It's a lovely sunny morning here.
Fuck you, peasants stuck in flooded caravans, I couldn't give a shit.

... ...DEAD DOG UPDATE... .... .... ...
No dead dog this morning, gutted. I was hoping to see his bedraggled, greying paw giving me a cheery little wave from the canal but no. I exepct some Polish people have eaten it.

Q: Fathers' day this weekend. Do you acknowledge it (and/or Mothering Sunday)? It's just some made up American shit. It's one of those things like Valentine's Day where if you fail to mark it, you look like a bit of a miserly cunt though. I'm hoping my kid will have been forced to make me a card a school or something.

Alt: Smegging smeg off you smeg-head!!!! Do you get it??? It's rude!!!!! Why has Craig Charles been allowed to live, and yet angles like Ben Hardwick have been cruelly taken from us? I put it to you that the absence of agonising cancer in Craig Charles is clear evidence of there being no God.

Alt alt: Tell us something surprising
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:33, 231 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

People in caravans could probably do with a wash. Smelly gypsy cunts.
Yes. Father's Day will be recognised. I will receive presents and do what the hell I like.

Alt: Stick your Red Dwarf up your rusty sheriff's badge.

AltAlt: It is exactly 73 years today since Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini meet in Venice, Italy; Mussolini later describes the German dictator as "a silly little monkey".
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:38, Reply)

Talk on R4 news this morning
about potential legal changes to help enforce court orders like mine. It appears to have been acknowledged that frequently bitchez freeze out their ex partners and there's not really much that happens about it. Might do me some good.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:42, Reply)

I heard that. No indication of how quickly it will come in to force though. Good news for you nonetheless.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Just to hear someone saying that it can be shit for fathers when they want to be involved
but are dealing with a vengeful ex is a massive step forward.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Time to dust off the old Batman costume.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I sold it for drugs :o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Mange tout, Rodney, mange tout.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:49, Reply)

HE FALLS THROUGH THE BAR!!!11!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)

I heard this too.
There seems to be some concern that if mummy is sent to prison, daddy will look bad in the eyes of the infant.

Do you want that Monty? Do you?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:48, Reply)

Prison is too good for some people.
I watched a great doc on the history of capital punishment on Monday - one of the legal people interviewed was called Harry Potter, the poor cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Yes, I saw that. He should sue that JK Rowling person.
I wish there had been more footage of the main subject though.

In other gruseome news, Anthony Beevor's new book about WW2 reveals that the japenese used to keep POWs alive, and eat them when they got a bit peckish. Not just for ritualistic purposes, but as a sanctioned form of food supply. This news was suppressed at the war crimes trials as being too gross for the allied victim's families.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:07, Reply)

That is WAY COOOL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:11, Reply)

Apparently, the nips preffered the taste of indian POWs
More spicy I suppose.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:15, Reply)

This is the best thing I've heard in ages.
I am v fascinated.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

I'm waiting for Amazon to deliver.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

an Indian POW?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Less
They velly lully with lice.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Alt alt: the fucking cheek of it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:43, Reply)

Also upsetting is that it is 15 years today since a jury sentenced Timothy McVeigh to death for his part in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing.
wikipedia is ace.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Wiv da anglez

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:49, Reply)

No to both, not celebrated Mother's Day in years (for obvious reasons), and I just don't give a shit about the Hallmark Holiday that is Father's Day.
Alt: Hilarious.

