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In what way is your Monday a colossal waste of time?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:56, archived)

I'm in a team planning meeting where the one important person has dialed in remotely
using the worst connection possible. He's written everything down, emailed it to us, and now we're just summarising that we've read his email. The boss has booked two whole days for this process.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:00, archived)

Probably thinks you're illiterate.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:06, archived)

life is a waste of time

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:05, archived)

I only came in to the office because I had a meeting scheduled.
Meeting cancelled.
(

JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:09, archived)

fucking rats cocks
I hate it when that happes
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:10, archived)

Classic Monday!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:11, archived)

Did you have to travel far?

(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:13, archived)

I had to get up.
Is that not annoying enough?
(

JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:32, archived)

I'm having a lovely day off thankyou.
Currently watching last nights Top Gear then I'm off to the cinema to watch Patriots Day.
(

Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:10, archived)

That looks like flag-waving propaganda.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:22, archived)

It's way too nice a day to be at work.
I wonder if anyone would notice if I just didn't come back after lunch.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:19, archived)

worth a try
and if anyone asks you about it tomorrow, deny it. Just laugh it off and say "nah, I was here! Dude, I even spoke to you! About the lights, remember? Hahaha, sounds like someone had a heavy weekend! Hahaha, anyway I'll see you later"

Then simply walk away.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:24, archived)

This Departed soundtrack is fucking killer

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:23, archived)

Why did it leave you?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:24, archived)

All existence is meaningless

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:23, archived)

I bet that sort of attitude makes being a doctor quite difficult.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:38, archived)

god's fish bowl

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:44, archived)

INFEST

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:15, archived)

surely this is just making more litter
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN9zmq-eP-U
(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:54, archived)

fucking hell!

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:55, archived)

did you see the copper who during a struggle with a millwall fan got handcuffed by his own cuffs to a iron fence

(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:57, archived)

no
is it on youtube?
(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:58, archived)

nah only pics
www.scoopnest.com/user/Sporf/841198144121667584
(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:59, archived)

lol

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:02, archived)

Poor bastard
he'll probably never live that down
(

fuscous, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:30, archived)

I like the way the white men get all scared and sissy after being shown their proper place for being cunts
although the litter-picker-upper will have lost his job for being improperly violent.
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:02, archived)

Monday is just one day in an ongoing project to waste an entire human life

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:05, archived)

have a wank

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:19, archived)

millions of wasted potential lives right there

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:21, archived)

good

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:22, archived)

What is this earth Monday you speak of?
Watched Breakfast at Tiffany's on the weekend for the first time, what a bunch oif bullshit.

I'm sure of its time it was quite daring, but Holly is clearly a massive pain in the fucking arse every man should stay away from as she's a cock tease of the worst kind.

I gather it is inferred she was proper filth in the book version? Damn the Hays code for ruining a good bit of rumpy but allowing the total racism of the upstairs fella.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:13, archived)

One of only three films I've walked out of after in my entire life, and after not even fifteen minutes,
the other two being Brice de Nice and [Rec] 2. How can a film that's so famous and regarded as such a classic be so staggeringly, breathtakingly awful?
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:18, archived)

I'm still thinking it is me and my fault for not understanding the context of the time
But it was disliked by as many critics that liked it, so that can't be.

Bunch o' shite.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:37, archived)

My dad's never forgiven me for making him walk out of E.T. before the end,
but I stand by childhood men's opinion that it's a very, very boring film.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:48, archived)

I watched 'Lifeforce' at the weekend.
Proper bit of 80's scifi about space vampires, patrick stewart is in it for a bit.

Also one of the vampires is an attractive lady who is topless for most of the film.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:20, archived)

Find that always softens the blow of the fear of space vampires
In some ways,a visual comfort blanket. Will hunt this down for research purposes.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:39, archived)

It's on netters.
It was supposedly Cannon films last big feature before they ran into money problems, probably in the sfx of this as it's on par with big-budget things like ghostbusters.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:52, archived)

Watched and loved that film, as a teenager,
but it's only worth it for the ridiculous racism, now.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:46, archived)

I rewatched 'L.A. Confidential' over the weekend.
It was as fantastic the second time around as it was the first.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:04, archived)

I love a good noir, me.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:07, archived)

Good book, too.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:10, archived)

*adds to ever burgeoning reading list*.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:16, archived)

I think it's popular among young women
because it justifies their desire to act like despicable cunts right up until they fall into a bloke's arms in the rain by an Uber.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:11, archived)

Aren't one or both of the leads prostitutes?
Been a while since I watched it, so I might be making that up.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:24, archived)

I've just been reading about that time someone challenged Beethoven to a soundclash and Beethoven lit him up so hard he banished himself from Vienna forever.
www.classicfm.com/composers/beethoven/guides/daniel-steibelt/
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:31, archived)

Yeah, I saw that on Reddit this morning.
Beethoven was pretty savage when he wanted to be. Not only did he outplay the other guy, he took the piss out of every aspect of his playing style and made him look a complete twat.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 12:56, archived)

noice

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 13:18, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 7:35, archived)

Happy Monday all
Short week fuck yeah
(

H.B.Mupps, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 7:49, archived)

I've got another two-day workshop
this'll be a barrel of laughs.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 7:58, archived)

MORNING.
How do? I feel fantastic this morning. I'd actually completely forgotten what it was like to get a decent night's sleep.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:03, archived)

I had an awful night's sleep
yet I've just got home from a bike ride and I feel GREAT
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:06, archived)

Bike rides are the badger's nadgers.
They make a good hangover cure as well.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:14, archived)

it wasn't a full-on lycra-clad workout
but the city's added loads of those rental bikes and some new stops; coincidentally right outside my flat and my kid's playschool, so a couple of miles in the fresh spring air.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:16, archived)

That's even better IMHO,
in that it gets you out into the fresh air rather than breathing in other people's sweat in the gym. I bike to and from work most days, especially now that the weather's getting milder.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:19, archived)

