My mate ...
Quite often ended up the butt of jokes - at secondary school his mum worked in the school office and jokes about that ensued. Then there was the time when he was dubbed a paedophile (due to a song I wrote about him incidentally; woops!). But the nicknames were the ones I'll never forget.

Unfortunately, my friend had the surname 'Downes'. Cue everyone referring to him as Downer or such-other related names for about 4 or 5 years.

Also, I once decided that his face was absolutely foul and dubbed him Fouly in a lesson of English. Didn't quite stick, but pissed him right off.

Currently his title is Adam the Gay, Ph.D.
(ratthingbazzterd, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:28, Reply)

My name's Ian
and I quite like it (always enough letters on a game's high score list :) ),
only I live in Belgium, where it's not that common, and it gets butchered all the time because they simply cannot pronounce it right (especially teachers, since they never remember names right).

Through my school career I've been called Yan, Yen, Yon, Yun, Ion, Eeahn, ... despite desperately repeating "Ian. listen closely. Ee. Un."

By far the worst bit was some fucktards that miraculously pronounced it right, but made it sound like the braying of a donkey just to tick me off.
(Caustic Armadillo consists at least 30% out of custard, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:27, Reply)

My best mate at primary school,
high school, sixth form and college was a bloke called Roger Boag. His rather unfortunate nickname was 'Bog'.

Later on he changed his name to Alex and became the lead singer and guitar of New-wave druggy band 'These Animal Men'
( NobbyNobody 21 years a b3tan, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:11, Reply)

I tried to give myself a cool nickname.
My name is Jozef. It's an unusual spelling of Joseph, my parents are very pretentious.

So when I went to Uni I tried to play off the fact it had a Z in it. I considered Zed, Zero, Zee ... even Zippy would have done.

I just couldn't do it though. I couldn't shake someone's hand, look them in the eye and say "Hello. My name's, um, Zero." So no cool nickname for me.
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:11, Reply)

Nicknames suck / Nicknames rule.
Ok so some people call me Yogi these days, and it's the lamest stupidest reason ever. When I used to work at a ski slope I was riding in a brown sweater and someone said that in the distance I look like a bear. That's the whole story. Five years and it's never left me.

Back in school there were loads of nicknames, but they were all kind of in a theme / formula:

first letter of first name + last name = nickname.
there were good and bad ones:
brussell
bland
scarey
mlewis
dcarey
mromain (properly hard to say but we pretty much managed it)
mmmmmmmpeterson (said like mmm... donuts)
jrussell

there were a few special ones though, most notably butt who had a centre parting that "looked like a butt" (read: looked like a centre parting). He's the winner though, still a very good friend of mine and now in a very fashionable synth-rock band attracting much media attention and adulation, and the coolest most lovable idiot I know.

Also amongst many of my friends it's quite acceptable to call any particular person "maaahn" or "jeeeymes".

Edit: one of my mates was "Lord of Grundor" for most of last year.

No apologies for length, if it hurts just read the very tip.
(artificialhero, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:09, Reply)

Back in middle school days
My friends and I started "The Royal Council" and we all gave eachother nicknames. For no apparent reason, I became Man-like. Pretty scarring for a young boy.
(Luke joined the crowd!, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:09, Reply)

Worst Nicknames Ever
My nick name went from McFly (as i bore a resembelence to the j. fox) but then it sadly gave way to fly because i was small and pissed people off.
ah well.
it's massive wang now.
(DELETE_ME_PLEASE, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:06, Reply)

first my own then others.
My own second name is Masters. It leaves nothing at all to the imagination.

But the best. While working with a very large insurance firm, of course non disclosure agreement signed so i cant say who it is. But i can hint like fuck though, red sign, white face, annoying adverts.... yes youv got it.

Anyway while i worked there we had the in-office leader board for hilarious names. The top five being:

1: mr randy batchelor
2: mr anil chagger
3 and 4 were a joint policy, these fuckers got married!
3: mrs hiscock
4: mr mycock
5: ben dover, yes it does exist, suprisingly this guy died of 'morbid obesity'.

Think what there nicks would have been.
(nirm, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:06, Reply)

Womble
V was called that because he only had one (you can work it out for yourselves!)

