NEW THREAD!
I'm back off to college next week for a few days to get some exciting training in.
Does your employer invest in you?

Job chat is boring, so tell me how you feel about something else.

Shit yourself.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:18, archived)

Not feeling good, Windy
Maybe I'll feel better once I've eaten something
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:19, archived)

Bit dear for a Mexi
Still, McBeef might like it:

www.andertons.co.uk/p/0144953340/solid-body-electric-guitars/fender-jimi-hendrix-monterey-stratocaster
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:20, archived)

Nice link. Dingus.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

I don't know what you mean

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

Have you thought about consulting a medical professional?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

For this? No, no point

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:22, archived)

Is it your heart that's hurting? Because you can have all my love to heal.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:23, archived)

x

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:24, archived)

This will cheer you up.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG9LoHB3fqU
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:00, archived)

The vocals sound like total shit!! it ruin the whole song!!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:12, archived)

Although true, it doesn't paint the whole picture

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:16, archived)

you rang?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:44, archived)

I write porn now.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:20, archived)

Like racy mills and boon or scripts about housewives never locking the door to the bathroom when their stepson is around?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

Woah, is that what mills & boon books are like?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:22, archived)

The first one - the racist mills and boon thing.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:23, archived)

Her bosom began to heave and her sickly sweat stuck her clan mask to her forehead.
The young slave boy could smell her juicy vag under the white sheet and his penis grew hard.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:27, archived)

Oh, I feel so nice, with you here by my side, If I just do the best that I can do It seems that's enough for you

( mongychops, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:27, archived)

Everything you do is the best.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:31, archived)

I s'ppose they do invest in me, to some extent.
They bought me a new work laptop last year when my old one because so slow that it was unusable. They've also given me random gifts like a bottom-of-the-range smartphone, a magazine subscription and organic fruit and veg. I've had stingier employers, for sure.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:37, archived)

Maybe they fancy you

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:54, archived)

Mine gave me a lumia, the interface makes about as much sense as the control panel on Predators arm.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 10:58, archived)

My employer invests in me everyday
that's the joy of working for Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ
( $$ ✅, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:18, archived)

I'm the boss
I invest heavily in myself.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:19, archived)

I'm assuming if you said these words aloud
You'd then use both hands to point at your dick.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:31, archived)

Wrong, I'd point with one hand at my penus and the other at my bumhole.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:36, archived)

At the beeb, the courses are superb and open to anyone if your manager likes you
But that was in the beforetime. But now in the private sector, fuck all.

You make me feel, mighty real.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:22, archived)

I got all excited as there was a beeb coding job in glasgow but then i saw how long it had been on the site and fucked it off.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 11:48, archived)

morning

(dozers You big spazzer!, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 7:30, archived)

http://b3ta.com/talk/8106563
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 7:58, archived)

Hotfuck

(dozers You big spazzer!, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:09, archived)

"But where the Luftwaffe failed, it seems health and safety is about to succeed"
ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/624/cpsprodpb/0017/production/_97332000_mail.jpg
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:18, archived)

jews

( sock more tea vicar?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:21, archived)

big bent more like

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:38, archived)

hysterical screeching from the dm? whatever next

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:55, archived)

thought they'd be happy
'london now bong-free'
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:18, archived)

morning
/ac
( sock more tea vicar?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:22, archived)

Double morning, eh?
Whatever.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:49, archived)

you're the 'morning' equivalent of the double rainbow guy

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:19, archived)

I am? Great!
I have no idea what you're on about.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:30, archived)

knowyourmeme.com/memes/double-rainbow?full=1
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:32, archived)

shit it

( $$ ✅, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:58, archived)

you wake up late for school, man you don't want to go
you ask your mom, please? but she still says, no!
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:07, archived)

and she threw away my best porno mag

( $$ ✅, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:09, archived)

I like the idea of her sifting through a collection of Razzles and Mayfairs
and saying "THIS, this is the one that has to go".
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:31, archived)

threw away was the centrefold in
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:31, archived)

alright
feel a bit sick today, as it goes. Hope it passes.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:37, archived)

shit yourself

( $$ ✅, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:39, archived)

I already did one, and it didn't help
maybe I'll try again later. thanks love.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:57, archived)

Morning
Off down the marina
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:40, archived)

Raggo has me on 2.0 so I didn't know there was already a morning thread up, sozzo

(dozers You big spazzer!, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 9:57, archived)

Morning.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 6:42, archived)

morning

( H.B.Mupps, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 7:57, archived)

Mupp-multiplier.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 7:59, archived)

Morning

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:01, archived)

^ inspired by Miyazaki.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:04, archived)

alright

( mongychops, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:02, archived)

Irie.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:04, archived)

morning

( sock more tea vicar?, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:22, archived)

socket layer

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 15 Aug 2017, 8:35, archived)

my grandfather
1939-2017.

i'll be back on b3tards next week. sad shit stuff has to be done now. try not to get nuked until then.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 20:41, archived)

Sorry to hear that Woodo.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 20:44, archived)

:( x

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 20:48, archived)

:(

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 21:01, archived)

Sadtimes

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 21:01, archived)

All the best m8

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 21:02, archived)

oh i'm sorry woodkovsky :(

( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 21:09, archived)

:(

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 21:53, archived)

SMYLS

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 22:06, archived)

tablets, now

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 22:26, archived)

ALL OF THEM

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 23:19, archived)

actual lol

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 23:22, archived)

So sorry to hear that.
RIP.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 22:09, archived)

Some people have taken this quite badly
www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-40925062

To be honest, I'm surprised it's lasted this long. What is YOUR favourite thing to do with your other hand while wanking?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:23, archived)

Michael Harrison's experience of LoveFilm is way different to mine

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:25, archived)

It was great
Then Amazon strangled the service and made it prohibitively expensive. The shits. Used that service for years, it was awesome.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:31, archived)

Fair enough
they never had the thing I wanted in stock, and I always had to wait ages for it.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:32, archived)

Torrents are faster than post innit.
That was the problem for me.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:43, archived)

I once downloaded a film that I have on DVD
The dvd was is in the loft, and I wondered if I could download it quicker than going up there to get the disc. Also, I'm lazy.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:48, archived)

