Moooooooooooornhooooooooooooles
I am leaving London. What are you leaving?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 6:43, archived)

Is it you or her
or is this an amicable breakup?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 6:49, archived)

Fortunately neither

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:06, archived)

are you becoming a cyder maker in Cornwall?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:28, archived)

I'm leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when, I'll be back again.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Aug 2016, 6:57, archived)

Up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:06, archived)

^lonely days are gone, windy's goin' home

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:09, archived)

Did you write him a letter?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:52, archived)

You, you cow

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:50, archived)

my mum voted brexit because lamb is really expensive in the shops even though the Welsh have no jobs

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:55, archived)

If we bought it all from New Zealand this wouldn't make any difference

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 7:59, archived)

her reasoning is that German taxpayers shouldn't be subsidising French farmers in order to undercut British agriculture
which seems valid
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:09, archived)

All those French farmers in New Zealand, eh?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:56, archived)

DAMN STRAIGHT!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:58, archived)

i'd rather support a commonwealth country than the french

( mongychops, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:02, archived)

Keep buying that New Zealand lamb, once we've destroyed Wales' farming industry they'll ripe for conquest.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:04, archived)

i don't buy any lamb

( mongychops, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:05, archived)

There is nothing here for you
The Welsh already have to put up with me, let alone the thought of you.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:06, archived)

I'm only ever there for a week at a time.
Lovely scenery.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:16, archived)

My mum voted brexit because she's xenophobic.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:12, archived)

my step-mum spent a week moaning at me about how immigrant kids are filling up schools
so local kids can't get a place, and it's wrong that UK taxpayers should be paying so much to the LEA in their area and then not even getting an education for their kids, and then she voted Remain because she didn't want people to think she was a xenophobe
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:33, archived)

The UK governments failure to invest in infrastructure is hardly the fault of the EU.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:01, archived)

Sure, but you can't expect a local council to open a new school
just because a local farmer has suddenly employed 200 seasonal workers to harvest his crops, or for schools to run with excess capacity just in case that happens
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:06, archived)

The current trend here is to close schools and sell them off for housing development,
utterly blind to the fact that more houses means more kids means more need for school places. I don't think this shortsightedness is anything new.

See also: closing A&E departments then being surprised when the remaining departments fail to meet their 4hr targets.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:11, archived)

the UK needs a revolution

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:12, archived)

Can someone else do it?
I'm tired, and allergic to tear gas.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:15, archived)

the whole world needs a war, all men under 40 to take part, good luck to you all

( mongychops, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:22, archived)

Lets delay that for 5 years, then I approve

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:26, archived)

make it 9

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:52, archived)

Last time we had a world war, women were able to displace men in the job market, boosting feminism to bold new heights.
Who can guess the beneficiaries of a future conflict?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:29, archived)

Me hopefully

( mongychops, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:51, archived)

Most of Kent will be leveled by airstrikes.
You're too old to be evacuated to the country, and so will be signed up for the Home Guard. As such, you'll be an early entry in the list of fatalities.
Sorry.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 10:03, archived)

Don't tell him your name, mongychops!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 10:06, archived)

I'm getting tooled up

( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:34, archived)

It's almost as if the NHS is being deliberately stretched to breaking point by people who don't want it to exist.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:56, archived)

My parents agreed not to vote, because my mum wanted to vote Remain and my dad wanted to vote Leave, so it'd make no difference anyway.
The funny thing is, they live in France and have done for some years. My dad doesn't seem to clock that he is himself an immigrant in an EU country.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:01, archived)

I'm sure they'll be deported once Article 50 is triggered.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:03, archived)

God I hope not, I might have to spend more time with them.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:11, archived)

J/k Em and Dee, love you really xx

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:11, archived)

b3ta, 4eva.
People don't flounce like they used to.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:02, archived)

because
a) we don't gang up on individual members any more and
b) we've all got mellow and fat in our middle age
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:08, archived)

More likely that all the weepy types have already been bullied of the site.
manolith's bullying of me is relentless.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:00, archived)

gimme your lunch money

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:43, archived)

See what I mean?
*awaits inevitable swirly*
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:46, archived)

disgusting

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:53, archived)

Plus the futility of it all has finally sink in.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:02, archived)

+k

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:15, archived)

so the past tense of skink is skunk
who knew?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:17, archived)

sinked

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:39, archived)

Moooooooooornoon hoooorbs
And hiho to the beeter tork bored
( H.B.Mupps, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:32, archived)

sympathy reply

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:10, archived)

if he'd spelled it 'torque' i bet you'd have been more enthusiastic, eh?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:44, archived)

nah, I'm not interested in diesels

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:53, archived)

kevin nash will be devastated

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 10:03, archived)

horbo

( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:32, archived)

token gesture of recognition

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:10, archived)

