see where I'm wenting from as well as where I'm coming against.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)
Cure the ginger defect.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:51, archived)
I'll probably wait for the next version to come out

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:53, archived)
it's alright, your version is no longer supported anyway

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:59, archived)
aw you're so sweet, this is like a modern version of "they broke the mould..."

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:31, archived)
^ legacy meatware

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:32, archived)
I'm going to keep him on a shelf for 18 months for a 'project' then give up and cannibalize him for switches and cables.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:57, archived)
that's so hot

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)
make them all sterile and solve world hunger in a single generation

(I helped save b3ta! drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:55, archived)
By my reckoning we're already Human 3.2
Suppose that means we'll be Human 95 next. Human 8 will no doubt be an extinction event.
(I helped save b3ta! CharlesDexterWard no rush eh, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:03, archived)
more fingers

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:14, archived)
more bumholes!

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:30, archived)
+ BUMHOLES

(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:34, archived)
Hardened exoskeletons.
No reason.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:17, archived)
bigger prefrontal lobes, smaller adrenal glands, separate holes for breathing and swallowing.

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:47, archived)
i'd keep the willies and vaginas and anuses where they are though

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:05, archived)
As far away from you as possible?

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:10, archived)
HAHAHA so hurtful and funny
yours is a towering wit, etc
(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:18, archived)
^deffo not upset^

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:19, archived)
seriously though i hope you catch fire while driving through a tunnel

(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:19, archived)
Oh come now, don't be so hard on yourself.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:44, archived)
CLOACA

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:57, archived)
I 'ardly...
...oh fuck it I actually just can't be bothered.
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:10, archived)
dunno

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:58, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7845381 ?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:00, archived)
Take their internet away.

(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:03, archived)
Better eyes
And more bumholes
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:19, archived)
All the better to see your bumholes, my dear.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:27, archived)
Tee hee hee.
Looking at bumholes.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:28, archived)
Oh hahaha
Cheeky
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 15:38, archived)
5/7 for me, got the plane and the cameron one wrong
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-34278990
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:58, archived)
4/7 I'm happy enough with that

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:04, archived)
typical woman, settling for the mediocre

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:13, archived)
well otherwise the human race would die out

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:15, archived)
no it wouldn't
we would just become a smaller and more refined population of human beings
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:21, archived)
disappointed that nobody wanted a eugenics debate

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:20, archived)
Sweet Dreams is one of the best tracks of the 1980s

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:25, archived)
God Bless Les Paul is one of the best tracks of the 1990s

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:32, archived)
Annie Lennox is one of the best looking goblins of the 1980s

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:34, archived)
my name is jacob dyer and i live in bristol

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:42, archived)
Princess Eugene makes me ics

(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:43, archived)
nipping at your toes with a middle-of-the-road 4/7

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:05, archived)
is this a sex thing?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:58, archived)
I don't understand the point of the Elton John "prank".
Surely the target of any prank there should have been Putin.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:06, archived)
I'm not sure it's wise to prank a bare-chested judo fighter who confuses After Eights with polonium.

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:08, archived)
Pussies.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:10, archived)
You call him then
I bet you sound just like Elton John
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:12, archived)
As opposed to a fat self-important old poof
Who gave himself the middle name 'Hercules'

I see where you are coming from on this.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:28, archived)
People briefly thought Putin was turning pro-gay.
I imagine he was pretty pissed off, what with him being a terrible homophone. Elton John comes out looking pretty good, Putin's reputation is tarnished.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:10, archived)
what's putin a terrible homophone for?

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:12, archived)
in french he sounds like a whore

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:14, archived)
It's another way of saying "my phone doesn't want to type any word it's deemed to be a bit rude".
Which is nice.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:14, archived)
a poo-tin, used when serving faeces to guests alongside their tea.

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:15, archived)
Where does the Russian premier keep his faeces?
In a poo-tin!

If that isn't on that dreadful joke website that we've been quoting, this week, I'll eat my hat.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:20, archived)
can you web cast this hat eating please?

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:22, archived)
The only hat I own at present is a leather bush hat.
It'd take an awfully long time to eat it all.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:24, archived)
Probably more nutritious than most hats.
Boil it for a couple of hours and you're good to go.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:25, archived)
Well, their Russian Jones section doesn't mention poo-tins.
It does have this joke, though, which couldn't be any worse if it tried:

Once there was a man that came from Russia to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me." Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly" And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in." Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?" The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me." The police said "Why did you kill him?" And the man said "He stole my dolly." The police man said "What did you kill him with?" The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death. The police man said "any last words?" And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:34, archived)
This is like something made up by a six-year-old who isn't even any good at jokes by the general standards of six-year-olds.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:41, archived)
There are some great ones on the Bad Kid Jokes tumblr, however:
badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/post/127858693914/bums
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:47, archived)

badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/post/125734456161/and-go-again
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:49, archived)
this works on so many levels

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:43, archived)

Once there was a man that came from Russia to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me." Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly" And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in." Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?" The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me." The police said "Why did you kill him?" And the man said "He stole my dolly." The police man said "What did you kill him with?" The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death. The police man said "any last words?" And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
I am a fruity queermo who wants psychochomp to dribble his dweeb seed in my face.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:43, archived)
ah yeah, ol' russian jones

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:54, archived)
Burgess' novel "Any Old Iron" is pretty much that.