I've streamed things similarly.
At one point I considered how much effort/how far all the packets were travelling because I couldn't be bothered to move several meters.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:50, archived)

Michael Harrison will fuck you up, mate

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:34, archived)

I don't sweat Harrison

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:35, archived)

Rubik's cube

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:26, archived)

c p
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:27, archived)

Rubik's cube

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:27, archived)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8106389
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:28, archived)

Flicking v's at the other bus passengers

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:30, archived)

v's bogies
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:31, archived)

Rubik's cube

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:30, archived)

jelly.b3ta.com/talk/8106391
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:30, archived)

actually I take my previous answer back

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:35, archived)

you do?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:35, archived)

fingering my bumhole

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:35, archived)

How many fingers, and which digit/s?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:36, archived)

i don't like to discuss techniques on a family forum

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:37, archived)

No, I understand

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:39, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/3o6wrDUeLIQZFJVEC4/giphy.gif
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:04, archived)

murder prostitutes

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:47, archived)

alright Paul Hiscock

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:57, archived)

Haha I get it, like 'pull his cock'

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:03, archived)

www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/local-news/man-in-panic-dumped-body-3146812
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:09, archived)

It's the 3 year anniversary of Lauren Bacall's death. #noirchat.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:49, archived)

Watched LA Confidential last night
Still a damn fine film
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:21, archived)

Watched that not all to long ago myself. James Cromwell is consistently good isn't he?
I watched The Hitch Hiker on Saturday. Quality directorial work from Ida Lupino.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:24, archived)

And David Strathairn
Just a great cast all round
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:29, archived)

Yeah, quality a-list cast.
I just tried to think of something recent with that many known actors and came up with The Expendibles, ffs.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:30, archived)

grand budapest hotel

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:57, archived)

^

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:05, archived)

It is that.
Rewatched it for the first time in years a couple of months ago. It's aged commendably well.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:50, archived)

The Times Crossword.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:52, archived)

Wonder if they'll bother to update the branding on the Wii channel to reflect the demise of LoveFilm?
I have to use two hands to wank, on account of my enormous penis, so I've had to hire a boy to turn the pages of Penthouse for me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:58, archived)

benthouse more like

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:09, archived)

I've not used my wii in ages.
I jailbroke it, but it'll probably need updating.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:12, archived)

i nky
( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:17, archived)

Yeah, I Jankybroke mine too

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:18, archived)

Mine was jail broken, but had started acting up (homebrew channel would crash, couldn't load any emulators), so I uninstalled all my software with the intent of starting afresh,
but now I can't even load the homebrew channel again. BootMii finds bad sectors in the ROM, so it's probably fucked. Still plays Wii games alright, though, along with Netflix / Amazon, but is basically just gathering dust.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:20, archived)

If you're really arsed you can pick them up used out the papers/car boots for fuck all these days.
Sounds like the flash is on its way out though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:25, archived)

Yeah, considered picking up a spare, but not sure it's worth bothering.
Kids are eyeing up a Switch, so I expect I'll have their WiiU, soon enough.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:33, archived)

the switch is great. i would be playing it right now if there were less people in the office
might sneak it down to the lavs
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:43, archived)

Now that the eldest is over 10, I'm wondering if I should encourage them to get an X-Box, instead?
Or is that all Call Of Duty and Mortal Kombat style BBFC 18 type games?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:55, archived)

none of the consoles are 'all' anyting, tbh
depends what kind of games they like. i rate the ps4 for having the best all-round game library. your mileage may vary
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:07, archived)

I've worked on the assumption that it's Nintendo for kids, X-box for teenagers, PlayStation for adults.
Will see how they feel come Christmas, see if the novelty of the Switch wears off, or if it'll get any third-party support
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:20, archived)

I'd say xbox/ps4 are fairly similar in maturity.
Plus there's so many crossovers now. Xbox one looked bollocks in terms of drm and that but I think they've rolled that back. PS4 seemed a better option at the time but I've never liked playstation's controllers as the analogue sticks seem in the wrong place for my big clobber hands.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:47, archived)

High fives

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:07, archived)

how ironic

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:21, archived)

did you see my r&m link, new episode

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:25, archived)

yer, i watched it this morning
thanks though. i've been pretty consistently happy with the episodes this series but there's so much bitching online about them. specifically the fact that they have some female writers now
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:43, archived)

they seem ok to me, only a cartoon innit

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:54, archived)

The last one I saw (Pickle Rick) wasn't quite as good as some of those that had gone before.
Might get outraged about it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:57, archived)

Pickle Rick was an excellent episode
PICKLE RICK!
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:03, archived)

You hold a different opinion to mine.
I'm not sure that I can respect that.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 15:13, archived)

i just asked someone to guess when they thought the dvd by post aspect of lovefilm was stopped and they guessed '5 years ago'

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:45, archived)

^

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:47, archived)

Laserdisc is the future.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 14:59, archived)

Something new up here
Air you grievances about your weekends below. Alternatively, if you could choke your enemy with a biscuit, which biscuit would you use.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:32, archived)

it was alright until i strained a calf muscle. now i'm limping everywhere. should probably be put down
on the plus side, i saw some kites and defeated the bad guy inside a giant mechanical elephant

alt: i dunno, one of those giant custard creams?
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:37, archived)

Stunt kites are cool
But damn they hit the ground at force.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:40, archived)

you're not wrong

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:46, archived)

I bought a cheap stunt kite, last year, which fell to bits just as we were getting the hang of it.
The boy has got hold of a better one, to take on holiday, so fingers crossed we can avoid smashing it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:53, archived)

the trick is to keep it in the sky

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:13, archived)

I'd better write this down.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:18, archived)

also: don't let go of the strings

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:21, archived)

*scribbles*
This stuff is gold!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:25, archived)

you've probably written the wrong words though, eh?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:29, archived)

"don't let go of the sings"

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:32, archived)

Keep watching the skis!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:33, archived)

*gifs*

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:43, archived)

"don't let go the sky as are keep it on the strings"
It's foolproof.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:32, archived)

