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This is a question Childhood Ambitions

HoratioFellatio writes:
"At the tender age of 13, my little hairless clockweights squirted their first dose of testosterone into my blood stream. The result was a mental alarm clock shouting, 'I NEED TO LOOK AT GIRL'S FANNIES.' I reasoned that if I became a Gynaecologist, I'd get to look at fannies all day.

"It was only when I reached the age of about 16 and learnt about STD's and yeast infections that I realised I'd only ever get to see diseased ones."

Tell us about your childhood career ambitions and the moment at which your aspirations crumbled into a pile of broken dreams.

(, Thu 29 Mar 2007, 12:02)
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This question is now closed.

All my
hopes, dreams and ambitions were crushed by the rock of reality.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 14:17, Reply)
er...
I always wanted to bone Cheetara - but having investigated the matter, it seems like the closest thing to a freaky cat/woman hybrid on the market is Jocelyn Wildenstein.

I'll think I'll pass.

I suppose there's always Sophie Ellis Bextor... but she might start singing, and I'm not prepared to take that risk.



EDIT: This wobbly net-tard just cured me of the idea entirely. Ughh.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 13:42, Reply)
As a nipper
I wanted to become as ace as Raphael and Michelangelo.


Of the pizza munching Ninja Turtle variety.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 13:06, Reply)
It probably would never have worked out anyway
Back when I was about 8, I wanted to be Michael Jackson's wife.
I am so, so ashamed of that now.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 12:59, Reply)
My first ambition
was to be a policeman but that was only because my mum and her friends suggested it because I was tall.

My second was to be a chef, given up after cooking a coq-au-vin for my parents and my mum, who'd been sniffy about the whole idea of my cooking a meal instead of her, took one tiny taste of it, spat it out and said, "I can't eat this rubbish". Thanks mum.

My third, once I'd started working (in IT), was to be head-hunted. On Monday I got a phone call from an agency asking if I was looking for work; two hours later I had a telephone interview, half an hour after that I handed in my notice, got drunk with my now ex-workmates last night and I start at my new place on Tuesday morning getting enough money to justify flying from Edinburgh to Heathrow each week.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 12:56, Reply)
To be on the front page of a QOTW
A lofty goal that i've never achieved. :(

Help me now!
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 12:34, Reply)
Thinking about it though
I always used to tell people that when I grew up I wanted to be...

A Saxophone.

Not a saxophanist, a saxophone. I must have been a surreal kid, and I started on teh acid quite young.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 12:22, Reply)
success.
Failed.
Balls.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 11:52, Reply)
Where To Start?
As a nipper, the only thing I ever wanted to do was join the army. It seemed the only way to escape the fate of most of the rest of my generation in the North East of going down the pit and being a miner.

So I joined the army and hated it. I had, and still have, an inbuilt inability to respond to authority.

"Right lads. We're going to run 10 miles across this moor and crawl through a swamp" says our Rodney (officer)

"Why?" says me. "It's February, it's fucking freezing and you want me to crawl through a swamp when there's a perfectly good road that goes around it - you're off your trolley"

Rodney and sarge go postal, I go to the guardhouse and am severely beasted for two weeks. It was after that that I decided that the army wasn't for me and spent the next few months trying to get out. That wasn't as easy as the recruiting guys told me. Legally, as I was under 18, they had to let me out on demand. Practically, as I had very high scores on my test they did their damdest to keep me in as they had me pegged as a technician and they didn't have many of them.

They claimed that they couldn't find certain forms that needed to be signed before letting me out. They put all sorts of barriers in my way and they constantly badgered me to change my mind and stay in.

Eventually I got sick of this and decided that if they couldn't find my records then I wasn't in the army anyway and fucked off home. AWOL is the technical term. After a few days the military police turned up and escorted me back to base and locked me up again. Then they tried to make me do lots of totally pointless tasks as punishment. Amongst them was:

Brushing up all the gravel on the parade ground into a big pile and then taking it by wheelbarrow to the shower block and washing it clean before spreading it back on the parade ground.

Digging out the rifle range's sandpits and separating out all of the spent ammo.

Clearing out the officers pond by standing waste deep in freezing water and dragging out the shit on the bottom with a rake.

And similar tasks.

Eventually I lost it and told them to go fuck themselves and refused to soldier. I sat in my wee cell in the guard room and swore at anyone who tried to make me do anything. After a few days of this they seemed to realise that I wasn't going to change my mind and knuckle down to army life and the miraculously found my records and, after a lot of form filling, let me out.

Childhood ambitions? Fuck 'em.....

Cheers
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 11:44, Reply)
Whatever
When I was a nipper I wanted to be a vampire, I used to avoid sunlight and style my hair into a point at the front, my parents wouldn't let me file my teeth into fangs though.