<s>fresh air</s>
Exhaust fumes
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:26, archived)

That, too.
I ordered a painter's mask off teh internet to make sure my lungs stay pink.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:54, archived)

lol
www.kentonline.co.uk/maidstone/news/mans-sex-act-after-being-122017/
(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:43, archived)

Sounds like a B3tan.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:51, archived)

no foreigners on here
'cept maybe woodso, but I think he's still white European
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:52, archived)

Vectis yo

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:15, archived)

You can’t have this, you want this, you’ve never had anything like this

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:51, archived)

morning

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:44, archived)

alright spanf
how's the hospital food?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:51, archived)

good morning one and all

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:46, archived)

fuck off Dogtanian

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:52, archived)

it's a pretty story

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:54, archived)

the freshest move I've ever seen

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:56, archived)

Good. Morning.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:57, archived)

I'm going to drink your coffee and suck the cheese off your lasagne.
Monday, amirite?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 8:58, archived)

classic lasagna cat

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:02, archived)

Read my words in the voice of Lorenzo Music.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:08, archived)

morning b3ta and the gang

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:00, archived)

herro

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:02, archived)

6 team acca yesterday, fucking barca blew it for me

(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:36, archived)

gutted
good to see millwall fans are still cunts
(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:39, archived)

Yeah scum cunts

(

mongychops, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:39, archived)

Good morning girls

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:16, archived)

bit gender specific

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:25, archived)

oh blimey, yeah, sorry
Good morning gender fluid non-binary femme queers
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:27, archived)

hi

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:31, archived)

hey

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:31, archived)

as a lvl 5 atheist, you were beginning to worry me.

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:32, archived)

Don't speak to ME like that
I've discovered a fourth way to vape
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:33, archived)

I might start wearing a beanie hat indoors even on hot summer days as it's my style now

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:36, archived)

fuckin r8ed

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:37, archived)

Alright, Damon Gough.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:40, archived)

Is it weird to wank over the bubble witch?
Asking for a friend
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:41, archived)

she's only 12

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:44, archived)

oh
so....yes?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:46, archived)

I don't mind if you do,
but the Facebook requests for extra jizz are rather annoying.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:46, archived)

I'm not as young as I once was, Ems
You only get a bucket and a half
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:48, archived)

I still remember the jizz rationing of '67.
Had to make do with a thimbleful per week.
Of course, I was selling on the black market and living like a king.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:53, archived)

can't decide where to put this <s> +wan

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:54, archived)

Everywhere.
I know I was.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:00, archived)

I remember the 3-wank-week

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:55, archived)

Sounds excessive, these days.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:02, archived)

cor!
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:51, archived)

and boom goes the dynamite

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 9:53, archived)

Happy National Elephant Day to our Thai forum members


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(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:03, archived)

If I had The Protector on DVD, I'd watch it in celebration.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:09, archived)

i.imgur.com/dThMPgg.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:10, archived)

Tumblr is really haemorrhaging this morning.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:11, archived)

christ

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:13, archived)

I think I saw some furries in Southampton on saturday
Two people dressed as wolves went into a pub. I didn't see any logos or charity tins, so I can only assume it was a yif thing.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:15, archived)

So if I were a transgender, transage wolfkin
I could claim that I am a 10 year old female wolf. I could get on board with that.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:16, archived)

All well and good, but the pub wouldn't serve you.
Also, average lifespan for a wolf is six to eight years, so you'd have to play dead.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:19, archived)

eurgh, that's disgusting
i mean... southampton?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:46, archived)

I know
I literally can't shower enough
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:01, archived)

Taking. The. Piss.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:16, archived)

I'd be so proud if this was one of my sons
i.imgur.com/sdhxGLv.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:29, archived)

good luck for the future

(

$$ ✅, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:32, archived)

I'd at least discourage him from blogging about it.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:35, archived)

I work with a bloke who has an anime picture for his LinkedIn profile
he's nearly 40 :(
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:36, archived)

Maybe he just has naturally pointy hair, and massive eyes?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:41, archived)

no
he looks like blobfish but with teeth
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:44, archived)

I won't judge. My Google+ image is either a xenomorph, or The Shadow.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:53, archived)

Yeah but nobody goes on Google+ so your secret is safe.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:04, archived)

Yep.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 11:05, archived)

stuck in a workshop now so I'm abandonning the morning thread

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:13, archived)

stealer's wheel's lesser-knownzzzz.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 13 Mar 2017, 10:45, archived)

Popular page this if you hate Jews and violent scum
youtu.be/5gJvAIFN5c4
(

mongychops, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 18:22, archived)

lolololololol

(

$$ ✅, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 18:50, archived)

shall I tell you what I hate?
that's right. I hate prejudice
*regards self fondly in mirror of virtue*
(

vladimir, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 19:30, archived)

You know what, vlad?
We should round up all the intolerant people and put them in big camps.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 19:52, archived)

Nah put them in tiny camps

(

mongychops, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 20:04, archived)

ace, they'll hate that

(

vladimir, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 20:10, archived)

Ooh, good call.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 21:12, archived)

Shed chat.
mobile.twitter.com/mumsnet_madness/status/841009910888427520/photo/1
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 20:21, archived)

ha ha ha oh dear

(

vladimir, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 20:26, archived)

milliemillie needs some willy

(

$$ ✅, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 20:35, archived)

I bet it wasn't actually porn, but pictures of Anna Chlumsky.
Focusing in particular on her ears.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 21:13, archived)

this is not a morning post
but, morning
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 7:21, archived)

This is not a reply to a morning post.
Just putting together a dry rub for some pulled pork - has anyone got a timetable for the bus to Flavour Town?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 7:46, archived)

Lol dry rub
Lol pulled pork
(

H.B.Mupps, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 8:50, archived)

"jerk"

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 8:54, archived)

Well you can get it online, but only as a pdf
I don't WANT a pdf, I want to know when I can get to FLAVOUR TOWN!
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 8:59, archived)

Brother, it sounds like you're already in Flavortown!
Just make sure that pork has a good bark and is well seasoned and it will be out of bounds!
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:05, archived)

This is the best day, ever.
Thanks, Mr Fieri!
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:27, archived)

Is the dry rub "money?"