After watching kites at Uppark house
I came *this* close to dropping £350 on a kite. A fool and his money, and all that.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:26, archived)

how much better can a £350 kite be than a, i dunno, £100 one?
[serious]
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:30, archived)

What am I, a kite expert?
No idea. It just looked really cool.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:33, archived)

fair enough
in a related matter, would you be interested in buying some magic beans?
they look really cool
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:36, archived)

How many do you have; how much are they; and yes

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:37, archived)

do you reckon there's money to be made with a version of these that have insults on?
www.ebay.co.uk/itm/10-Growing-Message-Magic-Beans-Red-Random-Messages-Plant-Gift-Fun-/182149530583?hash=item2a68f543d7:g:j1QAAOSwoJZXSEtG
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:40, archived)

my goodness
Yes. A thousand times, yes
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:43, archived)

ok, let's do this
you get the beans and do all the work, i'll handle the money
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:45, archived)

I...ok

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:15, archived)

Ours is a £22 kite replacing a £7 kite.
I'm not spending much more than that on some sticks and string.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:36, archived)

just make your own

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:42, archived)

I keep meaning to make a box kite,
then decorate it to look like a Minecraft squid.
But, y'know, time, effort and all that.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:46, archived)

just googled and it doesn't appear to have 'bindun' so i think you should go for it
you'd probably get upwards of 14 likes on minecraft reddit
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:53, archived)

Probably just slap some canes and binliner together
and tippex #ignoringdoubledeckers on it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:07, archived)

Mate bought a pair of massive stunt kites.
One was good fun with a off road skateboard thing. There was a bigger one that you had to inflate parts of that was for use with a board on the sea. We got it going on the meadow and it took 2 of us to keep it on the groubd.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:42, archived)

I'd prefer stunt kikes.
You know, Jerry Sadowitz getting blown up, Elliot Gould jumping off a building etc.
(dozers You big spazzer!, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:01, archived)

Air

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:38, archived)

Would you deliver silently or with a thunderclap?

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:41, archived)

I'd just go with the flow

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:50, archived)

+ol +through

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:13, archived)

*squart*

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:21, archived)

Not long enough, can't wait until Jezza brings in 3 day working weeks

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:48, archived)

soggy

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:51, archived)

not sure

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:52, archived)

So many biscuits, so few enemies

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:54, archived)

maybe one of those biscuits from the tin celebrating wills and kate getting married

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:55, archived)

i don't have any enemies

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:55, archived)

nice

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:57, archived)

what about ISIS?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:57, archived)

Pfft
ISIS are immune to biscuits.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:00, archived)

Just seen that they've turned big ben off, guess the terrorists have won :(

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:22, archived)

If they turn it back on do you reckon it'll flash "12:00" for a bit.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:23, archived)

:)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:26, archived)

just follow this instead:
twitter.com/big_ben_clock
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:33, archived)

we get on alright

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:03, archived)

Then you're doing something wrong

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:37, archived)

Dunno.
Just clocked that the cinema is doing a John Hughes season in sept. Will probably skip over the soppy ones but I'm well up for seeing Ferris and Weird Science on the big screen.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:29, archived)

Hob nob
As their dry and crumbly texture would cause bits of biscuit to be inhaled, causing increased coughing and choking.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:34, archived)

trying to think what the worst biscuit is
so that they die with the taste of those synthetic pink wafers on their tongue, I dunno
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:38, archived)

Bait and switch. Tell them you're giving them a biscuit and hand them an oatcake

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:46, archived)

I can't be bothered to whinge about how annoying my weekend turned out.
But I did manage to get out for dinner last night which was a welcome end to a frustrating couple of dsys.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:44, archived)

was this your weekend?
i.imgur.com/3D0RjOX.gifv
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:46, archived)

Yes.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:52, archived)

cool

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 12:54, archived)

Watch glow. You will like it.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:00, archived)

Wow
Lots to think about there
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:14, archived)

incase anyones bored
watchcartoonsonline.eu/watch/rick-and-morty-season-3-episode-4-vindicators-3-the-return-of-worldender/
( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:26, archived)

Ginger nut
They're rock hard and shatter into perfectly sized chokeable chunks
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 13:27, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:03, archived)

:D :D :D

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:15, archived)

( . )( . )

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:30, archived)

   ☹
|   ||   |
|   ||   |
|   ||   |
|   ||   |
|   ||   |
|   ||   |
\ . /\ . /
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:56, archived)

Yeah, morning, yeah?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:26, archived)

yeah, day off innit yeah
forgot to turn off my fucking alarm clock yeah?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:30, archived)

Yeah, day off here too.
Thought it would be enough to let me out-morning you but you have out-manoeuvred me with your alarm clock shenanigans.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:34, archived)

Alright dribble

(dozers You big spazzer!, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 6:59, archived)

$$

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:03, archived)

lol

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:41, archived)

mornadoon

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:24, archived)

pipes are calling

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:50, archived)

*sqlot*

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:46, archived)

thrrrrp

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:50, archived)

Morn

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:52, archived)

alright

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:09, archived)

Hollilollibobs are booked!!!!

(dozers You big spazzer!, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 7:59, archived)

where are you off to?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:09, archived)

Lucca

(dozers You big spazzer!, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:12, archived)

^ lives on the second floor

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:31, archived)

I bought that on 12" yesterday at a car boot.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:38, archived)

if you can call that living!

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:20, archived)

Morning
My boss wants me to write up some "handover notes" so that my work can be covered whilst I'm away. I'm pretty sure they nothing I do is so important that it couldn't just wait until I get back, so my motivation to complete this task is lower than low.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:35, archived)

2-week mandatory break to see if your job is either rife with corruption
or utterly redundant.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:39, archived)

After 12 years good service Tesla's PA asked him for a raise.
He said, 'let me do your job for a fortnight and I'll see if you're worth it'. She came back and he told her that her position was completely pointless. Although he offered her a job elsewhere she never came back.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:42, archived)

They had someone to do that with an 18 month project here just days before they went on maternity leave.
As you can imagine, the notes were not what you'd call exhaustive.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:40, archived)

If only babies were something you could are coming a few months earlier.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:44, archived)

And then we birthed it off the road?