Then I learned that vampires don't exist, so I decided I wanted to be a gorilla.

I'm still nowhere nearer becoming a gorilla although I did grow a beard once, and I farted :(
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 10:19, Reply)
Ahem...
Archae[fuckin]ologist! Woo.

Better thinking that noncey shite at 7, rather than at 18:
"Cor! I'd love to study that at uni!" Tossers.
And up yours to History students too. Dunno why.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 8:46, Reply)
April during my
freshers year at my second university was a good one. Bright sunshine, birds in the trees. I lived with a bunch of guys who, like me, were back at uni in their early 20s.

One fine afternoon we were gathered in the kitchen. It was 1999, so 'my name is' by Eminem was on the radio or something. The TV was on, it was a little before one. I swigged on a mug of coffee while reading a shitty tabloid.

Moira Stuart announced that it was April the 20th, and that it was the one o'clock news. The lead story was the massacre in Colombine, Colorado. A shocked silence fell over the room.

"My God", remarked one
"Terrible", gasped another.

I looked up from my paper briefly, shrugged and said simply,

"I always wanted to do that when I was at school"

In a tone of voice one of my companions would describe as 'sounding as if I'd said something normal'.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 3:27, Reply)
Jesus
When I was about 7 I asked if I could play Jesus in the school play. (I'd heard bits about him and thought he was pretty cool, healing the dead - water to wine etc, etc.) Unfortunately it was the nativity play and a teacher pointed out to me that he was only a baby at this point. For some reason I got really angry with her and decided that I would become Jesus for real, just to show her!
It got to dinner time and I strutted up to the table, surrounded by 7 year old friends, held out my hand to turn the water into wine... Oops! I knocked the water jug all over, got told off, cried and never stayed school dinners ever again. Fortunately I never articulated my messianist desires and now work as a designer from home, where I am able to oppress my cats into believing I am the one true god of little plastic pouches filled with meaty goodness.
The end.
(This is my first post. "So what, stop banging on about it!". Ok, but I only mentioned it once.)

Edit...
Oh yeah, just remembered. My brother wanted to be Dogtanian so he could shaft Juliet. He'd write letters to himself pretending to be her and stick them through our letter box. I reminded him (and all his mates) about this for years, I feel a bit bad about it now.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 3:19, Reply)
World domination, one PC at a time
Wanted to be Bill Gates. But then I discovered open-source.

I might say that I was saved before becoming evil and taking over the world.

Also wanted to become a chemist or any kind of researcher, liked the entire "mad scientist" idea. But since I have very little sense of smell, I think that working with chemistry would be a little dangerous (i.e. I wouldn't be able to smell a gas leakage).
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 2:07, Reply)
AXA
Pae....le...on....tology?
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 1:49, Reply)
I wanted to be a jet fighter pilot...
...that is, until I found out that I would be working for the UN. *sigh* The days of the world wars as glamorized by Biggles are well and truly over...
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 0:34, Reply)
well beside the usual astronaught/action man stuff
I wanted to be a soldier, haha, fucked that up...

But then I discovered rock music, and instantly wanted to be Lemmy. When I worked out that would never happen, I settled for 2nd best, beign a Rock Star and opening for Motörhead. Then after becoming a pretty good bass palyer, I got carried away in the sex, drugs & drinking. Now I'm left with the soldier, hoping to become a royal marine, jsut can't seem to shift the droogs.
(, Sat 31 Mar 2007, 0:05, Reply)
You're British, so tone it down a bit...
It was quite dull, really.

Age 14: Wanted to be Hannibal Lecter.

Age 16: I just breezed my GCSEs. Was dead set on being a Doctor, with a view to being a Psychiatrist (although maybe with less eating of patients).

Age 17: Realised that A-Levels were a bit harder to breeze through. Dropped expectations from Psychiatrist to Psychologist.

Age 18: Realised that everything I had formerly thought Psychology to be was rubbish. Decided to be research assistant.

Age 19: Realised what I wanted, more than anything else was a regular income.

Age 22: Realised what I really wanted was to be a programmer, not be someone else's admin bitch.

Age 26: Finally bloody got there!

Hmm. My career has thus far been a little undecided. Who knows what I'll want to be this time next year...
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 23:45, Reply)
When I grow up, I want to be a doctor....
I recently unearthed some of my writing from the age of four, when I desperately wanted to be a doctor and was really interested in learning about "the body". Highlights:

"I do not like the liver because it's not good."

"The way the brain thinks is interesting because it thinks so hard."

"I love the body because it has all its parts and because it is really helpful to us and does all the things that we like to do."

"There is a body puzzle at school. It looks like a real body. It has the intestines, and the liver, and the stomach, and the brain, and the lungs. We take the body pieces out and put them back in."

And finally...

"It is great to have a body. I like everyone's body."