(

H.B.Mupps, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:36, archived)

i.imgur.com/VsQArrU.gif
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:38, archived)

Lol jesus christ

(

H.B.Mupps, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:43, archived)

argh, he holds his chopsticks like a white man, sheesh

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 11:02, archived)

Well he is one, so that's hardly surprising.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:13, archived)

Urgh

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:26, archived)

^

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 15:05, archived)

RIP spanishfly

(

$$ ✅, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:31, archived)

Is he in Cheltenham General then? If it was one of you guys I might consider visiting

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 12:16, archived)

happy candleday to mongychops

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:31, archived)

rip Joni Sledge

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:59, archived)

rosebud royce

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 12:10, archived)

Alright

(

mongychops, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 9:59, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/8056429
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 10:01, archived)

light 'em up

(

$$ ✅, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 10:05, archived)

i am happy for you, mongy

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 10:30, archived)

Happy candles

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 12 Mar 2017, 10:34, archived)

Cor!

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 12:04, archived)

A Very Happy Candle Day to You, Mongychops \o/

(

vladimir, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:05, archived)

blaze it mongers, blaze it good

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:06, archived)

happy b3ta birthday, m

(

manolith hooray for me, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:09, archived)

that's a lot of candles!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:33, archived)

I became a teenager a couple of months ago. Totally missed it. :(

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:40, archived)

i hit double figures in about six weeks

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:47, archived)

It'll be in just under nine months' time for me.
So far, I have failed to capitalise on a single one of my B3ta birthdays.

Also, belated morning and stuff.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 14:59, archived)

i think i've only missed one
got a nice pic of me hugging a dragon
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 15:01, archived)

Bullshit.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 11 Mar 2017, 23:50, archived)

moopoopo

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 2:06, archived)

Mo' poopo, mo' problems.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 12 Mar 2017, 10:32, archived)

Important question
What's your favourite item in the Argos catalogue?
(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:48, archived)

the little pens

(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:51, archived)

+i

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:52, archived)

+i

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:57, archived)

+u

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 23:00, archived)

~~the~~ my
e o
s y
(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 23:22, archived)

The ladies with the see through bras...

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:51, archived)

No that was Gratis when I was 12

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:52, archived)

Are you one of the
"Kool kids?"
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 23:14, archived)

Never mind that, Richard mccandles

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 11 Mar 2017, 1:36, archived)

Richardy Grant

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 11 Mar 2017, 7:21, archived)

Alright gentlemen
And lady boarders.

What does this evening have in store for you bunch of horrible cunts?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:55, archived)

wanking over Famke Janssen in Star Trek, probably

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 20:12, archived)

Filming triple D in Columbus, Ohio
It's going to be off the hook.
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 22:12, archived)

Mister Tea rockin' the dex tonite in Dalston if anyone's interested.
Alt: fine then, stay in and listen to Ed Shearan, see if I care.
(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 18:30, archived)

Half man half biscuit
not Ed Shearan, thankyouverymuch
(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 18:32, archived)

Half rice half chips more like

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 18:38, archived)

^satire

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 18:39, archived)

^or is it?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 18:39, archived)

We may never know

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:13, archived)

Oh

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 20:51, archived)

what are you playing on your dex?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:04, archived)

Choonz, bruv, choonz.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:27, archived)

I'd have turned up, but I'm on one now, you twat

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:08, archived)

Open till 2, so whenever. We're at Servant Jazz Quarters on Bradbury Street.

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:16, archived)

Do I have to listen to Ed Sheeran? He's a bit shit

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:12, archived)

I'm sure I've heard his songs but not knowingly.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:16, archived)

Dalston eh?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:26, archived)

Home of the 4 aces club, an absolute legend of early raving

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:53, archived)

I preferred night time raving.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:59, archived)

keep it foolish

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 19:32, archived)

'Cupping', yeah, right. I'd recognise those tentacle sucker-marks anywhere.
www.msn.com/en-gb/entertainment/celebrity/kaley-cuoco-shares-intense-cupping-photo-of-her-back-supernumberhorsegirltanlines/ar-AAo4r4E?li=BBoPWjQ&ocid=SNYDHP

OI! MONGY! UTOL's STOLEN YOUR GIRL!
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:37, archived)

I prefer that chinese thing with the needles...what's it called?
Oh yeah, heroin
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:39, archived)

clickin' 'dis

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:40, archived)

saw that being done to giles coren on supersizers
fucking row he made, the massive fanny
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:51, archived)

Well, not everyone likes being tentacle-raped by UTOl as much as you do Smashy...

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:58, archived)

it'd be a dull world if we were all the same, stuj

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:18, archived)

www.facebook.com/bakwan.seken...... for the renegade master?

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:54, archived)

rip john surtees

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:20, archived)

bumhole or gtfo

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:58, archived)

cor, you wouldn't want to do that to your bumhole, m8

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:02, archived)

hahahaha
it would look more like a bombhole afterwards
(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:03, archived)

yeah...