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:45, archived)

Exactly, yes.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:47, archived)

yeah baby

( $$ ✅, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:45, archived)

morning
lager for breakfast, then to sleep
( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 8:52, archived)

sure is

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:11, archived)

Goedemorgen
any tips on how to survive a monday plz?
( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:27, archived)

shit on a piece of toast and toss it at a pigeon

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:47, archived)

I recommend skimming it, like a frisbee
throwing over-arm can be problematic
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:48, archived)

won't all the poo fly off as it spins? i think you'd want to throw it like a clown's custard pie

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:26, archived)

+(Turtles Get Real)

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:38, archived)

You do YOU, m8
You do you
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:40, archived)

what, here at my desk?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:43, archived)

You get a whole DESK?
Jeez, I have to share a toilet cistern
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:55, archived)

are you one of those guys that hand out mints in a nightclub toilet?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:12, archived)

oooo now this is good, something i can get with
thanks!
( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:51, archived)

It's something to consider, at least

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:52, archived)

once i've worked out how best to apply the poo to the toast i think this'll be a winner

( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:55, archived)

Jesus
He will save you.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:37, archived)

he's a waste of everyone's time if i'm being honest

( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:07, archived)

Oh m8 delete that cos he hangs round here

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:11, archived)

rats

( sock more tea vicar?, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:26, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:29, archived)

I had an email from American Express saying that my email address has been successfully changed
and I should just download this PDF to confirm the changes are correct. What excellent customer service. I've never even APPLIED for an american express card, and they've contacted me already! Great stuff.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:47, archived)

american sexmess, more like

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:26, archived)

more like stay away from me-ee
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:09, archived)

are you using sexmess as a synonym for 'woman' here?
come on mat8, think of the ladyboarders
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 11:13, archived)

Just had an order from Doctor Dong, the day is off to a good start

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:52, archived)

Woah

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:54, archived)

inr

( broadsword w⚓, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 9:58, archived)

now there's a super villain i don't want to mess with

( mongychops, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:15, archived)

victor von dong

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:27, archived)

Stupid Jonjo Shelvey
Ya Voldemort looking prick.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:41, archived)

I forget talking about sports in here elicits the same reaction as showing a style magazine to an academic

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 14 Aug 2017, 10:44, archived)

sunday service

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 8:23, archived)

Where's Mano?
I watched that new Netflix show called Glow. It is about female wrestling, I thought it would be awful and have awful wrestling, but it was in fact really good and had impressively good wrestling sequences. I wanted to know if any of the people in it were proper wrestlers before the show.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 13 Aug 2017, 8:57, archived)

Loads of people I know are saying the same about that show
Even people not into wrestling like it. Might have to give it a watch now
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 9:07, archived)

Yeah, it was bloody good I thought.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 13 Aug 2017, 9:11, archived)

apparently they did proper training with chavo guerrero jr
but that's all i know. haven't watched the show yet
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 9:42, archived)

I thought he died?
Wait, you said jr
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

A few of them are, yes

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:07, archived)

The two blokes that play the Lumber Jackson's have got to be pro right?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:21, archived)

I bet you're a lumberjack's son

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 11:41, archived)

*Reverant squart*

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 9:08, archived)

*steals collection plate*

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:08, archived)

bumgay cervix

( sock more tea vicar?, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:08, archived)

Bah. Mine's better, tho.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 11:56, archived)

Top kek

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 10:56, archived)

watch Ozark

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 11:36, archived)

No m8 u rnt th bss ov mi x

( H.B.Mupps, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 12:16, archived)

don't really care about your ex, soz

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:58, archived)

Bummed gay perv-ice, more like.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 11:56, archived)

Got some mediocre records from the car boot.
i.imgur.com/f4i5LBI.jpg

I didn't realize one of them was ELP, the sleeve intrigued me and it was a quid.

The Otis and Carla one is scuffed to fuck but can't complain as it is about the same price on discogs without postage.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 12:37, archived)

Ok, I deffo regret the ELP one.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 12:46, archived)

ELP irk me
Apparently I like prog rock based on quite a few dozen albums I own, but I just can't get into that 70s keyboard bollocks.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 12:47, archived)

The Mica Paris one is an alright bit of Brand New Heavies esque neo-soul.
And I could deffo squeeze out a wank to the inner sleeve if there was an EMP that wiped out every electronic device or something.

I thought most prog rock involved 70's keyboards.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 12:49, archived)

Mica Paris would fucking GET IT

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:01, archived)

lol porkestra

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:03, archived)

^tromboner

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 15:18, archived)

Urgh.
Proper smashed it last night. A very good mate has just been dumped by his girlfriend of seventeen years and his brother rang me up to say "Yeah, what are you doing? Come round and have a beer." Turned out they'd drunk all the beer by the time I got there so it became a bottle of wine, a bottle and a half of whisky and several industrial-strength spliffs between the three of us. By the end of the evening his brother was insisting that I watch the Warhammer film and kept trying to put this broken pair of battery-powered 3D glasses on me that didn't even work.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:03, archived)

My slightly cracked mobile screen went pop in the night and turned into a horrid black mess.
I'd replace it but am away to Edinburgh fringe on Thursday and can't rely on ebay to get it in time so Moto G5 on prime it is.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:16, archived)

I've got a g5, they are fine

( mongychops, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:56, archived)

Good to know, it looked better than the others at that price.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 13:58, archived)

morning.
today i found a pound coin and thought "ah good, now i can afford toothpaste"
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 14:48, archived)

little victories

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 13 Aug 2017, 14:58, archived)

afternoon
just had a late lunch. i don't think a ham and crisp sandwich was a good idea.
what have you done lately that wasn't a good idea?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 14:55, archived)

I had an afternoon beer and it was 7% and now I can't be bothered to do anything else at all

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 14:57, archived)

i can't drink in the daytime
for just that reason
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 15:02, archived)

I don't need beer to feel like that on the weekend.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 15:49, archived)

yer, but this is the first time I can have a chill weekend in a long time
no household chores, no nagging wife, no unexpected visits. Just me, my cock, some booze and Skyrim. Turns out I'm Dragonborn.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:38, archived)

I've got to go and do a food shop. I don't want to, but I can't afford to procrastinate this weekend either.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:39, archived)

asda online
get it delivered
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:41, archived)

I never trust that. I usually buy individual onions, chilli's stuff and they're bound to fuck it up.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 18:16, archived)

only fools and horses got weird

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 17:02, archived)

vg

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 19:37, archived)

I can never do anything in the afternoons
For just that reason
( C, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:08, archived)

Posted on b3ta

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 15:01, archived)

it never is
but still we do it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 15:02, archived)

arrows with two hats

( $$ ✅, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:56, archived)

did he get you with a dart?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:59, archived)

yes

( $$ ✅, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 17:02, archived)

Was it the dart of Cupid?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 17:46, archived)

Fart of stupid, more like

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 18:54, archived)

morning
wanking starts NOW
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 7:33, archived)

Whoa what kind of girl do you take me for?