Alt Alt: I've lost weight recently, I'm rather pleased with that. Only half a stone mind, but it's better than nothing!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Perhaps Ken Dodd's dad decided to do something about it?
At my son's school we have to send them in with a pound for Father's/Mother's Day so they can choose a present to wrap and give to us. Unsuprisingly it is something shit, but because he chooses it himself he is always immensely proud of what he gives.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:40, Reply)

You are 'Ace' Rimmer AICMFP.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:41, Reply)

Thanks! You're ace too bbz!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:43, Reply)

I was listening to NWA on the way to Leeds today.
Eazy E was a funny fucker, wasn't he?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

He bankrolled the band with crack money.
Much like Barry White who got into the music business purely as a money laundering exercise. Success was accidental.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:49, Reply)

I know this. Thanks.
In other news, tomorrow's car listening will be the Tangers-approved Black on Both Sides.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:52, Reply)

So, Barry White, then.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:56, Reply)

That was just for you Monters.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I don't get this.
:,(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Doylum.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I wish Monty was a holygram, we could then switch him off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)

I'm tired.
Just thought you'd like to know.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:47, Reply)

Noted. Thanks Jeff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:50, Reply)

No problem.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:52, Reply)

Please keep us updated throughout the day on how you are feeling.
You know how we worry...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Has your Doris
Given you the green light for the September bash now?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I GIVE THE ORDERS IN MY HOUSE!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:56, Reply)

So no then.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)

no
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Have you sorted your accommodation for the 23rd yet?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)

Done nothing about it yet.
I'll sort it out later.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:53, Reply)

Dude if you don't take one of the two free beds you've been offered
you are a silly cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:55, Reply)

Have I missed offers?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Even I saw that and I'm never here.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:59, Reply)

My gaff or Stunned's.
You are 200% welcome at both.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:00, Reply)

I think he's angling to get me into a hotel room with him
Must be something to do with my passing resemblence to Dougal from The Magic Roundabout.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Yo Tangers
How ill is Black on Both Sides?

And do you always play it from the second track?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 8:57, Reply)

I've been giving the first track a fair go
But you're right, it doesn't add anything. Do I have to talk like a wigga when listening?
This week I have mainly been listening to psych and freakbeat though.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Same hear bruv.
I love me a bit of freakbeat. A LOT.

Yer Fleurs de Lys, yer Wimple Winch etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Been digging through some Rubble compilations after adding Volume 3 to the collection.
I also picked up the first BeeGees album, which has one or two decent tracks on it (not quite the psych masterpiece it is purported to be though)
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:04, Reply)

I don't have it, but imagine it might be a bit wet and weedy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Pretty ill, Barry White's been dead for years.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:00, Reply)

Alright, don't milk it Davvo.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Don't worry, I'll be at work in ten minutes and out of your hair.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:05, Reply)

milkyspunklols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Well, it's in bed with its sister!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

This doesn't *quite* work, does it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I incest you stop this line of posting immediately

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Have you been drinking again?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

Does coffee or orange juice count?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Fathers Day is over 100 years old
I don't celebrate it because my dad is brown bread (boohoo feel sorry for me)

And I don't expect anything from my kids because they are 1 and 4 and don't have a clue and besides little Alderaan is always drawing me cute pictures and yesterday gave me three homemade cards and two flowers she picked on the way home from nursery and they were nothing to do with fathers day.

BUT if my wife doesn't let me have a lie in, and if she doesn't make sure I at least get a steak, beer and a bit of peace and quiet on the most sacred of all sacred holidays, heads will fucking roll!

Alt. Of course there is no god. Michael Bay?

Alt Alt. I actually succeeded in my project rather than being the abject failute that I normally am because I have a dead dad and am in a loveless marriage.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:03, Reply)

Michael Bay? Michael GAY more like!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:08, Reply)

PS who (or indeed where) is Michael Bay?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Near Peter Head

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Michael Bay creates monstrosities that the proles call movies
but those of us who are "in to film" see them for what they really are.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

*lowers half-moon specs*
I see....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

In his defence, not EVERY film he's been involved in has been awful

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Just the ones he's directed
except Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall, that was OK
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Bad Boys and Armageddon were good films

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:54, Reply)

Armageddon was an absolute massive pile of shit
"We don't wanna pay taxes again, ever." Oh what a fucking awesome line Michael Bay, Don't wanna pay taxes? Fuck that. How much tax would they pay over the course of their life? They'd be better off asking for a wheel barrow full of hundred dollar bills with a hooker on top.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Also hahahaha
www.imdb.com/list/pOUNLxqRvfQ/
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

How is Uwe Boll only 23rd?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Father's Day is nice when you have kids
I no doubt will not get a lie in though

Alt Alt:
I'm off today for my ECG to determine whether or not I may drop dead
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:16, Reply)

UK Fathers Day is 9 months before Mothers Day
America, where they don't do irony, does not have the same arrangement.