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:03, archived)

yes, I suppose it would

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:13, archived)

or would it?
It would probably prolapse
(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:19, archived)

Either way
it'd 'urt!
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:21, archived)

the suction might be helpful for constipation, though

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:25, archived)

You could use a vac for that.
I might have finally found a purpose for that pointless little window in the handle that reduces suction.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:27, archived)

but if you opened the little window, wouldn't that shave slices off the shit as it went past like a stinky truffle?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:28, archived)

nearly repoeted an ex to child services
when she planned to so this to her 5 year old
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:10, archived)

Gold star to the picture editor of essexlive.
www.essexlive.news/essex-police-hunting-man-who-exposed-himself-to-a-woman-while-stroking-her-dog-in-canvey/story-30191688-detail/story.html
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:20, archived)

The man stroked a dog because exposing himself

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:31, archived)

sadness in his eyes

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:32, archived)

I didn't feel the need to take a photo of my beech when I had cupping done.
Was I letting the internet down? Should I tweet a photo of my bumhole, to make up for it?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:33, archived)

more of a pine man myself

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:35, archived)

Lonesome?
b3ta.com/talk/8055490
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:40, archived)

yes pls

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:42, archived)

I'll need the mortgage payment upfront.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 16:56, archived)

That bit in the simpsons where Lisa breaks Ralph's heart on TV and Bart replays it in slow mo?
That was funny. Maybe this bloke will also find it funny 20 years from now.

How have kids ruined your life?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:51, archived)

The ones that live next door to me are noisy as fuck and don't let me have a lie in at the weekend
cunts
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:58, archived)

don't worry, you'll start going deaf soon

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:29, archived)

*whispers* bummers are deaf

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:31, archived)

pardon?

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:35, archived)

earbummers, maybe

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:11, archived)

Christ, imagine having ear diarrhea
diarrh-ear
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:12, archived)

Needle dick

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:35, archived)

By being young and full of life
The bastards
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:05, archived)

ruined?
they bring me endless joy, being a parent is so rewarding with no drawbacks whatsoever
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:10, archived)

they take my money when I'm in need, yeah they a trifling friend indeed, oh they a gold digger way over town that digs on me

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:14, archived)

You know when they climb into your bed on a weekend morning, and everything is lovely until one of them elbows you in the balls?
Well, that.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:30, archived)

They haven't.
Bathing in baby-blood keeps me looking young and orphan tears are sooo refreshing.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:35, archived)

Some kid burnt my neck. I didn't like it.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:36, archived)

hello jacob dyer out of bristol

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:42, archived)

Katy Perry's lesser-known b-sideszzzz

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:44, archived)

9/11

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:38, archived)

you divided 9 children by 11?
Messy.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

Nah, that was yids, not kids.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:49, archived)

Saudi ragheads aren't yids. Silly popster, get your prejudices right.

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:53, archived)

Jews dun 9/11, stuj.
Have you learnt nothing from the internet?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:02, archived)

I try to unlearn something every day.

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:03, archived)

"Ruined my life" is going a bit far
but a friend of a friend brought her ten-year-old son to a birthday party at my place last year and the little shit wouldn't shut up all evening, asking if we had a football, if he could so such-and-such a procedure with the TV (to this day I don't understand what he was trying to do), if he could do this, if he could do that. FUCK OFF.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

Maybe he wanted to set the clock on your VCR, grandad?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:01, archived)

STRIKEY-G!!!

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:07, archived)

Ooh Aah... Just a Little Bit

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:21, archived)

that's Gina G
soz
(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:21, archived)

never apologise for who you are
there
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:22, archived)

Cheers

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:24, archived)

cheers

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:25, archived)

He wanted ten strokes with the belt, that's what he wanted.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:23, archived)

Kinky.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:29, archived)

He'd probably have liked it, the dutty ho.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:35, archived)

That Monroe's managed to sue that Katie Hopkins for 24 bags.
Including damages it comes to in excess of 133k
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 15:36, archived)

Hey I'm someone else!
I think I'm going to treat myself to a pile of new records later.
You deserve a treat too, but what will you get?
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:00, archived)

pissed

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:03, archived)

knock yourself out

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:05, archived)

no that would be dangerous

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:06, archived)

oh ok, drink responsibly then

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:08, archived)

I'm going to see Lee Scratch Perry tonight; that'll be a treat, I reckon.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:04, archived)

his 2003 grammy-award winning album was recorded here in Coventry, midlands fans

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:08, archived)

butt naked

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:04, archived)

send pics pls

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:08, archived)

I'll try
I suffer from priapism so be warned
(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:27, archived)

cancer of the aids

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:06, archived)

does one cancel out the other?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:11, archived)

schwifty

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:09, archived)

23 years
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:14, archived)

I knew I could rely on you

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:16, archived)

the one missing Panini sticker

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:15, archived)

I sent off a postal order to get the final few I needed to complete the album once
^monster munch levels of storytelling here
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:20, archived)

Me too
It was the Beano/Dandy celebration one. 50 years maybe? Seems about right.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:21, archived)

I also stole Ossie Ardiles out of Mrs Spence's desk drawer
shh don't tell
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:29, archived)

you monter

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:38, archived)

Big Dennis birthday cake on the front?
Pretty sure I still have that somewhere
Probably worth about 70p by now
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:41, archived)

Apparently so
I remember the cover differently, but I must be wrong
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:49, archived)

Jan Michaelsen from the 2002 world cup I bet

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:23, archived)

~~sen from the 2002 world cup I bet~~ Vincent
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 14:27, archived)

Getting a little bonus and pay rise this year, which is nice
I'd like to get myself a present for working so very hard, but I suspect it's already been earmarked, if not spent.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:18, archived)

thanks for all your hard work

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:24, archived)

thanks m8
it's a team effort. I'm keeping the cash though.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:42, archived)

you put the 'am' in 'team'

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:25, archived)

Strikey boner

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:42, archived)

The two items currently on my treat list are a new cable for my headphones and a Bluetooth dongle.
Take that, anecdote fans.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:08, archived)

lol, dong

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:12, archived)

lol

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:19, archived)

I ordered a bluetooth transmitter for my TV so I can watch it with headphones on
Disappointed that the old PS3 supports bluetooth headsets so that you can tell other people you fucked their mothers, but you can't actually hear game sounds over it.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:16, archived)

Yeah, I've been leafing through reviews on Amazon.
A surprisingly high percentage of dongles say "can be used to transfer data but incompatible with audio". Well that's a big scorched scrotum of pointlessness then, isn't it?
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:20, archived)

there's some special protocol for handling audio which the cheapo ones don't support
I was looking at it all when I put the WARNING: CAR CHAT computer in my car
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:24, archived)

A pristine copy of Big Boobed Bitches from Berkshire

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:15, archived)

Happy Holocaust Remembrance Day to our Bulgarian forum members

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:23, archived)

lol
"bulg"
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:24, archived)

I'll be treating my boys, Hunter and Ryder, to Southern style chicken wings.