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 8:44, archived)

an easy one, you sloot

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:02, archived)

Well as long as we're on the same page...

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:09, archived)

Morning
Stiff as a board today. All the bruising is starting to come out on my arms and legs.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:17, archived)

domestic violence?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:45, archived)

Fell down the stairs pissed didn't I?

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:00, archived)

fucks sake, Smashers

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:40, archived)

Lol

( broadsword w⚓, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 13:19, archived)

cracked my head good and proper
there's a bloody big lump on my leg too and the bruising on my shoulder means my bra is more annoying than usual today
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 14:38, archived)

Blimey
I seem to steer clear of drunken physical mishaps, no idea how
( broadsword w⚓, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:09, archived)

i'm an accident magnet, drunk or sober

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 16:16, archived)

Morning.
A satisfying Saturday of wanking to all, and a speedy recovery to Richard McBeef off the internet's brother.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:33, archived)

I'm home alone
I feel like a 13 year old on the first day of school hols
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:47, archived)

Wanking party, everybody back to Grrry's.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:59, archived)

Beaten you to it m8, my Saturday wank was 3 hours ago

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 9:53, archived)

but you started looking for your tiney penus on Friday night, so it doesn't count

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:41, archived)

you made baby jesus cry

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:08, archived)

good, stupid little cunt

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:41, archived)

I've been spraying my daughter's hair red whilst we listen to the likes of The Prodigy and Altern-8.
The nineties were wasted on me.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:12, archived)

I wonder whether my kid will tread my path of gothiness
or if her teenage rebellion will come in the form of liking hip-hop
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:42, archived)

From black metal to black people

(dozers You big spazzer!, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 11:11, archived)

Just watched the "Charley says" safety videos.
My boys are definitely on the "that cat's fucking weird" side of the fence.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 12:56, archived)

that used to scare the shit out of me as a kid

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 14:39, archived)

Not enough Boglins in music videos

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 13:09, archived)

^
Or generally, really.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 13:26, archived)

I've just been violently sick after swallowing some petrol.
My siphoning skills have obviously not been kept up to date
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:16, archived)

I miss the taste of four star
This bioethanol shit is too greasy
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:42, archived)

Bleurgggghhhh

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 12 Aug 2017, 10:51, archived)

That must be a sign...
... A sign that you should stop stealing fuel and buy your own, you pikey.
( C, Sat 12 Aug 2017, 11:00, archived)

morning.
everything's a bit rubbish.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:03, archived)

true

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:03, archived)

ntt
"A German specialist in toilet design, Prof Mete Demiriz, told the website jetzt.de that unisex urinals could save water, because a survey suggested that women often flush a public toilet three times during one visit."

Er, what?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 21:37, archived)

sometimes i have to flush the toilet several times,
but not usually for a wee
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 21:47, archived)

Yeah, bit weird that
"My morning piss was so solid that it just wouldn't go round the bend"
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 22:08, archived)

It took 21 seconds to go.

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 22:16, archived)

lol

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 22:23, archived)

Only for a turd you have to manually snap off, right?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 23:57, archived)

it's 36 degrees here today
I'm dead
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:06, archived)

Negative vibes man :'(

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:06, archived)

tell me about it :/
my head is killing. thought i'd fallen off the bog pissed and hit it on the sink getting back up,but my mate just called and told me i fell down the stairs.
fucking gin.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:10, archived)

our business just lost a major client,
and now we're all looking for work. I had a job interview on Wednesday and i've been crying ever since.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:12, archived)

because the McDonald's uniform doesn't flatter your figure?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:17, archived)

not good
hope it doesn't come to that
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:17, archived)

doesn't come to what?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:17, archived)

losing your job

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:21, archived)

well we've got one client left who is promising us money,
but we were expecting this to be sorted out back in March and it just keeps getting pushed back and back and if nothing happens by 3 months that's it, they're out of business too, and everyone's out of business and we're all fucked.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:28, archived)

that sucks

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:34, archived)

we've had to make 4 of our friends redundant,
and we've been living out of my savings for the last 3 months and we don't know yet if we can get out of the contract on the office
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:40, archived)

how long does the contract run for?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:45, archived)

another 2 years

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:51, archived)

ouch!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:53, archived)

That's well crap, that is.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:21, archived)

When life gives you lemon
Kick life in the dick.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:24, archived)

i started crying while chopping an onion the other day,
and then started laughing because of the idea of that, funny old world
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:26, archived)

That's a shame MGT.
I had a technical phone interview Monday that I fucked right up.

Good luck.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:25, archived)

i think i fucked it up.
but i'm not entirely sure.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:26, archived)

I know I fucked mine up.
I did a bit of prep beforehand but totally wasn't expecting them to expect me to give 'textbook' style answers. Like describing what underlying hash function a map uses.

To be honest, it was at a big bank I wasn't interested in working in (not just saying that) but decided it was worth a punt for the practise.

