Since my last few forays have gone so well.
May taste of Roasted Pea. Or plastic rose petal.

As I may have mentioned.
I used to work as a carer in group homes with people with intellectual (and physical) disabilities.

In one such place I worked with a young(ish) lady I shall call Mira. Mira had CP and some other disabilities. None of which hampered her in being an annoying bitch. She was fully ambulant and despite being nonverbal she could express her needs & desires quite clearly but chose to spend her days writhing around on the floor, moaning and generally getting in both staff and other clients way, sometimes with injurious results to both parties.

I was attending a staff meeting at the house one day. Mira was home from her "day placement" as they were jack of her & had told us not to bring her back in a hurry.
She was rolling around on the floor during the meeting barking like a seal - despite being fairly ambulant and moderately cognizant.
1 of our staff members had recently begun a floral arrangement course and had brought in some of her bunches to show off to us - all the other ladies seemed to appreciate them with "Ohhs" & "Ahhhs". Bunch of plastic flowers to me.

Mira strangely went quiet at some point. No-one really noticed (it was actually a pleasant respite) until we all turned around and noticed Mira lying on the floor going blue and clawing at her throat.
Mary (a fellow staff member) & I both jumped up, got her in coma/recovery position and I (as gently but forcefully as I could) compressed her ribcage from the side as Mary (the other St. Johns Ambo rep for the house) dug around in her mouth.

*I'm pretty sure that's not what you're supposed to do anymore, if anyone knows better pls correct me if I'm wrong*

Mira thankfully coughed out a bright green plastic leaf from one of the arrangements as I compressed her ribcage.
My relief was somewhat tempered as I watched Mira moan in complaint as her gnarled hand reached out for the leaf and promptly popped it back into her mouth.
At that point Mary and I both felt that we needed to start filling out our incident reports and left Mira in the capable hands of our manager and the rest of the house staff.
EDITED for some clarity.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 6:15, 31 replies)

You know, if you didn't spend 18 hours a day on here complaining about how people bully you, you might have some new stories and wouldn't have to rely on reposts.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 8:41, closed)

18 hours.
18 hours I tell you!

Because shambo can't figure out international date/time and you're stupid enough to read what he said and run with it.

That's ok BD. No-one blames you for someone else's idiocy.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 8:51, closed)

8am until 2am.
18 hours. Then an attempt to explain it that was as pissweak as Oz beer.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 8:54, closed)

Link pls.
I ask because I can't be arsed searching.

As I remember it was a late night and an early morning.
None of which you managed to figure out but then again - facts aren't your big points are they?
Nvm. Once I've found the post - when I can be bothered you'll be proven wrong. Again.
For someone who claims they have a doctorate - you seem to have very little regard for empirical proof.

Nvm - I found it - take note of the timestamps for this post- b3ta.com/questions/foodporn/post2005183
From 1214 to 1902 your time, I don't post.
Amazingly - that 7 odd hr. gap may coincide with me maybe doing something like... umm, sleeping.
As I pointed out to BD earlier this week - we don't all follow the 9-5 regime do we?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 9:14, closed)

Crikey, so you only leave here to sleep?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 10:52, closed)

Internet breakdown week. Again.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 10:58, closed)

No proof from you.
Don't you mathematicians consider that kinda thing important?

I'm wondering if you you got your PhD in Klingon. (Search for it)
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 11:02, closed)

you really are a frightful penis aren't you?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 16:45, closed)

It's never been called that before, no.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 7 Jul 2013, 21:39, closed)

Wait, just a sec.
Is Shambo really complaining about how much you post?

I actually took the trouble to work this one out a while back. If I'm not mistaken, Shambo posts approximately 10 x as many messages as either of us do, and has been doing so for a decade.

A decade!
(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 9:12, closed)

See my post below.

But I'm sure he'll see it differently.
If I'm not mistaken, Shambo posts approximately 10 x as many messages as either any of us do, and has been doing so for a decade.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 9:28, closed)

what the fuck is your major malfunction?
surely being this paranoid and bitter isn't good for your mental health?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:04, closed)

I'm detecting
upset here.

She's upset, isn't she misery?

You've gone and upset her, you awful bastard.
(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:14, closed)

sorry, i read that as 'like me please! go on! i'll be on your team!'
shush now, and try going outside for a bit.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:09, closed)

UPSET
ON THE INTERNET.
(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:07, closed)

haha, yeah.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:30, closed)

You can understand why they're all upset.
Their entire online existence is defined by me. And I never respond to anything they ever whimper. That's got to sting a bit.

18 hours in one day.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:48, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/browntrousers/post2009840
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:49, closed)

So.
I got the age right then.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:50, closed)

( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:54, closed)

I like it when you quote "Full Metal Jacket" lines at me.
Makes me feel like I belong here.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:48, closed)

You should do one for Monty as well.
He'd be a yappy little dog, standing behind Shambolics legs.
(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:12, closed)

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 10:58, closed)

I like that.
Oh, how I like that.

That is bloody marvelous.
(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 11:12, closed)

how can you even see it with your head that far up dullard mcshitpost's arse?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 13:07, closed)

UPSET!

(username failed moderation, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:08, closed)

clearly. i'm beating my tiny, furious internet fists against my ipad in a fit of impotent rage.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:29, closed)

The only way anybody could possibly interpret words on a message board as anger
is if they regularly get angry on a message board.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 8 Jul 2013, 15:45, closed)

Ipad huh?
Get you.
(username failed moderation, Tue 9 Jul 2013, 12:29, closed)

Hmm.
Logging the time I'm supposedly online.

Cause that's not a little bit creepy or obsessive.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 8 Jul 2013, 5:37, closed)

sure I'll correct you, no problem.
'Anymore' is two words. X
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sun 7 Jul 2013, 16:37, closed)