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:27, archived)

I see you own and wear Invicta watches you cheap snide sporting prick

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 13:47, archived)

Saw this, thought of Windy Pig
i.imgur.com/bhtY99C.jpg

What reminds you of another forum user?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:32, archived)

static3.depositphotos.com/1000513/108/i/950/depositphotos_1087010-stock-photo-horse-faeces.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:33, archived)

i'd say the url gives the game away but i read it as horse faces

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:34, archived)

Oh, it was deliberate
I would've 'nsfw'd' it otherwise. I may be a cunt, but I'm not a fucking cunt
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:36, archived)

hahahahahahahaha (nsfw)
www.amazon.com/XR-Brands-The-ManOlith-Best/dp/B0091WDIRK
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:35, archived)

is that official b3ta merchandise?

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:36, archived)

you do NOT want to see "The G0nz"

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:37, archived)

no i do not

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:37, archived)

My home PC shows up on the network as "MINTOLITH",
but it's got nothing to do with our beloved mod.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:40, archived)

oh

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:41, archived)

Yeah.
My anecdotes are the best.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:42, archived)

I'm looking forward to the follow up

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:43, archived)

I don't think any of my other computers have interesting* names.
The kid's laptop just shows up as "kids-laptop", for example.
Sorry to disappoint.

*for a given value of interesting
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:57, archived)

When I was a teenager I called mine Wintermute.
What a wanker eh?
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:07, archived)

Bet you were hacking the Gibson from dawn till dusk.
The servers at my first office had names like Trillian and Zaphod. The head of IT there was a dickhead.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:17, archived)

Mine are called 'red lappy' and 'white lappy'
done
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:11, archived)

'lappy' is a bit too colloquial for my liking.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:14, archived)

Who am I trying to impress?
These machines are used by 4 people, 2 of which are young children
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:16, archived)

Make a point of changing them when you finish work, tonight.
Also, give them amusing start-up sounds - it never gets tiresome when your PC throws out a film quote when you log in.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:20, archived)

I left my phone at my mum's once (this was many years ago)
so I phoned her and asked her to turn it off. She wasn't impressed with the "GO FUCK YOURSELF" that flashed up on the display as it was shutting down.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:21, archived)

Real mature, 2H.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:24, archived)

I didn't think she'd look at it while it was shutting down, did I
I assumed she'd just press the bloody button and put it down somewhere
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:26, archived)

My first adventures in voice control were all similarly immature
When I was about to see friends, I would change the settings on my phone, then when we were all sat together I would say into my phone "Phone Shithead" and one of my mates' phones would ring. It was quite lol at the time.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:27, archived)

I take it all back - that is well lol.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:29, archived)

and you tell kids today about it and they look at you like you're a fucking bellend.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:35, archived)

and they'd be right to do so

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:41, archived)

but did she go and fuck herself?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:34, archived)

Maybe, I'm not with her 24 hours a day

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:41, archived)

i am pretty mint
what does it mean then?
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:23, archived)

I named my last PC MONOLITH when I first got it (it was in a tower case, and black - my previous machine had been the standard beige box),
then the name carried over when I replaced it with my current machine, but changed to MINTOLITH because it's running Mint and I have no imagination (current one isn't even in a tower case, so the name doesn't fit at all).
Pretty pointless, really, as I fix all the IP addresses at the router, so never use device names.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:29, archived)

you are firing off anecdotes like Ustinov on speed today

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:45, archived)

like Noel Coward on nitrous

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:46, archived)

Gary Ablett on tablets

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:50, archived)

Saving the motherfucking day, me.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 12:01, archived)

manolith is black?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:41, archived)

No, manolith is Batman.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:42, archived)

No, no, no, no, fuck
That was Bruce Wayne
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:52, archived)

Haha, like in that song!
Remember that, eh? Remember when we used to have a right laugh here?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:01, archived)

before my time

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:02, archived)

peter kay for top mod

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:32, archived)

this is precisely why I always ensure I am logged out of amazon all the time

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:51, archived)

I had weeks of suggestions of different types of Spam

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:52, archived)

you should've reported it for spam

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:53, archived)

The discarded Tyskie cans that litter the streets of Dunstable
remind me of Off Topic.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:38, archived)

whenever i see a bait boat i always think of minty sending beers across the north lake to everyone

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:40, archived)

I don't really think about other forum users much

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:54, archived)

except me, of course

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:12, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/fULYa0so79yyk/giphy.gif
(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:19, archived)

Who is that?
it looks like gonz
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:20, archived)

Who fancies being the South Korean president?
Fantastic track run of them either being arrested, overthrown, or dying mysteriously.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:20, archived)

Yeah, I'll do it
at the rate Lil' Kim is going, South Korea will be an island sometime soon.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:22, archived)

I think he realised he needs to nip on before gout sets in and he's basically davros.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:37, archived)

Time waits for no man
and south east asia isn't going to blow itSELF up, now is it?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:46, archived)

Why wait, fuck sanctions, pre-emptive nuclear strike with #godonourside

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:41, archived)

"Regime change" had an excellent track record.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:44, archived)

+8
+recorded live on stage at infest 2016
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:52, archived)

it's deffo someone else's turn to start a thread

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 11:53, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 6:59, archived)

Let's get this out the way and take it away from the pretend dovestons
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-39220278
(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:27, archived)

I won't reveal my score until the doveston shows up

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:31, archived)

Alright, the Doveston
Mongy might not like you using his name, jussayin
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:48, archived)

Uphill Gardener: 4

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:44, archived)

Most Wanted Man Your score: 3/7

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:46, archived)

fairly soon i'll ask about weekend plans, that is always interesting

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:09, archived)

I can't wait to tell you what I'll be having for dinner tonight

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:10, archived)

too early to discuss easter weekend plans?