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:05, archived)

hat poo from a tin
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:23, archived)
Do I have to?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:28, archived)
If you want me to keep paying for your webcam footage.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:32, archived)
It's not, but this is:
Q: Why did Pope Benedict XVI, who was once part of the Nazi Youth, condemn Israel for attacking Hezbollah? A: Because the Middle East problem needs to be solved and when Jews defend themselves, it takes longer to find a final solution!

source: www.jokes4us.com/celebrityjokes/popebenedictxvijokes.html
(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:30, archived)
I like how the joke is explained during the telling.
As if it were aimed at idiots.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:43, archived)
In Quebecois French
It's a dish made of chips with thick gravy and cheese curds on top- and sometimes smoked meat.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:33, archived)
The only thing worse than being French
is aspiring to be French.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:36, archived)
It's a three hour flight east of here
So I don't really have many dealings with Quebecois- apart from a hungover biker in a tattoo shop who was quite amusing and was the first Canadian I heard swear properly.

That whole business about Canadians being polite? It's bullshit. Canadians are polite to people visiting Canada, but when you live here and are away from the tourist areas- this is what Canadians are like.

Regarding that clip I sent it to my wife's first husband (I guess in that respect Canadians are quite polite) and asked him if it sounded like anyone he knows. It does. His father. Except I think this is from out east.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:12, archived)
"I found this clip of a Canadian. You're Canadian, maybe you know him?"

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:45, archived)
More that it sounds exactly like Sid

(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 16:00, archived)
They seemed genuinely baffled when I said it was fucking horrible.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:37, archived)
sounds awful
i'll stick to rarebit
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:41, archived)
Montreal smoked meat is good
Poutine less so. It's basically cheesy chips with gravy.
(I helped save b3ta! Lord Gnome, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:18, archived)
are there any other kinds of rarebit, or just welsh?

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 13:09, archived)
5/7, some guessing though

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:57, archived)
4/7
Because fuck Africa
(I helped save b3ta! H.B.Mupps, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:14, archived)
2/7
/ac
(I helped save b3ta! brb homonecrobatrachophile, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 14:44, archived)
So scones go well with jam and cream
What other combinations go well together?
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:16, archived)
willies and fannies

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:16, archived)
for example:
Fanny Cradock & Willie Thorne
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:17, archived)
That's some super-niche erotic fanfic right there.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:23, archived)
there are so many ways it could go

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:23, archived)
Fanny broke open the crumbly crust and Willie slipped an easy pink into the top pocket.
AND I'M DONE
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:28, archived)

pump pump dribble
(I helped save b3ta! GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:43, archived)
fingers and bumholes

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:20, archived)
Cakes and ale.
Hash cakes and fucking.
Amphetamines and fighting.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:22, archived)
yeah!

(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:23, archived)
for such a pretentious snob, you do lead a particularly low-brow life

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:23, archived)
you can take the boy out of wigan...

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:24, archived)
I'm literally the least pretentious person on the internet.
Whizz and cider is definitely better than cocaine and champagne. I'm just lucky to be rich enough and common enough to have done both.
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:30, archived)
"I've been rich, and I've been poor, and I know which one I prefer,"
my Granddad once said, shortly before burning to death in his room at a London club, leaving my Grandmother and her five daughters utterly destitute from the crippling debts they'd inherited. He was such a card, my gramps.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:32, archived)
I like him already.

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:34, archived)
Drove a Bentley, was mates with Stirling Moss, had Roger Moore for tea,
lost his thumb to an electric saw so had a toe sewn on to compensate. Not all on the same day, obvs.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:37, archived)
His own toe?

(I helped save b3ta! 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:42, archived)
yeah, cos Thanet didn't have any good second-hand shops in those days

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:43, archived)
My granddad had Sean Connery for breakfast.

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:50, archived)
toasht or shearel?

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:51, archived)
Lorne shoshij

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:54, archived)

rn mm
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:46, archived)
It's old skool Friday

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:48, archived)
*glomps*

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:52, archived)
oh monmun :(
b3ta.com/talk/7820684
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:53, archived)
*bums*
Dunno about "aces" and you can hardly pin "norks" on this forum.

To be clear, I don't know what *glomps* means, I just fancied a change from *bums*, but you've forced my hand.
(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:56, archived)
i wish someone would pin norks on this forum
it'd make it easier to wank to
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 12:04, archived)
*bumglomps*

(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:05, archived)
disgusting

(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:07, archived)
*bums*

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:24, archived)

Hash cakes amphetamines
(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:47, archived)
"Is it in yet?"
"Is what in where?"
(blah di blah di blah blah, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:07, archived)
Those diamond-shaped blue pills come in handy here.

(I helped save b3ta! Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 11:27, archived)
south indian food and english beer

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 18 Sep 2015, 10:24, archived)

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