Annoy people
by pronouncing Jedi as 'jeedy'
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:25, Reply)

Never try to make falafel with a blender.
Going out at six thirty on a Monday evening to buy a food processor will really piss you of.

It's doubly annoying as I already knew no blender on Earth can make falafel, yet for some reason I thought it would be OK this time.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 23:22, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

If you aren't sure where somewhere is, google it and there will be a map.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 25 Nov 2013, 12:24, 13 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Help the environment and get a little exercise into the bargain by walking short distances instead of driving.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 23 Nov 2013, 22:59, Reply)

Cash Register Hack
Do you own a shop or run your own small business?
Want to save money on thermal till rolls?
Simply store all your old used till rolls in a warm place and in direct sunlight. After a few days the heat and the light will erase the ink and you can now reuse your old till rolls. OR you could just use the freshly wiped till rolls to fool that pesky taxman.
(hoodwink, Sat 23 Nov 2013, 20:45, Reply)

If you're driving to a new destination
Remember to turn your radio down a bit when you get close.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sat 23 Nov 2013, 0:23, Reply)

Get the maximum benefit from fresh vegetables by waiting until you go outside BEFORE putting them on.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 23 Nov 2013, 0:00, Reply)

Cyclists approaching a junction, allow sufficient space for large vehicles to turn left in front of you without warning.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 23:12, Reply)

Say 'thank you' to strangers who hold doors open for you, it's the polite thing to do.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 20:17, Reply)

Get the maximum nutritional benefit from fresh vegetables by not over-cooking them.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 20:16, Reply)

Pack all your frozen food together in the same carrier bags to keep it cold for longer.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 20:15, Reply)

Avoid having your debit card skimmed and cloned
by getting cashback at supermarkets instead of using cashpoints
(IHateSprouts is baking a huge pie shaped like an enormous pie, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 19:34, Reply)

A coat-hanger can be used to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 22 Nov 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Make your parents think you are a hipster by becaoming a hipster.

( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 21 Nov 2013, 23:44, Reply)

Rapists!
A upside-down V-neck jumper worn over the legs makes an ideal 'quick access' undergarment when out prowling on a cold winter night
( pemulis, Thu 21 Nov 2013, 17:54, Reply)

A banana covered in strawberry sauce and put between two slices of tofu makes an ideal "sausage sandwich" for vegetarians.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 21 Nov 2013, 9:12, 5 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

freak hipsters out,
By sitting outside the apple store in a deckchair at 11 pm.
(robneymcplum spiced up his life on, Wed 20 Nov 2013, 2:33, 2 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

Save money on your weekly shop
by not buying a shop every week, you greedy bastard.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 19 Nov 2013, 18:28, Reply)

Then see how much more of yourself you can fit up there.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 19 Nov 2013, 13:30, Reply)

Put your left leg in.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 19 Nov 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Stand up.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 19 Nov 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Get up.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Nov 2013, 9:15, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Avoid the chore of choosing a newsletter worthy Top Tip by simply placing a link to that section of the website.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Fri 15 Nov 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Liven up any dull non-Satanic room
With the simple addition of a chalk pentagram on the floor, an inverted cross in the corner and some scattered goats' heads for a splash of colour.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Nov 2013, 14:13, Reply)

Using the Bible as your guide
always take an eye for an eye when diagnosing mildew in the tent on the sabbath while not laying down with your daughter and knewing your goats and sheep which be unclean unless parted on the left hand side.

That's my interpretation anyway. Praise be to (looks at obscure hieroglyph and hazards a guess) our Lord Jesus Rhinoceros
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 15 Nov 2013, 8:27, Reply)

Health Tip
In the interests of hygiene, the Three-Second Rule should be reduced to 1.5 seconds when performing transplants.
(costas, Tue 12 Nov 2013, 19:48, Reply)

Save money on your weekly shop,
by being a thieving cunt at Tesco.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 17:07, Reply)

Stung by a Bee or Wasp?
Wasp stings are a strong alkali, whereas Bee stings are a strong acid. In the case of a Bee sting, simply coax a wasp to sting you in the exact same location, and for a Wasp sting, coax a wasp to sting you.
( Muns, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 10:37, 1 reply, 10 years ago)

Lose weight
by living on the moon.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 11 Nov 2013, 10:27, Reply)