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:14, archived)

I'm planning for May Bank Holiday

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:17, archived)

well it is exciting what with the 1st of may being the monday

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:18, archived)

Ooh.
*anticipates*
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:23, archived)

You Dirty Fucking Cunt: 4/7

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:14, archived)

well you don't expect that from the beeb

(

mongychops, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:15, archived)

#brexit
i.imgur.com/JQ5numA.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:19, archived)

Why DID you buy your daughter heroin?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:23, archived)

it was her 13th

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:26, archived)

ah yeah
so difficult to buy for at that age
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:35, archived)

she asked for vouchers, but I hate doing that

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:51, archived)

I listened to some of the interview with the daughter, last night.
Went on a bit.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:53, archived)

I was more sympathetic listening to the interviews with the mother
the daughter seemed like a prick
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:07, archived)

Glad it wasn't just me.
Was a handy reminder of why I tend to avoid PM, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:10, archived)

PM buying my kids smack
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:19, archived)

I like PM and I like Eddie Mair
I'm not gay or owt though
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:23, archived)

Eddie Mair is almost the worst thing on Radio 4.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:35, archived)

seamless
glasscock
teh quo?
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:25, archived)

I'll inspect YOUR element in a minute, m8

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:26, archived)

OoOOOoOoooOoooh gay!

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:28, archived)

*shuts that door*

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:31, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/u5tAhxUazSog/giphy.gif
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:23, archived)

good heavens

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:27, archived)

thought it was somewhat relevant to you
since you're in the field of chicken dentistry
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:34, archived)

5

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:15, archived)

3 yesssssssssss

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:15, archived)

On my homeworld, the morning is not a thing to be celebrated,
for the breaking of the dawn heralds naught for us but further toil in the salt mines.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:44, archived)

^ Welsh

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:47, archived)

if a civilisation is advanced enough for interplanetary travel
I doubt they're still using manual labour for salt mines
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:50, archived)

it's still cheaper to send children down, plus I think it tastes better

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:34, archived)

It's more of a hipster affectation than a necessity.
Like making your own pasta, or homebrewing.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:39, archived)

Morning all

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:47, archived)

orlroight Mupps

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 7:51, archived)

I thank our Lord for this day

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:09, archived)

you're welcome

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:10, archived)

Yo! Hey, what's happening, dude? I'm the guy with the rep for being rude. Terrorizing people wherever I go, It's not intentional, just keepin' the flow.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:17, archived)

think you're a terror? you're walter the softy
your flow sounds weak and your beats are off-key
I'm frosty, chillin with the Bash Street mad lads
you're fruit salad, chew you like a Highland Toffee
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:22, archived)

You are shit

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:33, archived)

Its not like I ever put any effort in, is it
but that's a really weak comeback
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:34, archived)

You've got to be nice to me because otherwise your stuck with some parts for a shit motorbike.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:49, archived)

if what you've told me is true
I'll make a mint flogging them on ebay.co.uk
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:56, archived)

Yeah, that's true.
There's almost nothing in eBay UK. It's because all yhe classic bike people here are the sort of prick that like to go to bike meets and rummage through piles of tat on old trestle tables, instead of putting it online like a modern human.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:17, archived)

If you've got a vehicle that can actually move under its own power
Maybe you should drive over and fill your boot(s) with soviet scrap? It's 2000 miles to Warsaw and back from Dover, so work out your fuel costs from that.
EDIT: 225 quid for diesel at 40mpg.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:19, archived)

he does all of his travelling online now

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:41, archived)

mornin

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:17, archived)

wotcha

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:22, archived)

The world's gone topsy-turvy today.
The morning thread insta-hijacked by a quiz thread, and not even by The Doveston? Lions will be lying down with lambs by lunchtime at this rate.

Anyway.

Morning.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:22, archived)

don't worry, I'm sure a well-timed food thread will sort the place out

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:23, archived)

Splendid.
Someone on my Facebook posted a photo of a "diet pizza" yesterday; the 'base' was thinner than a poppadom. How are you supposed to eat that?
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:27, archived)

roll it into a wrap

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:27, archived)

It shall be known as the pizza k'wrap.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:31, archived)

oh yes

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:33, archived)

yes?

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:34, archived)

emphatically so

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:36, archived)

yes

(

$$ ✅, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:35, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/W9WSk4tEU1aJW/giphy.gif
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:37, archived)

AlrGift

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:34, archived)

I don't understand

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:38, archived)

I think he's farted.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:41, archived)

Ello hay machine Grey

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:35, archived)

otcherway icropenismay

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:39, archived)

It looks big in my trump hand

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:42, archived)

I hope that among poker players, a successful bluff when you're holding a low pair
becomes known as a Trump; a small hand that became really powerful
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:47, archived)

Penis in one Trump hand, low pair in the other.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:29, archived)

Penis

(

mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:45, archived)

oh come on now really

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:47, archived)

you've gone too far this time

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 8:49, archived)

Stop trying to make penis chat happen.
It's not going to happen.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:01, archived)

penis

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 9:12, archived)

Penis?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Mar 2017, 10:11, archived)

Attempting to multitask has resulted in me overcooking this liver.
Curses. Haven't made enough gravy, either.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:25, archived)

Not long till baselworld tho, chin up, although I bought nothing last year after all

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:29, archived)

You're overdue a treat, mongy.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:41, archived)

r
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:47, archived)

Probably

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:51, archived)

I always do, but it's hard work , I don't care for many things

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:51, archived)

fthfthfthfthfth

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 20:46, archived)

I care deeply about these matters

(

broadsword w⚓, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 20:58, archived)

I bet he made gravy

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:01, archived)

any onions?