Hope you do ok anyway.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:31, archived)

i had to admit to not knowing very much about a lot of things,
i just don't know how much they were expecting, because it's pretty specialist stuff that surely not many people know unless they've got the job already, i dunno..
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:34, archived)

I think I'm going to work on the principle I don't want to work anywhere that has a rigorous laid-out-by-hr recruitment process.
As that's probably a big corporate shop I don't want to be in.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:35, archived)

i kind of can't really afford to be that fussy at the moment,
but, i dunno.. i draw the line at military stuff
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:38, archived)

Search have a fair bit of stuff round your way. Hth.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:40, archived)

most of the C++ work seems to be embedded atm,
which i wouldn't mind doing but i've got no experience in it
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:51, archived)

Hmm, NCR in Edinburgh and Dundee are doing that I think.
Have you considered doing something other than C++? If you can do that lots of places would probably take you on with a C background because everything else is easy to switch to by comparison.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:54, archived)

according to their website they are all about the Java

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:56, archived)

If you can do c++ you can do java.
It's up to you of course, but I don't think employers may care as much as you think.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:57, archived)

i just don't want to rot my brain with that shit

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:00, archived)

lol spoken like a true c programmer

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:03, archived)

well i'd "consider" it,
but i've spent the last 3 years doing mostly C++ so it seemed a sensible thing to look for, i mean i have done other things including Java although tbh i fucking hate it
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:58, archived)

I'd quite like an opportunity to give python a go I reckon.
I don't mind Java as a language but it's all enterprisey stuff that uses it.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:00, archived)

i dunno i bought a Blu-ray player lately,
that says "powered by Java" on the back, make of that what you will.

Why Python? I've done a bit of it, the semantic whitespace takes a bit of getting used to. Other than that it's the same Dynamic Typing Hell you get in most scripting languages which makes them woefully unsuitable for server-side stuff. Or, let's be honest, Any Stuff.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:11, archived)

My take of that would be it's an easy transportable language to write middleware in.
I'm not sold on dynamic typing but it seems quite quick and easy to do stuff with.

Found an excuse to mock something up in work and it was easy to write (it seemed harder to read back what i'd written oddly).

I've seen some web stuff in it and I don't think it's that bad.

Not like Node.js fuck that.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:20, archived)

don't even talk to me about Node.js

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:22, archived)

It sounds like it's a way to let your front-end developers play about in the proper backend.
Why on earth would you want to let them do that?

That said I'm trying to fix a cursor leak on a screen at the moment and the js console has been a godsend.

Two lines of js allows me to fill the form instantly, compared to about 20 minutes by hand or 5 mintues using ahk to send '123{tab}'.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:24, archived)

it's extremely stupid

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:25, archived)

Filth

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:55, archived)

ooooh shit
i seem to have got a second interview
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:51, archived)

x

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:30, archived)

This is poo news. X

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:49, archived)

this is what you get for playing with capitalism

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:24, archived)

Lets all get ubi and contribute to open-source projects.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:31, archived)

It's your own fault for not being too big to fail.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:37, archived)

well we were slowly working up to it

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:43, archived)

That day can't come soon enough for our TH.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:45, archived)

Hey, two hats isn't that fat

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:56, archived)

Oh I was going to suggest becoming an Uber driver

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 16:58, archived)

bit difficult without a car

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:00, archived)

Look I gave you an excellent link and a business opportunity, I can't do all the work

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:03, archived)

the link was much appreciated,
thank you. they are basically just miniature toilet roll holders though, aren't they.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:07, archived)

But which came first

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:16, archived)

trying to find out this not totally boring fact as we speak

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:18, archived)

Spring bars must have been invented before but just not for watches

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:33, archived)

yeah the article says as much,
trying to find the earliest use on a toilet roll holder though, i can find plenty of pictures of Art Deco style ones but no definite dates on anything.

(also some of them turn out to be modern reproductions where the spring-loaded spindle is a modern addition to the design)
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 17:52, archived)

I must admit I read it a while ago , I thought you'd enjoy the silliness

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 18:06, archived)

cheer up charlie
www.hodinkee.com/articles/the-surprisingly-not-totally-boring-story-of-who-invented-the-spring-bar
( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:11, archived)

you can say that again

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:19, archived)

innit dough

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 15:38, archived)

Mr Majeika, eh? What were that all about, eh?
Hahaha. What something ELSE all about?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 12:55, archived)

He was a wizard school teacher before it got fashionable, hth

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 12:58, archived)

great, thanks
I've got this pub quiz in the bag
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 12:59, archived)

Dunno who that is soz

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:01, archived)

It was Stanley Baxter

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:02, archived)

That spike of hair was clearly phallic symbolism.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:06, archived)

Why is 4 bottles of Peroni only 5 quid at the Tesco in town, but 6 quid in the Tesco up on Elms Parade?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:13, archived)

because you touch yourself at night

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:14, archived)

That seems a bit unreasonable. I might write to tesco

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:15, archived)

ask to speak to the store manager, not the duty manager

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:17, archived)

Tell them that it's caused you phsycological damage and distress
You might get loads of compo for the inconvenience, pain and suffering
( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:29, archived)

But enough about b3ta.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:43, archived)

Because they're different "types" of Tesco
Such as Express, Superstore and Extra and price products differently?

/fags are £10.50ish at the Express in town, but £9.99 at the Extra near home.
( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:19, archived)

bullshit

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:20, archived)

What's bullshit, that different Tesco brands have different prices?

( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:22, archived)

no

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:25, archived)

Fair enough, 'cos it's true.

( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:26, archived)

says you

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:32, archived)

I didn't just say it...
... I said it on the internet, so it MUST be true.
( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:34, archived)

Dont be a fucking dinlo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:14, archived)

Soz LOL

( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:34, archived)

lol

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:40, archived)

Have you ever had a really good look at your bumhole?
Like, got a mirror or taken a photo? It's probably one external body part you wouldn't recognise a photo of.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:16, archived)

No, I don't believe that I have

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:18, archived)

Really makes you think

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:19, archived)

It makes me think about my bumhole

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:20, archived)

Whether or not you want to...

( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:21, archived)

Unlike your nan's bumhole, which has its own dedicated page on Google Image Search,

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:21, archived)

mine recognised me
it winked
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:23, archived)

winked spat at me
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:25, archived)

I self administer regular colonoscopies.
Better the devil you know, and all that.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:23, archived)

I think the tattoo would give it away

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:01, archived)

Are personalised number plates for retarded people who can't remember a letter/number combo?