Probably a good thing I didn't become a doctor, then.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 23:16, Reply)
rooting
in class one day we were told by our RE teacher that terrible, despicable hellbound sorts often stashed porn in the woods...

i was so keen to find some that i started taking our next-door-neighbours' dogs out for walks, twice a day, before and after school, so that i had A) an excuse to investigate the woods and b) protection from ghosts/killers while i investigated the woods

these days, i sell R-18 movies and sex toys to pay the bills. If only my eleven-year-old self could see me.

i never did find any porn in the woods
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 23:00, Reply)
For as long as I can remember I wanted to be a comedian.
But back in my childhood days, I dreamt of telling poor jokes in a straw hat and with a cane for some reason.

But yeah, I have a life plan:
Step 1: Try to write decent comedy
2: If that falls through, become a ski or outdoor activity instructor
3: Failing that, join the army.
4: If that doesn't work, go into organised crime.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 22:39, Reply)
All I ever wanted...
Was a stripey 3/4 length crombie.

I saw some guy in - oooh, 1984 - wearing a huge long raincoat with 3" thick maroon and silver stripes, and similarly patterned black and white trousers and coveted them greatly.

Admittedly I have'nt pursued this ambition with every sinew in my body over the intervening 23 years but I still think I'd cut a dash dressed thus.

Given all the options open to the 16 year old Disappointed in 1984 I'm sure that my overwhelming ambition was'nt to be managing the Friday nightshift (staffed entirely by surly, exhausted and chainsmoking Eastern Europeans) in a cold, draughty warehouse, with only 9 hours to go before we knock off.

Funny where life takes you is'nt it?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 21:39, Reply)
Ambitionless
I didn't really have any childhood ambitions. Every so often whilst at school I would have an imaginative thought and the "free thinker" alarm bell would ring and a thought police teacher would come and crush my spirit.

Here's where my teachers are now (the names haven't been changed to protect the innocent. Fuck them.)

1. Roger Randall. Gloriously got the lowest score ever on the Krypton factor by answering "what dog is used to pull sleds in the arctic" with "peke". Even the first years mocked him for months
2. Pete "Pip" Tuckey. The cunt that used to get off on picking on small boys by making them run cross country on the notorius "Tuckey Torture" runs. Dropped dead of a heart attack. Excellent poetic justice
3. Mr McLoughlin (cant remember his first name). Dropped dead in a Geography lesson after discovering Colin Eynon, the French teacher was practising his oral skills on his wife the voluptuous "ms" Leyshon (note: everyone could see your snatch in that skirt love and you knew it)
4. Bill Jennings, music teacher and outrageos paedophile. Serving 7 years for taking up Jason Simmons offer of using his 13 year old girlfriend at a rate of "10p a pump".
5. Warren "peace" Andrews, Classical Studies. Penniless alcoholic now banned from the british legion. And no, you cunt, I dont have any spare change and yes I do remember you. Who's the fucking waster with no prospects now eh? D-, must try harder.

Also scoring highly on the corpseometer are Messrs. Stafford, Harris, Webber and Curnow.

Fuck, where was I? Oh yes, ambition.

Thanks to cunts like apeloverage and frank my only goals these days are to badly draw cocks everywhere and pick people up on putting apostrophes in the right place.

Still, Thursday is giro day and I can get bladdered I suppose.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 21:27, Reply)
When I was a kid
I wanted to be a vicar, I even made a wooden cross and various sacrements alters, robes etc. Now I listen to Death Metal, a bit of a change.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 21:17, Reply)
Oh shit
My little boy want to be an archeologist. Should I worry?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 21:15, Reply)
Animal and the gang
When I was a kid I loved The Muppet Show so naturally (?) another of my childhood ambitions was to be famous. I did not really care what I was famous for as long as I was famous enough to be in an episode of The Muppet Show. How cool wouldn't that be?
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 21:09, Reply)
When I was little
Around 5 or so, I saw The Wizard of OZ on television. And thus started my first ambition- To become a Scarecrow.

This was smashed when my mother told all the nursery mums, who consequently rolled around on the floor pissing themselves laughing.
Nice one, mum.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 20:51, Reply)
I'm still a child...
but when I grow up I want to be a peadophile.

Then I won't need to apologise for length.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 20:51, Reply)
When I was small
I wanted to be a doctor but now I don't think I could cope with all the killing.
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 20:50, Reply)
Sam.. Fireman Sam
As a young child apparently I wanted to be Fireman Sam.. not just a fireman.

Then I wanted to be a police officer.. but realised they have to put up with more shit than a toilet..

But now days a Graphic Designer and Photographer..
Just thinking about he money ;)

Role on Uni in September :D


Click "I like this" and I promise I will never post here again and not subject you with my terrible jokes..
(, Fri 30 Mar 2007, 20:42, Reply)

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