For some reasons lost in time
Ian Evans (top bloke) was called peanuts?
And Dafydd Roberts is known as "Reg"
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:05, Reply)

On moving to rural Norfolk
(is there a part of Norfolk thats not rural?)
I ended up with the delightful nickname of cheesedick, due to my unpronouncable eastern european surname. The D was a silent D you cunts.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:02, Reply)

Got this one
I have the same name as my dad so I was dubbed LB short for little bruce... once in high school the girls got a hold of it and started to call me pounds (lbs)...it would be sweet if i wasn't a 5'6" 120 lb dude.
(necroveul, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:02, Reply)

Being a cripple, one tends to get a lot of nicknames
The favourite one I was called at school was "Cabbage" - some of my friends still call me that!
My co-workers have started calling me either Gimpy or Peggy (for Peg Leg).
Highly amusing.

My brother always calls me Poo, because it rhymes with Sue.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 19 May 2006, 0:00, Reply)

Little Man
Hi! Loooong time lurker, first time poster.

Worked for a construction firm couple of years ago. Soon acquire a new nickname

Me being 6 foot 4 and 20 stone gets this gem:

TINY!!

6 foot 4 in length? Certainly no appologies for THAT!
(colonelegghed, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:55, Reply)

Sud-ping
'Sud-ping' was a fellow I knew from ye olde days of secondary school. (i.e. two years ago) There's two parts to this mirthy moniker:

The first part comes from the name 'Sutherland', often shortened to 'Sud' or 'Suddy' in these here Glaswegian parts.

The other half, however, teaches us an important lesson; don't get a hard-on in the boys shower after rugby practice.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Thu 18 May 2006, 23:51, Reply)

Sheep-shagger
I was not popular as school. This didn't actually bother me at all, as I always knew I was better than the rest of them. Looking at friendsreunited, it seems that most of my classmates, at the tender age of twenty-one, have at least one child, generally more. Haha.

Anyway, one of their favourite past-times seemed to be baiting me. I was not a slapper like them, ergo "Are you a virgin?" was asked of me repeatedly. Finally, I rose to it, and replied, sarcastically, "Do sheep count?"

Unfortunately, these being girls who went on to do GNVQs in hairdressing, they believed me.

For the next few years, I was known as the Sheep-Shagger, and constantly followed by a chorus of loud bleating.

Idiots.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:44, Reply)

most of my staff have been 'christened' by me...
We have 'the colonel', 'hitler', 'the cunt' who is unsuprisingly my boss.

There is also 'bogey' for his less than pleasant eating habits, 'mong' who is quite aptly named, and 'milky' who had to be sent home after hurting himself moving 4 litres of milk. Fucking Jessie.


And there's 'Pineapple Head' but she says she'll kill me if it ever gets out. Whoops.

Neither legnth nor girth. You happy?
( SubCulture Hero ... ... He... .... Comes ... ...., Thu 18 May 2006, 23:42, Reply)

Rimmer
And I still hate it. Last person who called me that I only just restrained myself from kicking him across the office.

Also, many, many others which I picked up in summer camp- Techno Jim (being the guy who worked in the computer lab), Jimbo and the Jet Set, Jim Beam (after the whiskey, I rather liked this one) and for some reason, I have no idea why, The Dutch footballing legend Jan Van der Smeagler. I have no idea why. Kiwis eh?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 18 May 2006, 23:39, Reply)

Last Names
My own last name is Wolf, which is, in retrospect, fairly cool, especially for a reporter/writer (see my website for my full name). But during school, it was Wolfman, Wolfbreath, Woof-woof, "Where, Wolf?" and so on, usually followed by howling. Sometimes, it was just "Wolfie," the name of the stuffed animal Eddie Munster slept with on "The Munsters."

That experience made me fairly sensitive to last names, so in college, I felt bad for my friend whose last name was of Hungarian origin: Sajdyk, pronounced "sigh-dick." He was "Side Dick."

But I real felt sorry for a woman who joined our group some years later when I saw her last name: Gajdyk.

Worse, she was a lesbian. Who had enormous breasts. That had to be reduced. And she swam in high school, emphasizing her chest and building up her muscles. And she was butch.

If you haven't twigged it out, the proper pronunciation is "guy dick."

No one really felt she needed a nickname. . .
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:32, Reply)

From my brother
During high school and college, my brother worked with a kid who was fairly disliked and unfortunate enough to have the name Scott Tucker.

Yes, he was known as the Snot Sucker.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:26, Reply)

Ahh, teacher nicknames...
There was a teacher, through no action of his own, aquired the nickname "Clang".

