Not enjoying your Humpty Dumpty roleplay?
Pull yourself together and get over it.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 12:45, Reply)

Legs fallen off just before the bridge?
Pull yourself together and get over it.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Suffering from depression?
Pull yourself together and get over it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 10 Dec 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Avoid falling asleep at the wheel by simply holding a cannon ball a foot or so above your head.
Should you nod off, your hand will relax and release the cannon ball giving a good nudge to wake up and continue with your journey.
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Tue 10 Dec 2013, 6:51, Reply)

Convince someone you're a plastic bag
by choking a turtle.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Sat 7 Dec 2013, 1:16, Reply)

Governments. Need to get shot of a press release that will make everyone realise what a bunch of utter cunts you are?
Simply bump off someone who's quite popular with the proles.

See also: Jo Moore
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 23:47, Reply)

Convince people that you are a sea turtle...
...by choking on a plastic bag.
(NoStrings Tastes like zombies!!, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 19:15, Reply)

Make your life more fun
by acting like a prick.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Dec 2013, 13:40, Reply)

Make your life easier and better
by being nice to people.
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 22:10, 6 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Bitcoin Millionaires: Send me some bitcoins please, my address is 1RRax2z5Zoj8ZRTnVgPNyyJixVSp6zBQn thank you

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 5 Dec 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Simulate the wonder of 3D TV
by looking out of the window
( pemulis, Wed 4 Dec 2013, 14:42, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Cover your hands with PVA glue and roll them in iron fillings
to convince people that you're "The Human Magnet!"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 4 Dec 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Convince strangers you're socially retarded
by hanging about on a 'comedy' website and slagging everyone and everything off, and bickering pointlessly.
(SigourneysBeaver took off and nuked the entire site from orbit on, Wed 4 Dec 2013, 9:39, 7 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Worried your music won't sell?
Then it's probably crap. Give up and get a real job.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 4 Dec 2013, 8:58, Reply)

Worried that your music won't sell?
Why not strip off and simulate fellatio, to get your point across.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Pretend you are David Bowie
by going LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 12:36, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

pretend you are in a blockbuster
By walking around a derelict shop.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Tue 3 Dec 2013, 1:03, Reply)

Pretend you are in blockbuster movie 'Jaws'
by asking people you know for a bigger boat.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Jedward.
Please, for the love of god, just stop it.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 12:51, Reply)

Cheer up unhappy looking women at bus stops,
by playfully giving their tits a parp, like a clowns horn.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 11:35, Reply)

Pretend you're in "Driving Miss Daisy"
by being pompous and racist to any black cab driver.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Smack a vegetarian in the face and tell them it's their own fault for being such a pompous prick.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Turn B3ta in to your very own personal blog
by sticking everyone on Ignore.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 29 Nov 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Christians!
Celebrate the birth of christ this year by sucking off a vicar
( pemulis, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 23:04, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Your carbon footprint represents the damage to the environment you cause as you walk through life.
Remove the chances of further damage by driving everywhere.
( Muns, Thu 28 Nov 2013, 12:14, Reply)

My favourite jumper is black with a grey stipe accross the front.
Sorry, I couldn't find the 'Top Tops' board so I've posted it here instead, hope that's ok.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 27 Nov 2013, 14:31, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Avoid perjuring yourself in court
by taking the oath with fingers crossed behind your back.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 27 Nov 2013, 13:50, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Add more milk to your tea or coffee to reduce the waiting time before it reaches a drinkable temperature.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 11:36, Reply)

Integrate into your workplace better by laughing at your colleagues' jokes and joining in the general banter.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 11:12, Reply)