Last Night
I did a BBQ last night and used some of that BBQ lighting gel crap and got some on my hands.

You'll see where this is going quickly.......

Wiped my hands on my jeans (like you do) and got a bit too close to the BBQ while leaning over it (yes, stupid I know).

For reasons that I don't quite understand I got a bit warm - no **actual** burns though.

I'm sure the instructions say something like do not get on clothing or some shite like that.

/bollocks
(james_tiger_woods needs to lay off the wine on, Thu 11 May 2006, 9:19, Reply)

Fireworks
New Years Eve 2005 at home , 3 minutes to go to 2006....A few rockets left over from Bonfire night.Now I have a few small ones but also one big fuck off one....Let the small ones go no probs(with thier launch tubes stuck in the ground).....Cue the BIG ONE....Finding that the rocket stem would not fit in smaller tube, I thought fuck it, stick it in the ground a few inches it,ll be ok ,WRONG!!!Lighting the blue touch paper me and my wife and two young sons stood back (from 10 metres away should have been 25 ) to marvel at the pyrotechnics..Cue the screaming whistle waitng for take off, me thinking GO YOU BASTARD then screaming RUN,realising its not going anywhere ,as the back door slammed behind us the night turned to day and the explosion shook the windows...Shaking I inspected the scorched earth and realised (whilst pissed up of course)read the fucking instructions!!!!! Hell of a way to ring in 2006 nearly mutilating me and my family.
(andycrass, Thu 11 May 2006, 8:27, Reply)

bumming
So myself and this chap 'Disasterprone' are round at his house having a fairly rigorous bumming session. He's giving it to me like a viking warrior and grunting away with great enthusiasm. All the while he's back there pumping me full of gay love he's cracking hilarious jokes like the the post on on his profile where he pretends to be Bin Laden, criticising the American Forces record of friendly fire. Well we both crack up laughing!

"Disasterprone!!" I shout up at him from my kneeling position, "you know you're a comic genius! we're never going to get this anal marathon done properly if you keep coming out with those gems". He IGNORED THIS INSTRUCTION and continued to crack jokes the whole time he was thrusting. In the end we had to swap positions. I gagged him so the stream of verbal hilarity would stop and we properly went at it for about 3 days.
(Brady, Thu 11 May 2006, 8:10, Reply)

Not the eyes!
I found a dust remover can, compressed air and such. After getting the safety tab off I gave it a little spray then became giddy imagining what fun I could have with it. I shook it a bunch, then sprayed my sister in the face. Good thing she covered her eyes. The next day, I read the warning lable on the back out of boredom.
WARNING:
DO NOT SHAKE CAN.
AVOID EYE CONTACT.
AVOID SKIN CONTACT.
AVOID INHILATION.
So I guess her complaining about a slight burning sensation makes sense. At least it wasn't permanent. How was I supposed to know it wasn't just air in there? (I never told her about the discovery of the warning label)
(FluffyChunks, Thu 11 May 2006, 4:41, Reply)

I'm so stupid..heh.
The directions on a new shampoo bottle said something along the lines of lather, rinse, repeat.
How many times are you supposed to repeat? What are you supposed to repeat? :( They need to specify some things here.
(spo0kyxr0mance, Thu 11 May 2006, 2:59, Reply)

I had to buy myself a new phone
But in my defence, the instructions didn't say 'Don't put phone in microwave with leftover pizza at 3.30 am'
( dragonish:::, Thu 11 May 2006, 0:40, Reply)