Hidden talents
I was watching The People's Portrait on Sunday. Some artist was daubing a likeness of Simon Weston. I can do that, I thought. So I retrieved my oils from the back of the cupboard and a reasonably clean picture of Kristin Scott Thomas from my scrapbook. 15 minutes later I too had produced a decent likeness of Simon Weston.

In what ways are you a talentless twat?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 11:53, Reply)

I once won an eBay auction for a series ii Land Rover door, $13.50 including post. It turned up with $14 of stamps stuck on it.

Have you ever inadvertently ripped anybody off?
(J H Christ began in Afrika ka ka ka ka, Wed 16 Apr 2014, 5:09, Reply)

Now, are there any questions you'd like to ask us?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 14 Apr 2014, 19:10, Reply)

Where do you see yourself in five years' time?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 22:30, 3 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Can you give me an example of a time you've gone above and beyond for a customer?

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sun 13 Apr 2014, 20:54, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

What could you bring to the company?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 22:48, Reply)

Describe an occasion where you've had to work as part of a team.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 22:48, Reply)

What would you say is your biggest weakness?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 12 Apr 2014, 22:47, 4 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Robin Thicke's dad

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 11 Apr 2014, 13:29, Reply)

Interesting/Uninteresting Things That Have/Haven't Happened.
I once did/didn't do/witnessed/didn't witness something fascinating/boring that would/wouldn't make a great anecdote. Subsequently, something else.

What did/didn't once happen to you/someone else that might/mightn't make an excellent/dreary story here?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 13:53, Reply)

When did you last put your finger up someone's bum and what did you find in there?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 23:42, Reply)

Tits.
Apart from 2 what's the best number of tits to have?
What's your preference - 'Total Recall' or 'Cancer'?
(Andrew Avetoom, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 21:17, Reply)

Have you ever seen a thing or things?
What thing or things have you seen?
(Andrew Avetoom, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 21:13, Reply)

Ever played Tetris?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 20:32, Reply)

Credit card details
What's your credit card number, cvv and pin?
Maybe you've got "dubs" or something.
( Zuowan, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 5:26, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Most Prickish Thing You Did As A Teenager In Retrospect
We was all teenagers at some point, what was, in retrospect, the thing that makes you face-palm to this day.

Me, it was wearing a sleeveless (coz I pulled those fuckers right off) ripped up denim jacket, with all studs, and spray-painting scrawls on the back, and bits of guitar string (I have no fucking idea...) beer tab pulls, few safety pins and a couple of smiley face badges, because I wanted to be punk as all fuck.

I ended up looking like a care in the community instead.

Still 'rocked it' for ages, till one day, I looked in the mirror and thought "wow, what a cunt you look mate!" and instead, started wearing long sleeve tee shirts under short sleeved tee shirts and odd socks, because, fuck me, no one ever in the history of clothes will have ever thought of this...

Teenagers: Bunch of pricks. :D
(yeswehavenopasties, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 3:53, Reply)

Sexually transmitted diseases
And seeing as everyone on this site seems to have the most fucking entertaining (made up) sex life ever.

When have you ever caught the clap, crabs, chlamydia, herpes or any other someshit.

The lengths you have gone through to prevent being caught when in a relationship or the really nasty side affects from suffering from your japs eye crying like a spoon laden with warm jam.

Tell THE REAL TRUTH, not what you told the local GUM, now is your time to cum clean (excuse the pun you dirty minged cuntswaggler)

I don't know if it's been asked before I imagine not, too many people on this site are busy having massive orgies with lesbian biker Swedish girls they met in Telford or explaining why they should be working for a multi million investment firm that caters for cunts.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 1:25, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 17:56, Reply)

Operation Yewtree
Which celebrity touched you? how old were you? Where were they touching you and how far did they go? Do you have any photos of yourself at that age, looking distraught, distrustful and vacant? How did they convince you to keep quiet? Do you have any tissues? I need to clean up....
( Muns, Tue 8 Apr 2014, 9:43, Reply)

How much fun did you have at the MCA and why

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 16:38, Reply)

I once had a shit and then ate it on white bread with too much margarine. Cress innit.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 14:41, Reply)

Loopholes
As a counterpoint to this weeks QTOW on petty officialdom
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 13:56, Reply)

Text / E Mailed the wrong person and had to deal with the shit that came after it?
I once swapped my friends contacts in his phone from his Girlfriend to his Mother and vice versa.

There were many tears.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 13:23, Reply)

What was your best holiday and why

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 11:20, Reply)

What's your favourite piece of clothing and why

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 8:29, Reply)

apartheid

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 7:36, Reply)

Loopholes
As a counterpoint to this weeks QTOW on petty officialdom
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 20:17, Reply)

Alright?

( Muns, Tue 1 Apr 2014, 16:14, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

payday cans

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 19:52, Reply)