Management promises, yes...
Ones I have been fed...
"Imagine in a couple of years you could be heading up your own team"
"There's going to be lots of chances for training abroad"
"You have to do it for a year before we can pay you extra for it"
and finally "We have an amazing opportunity for you...."
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 21:14, Reply)

I will delete the Archive forthwith.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 21:08, 8 replies)

Disappointment
My broken promises are legion and varied. I've always attempted to keep those I make to others and by and large I've suceeded - My wedding vows and the oath I swore to the Queen are those I hold dearest and are utterly unbreakable. I sometimes fuck up the ones I make to other people and don't come through because of circumstances beyond my control.

The worst are the ones I make to myself and then subsequently break. I promise to drink less, to be more tolerant, to try and be a better man ... I fuck it up though. I drink more than I should, I'm an irrascible and intolerant cunt and I still delight in petty evils and schadenfreude.

What the fuck can you do?
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 20:56, 6 replies)

i won't touch them, i swear!
it is ALWAYS a bad idea to leave me in a room with unattended chocolates, such as the time my mother trusted me to look after my siblings' easter eggs without eating the chocolates contained inside.
no sooner was she out of the house than i was scrabbling at those eggs, desperate to get my hands on the chocolatey goodies.
she didn't find out until easter, but she DID find out.

also, i may break a promise, but if i give my word, that's rock solid.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 20:29, Reply)

I got a Zippo,
I was not, under any circumstances, to tell my brother.
The first thing I did after getting home with it was quietly approach him and tell him I had one*. He was extremely annoyed; neither of us were at the time old enough to buy one ourselves. It keeps me amused for a whole five minutes** sometimes.

* Okay, I did fill it and light it a few times first.
** This is very difficult to do; normally keeping my attention on anything (other than fire) for five minutes is difficult.
( Awk Industries is actually a helic- NO, STAY BACK SHARK!, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:56, 3 replies)

Jedward broke a promise to sick children!!
I was helping run a crèche in the summer at a conference for families of children with a degenerative illness. It was at a hotel where Jedward were staying in between concerts.
When they walked past the room where we were, the kids saw them and went MAD!

Their manager told us that the lads 'might' pop over in a bit to say hello and have photos taken. The kids were high as kites with excitement, until it became obvious that Jedward weren't coming. Packing up their equipment into the van under the window of the room where we were watching and then driving off was a bit of a clue.

So, Jedward, shame on yous for breaking your (admittedly shaky) promise to a load of poorly children.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:49, 11 replies)

Yes Mr Customer, I promise I'll get it sorted.
But I finish in 5 minutes and am then on a 2 week break.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:41, Reply)

Nobody has ever promised me anything which in itself is a bit sad : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:28, 3 replies)

I promise I won't spunk in your face again whilst you're asleep...
*Awaits girlfriend to go to sleep*
*Spunks in face*

Huzzah!
( Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:27, 3 replies)

Media company lies...
I joined a new 'new media' company (that was like Nathan Barley meets The Office) doing cool stuff like interactive TV. Was promised the earth over the years by the bosses and few were kept. The one promise that really stuck in my craw was the 5% stake in the company that never materialised.

Upon handing in my notice a week went by before the boss even bothered to talk to me about it. I had never raised my voice to him once in 6 years, but when he cornered me about the why, I told him and he got all defensive and it ended in me shouting at him about all the lies. It didn't make any difference but I felt better.

It was a real shame as we had so many good ideas that were years ahead of their time. We tried to develop an MP3 music service something like a cross between iTunes and Spotify back in 2000, but the record labels wanted thousands for the music rights.

On the plus side a very nice lady joined us around 2002ish and introduced me to b3ta. Thank you PinkNinja and thank you b3ta for being there through all the lies...
( z0mb13e has a bee in his botnet, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 19:17, Reply)

A nice bridge between weeks
Aged 6, I made my dad promise to take me to wet 'n' wild (uk water park). We were having a house built at the time so weekends were either at the building site or furniture shopping, which isn't much fun for a 6 year old.

I told my father last year he'd never taken me. "Well we can go now if you like." he replied. I declined and he added "Well shut your face!"
(Mong goose, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 18:14, Reply)

Might be about to break one now
"I promise I'll come see you at the weekend."

Going from Newcastle to Harrogate tommorow, and the snow might break my promise for me.
(Mong goose, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 18:08, Reply)

The prom is not my scene so we'll go out on the piss while they have their silly dance.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 18:08, Reply)

"I promise...
...I am not ripping you off, those are in fact massive drugs."
(Maccy Divided by 0 on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:52, Reply)

'No dear,
I promise I won't forget to send a cheque to the taxman.'


Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:48, Reply)

Dear football world,
We promise not to pay any attention to the exposing of the sordid way we go about our business and will never allow ourselves to be swayed by any suggestions of impropriety. We guarantee we won't deliver an 'unusual' decision as a result of some childish pram/ttoy separation style reaction. Never. Ever. Cross out hearts.

Yours, S Blatter and co.


(sorry for obviousness but politics piss me off)

EDIT: Apologies to monkeystrumpet who got there before me, next time I will read other answers first, PROMISE!
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:28, Reply)

I promise to bitch slap the mod who chose this ball bag question.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:19, 1 reply)

Tharg the Mighty
promised to send me twenty galactic groats when he published my letter in 2000AD, but all I got was a lousy two-pound postal order instead.

Lying, cheating green alien scumbag.
(Billy The Fish wants to gargle with Lucy Pinder's bath water, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:18, 4 replies)

She promised
she was over 16.
(waxdart hello., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 17:08, 5 replies)

I promise everything!
I guarantee nothing.....
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Papa's love

I promised that I would deliver a family heirloom to a fellow con's cancer-stricken daughter before her remaining 2 weeks passed, but it got lost amongst digging tunnels beneath prisons in Panama and my beheaded girlfriend coming back from the dead. By the time I'd moved on to impersonating Danny Ocean I'd forgotten about it altogether.
( Regger, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:40, 1 reply)

Killer Route
In Feb 2006 my "Killer Route" was published in MBR magazine. Esteemed photographer Andy McCandlish promised to send me some of the photos ... which I was really keen to see especially since the published ones didn't feature very much of me (call me egocentric). He lied .... he lied.
( Ramsay Tupper, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I swear
that those eyes looked deeper into me than they'll ever - EVER - look into you.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:18, 2 replies)

I made an oath at the age of 11. (Google PTAA)
I failed.
(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:03, 4 replies)

"Oh yes, you will get training working with us."
So said my interview panel, fresh from Uni with my degree in hand.

After a year of constant requests and replies of, 'no, that's too expensive' or 'no sorry that's not relevant to your role' I quit. Only to be told

'oh, shame we were going to send you on a BBC course next month too'.
( Bamboo Steamer, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 16:01, 2 replies)

England 2018

(Monkeystrumpet monkey. Monkey, MONKEY!!!, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 15:48, 4 replies)

I promise I won't stick it "up there".

( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 2 Dec 2010, 15:34, 6 replies)

I promise
it won't hurt
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 15:27, 1 reply)

The promise on a banknote

just doesn't have the same swagger about it any more.
(roysin, Thu 2 Dec 2010, 15:21, 5 replies)