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[challenge entry] Woo, Portland is back up!


portlands working again everyone, I can finaly post more images!

From the Hollywood Premakes challenge. See all 595 entries (closed)

(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:02, archived)
# I can't see it though..
so are you sure ?
(I helped save b3ta! Darryn.R, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)
# I hate to disappoint you*

*Who am I kidding?
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)
# god, gimiie a few seconds to get my code right will ya!
:( Boo
(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)
# Right
I can see it now. However, I feel compelled to ask you: What the fuck are you banging on about?
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:06, archived)
# Wait, it's like an old type of gun or something,
and a challenge entry. Okay, I think I see where you coming from.

Put your cock away.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)
# bb is american
for something to do with guns for children I think.

Americans think children should have guns you see.

(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)
# I think children should have gnus.
Lots of gnus.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:09, archived)
# gnus
don't kill

zzzz.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:10, archived)
# except the ones
on the gnu deck?
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# what about a monkey with a gun?
(I helped save b3ta! weekendsession, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# What about
err

Monkey tennis
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# I'm Monkboy
and I have a gun (or 3)
(I helped save b3ta! Monkboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# What about
gnus?
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)
# BB
bb is shorted verion of ball bearing...

yes, there is a "BB gun" they fire little plastic versions of these....

(Flash13, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 18:06, archived)
# That's what
preview is for.


/pot.
(I helped save b3ta! NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:06, archived)
# TJ
I'm going to drink now...take care y'all
(I helped save b3ta! Roxy_Hart is so so old, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:03, archived)
# happy drinking!
(I helped save b3ta! DoctorGonzo should be more drunk, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)
# drink drink drink
(I helped save b3ta! stevierar, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:05, archived)
# I've been wondering who this TJ person was
...just worked it out!

I'll get me coat
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:07, archived)
# it's not unusual
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)
# what's new pussycat?
(I helped save b3ta! Spoon, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:10, archived)
# Why, why, why Delilah?
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)
# its
that thing thats not quite a redex but it doesn't work properly

edit: yay I can see it now
(I helped save b3ta! anythingbutthisactually, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:04, archived)
# I can see it
I don't have the slightest idea what it's about but I can see it
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:05, archived)
# Yep
utter twaddle to me too.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:07, archived)
# and me
maybe it's a bloke thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:08, archived)
# Nah, think
it's more likely to be a crap thing.
Edit - and were you just calling Pootle a girl there?
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:09, archived)
# oh well
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)
# Does
it happen a lot, then?
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)
# Second time today
(that I've seen).
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)
# Yes
I have noticed some people have problems with gender on here.

;)
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)
# I've tried to make it
easy for people to tell what gender I am :)
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)
# me too,
but I'm thinking of changing to a neutral one.
Keeps the trolls off a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)
# I don't think
my profile is too confusing on the matter either.
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:22, archived)
# Still got that
Dolphin pic as my wallpaper.
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)
# Woo!
The one in the bowl, or the one in the sea?
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)
# Dolphin in bowl
goldfish in you like bag.
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:32, archived)
# What do I care?
I like them both and I'm especially happy that someone liked one enough to use as a wallpaper.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)
# Yay
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)
# I thought it was
pretty obvious with me too, but last week Baz seemed to be confused.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# What, by sleeping with them?
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)
# on occasion
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)
# Bah, you're shameless!
I'm going to stop trying to wind you up.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)
# I'm quite sure
I don't know what you mean...
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# :D
I still laugh about it now.

Classic
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)
# Glad to hear it.
My outburst at Amerella is still my favourite conversational gambit from that night.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# I'm surprised you remember...
:D
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)
# It's
the only thing I do remember saying to her.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# Oh dear.
Well, maybe Pootle ought to try posting gruff manly kinda posts - you know, football and girls and beer and norks and stuff.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)
# GRRRRR
I saw a loverly set o' norks when I left the rub a dub dub on the way to the footy.
I'd have given her one, and her mate, she was gagging for it
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# There you go!
Now, that wasn't so hard difficult - was it?

Grrr, you're such a man!
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)
# Heh heh heh
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)
# now I've just got to learn
how to swagger like my football sized gonads are at risk of bruising my knees
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)
# And don't
forget to spit.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# ooh you're very good at this
you'd probably make a better man than me, anyway
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:30, archived)
# *shudders*
What an awful thought. I am glad to say, I do not suffer from penis envy.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)
# it does
Dutchbird thought I was a girl for a while.
(This was before she met me)
Then I am not the most macho of men
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)
# You're in touch with your feminine side.
Girls like that. As long as you don't wear their clothes.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)
# some of them
don't mind a bit of cross dressing, it's when you ladder their tights, there trouble
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# And you know
you'll never fit your feet into their best pair of heels.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# who need their
heels?
The girls who go out with me only seem to wear flat shoes
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)
# That's because you're only 4'8"
It'd be cruel.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# Why?
Why? I just don't understand - why?
High heeled pointy girly shoes are the BEST. 1000% FACT
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)
# yes
for a long time, I'd only ever wear boots, that had decent cuban heels.
But you can only buy shoes like that from 'specialist' shops now
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:28, archived)
# i feel your pain
it's a bugger gettin' a decent cuban heel now, innit
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# oooh I have a lovely pair
of cuban-heel mules I got from a shop on Kings Road - I'm sure they'd do your size....
oh, you didn't mean it like that, did you?
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:33, archived)
# almost
but not quite
and i doubt they'd do a size 10 anyway
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:35, archived)
# I don't really do mules
but actually I do need to get some more, as all my shoes are dying, I've been forced to wear trainers for the first time in 10 years
edit: Anyway enough, I'm off home, see some of you in hopefully less than an hour
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)
# Well, obviously
it's a pair of 14-hole DMs for you then - noone would ever call you a girl wearing those!
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:41, archived)
# no
they would think I was gay
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:42, archived)
# Ah yes,
there's the cheerful, optimistic Pootle we know and love.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:45, archived)
# they're okay, but not the best
I hate to be significantly taller than my bloke.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:31, archived)
# get a taller bloke
it's the only sensible answer
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:33, archived)
# Well, seeing as I'm
only 5'2", it's not that much of a challenge for me to find a taller bloke.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)
# was the original pootle
a girl?
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)
# I didn't think so
to be honest it's hard to sex a prepubescent flump.
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:25, archived)
# yeah
but baz and sunshine elephant would be happy to try
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)
# no
pootle is dutchbird's bloke. But you are a girl... aren't you?
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)
# Last time I looked.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)
# Check again.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)
# Tee hee
*looks down*
Nope, all as usual, norks still there.
(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:14, archived)
#
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)
# Are you sure?
Maybe you should touch them...
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)
#
i pop away for half an hour and you're all grooming again? i always miss the fun
(I helped save b3ta! new_matt, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# Oh, okay then, I'll just give them
a quick feel then, shall I?


