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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

* No isms - keep this light
* Non jokes will be deleted and users temp banned
* No nicked jokes - write one!

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Tue 8 May 2018, 9:00)
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I wrote a musical about STDs.
All the songs are really catchy.
(, Wed 9 May 2018, 0:15, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Where do policemen/women go for a working holiday?
Crimea.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 22:02, Reply)
Waiter waiter!
I'll have a crocodile sandwich and hurry the fuck up!
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 21:15, Reply)
What do you get when cheese explodes?
De Brie.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 20:57, Reply)
What did Sean Connery call a dangerous Irishman who dislikes Japanese heirarchy?
A Shaun off Shogun
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 20:16, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 19:15, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
There once was a woman from China
Who had a marble stuck in her 'gina
The doctor said cough
The marble flew off
And gave him huge blooming shiner
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 19:10, 4 replies, latest was 3 weeks ago)
A giraffe walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Why the long neck?" The giraffe says, "Well, that's not very funny, is it?"
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:58, Reply)
Do Limericks count?
I don't know
Maybe they do
Maybe they don't
This one doesn't rhyme
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:41, 2 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
Q. How many members of the NRA does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. More guns!
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:37, 3 replies, latest was 5 weeks ago)
Which hit Madonna song details her struggles with early onset dementia?
Vague.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:28, Reply)
Why is lighting a candle like going abseiling in an oil drum?
They're both incandescent.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:27, Reply)
What do you call a fish in a musical instrument?
A piano tuna.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:22, Reply)
MUSIC NEWS: Sting single-handedly foiled a robbery today
He said he didn't need any Police backup
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:20, Reply)
I ordered some horse manure over the phone.
The girl taking my order said excitedly that I qualified for free shipping.

I curtly told her that means shit to me.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 18:00, Reply)
I told my husband I wanted a personal trainer
So he stencilled “Your breath stinks” onto one of my Nikes.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:20, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Hear about the monk who kept going to sleep in his clothes?
He just couldn't get out of the habit.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:19, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
Knock knock
Who's there?
Lucy
Lucy who?
Loo seat's broken, can I come in and borrow your bog for a shit?

(I wrote this to amuse my kids)
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:07, Reply)
Which singer can you boot up?
Adele
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 17:05, 2 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
I was going to tell you about my plan to add a third floor to my house
But that's a storey for another time
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 16:59, 3 replies, latest was 6 weeks ago)
Who is the smelliest president ever?
Trump!
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 15:50, Reply)
Sean Connery...
...is worried his distinctive voice is stopping him getting decent roles. He asks an Ear Nose and Throat specialist for an opinion. The Doc tells him he thinks the problem is with his sinus

Sean goes nuts...

"Shyness? I haven't got a shy bone in my bloody body!"
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 15:07, Reply)
Which Matrix actor is entirely orange?
Baked Beanu Reeves
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:32, 1 reply, 6 weeks ago)
My girlfriend complained that my colander was too small.
She might think it's tiny, but I know is ma sieve.
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:21, Reply)
If weddings aren't depressing
why are the cakes always in tiers?
(, Tue 8 May 2018, 14:20, Reply)

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