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:07, archived)

yeah, I guessed as much

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:07, archived)

Onions and bacon.
That's the way I roll.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 22:34, archived)

Oh man
Overcooked liver is rank, like chewing leather
(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:14, archived)

Oh man, the liver is seasoned well, a little dry, but the mash potatoes with that hit of cilantro are out of this world.
Put it there, brother. 🤜
(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:21, archived)

I'm having a massive Beano-style mountain of bangers and mash.
I'm on catch up from being so hungover I couldn't be arsed putting food in my mouth on Tuesday
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:33, archived)

Foood doesn't work that way, it'll pass through you in 24 hrs or less

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:36, archived)

fewer

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:37, archived)

I'm quite aware of my transit time. Half the stuff I eat acts like a tracer round.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:43, archived)

I'm very glad you're here.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 22:34, archived)

Why don't you just fucking marry him ya big big queer motherfucker

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 22:58, archived)

LIES!
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 21:42, archived)

I'll be gutted if this is fake news.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 22:33, archived)

Has anyone got any bail money?
Just loose change knocking about ?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 22:57, archived)

I'll bet everyone's already gone home.
I've got "rebuilding a Lego trainset" to look forward to, this evening. Maybe Grrry could switch places with me?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:44, archived)

i never left,
still waiting for Spacefish to turn up with a hire car, but apparently they demanded a passport when he went to collect it. Fucking bullshit.
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:45, archived)

Poor Spacefish.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:00, archived)

just as well it wasn't me picking it up though
or we'd have had to cancel the holiday..
(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:45, archived)

Got to be careful you're not going to traffick a load of migrants, innit.

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:02, archived)

a passport totes proves that

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:10, archived)

i've just left home to go out

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:47, archived)

I feel too warm
this doesn't bode well for the summer
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:48, archived)

it has been rather an unexpectedly glorious day

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:48, archived)

I should've gone out really
but...y'know.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:01, archived)

my brother lost a lot of weight and now he doesn't get too hot and actually feels the cold #justsaying

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:49, archived)

It couldn't hurt
but I've always had a problem with the heat. Even back in the skinny times.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:01, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/YukrfQMVbloA/giphy.gif
(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:52, archived)

i.imgur.com/nbzMJdp.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:55, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/xTiTnghgfOeeI3M0X6/giphy.gif
(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:58, archived)

ok, this is bad
i.imgur.com/x1dmM7U.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:00, archived)

my eyes

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:03, archived)

YOUR eyes??
i.imgur.com/shXGIZf.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:04, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/BWtN1M12QQ5yg/giphy.gif
(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:52, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/fULYa0so79yyk/giphy.gif
(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:54, archived)

arrows

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:49, archived)

quiz night

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:50, archived)

what's the top prize?

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:51, archived)

50 quid i think

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:52, archived)

nice
get involved
(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:53, archived)

nah the pub is full of pricks by 9pm on a thursday, i like an early shoot

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:55, archived)

oh man someone has poured a chemical on my car
I don't remember pissing anyone off
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:53, archived)

it was me

(

$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:56, archived)

well that wasn't very nice

(

Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:59, archived)

Im chained to my desk til 7

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:01, archived)

GS?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:01, archived)

SP?

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:21, archived)

Captain Placid likes NBSP;

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:09, archived)

the dirty bollix

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:48, archived)

Which set?
Cargo train or fuck off
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:03, archived)

The 2016 Christmas set.
Had to order the motor off eBay, as it was out of stock, bit we got it all by the big day. In the end, he didn't get it built until the end of the holidays, and then his sister kicked it over (not on purpose), shortly afterwards, so it's been sitting in bits ever since.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:07, archived)

If you remembered to buy batteries or at least charge some, you're doing better than my parents did.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:33, archived)

I'm quite good, in that respect.
Unless they want button batteries.

Need to fix the other boy's helicopter, too. Replaced all the blades, but it's still flying wonky, so might have to take the shaft out.

lol, "shaft"
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:36, archived)

I don't know why but my parents were always bad at cheap commodities.
There were never cassettes, batteries, video tapes or floppy discs about the place when you needed one. Probably because I'd only nick them.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:41, archived)

I have piles of black CD/DVDs, but lord knows why.
Can never lay my hands on an empty USB stick, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:56, archived)

of black CD/DVDs, but lord knows why.
Can never lay my hands on an empty USB stick, though.
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:01, archived)

lol, "farmer giles"

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:06, archived)

Lol

(

H.B.Mupps, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:21, archived)

meh, that was a shoe-in parts-bin kit Lego slapped together for Christmas
didn't even come with a motor, what a waste.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:48, archived)

Eh, better than that fully intercity they do.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:24, archived)

passenger trains are and always will be
utter shit
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:25, archived)

Lego is shit

(

mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:27, archived)

I am in a pub in Cheltenham.
Barmaids got a nice arse
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:19, archived)

You certainly get around.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:34, archived)

I certainly do.
Leeds next week then the big smoke then Germany. And Ghana in may.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:34, archived)

In the absence of any evidence to the contrary,
I'm going to assume that you're on the lam.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:38, archived)

I wish I was
Just work that's all.
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spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:49, archived)

He barmaid has half her head shaved and the other half is bright green by he way.
What an arse though.
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spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:50, archived)

+apologies to any alt boarders.

