Advice Please!
My brother has texted me this:

"Quick question. My mate likes this girl, but he's so far in the friend zone it's not even funny. By a stroke of luck he got her for Secret Santa. The limit is £10. What should he get her and should the present attempt to convey his feelings?"

I open the floor to you...
( cakelady, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:00, 29 replies)

Lube, condoms, pineapple.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:01, closed)

I actually got something similar for a bloke in the office once lol
I got his name through the "secret santa" network, got him a bunch of bananas, some squeezey cheese and a pack of condoms.

He had to open it in front of one of the big-wig managers of the company too lol

Saw him the next day in work eating the cheese out of the tube with a big smile of his face :P
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:15, closed)

Get her a cheap vibrator, it's the only way he will even "by proxy" make her come. Fucking "Friend Zone" best way to cure one of those itches is just find another woman to put yout obviously un reciprocated feelings towards.
(Doogie Talons, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:01, closed)

a big steaming shit, or a small dead animal
that should remove him from the 'friend zone' and possibly pave the way to sordid sexual relations, or not, as the case may be.
( Damien's Hearse, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:08, closed)

A set of sparkplugs
for a go-kart.

Wins them over every time.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:13, closed)

A picture of his erect cock in a gilded frame

( Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:15, closed)

^^this
with a tag hanging off his cock saying "Limited time offer!" on it
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:16, closed)

oh God
I just laughed and tea came out of my nose
( cakelady, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:18, closed)

Ask him what are her interests/likes?
Then buy her something nice related to that.

(If in doubt look at her desk/work area for clues)

Simple.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 12:22, closed)

The best would be to remember something she mentioned in passing ages ago,
and to get her something related to that, even if it's just little and daft.

Shows he's been listening when she's been rambling on about any old shite, as women tend to do.
(TheColonel, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:25, closed)

That's
really nice. We do tend to ramble...
( cakelady, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:32, closed)

and menstruate

(TheColonel, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:35, closed)

yes but
I don't think that should factor into the present...
( cakelady, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:36, closed)

Probably not.
Although he probably wouldn't have the problem of being in the friend zone anymore.
(TheColonel, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:48, closed)

That
is true, I suppose...

O.o
( cakelady, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 7:33, closed)

words
to be fair - you could get someone a hamper of delight, if she's not interested in you she's still going to go for the bloke who ignored her over the whole christmas period
(ignoramusaurus, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:27, closed)

Booze
Get her plastered and throw yourself at her. If she likes you, you wake up next to her. If she doesn't, there is plausible deniability.

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 13:59, closed)

I asked a girl out 3 times when we were drunk
And on 3 seperate occasions. She can't remember any of those times (I can). So I asked her out while sober, after I spotted the flaw in my plan, and now she's my girlfriend :D
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 14:10, closed)

Depends on the lass...
Surely it depends on who she is? I agree with colonel69 in the sense that remembering something she said said weeks ago and acting on it is a fairly sweet way, but only if you are that kind of girl.

However, seeing as however most conversations women have with men become nul and void after seven days (that way they can't be brought up in future arguements), maybe something that would bring him onto her 'more-than-friends' radar would be better...say a four pack of bacardi breezers and some condoms: ribbed for her pleasure?
(satanstolemyteddybear Mu hõljuk on angerjaid täis, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:14, closed)

Yeah, in that case
just fucking bone her you pussy.
(TheColonel, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 15:38, closed)

No one has said...
Dick in a box?
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 17:46, closed)

That
is AWESOME.
( cakelady, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 21:57, closed)

Dont fuck about - get her a ring
(XmanX captain upsetter hahahahaha, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 17:56, closed)

He should get her an enormous magnet
and get himself a Prince Albert done in his munchtime. Hope no-one else in the office has one...
(hengushrh is found at the Dole office every second thursday, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 20:50, closed)

A mould of his cock
with an attached note, saying "See what you're missing love!"
( Mystery_Bob, Mon 30 Nov 2009, 22:10, closed)

Yeah. It was his mate.
Itchy, itchy beard.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Tue 1 Dec 2009, 11:48, closed)

If I had a beard
I would have scratched it too, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
( cakelady, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 14:13, closed)

itchy beard!!
haven't heard that since middle school in the early 90s
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Wed 2 Dec 2009, 21:03, closed)

I was told, many years ago..
.. the way to win a woman's heart is to buy her motor oil. Synthetic motor oil. 5W30 or 10W30.
(Nanuq, Tue 1 Dec 2009, 12:59, closed)