It was all of a sudden nice again this morning, what's up with that? Back to walking to work again. Mind you, if it starts raining again this afternoon I'm screwed as I have neither hat nor coat nor brolly, I've just realised.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:17, Reply)

Alt alt: tomorrow I will be 47.

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Happy bidet BGB

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Fuckin hell really?
You don't look it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Thank you for that.
*sobs*
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:23, Reply)

I also share my birthday with Boy George, fact fans.

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:24, Reply)

He once eyed me up in Camden Sainsbury's, chutney fans.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:25, Reply)

His Gaydar was working

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I don't blame him.

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Hugz 4U bbz x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:30, Reply)

Were you the spunk bucket hostage they found in his flat?

( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Yes. I mean, no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:45, Reply)

What kind of chutney were you perusing?
Or have I misunderstood...
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Bum-chutney.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

This^
You really don't
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:24, Reply)

This^
You look mid 50's
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)

I do, yes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Really, Philip.
I thought better of you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

I thought we were marking her out of 60?
Or something or other that will get me out of it.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:29, Reply)

I'm afraid not.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Here's a surprising fact
I am not called Philip, I am a Phil because I was named after Phil Lynott. Once when I was at uni an american Internet friend was doing a school project on a famous African American. She did it on Phil Lynott.

HahahahahahaSPAZ!
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:34, Reply)

Hahahahaha
I think many people these days just think 'African American' is 'polite' for 'coon'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Thank you PJ. How's the marriage going?

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Well, I got laid twice this weekend but due to that fact that I haven't used them for so long I was a bit shite
but hey a shags a shag. She's cheered up a lot since I said we could take the kids to Euro Disney for the week before Christmas.

She is still fighting me on the September Bash but I am winning so far as I have a lift up from pastyland but nowhere to stay.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Glad to hear it.
I have no idea why your spouses are so shifty about letting someone do their own thing. Tangles, I'm looking at you too.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

Because the men in question are pussywhipped gaylords.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:40, Reply)

They think you'll be there and worry their menfolk will fall for your mata hari wiles

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Pfft!

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:44, Reply)

You feeling better now?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Nope
Still got a chesty cough and a runny nose. I suspect it's one of those viruses that hang around making me miserable but being not quite nasty enough for my immune system to kick out.

Like a Swipey Lodger.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:58, Reply)

She can't handle the kids

( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Really???
So much for marrying a pretty face.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:49, Reply)

I often think that was where I went wrong

( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:53, Reply)

I am 31 this year
and you are two years younger than my mother who has three kids and 5 Grandchildren. What are you doing with your life!

Happy Birthday for tomorrow blousie!
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Your keen ear for what the ladies want to hear may explain much about your sexlife.

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:44, Reply)

I know exactly what women want to hear.
"Here have my wallet, cards and pin numbers"
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:48, Reply)

Morning, AA.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:57, Reply)

I don't have the kids this weekend so might not even see them
However I would expect them to stop by with a card and a prezzie at some point.

I will have to placate myself with a lie-in, breakfast in bed brought to me by my GF, then a spot of cricket and a few pints.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:37, Reply)

It's a hard life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I have read the goverment are planning on severe repurcussions for mothers who deny the father access to their children.
Mind you, it was the Daily fail so take it with a pinch of salt.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:40, Reply)

I heard a less rabid version of this on Radio 4.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Fingers crossed then.

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

I expect it will take years and end up toothless, but yes, fingers crossed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

I have never seen my daughter at Christmas or anywhere near it.
This really upsets me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Sorry to hear that Monters
Your ex is a weapons-grade menkel.