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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 17:59, archived)

Yeah like they exist

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spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:31, archived)

Oh, joy - I've got to look at mortgage deals.
Unlike the gas and leccy, I don't have a spreadsheet for this.
Breakdown cover is up for renewal, too, but that should just be a quick visit to a price comparison site.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 18:40, archived)

I don't know how long you're spending on it but it reads like you don't place all that much value on your time.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 20:15, archived)

I am still at work :(

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2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 19:42, archived)

New thread, get your new thread here.
In a fortnight's time, the town where I work is having an 'English Week', including such quintessentially English cultural bastions as The Beatles, Irish music, fish & chips, afternoon tea aboard a double-decker bus and a bagpipe band. If they did 'American Week', they'd probably feature kangaroo steaks or something.
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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:05, archived)

yeah, probably

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:08, archived)

it's almost as if the UK has actively fostered a shallow, exportable image to cultivate tourism
rather than actually embrace its own domestic cultures and traditions
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:12, archived)

the few domestic cultures and traditions that survived losing a generation of young men in the first world war were seen off by our wholesale adoption of consumer capitalism in the latter half of the 20th century

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:15, archived)

plus some of them were quite embarrassing

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:16, archived)

come off it
I bet you own at least one vinyl of traditional morris dancing tunes
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:17, archived)

the tunes I have no problem with

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:20, archived)

also, vinyl is a mass noun

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:20, archived)

you're a mass noun m8

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:22, archived)

Durham still does the miners' gala,
kind of sad now there aren't actually any mines
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Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:43, archived)

They can all come visit me in Flavortown!

(Hubert Blaine Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff, Sr., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:15, archived)

I hope you visit while wearing onions round your neck and waving a white flag

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:18, archived)

This has potential.
It's too authentic, though. I'd need to turn up wearing a striped T-shirt, a string of onions and lederhosen, because Germany and France are the same thing as any fule kno.
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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:35, archived)

^ This
You can probably throw Belgium, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Austria and Switzerland under that banner as well
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H.B.Mupps, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:15, archived)

get pissed and fight everyone

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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:24, archived)

"You're going home in a fucking ambulance."

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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:24, archived)

'mon then.

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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:29, archived)

Well, obviously.
That's already the plan for Paddy's Day.
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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:36, archived)

Fuck going out on St Paddy's day.

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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:41, archived)

oh god
I got an email that there's a works St Paddys Day for all us "IT contractors", organised by the HR firm.

Imagine 100 or so computer nerds who've never met, lassoed together in the forced jolity of celebrating Micknicity.
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:41, archived)

If there's a barn dance organised, you have to post the video here.

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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:47, archived)

Still, at least you called it a fortnight

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:28, archived)

that's fighting talk where I'm from

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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:31, archived)

Israel?

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:36, archived)

of course it's real, why would he make it up?

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

and it's goodnight from him!

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:41, archived)

Why, what else would you call it?

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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:36, archived)

What day is it on?

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:37, archived)

Well certain other english speaking countries don't use the expression, do they
it's not widely known in the US, for instance. AND YES, I KNOW THAT IT IS KNOWN, I'M SAYING THAT IT'S NOT COMMON.
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:38, archived)

like 'queue'

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:38, archived)

and 'nah, we don't need to invade your country'
SATIRE
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

Or "how to brew tea".

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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:40, archived)

or "self-deprecating"

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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:44, archived)

Why have we got a word for the week after next and not a word for the day after tomorrow?
#makesyouthink #hmmmm #showerthoughts #deep
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:35, archived)

why can I pee without pooing, but I can't poo without peeing?
#makesyouthink #hmmmm #showerthoughts #deep
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

Once when I was round a friends house I did a shit and managed to piss through the bit between the seat and the porcelain right into my pants.
I got sent home in a pair of their spares.

28 at the time, etc.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:43, archived)

Stop hacking people's accounts, McBeef.

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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:46, archived)

I've done that more often than I'd care to admit,
but only in the privacy of my own home.
Caught my cock in the zip of a tight pair of trousers, on a night out, once (the owner of the trousers was furious!).
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:47, archived)

Really embrace the spirit of the occasion
by being markedly less productive than your coworkers, and only communicating by shouting.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:37, archived)

Oh God I hate everyone I work with..
I'm tempted by suicide.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:39, archived)

don't do it, you have so much to live for, etc

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:40, archived)

has he though?
I mean, lady pig seems so preoccupied with that horse now that all talk of their wedding seems to fallen by the wayside, he's just her stable boy now, there to shovel all the shit.
Plus, he keeps hopping from job to job in the hope of fitting in somewhere, yet all he succeeds in doing is putting others out of work and alienating those who remain.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:58, archived)

I was just about to send out your invite as well.

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:02, archived)

I still haven't received one for mcbeef's :(

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:07, archived)

I'm starring to think that mcbeef's wedding is all in his head.
It's hard to believe that so many invites would be lost in the post.
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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:12, archived)

i assumed it was an old school 10 pound on the door

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mongychops, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:14, archived)

directions to the venue handed out on the day via blackberry messenger or summat

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:22, archived)

Just do to the others whatever it was you did to Gerald.

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monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:41, archived)

Don't kill yourself m8.
Just kill everyone else. It's much easier.
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.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:41, archived)

You need to learn to hate yourself mate
then you'll have something in common with them
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Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:43, archived)

gaz spanishfly

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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:48, archived)

He still has me on ignore.

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:02, archived)

oh

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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:06, archived)

If he pops up, just tell him Keely was right to leave him.

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:11, archived)

Morris Dancing?

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GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:43, archived)

~~ncing~~ +y & The Time
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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 14:44, archived)

well my link on /links of Charles Bukowski kicking his soon to be wife only got 1 like
bit disappointed as I posted it on international woman's day
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$$ ✅, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:50, archived)

I read post office after people raved about it but I couldn't see what the fuss was about it was just like listening to a drunk curmudgeon.
I've got my internal monologue for that and that one's decent enough not to knock women about.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:52, archived)

that's probably because there is only one person left on /links who doesn't have you on ignore

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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:57, archived)

Links look to be a bit pro-brexit

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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:01, archived)

Do you reckon they'd get upset if I posted this and suggested farage might have amnesia?
www.buzzfeed.com/marieleconte/wait-what?utm_term=.ag1XAwNGd#.oddxN2qO1
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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:18, archived)

definitely

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Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:22, archived)

Someone's beaten me to it by the looks of it.

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Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 16:37, archived)

there'd better be decent tea

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 9 Mar 2017, 15:52, archived)

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