The only reason he was called clang, was that it was the sound we all wanted to hear, were he ever to get smacked in the face with a shovel.
( Not Called Dave, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:20, Reply)

Go figure...
How you can get called Baz when your name is Aisla, I don't know...I believe it is linked to a spurious rumour about me being bisexual so I was known as Baisla. Hence Baz for short...As my name's Irish and hard to say, most people do tend to use nicknames instead.
Used to get all sorts at school: Aisla Man, Aisla Dogs, Aisla the Rottweiler, Rottaisla (actually quite like that one), Aisla Sheppey. Bizarrely got called Branston at primary school because my surname sounds like pickles(hence the crunchy brown sandwich topper link)
I know a guy whose surname is White and my friends wanted me to marry him just because it would be funny at work when I said Aisla White on the phone...ha ha ha.
(SpongyMonkey is an honorary East Anglian on, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:16, Reply)

mines
pinhead, its been that long i cant remember why.
(pin_head, Thu 18 May 2006, 23:13, Reply)

I once got 'Cuckoo'
I know when not to push my luck. It wasn't actually awful, so time to quite while you're ahead.

At my school there was a distinct lack of imagination;-follow this simple mathematical formula.

1) Surname[truncation]= nickname OR
2) Surname+'y'=nickname.
3) Surname [truncated] + 'zz'=nickname

Type 1:

Leashorne=Lea
Roffe=Roff
Stilliard=Stil
Spencer=Spen
McKenzie=Kenz

Type 2 :

Smith=Smithy
Jones=Jonesy
White=Whitey
Park=Parky
Price=Pricey

Type 3 :

Perry = Pezz
Summerill = Suzz
Scully = Scuzz (OK, I made that one up. But it would have been funny if I'd have thought of it 19 years ago)

And then there's just proper nicknames.

Reep = Gibbon
Marrey = Maggot.
and
Oakley= Smeg. poor girl, seeing as how she was actually rather sexy. Kids are Evil.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 18 May 2006, 22:53, Reply)

fat spotty cunt
at school, some people would adress me as this because i was just a little overweight and had teenage acne problems.

i was a cunt though.
(discodaz *generic witty comment*, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:42, Reply)

homoerotica and insest
my boyfriend is called baby by his rugby team... cue middle-age women taking the feminst offended side, before being told "not you love" and much man hugs and homo-erotica being shared

my high school nickname, while making a good story, did not make a good high school experience

i have a brother, his name is chris, we share a sir name, that name is fox.

compleate strangers would run up too me in all their 15 year old rebelion and ask

"do you know chris fox's sister"
'fox's' sounds alot like 'fucks his' if your school happens to be inthe midlands.
(kola, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:40, Reply)

My second name is Cox
Therefore, I was coxless.

Although I didn't really need a nickname, with my middle name being richard as well. My parents did most of the work for them really.
(Lord of the Beans, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:38, Reply)

In the Glasgow Uni Sci Fi Society...
...nearly everyone has a nickname. I am Aaaa, because my name is Susanna, not Suzanne. You see.

My boyfriend, however, arrived at the society only to discover there was already a member named Robert. "OK," he replies, "you can call me Bob."
"Bob?" pipes up Dougie, "That's what you call a goldfish!"
And thus, he has been Bob the Goldfish ever since.
(SusK, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:37, Reply)

Another not mine.. but
Like I say, not mine, but this one is my uncles. It's Biff. Now, me, I ask my mum why its biff, because I have no clue.
Apparently, it's not because he "biffed" someone when he was little, it's because when he gets pissed, he dances like he's got Spina Bifida - hence Biff
(Dovvit bee, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:35, Reply)

Teacher
We had a geography teacher called Mr Seamen. Enough said. He didn't last.

We had an English teacher who was American (go figure) called Mr Kaufman who was renamed "Colonel K" - Detention for all who were caught calling him that. Like me. All the time.

We also had a german teacher with a small moustache. Big mistake. Insert bad german war gag here - every time. Sieg Heil being the most common in the worst possible taste. I'm not proud.
Funnily enough, he was the best teacher I ever had.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:31, Reply)

My bestest bud
takes it upon herself to call me "Poltergeist".

There is no reason for this, other than the fact she is certified insane.
(Nearly, Thu 18 May 2006, 22:29, Reply)