I sincerely hope that in years to come your wee one will come to realise that, and act accordingly.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Me too, Rev. Me too.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Don't be such a pussywhipped gaylord then.

( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:49, Reply)

The reason I barely see my kid
is because I refused to be one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:51, Reply)

I know, I was only joking, please accept ten internet hugs and a portion of validation
with screads.
( Peej, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:55, Reply)

I read that as "potion of validation"
And wondered if you made your saving throw.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:57, Reply)

on the plus side, more goose for you

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:57, Reply)

Innit doe?
Morning, Quizzle.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:58, Reply)

guten morgen frau boysenhoff

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I want an SS helmet. Hundred smackers in the Ukraine.
I really fucking want one Q.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:02, Reply)

have you tried making a pass at the first man you see called Hans?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:03, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:09, Reply)

i'm out of ideas, soz

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Thanks for trying. It's more than most of these wankers would do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:13, Reply)

We politely ignore your helmet obsession

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:16, Reply)

Hey!
I gave you an idea the other day. I'm helpful!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:16, Reply)

OK you're alright.
But the rest of them...cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:20, Reply)

pshuh, typical woman
trying to take credit for doing fuck all
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:20, Reply)

HWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 9:59, Reply)

Coffee and orange juice only, you say...?
*strokes chin*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I am debating a pub visit

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:05, Reply)

what sort of a man would need to even debate a pub visit?*


*scarpe excepted, obvs
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:12, Reply)

A drinking partner

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:13, Reply)

GRONK

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:02, Reply)

loving this this morning......
www.frankieboyle.com/frankie/index.html
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:04, Reply)

BORRING

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I managed about four words, soz.
The massive font and teal background made me feel ill.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:12, Reply)

As did his reactionary racism.
Did I see you bleating about The Family Law Act 1996, up top?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Shit yeah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:19, Reply)

It barely makes any sense
it's just been strung together
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Dead dog *update*?
Was there an initial dead dog report that I missed? Why wasn't there a memo?
My dad will get a card and he will fucking like it. I might take him a present when I see him next month as well, but I think he knows better than to get his hopes up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:18, Reply)

He was hoping for a blow job.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:20, Reply)

Aren't we all?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I'd rather have a cup of tea.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:25, Reply)

I very much doubt he'll be getting one.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)

You not going round there then?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Don't worry I'm back.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:20, Reply)

+l

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:21, Reply)

From outer space?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:23, Reply)

I wish, Norwich.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Your sister is your mother, your father is your brother etc.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)

How was Darth?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)

A gentle and sensitive lover.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)

He always says Thank you

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I didn't see him I'm afraid.
It was my girlfriends birthday.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:26, Reply)

whadugedder?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:28, Reply)

I got her a corset from famous b3tan nut job kitty o hara

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:30, Reply)

and series 1-3 of Archer.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:30, Reply)

i had to google that, looks like james bond: the animnated series to me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:33, Reply)

It's fucking awesome, you'll love it.
It's like james bond with more lolz and sexism.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:34, Reply)

that's all the endorsement i need
to ensure that I never force myself to endure a single second of it
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Oh man, please take my opinions of TV shows seriously
PLEASE! God, what do I have to do to get your approval?!?!?!
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:37, Reply)

lol
i'm gonna give it a go now, you earned it buster
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:37, Reply)

That is class.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:30, Reply)

2nd hand corset?
you sexy motherfucker
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Kitty is making her one, because she makes corsets and that.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:34, Reply)

so she doesn't even have it yet?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:35, Reply)

No, I'm not exactly a good/organised boyfriend.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:37, Reply)

is there an emoticon for rolling your eyes?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:38, Reply)

this?
9_9
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:43, Reply)

6_6
9_9
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:43, Reply)

6_6
they're botha bit shit really
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:44, Reply)

@_@
?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I dunno, the poor fellow is in the arse end of nowhere, and you don't visit.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Being in the arse end is...
That's the joke, isn't it?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:38, Reply)