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:32, archived)

you can save yourself some cash and simply roll down your window and shout 'I'm a bellend' out of it.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:34, archived)

Surely "1M4B3LL3ND"

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:36, archived)

which I do, all the time

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:37, archived)

Good work
The blind might not see the clown car.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:40, archived)

*waits for someone to make a joke about changing their name by deed poll to match their reg no.*

( C, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:38, archived)

In serious, it does amuse me slightly that in every state in the US some wag seems to have registered 'BORT'.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:42, archived)

That was manolith.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:44, archived)

I think it was once a way to show you could waste money on such frivolity,
But it's become crass to show off now that we're all a bit poor.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:17, archived)

There used to be a bell-end in portsmouth who drove some big white thing
with the reg number 'XORCI5T'
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:23, archived)

lol, povvo

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:33, archived)

I reckon that the US-NK war will last about 20 minutes, once it finally gets going.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:50, archived)

I'm slightly confused as to why the Chinese aren't telling Kim-Jong to wind his neck in.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:55, archived)

Because even if they side with Kim the US won't bomb the shit out of them
not unless they want to suddenly make everything in house and see prices quadruple
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:59, archived)

Still, you know the famous Bush ultimatum, you're either with us or you're with the tersts
Trump has promised all these new jobs and who needs shades of grey in politics eh
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:11, archived)

the Chinese have already taken the sensible precaution
of building a load of decoy cities.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:56, archived)

Plus Kim can throw missiles at China far easier than it can at the US
some of them might even make it all the way rather than falling into the sea
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:08, archived)

I thought NK was entirely dependent upon the goodwill of China for its continued existence?
I dunno, I haven't really been paying attention.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:19, archived)

SK don't want it to kick off as Seoul is only 30ish miles from the border
I read they reckon around 10,000 Americans live there along with the 10mil other people.

Essentially if it does happen, Seoul is either going to be attacked or wiped out.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 13:57, archived)

Still better than Wizbit

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:00, archived)

sexuality

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:39, archived)

Then how do you explain Erasmus Microman?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:41, archived)

a wanker

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:54, archived)

fair

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 14:55, archived)

VAGINA

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:26, archived)

as if you've ever seen one

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:30, archived)

blimey

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:41, archived)

'Vagina dip' is an anagram of 'vapid gains'.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:45, archived)

*monologues*

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:48, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:11, archived)

Hi m8, up with the larks!

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:15, archived)

I wouldn't call a screaming toddler a "lark" m8

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:17, archived)

shitehawks?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:54, archived)

better
How's the wife?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:59, archived)

worse

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:49, archived)

flee to Oz

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:50, archived)

my GP mate makes three times more over there

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:51, archived)

don't know if he's a GP now or moved over to something else

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:54, archived)

fuck it

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:54, archived)

the thick kid at my school who dropped out of his GCSEs
moved to Oz to become a copper. So fuck knows how low their demands are for skilled jobs.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:23, archived)

In the words of Mr T, I ain't getting on no plane
for 24 hours with a vomiting wife and a screaming toddler
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:59, archived)

Sparrow fart

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:44, archived)

Nightinguff

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:45, archived)

I just did a proper parp

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:48, archived)

Hello.
That transalp turned out to be an absolute heap of shit.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:50, archived)

what was wrong with it?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:54, archived)

Forks leaking, preload not working front or rear, rear sprocket was toast and the clutch was dragging.
I asked the bloke to knock some money off to pay for the repairs and he was adamant there was nothing wrong with it.
I had a look at a triumph tiger as well, really comfy, but I just can't bring myself to buy a British bike.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 7:59, archived)

Bloke I worked with had a Tiger, would NOT shut up about how amazing it was
even bought a custom exhaust to make it sound more vicious. He regularly did cross-country trips on it and basically had orgasms telling me about it afterwards.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:02, archived)

That's why I don't want one.
Triumph owners are dick heads. In fact, yesterday's moon landing man rides a triumph. A new t100. Heap of shit and he won't shut up about it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:05, archived)

Seems to me all you motorbike lot are dickheads who won't shut up about them, still I'm sure somebody has bought a record they will bore us with soon

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:10, archived)

Oh, that's rich coming from "live at the lake" please read my blog Mongy.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:19, archived)

I haven't documented a fishing trip in years since your great mates from oft topics turned up here and said it was boring , those great lads, I got a gaz telling me how great they are

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:30, archived)

it's old hat anyway
you should be streaming it on twitch and earning some coin in the process
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:32, archived)

I've decided to keep myself to myself, screw you lot

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:34, archived)

i.imgur.com/3zL4zFn.gifv
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:30, archived)

That ain't a carp

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:45, archived)

Salut, beau gosse.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:09, archived)

that really is an ugly language

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:12, archived)

Ehhh, I like it.
The country's probably getting to my brain a bit though; when I went through the UK a fortnight ago, about 75% of the women looked like fat chav heifers, and I'm sure that never used to be the case.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:19, archived)

I feel the same m8
I know there are fat girls in Poland, but the sheer quantity of munters available in the UK, and their average size, is absolutely staggering.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:23, archived)

When I was a kid, stick-thin "heroin chic" was fashionable, and fat people got bullied.
Now we have an obesity crisis. We can't win.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:28, archived)

There's a middle ground between starving yourself half to death and stuffing a packet of crisps into your gob every half an hour.
There are plenty of attractive plus-size women out there, but they make the effort to dress properly and take care of their skin and hair. Most of the girls I saw in the UK looked like they'd been sleeping in a bus shelter wearing the same tracksuit for the past week.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:34, archived)

I genuinely dislike the phrase "plus size".
I also dislike the expectation that women should groom themselves for male approval at all times. What business is it of yours if someone wants to "take care of their skin"? Beyond washing, what does that even mean?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:51, archived)

women rarely, if ever, groom themselves for male approval
They do it for female approval, despite knowing they'll never ever get it because women are judgemental bitches.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:55, archived)

*gets fired from google*

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:55, archived)

Yeah, the problem is that most people don't even bother washing now
going down the shops still in their pyjamas ffs
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:56, archived)

Alright, perhaps not "most" people
just everyone that shops in Morrisons on a saturday morning
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:00, archived)

stop clothes shaming!