(I helped save b3ta! MizEmma, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# *grunts*
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# Put your hands on your desk
where we can see them
(I helped save b3ta! Pootle, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:21, archived)
# i don't get it.
but my penis is hardly.
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)
# hardly a....
....penis?
(jakeohoho, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# Well
Once I could see it, I got it and thought it good - woo!
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:11, archived)
# I've got to be
Best Man at a wedding on Friday.

I want you to be my speech writing bitches.

Write me speech please.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:12, archived)
# Just learn to do
"The Elephant Trick" with your cock.
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:13, archived)
# My pockets
aren't deep enough so it's out of proportion.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:14, archived)
# When I first met Bob
at the clinic...

That sort of thing?
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)
# How did
you know that?
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)
# Well
it's usually that or meeting at a Dwarfs convention in Soho.
And you didn't seen the type.

How wrong could a person be?
(I helped save b3ta! Samsonite, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)
# 'what a wonderful couple,
aren't they beautiful?'
(I helped save b3ta! Sunshine Elephant, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:15, archived)
# Yes but its patently not true
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)
# "Unaccustomed as I am to pubic squeaking,
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS BADGERS
MUSHROOM MUSHROOM"

Carry on for as long as necessary.
(I helped save b3ta! MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)
# I've known X for (however long)
but I was still surprised and honoured when he asked me to be his best man...


I remember when X and (bride) met... (anecdote about shyness of one or the other)

I would like to propose a toast, to the bride and groom.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:16, archived)
# Very good
I did a similar one to that at his first wedding.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)
# Give the same speech as before, then.
Remember to get the bride's name wrong once or twice.
(I helped save b3ta! MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)
# In that case you should probably start with
"Is anyone else getting a sense of déjà vu?"
(I helped save b3ta! Baz Fuck off, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# Ha ha ha!
That has actually made me laugh out loud.
(I helped save b3ta! Ijon Tichy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:27, archived)
# for fucks sake
do NOT under any circumstances refer to his previous marriage in your speech.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# How about
the woman he lived with before that. She was a fat ugly little inbred troll. Plenty of anecdote material there.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)
# only if it's really bloody funny
the bride does not want to be thinking about her new husband's previous ladies. Even in a "god they were ugly" context.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# Well I was thinking of developing
it into a thread of a (long) list of ugly miseries culminating in the one he got up the duff (current).
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:26, archived)
# don't forget
to say how pretty the bridesmaids look, and avoid using the words tart, slut, bitch, clap, tosser or cunt and you won't go far wrong
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# How about this?
The bridesmaids. Two of them look stunning and the other has scrubbed up not too badly considering. And if you were to ask me, I would, I wouldn't and I have in that order.
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:32, archived)
# hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
perfect, then go on to discuss the relative merits of the bride and groom's mums, specifically which one you'd let give you head, then do a homoerotic bit about the dads. After all that, I'll be happy to give you a lift home from casualty
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:39, archived)
# was your speech at the first wedding
video'd?

just play it back but overdub the name change
(vork and burlap, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:34, archived)
# That's good.
And cast aspersions on the groom's personal hygiene.
(I helped save b3ta! MissPrism, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:17, archived)
# Can you hear me at the back?
I bet you can still smell Paul's fetid smegma. Or something like that you mean?
(I helped save b3ta! F5 F5 F5 Can't be arsed., Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# She's
a whore, and he's a necrophiliac!

no but seriously...
(I helped save b3ta! corington, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:18, archived)
# don't forget to say
"it's the first 20 years that are the worst"
(I helped save b3ta! magoo, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:20, archived)
# I saw (groom's mum) shed a tear at the wedding...
I said, "don't cry (groom's mum), you're not losing a son, you're gaining a daughter"

She said "why do you think I'm crying"

(pause)

then I noticed the smile on (bride's dad)'s face.
(I helped save b3ta! Batsgirl, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:23, archived)
# brilliant
really very good
(I helped save b3ta! atomboy, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:19, archived)
# :)
(I helped save b3ta! magoo, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:24, archived)
# Is it an
Army of Darkness thing?
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:29, archived)
# it's more of
a dirty harry thing
(I helped save b3ta! djol, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:37, archived)
# hahaha
I like it :)
(I helped save b3ta! rogan, Wed 3 Sep 2003, 17:36, archived)