How was it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:24, Reply)

I walked past this and pointed and laughed.
www.norfolkfhs.org.uk/
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Norfolk enchants.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:26, Reply)

It dazzles. It excites.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:29, Reply)

hahaha, remember when will and kate got married
and that american news show put london on their map, but pointed it somewhere near norwich?

that was well lol
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:26, Reply)

How we laughed.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:27, Reply)

its literally the only thing that ever happened to norwich
i'm pretty much leaving now forever, i can't top this
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I bought a bootleg live tape from an outdoor market in Norwich in about 1987.
I think it was'The Sisters of Mercy'.

True story.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:30, Reply)

thats a close second, its true
reminds me of the story joe told us all last week, not norwich related tho so i'll keep it to myself
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I went to Norwich once.
Blah, pub for everyday of the year blah church for every weekend. Fucked Darth in the botty, blah.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:35, Reply)

stfu stunned

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:35, Reply)

That's better! A bit of spirit!
Did you know Capita have a big office in Norwich? Or Crapita, as I like to call them. lol.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:39, Reply)

capita is what you call the finances of a country

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:43, Reply)

No it isn't. You cretin.
It means "head".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:47, Reply)

yeah, finances per head innit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:48, Reply)

You're such a 'dick capita'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Your heart isn't in this today Stunned.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:36, Reply)

stfu bartlbeby

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Who?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:37, Reply)

i'm in a REALLY good mood today Bart!
I got all stressed out and threw a document and a fan across the office earlier

BUT ITS ALRIGHT NOW
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:38, Reply)

You is well tough Quentin.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:40, Reply)

i wasn't being tough, it was only a little fan

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:41, Reply)

To be fair the Sisters had the monopoly on bootleg tapes in the 80's.
Most bootlegged band ever, supposedly.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Whilst not always American and/or shit most things are made up.
This particular made up thing usually results in me getting a bottle of single malt so I heartily approve of it.

Alt: Craig Charles is a great actor, all round funny guy and I also hear he can turn his hand to that DJing malarkey! What a guy!

Altalt: Cilla being 'here', apparently.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:38, Reply)

if indeed it WAS a bottle of single malt
hahaha
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:39, Reply)

5am barry rape couch

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:41, Reply)

this meme is the best thing on b3ta like ever

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:42, Reply)

hahaha, if indeed you are the real nazis are great darth is gay bill clay cunt rofl

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:43, Reply)

it just keeps on giving

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:45, Reply)

like darth's bumhole!
amirite?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:46, Reply)

He's got my second favourite bumhole on the internet

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:51, Reply)

there can be only one
MONO!
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:52, Reply)

I'd like to go on holiday in Mono's bumhole
it'd be ace
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:53, Reply)

i reckon it would be quite humid

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Quick everyone!
"Bill Clay" is here, start a new thread
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:39, Reply)

I hear he is also partial to "dog worrying".

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Alt AND Alt Alt 2-4-1 special;
I saw Craig Charles DJing at a 70s funk & soul night I went to about a month back and he was surprisingly good. Couple of mixing issues which would doubtless have caused Monty to suck air in through his teeth, but some belting tunes.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:44, Reply)

The mixing issue being the rock of crack in his Stella can?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Well played sir
No, he's been a bit down on his luck of late so was forced to combine the DJing with knocking up a nice cement mix for the venue's driveway.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:47, Reply)

i thought he was on corrie now?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I believe he was until the aforementioned crack got him into a spot of bother

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:48, Reply)

when will they learn?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Scousers can't learn Q
It goes against their fundamental principles, beliefs and core values.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:51, Reply)

i meant blacks! lol
he isn't black isn't he? I mean he's a bit black, he's not lenny henry black but his mum definitely had some dark chocolate up there
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:52, Reply)

like darth foxtrot! lol
cos he's gay
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 13 Jun 2012, 10:52, Reply)