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:01, archived)

I'm going nude everywhere now

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:02, archived)

I identify as dressed but was born naked, might need some outfit reassignment surgery

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:04, archived)

I'm getting furry alignment surgery

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:06, archived)

It's nothing to do with male approval and everything to do with self-respect.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:58, archived)

Alright, Patrick Bateman.
I'll draw the line at people popping down the shops dressed in onesie and slippers, but not having a skin care regime is not symptomatic of a lack of self respect (quite the opposite, probably).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:08, archived)

You damn crusty hippies and your communist marijuana-smoking.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:11, archived)

Someone needs to, like, take a chill pill.
Maaaan.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:14, archived)

The Google doodle today is pretty cool

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:27, archived)

at least its taught me who to execute
if I ever get a time machine
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:30, archived)

Lol, all of McBeef's favourite things are happening when he's on holiday.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:37, archived)

is it International Dysentry Day?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:49, archived)

It's the anniversary of the founding of the National Squart Foundation.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:53, archived)

Greetings from sunny Hertfordshire!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:29, archived)

and yet its pronounced hart-fud-sheer
It's almost as if you named it.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:31, archived)

"Mr Frodo! What about my gaffer, back in the Sheer?"

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:53, archived)

It's Always Sunny in Hertfordshire
The Gang Get Raped in Hitchin
( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:59, archived)

I tried watching Nathan Barley, last night.
My brother lent me the DVD, saying that it's actually really funny. It wasn't.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:02, archived)

didn't you feel sorry for Dan Dan Preacher Man?

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:04, archived)

Wasn't the point that he was not so different to those he despises?
Whatever, the entire thing was horrific (and not in a fun way).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:13, archived)

i thought it was a load of fucking shit, and anyone who likes it now can fucking eat shit and die

( mongychops, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:11, archived)

I take some measure of joy from knowing that it's popular with the people it's intended to satirise.
But that reminds me that those people exist, and my joy is snatched away.

Could probably work this into a sitcom and sell it to what remains of BBC3.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:21, archived)

They've already gone that route, IIRC correctly.
There was some vapid reality TV show that apparently did pretty well, so they filmed an entire series of people at home just watching said reality TV show and commenting on it, and sold it as a separate series.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:28, archived)

Well meta.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:40, archived)

No, it was funny then and it's still funny now.

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:39, archived)

^ cock-muff-bumhole grandmaster

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:54, archived)

McBeef is the Dan Ashcroft of /talk

(dozers You big spazzer!, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:12, archived)

sniff it

( $$ ✅, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:38, archived)

sniff it real good

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 8:49, archived)

Atomic Blonde
Went to see it last night, great dumb fun.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:05, archived)

That's not out till Monday over here.
Deffo aiming to catch it though.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:13, archived)

It is a lady John Wick
Don't take the plot too seriously and you'll have a good time.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:17, archived)

Sounds good.
John Wick was a larf.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:21, archived)

John Wick 2 was dull though
didn't give a shit who lived or died, a gold coin buys a single drink, load of bollocks and just a setup for no 3.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:23, archived)

Looks like I was right to give that one a miss, then.
All the reviews I read of it said it was pretty uninspired.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:32, archived)

can't remember the last time I went to the cinema

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:19, archived)

You should go so you can update this view and then keep a mental timestamp

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:19, archived)

"This B3tan has gone [x] days without a cinema visit."

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 10:35, archived)

Urgh.
Just got home.
( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:10, archived)

dirty stopout

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:19, archived)

Yep, that's me

( Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 11 Aug 2017, 9:27, archived)

Alright, fuck off.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 18:55, archived)

Cool , I've had enough up the juicer

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 18:59, archived)

Cool.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:21, archived)

My mate has just turned up with his missus and a friend , friends got good tits, might stay

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:28, archived)

Hey, yeah, do whatever you want. I'm gonna go get a bottle of wine I reckon.
And a chippy tea.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:30, archived)

Nah I'm gonna go, she's well fick

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:34, archived)

That really is rather rude.

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:14, archived)

Please don't be horrible to other people just because they are new, or you didn't like their picture, or posted something that bothers you. If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:15, archived)

You can fuck off twice.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:21, archived)

You should sign up to a BDSM dating site using your b3ta username and then have a breakdown.

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:28, archived)

I wonder if chomp is still around on alt-right breeding ground VOAT.
That, unsurprisingly, didn't turn out to be the future of social media after all.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:32, archived)

Dunno.
I feel I should probably state for the public record that mental illness is a terrible, debilitating thing and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:39, archived)

...except psychochomp

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:40, archived)

He probably drops in and searches his name,
Hi psychochomp you big wally
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:41, archived)

Hi chompy!

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:41, archived)

I'll never understand why people post on a forum where they are disliked by the majority and nobody wants to talk to them, that's special

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:33, archived)

Then why are you still here?
Oh hahahahahahaha!!!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:33, archived)

Right, I'm leaving 4 Eva

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:36, archived)

And still the mods do nothing

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:37, archived)

there is more mod than manolith?!

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:46, archived)

There's the secret mod , mano only became a mod because of his clique, they have long gone, but I will say he does a good job

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:52, archived)

No, they banned you, and you came back and started another account , don't think you can blame the moderators

( mongychops, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:16, archived)

nice one, m50-42

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:16, archived)

Bongo

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:21, archived)

Incredible Bongo Band, more like

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:39, archived)

You are a shining wit, Mr Pig.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:27, archived)

There's a room at college named after Spooner.
It's called the Rooner Spoom. Very funny stuff.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:33, archived)

New is the new black.

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:39, archived)

I don't understand

(dozers You big spazzer!, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:41, archived)

I am amused by this.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:41, archived)

shit on it

( $$ ✅, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:47, archived)

Happy Days: After Dark

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 19:52, archived)

Fuck a shit

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:17, archived)

column a: yes plz
column b: no thx
( sock more tea vicar?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:47, archived)

Scone or scone?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:48, archived)

scone obvs
scone's for nonces and sheep rapists, are you either of those?
( sock more tea vicar?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:51, archived)

Me? No m8

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 10 Aug 2017, 20:53, archived)

good oh

( sock more tea vicar?, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 21:05, archived)

So rude

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 10 Aug 2017, 22:25, archived)