Yeah

( mongychops, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:54, archived)

I Can't Believe It's Not Mr Horrible

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:10, archived)

Oxford.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 8:58, archived)

Sainsbury's Own Brand Response

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:10, archived)

Nah man, my endz is O3. Waitrose or GTFO.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:12, archived)

^ keeps a well-used Harrod's carrier bag in his manpurse to mask the fact he shops at Poundland

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:18, archived)

Good mornholes to you
Deportation?
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:01, archived)

[ This Poster Intentionally Left Blanked ]

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:11, archived)

^ Dobbed Horbs in

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:17, archived)

bump

( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:30, archived)

ohmahgawd, you're PREGNANT?
squeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:44, archived)

baby shower!

( $$ ✅, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 9:45, archived)

Samantha Fox...whatever happened to her
And that big titted dark hair bird...Linzie Dawn McKenzie or some shit?

Remember when Gail Porters hair fell out.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:55, archived)

Sam fox is going to be in the next celebrity big brother, it was announced the other day.
Yes. Anna Friel was a fitter baldie though.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:00, archived)

If there is one thing that exists that quantifies my feeling towards the human race it's the seething hatred and internal struggle to not kill myself
Every time someone utters the words Big Brother
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:02, archived)

I stopped having any feelings for it once itt stopped taking over channel 4

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:04, archived)

It is everything that is wrong with the human condition

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:07, archived)

Sam Fox, became a pop singer, a dyke and a religious nut-job, not necessarily in that order.
LDM went and did some a LOT of hardcore and then retired a couple of years back.
Yeah, that was the funniest thing EVER.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:04, archived)

A comprehensive, believable and potentially factually correct response from Stuj
Thank you.

Now which one did you wank over first? Be honest.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:07, archived)

Sam Fox obvs. She'd already been around for ages before the other two were getting their bits out.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:09, archived)

Is the correct answer I remember her being on some show in the TV when I was about 15
And I pulled my pudding sat next to my blind nan.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:11, archived)

There appears to be a trend of you doing Sherman's in or around things you shouldn't.
You keep alluding to being a talentless, worthless, embittered sex criminal. Like Graham Lister or summit.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:14, archived)

Ah no I am far from talentless. Suicidal yes, sex criminal no.
Perhaps the pattern you are alluding to is a pre planned structure to create a sequence of events?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:17, archived)

Doubt it. I'm not renownedfor my forward thinking.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:20, archived)

I am talking about my pattern of behaviour you lemon

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:33, archived)

^ one of mrs browns boys
listen to this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:44, archived)

Oh shit. I have previously stated that Big Brother was the the downfall and destruction of the human condition
Mrs Browns Boys is probably the better example. The crimes committed against comedy alone
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:49, archived)

maybe isis have a point.
[cell 38 - take out spanishfly]
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:03, archived)

Someone just activated my sleeper code.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:15, archived)

no real names please.

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:16, archived)

I am already in my suicide vest
You know the one with the unicorns on?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:25, archived)

may a thousand bows rain upon you

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:29, archived)

You just activated the second sleeper cell
I hope you are proud of yourself the next terrorist attack will be on your head
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Aug 2016, 0:55, archived)

Ldm's step sister is Sophie Dee apparently.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:11, archived)

Sophie Dee is from Wales isn't she?
Only know that cos some hooker told me
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:15, archived)

Dunno. I'm usually to busy listening out for creaking on the stairs.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:22, archived)

Don't let drimble see you dropped the letter o from your usage of 'to'
I am usually listening for sirens
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 23:27, archived)

Jet from Gladiators...remember her?
How many times did you rub one out thinking about her body but shooting your load when you thought about the Scottish convict that blew the whistle?

This is important information.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:19, archived)

Nah. Them Gladiators women all looked like men.
I heard that Theresa May was originally going to be one of the Gladiators women, but gt turned down at the last minute for not being butch enough. Dunno if its troo but its what I heard.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:28, archived)

I always found Wolf the most sexually appealing.
Until I walked into my gym in warrington as a 20 year old juice head to see Warrior dead lifting in my gym.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:30, archived)

Gladiators was rubbish.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:43, archived)

Never.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:45, archived)

I've not thought of any of them whilst angling for tench.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 19:23, archived)

I just had a flashback of wanking into my fishtank when I was 14
Happy times
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 19:43, archived)

Cheers for that.
One of my teenage wanks was disturbed by the window cleaners squeaky wiper thing.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 19:48, archived)

I wanna hold ya, wanna wipe ya clean
Get teenage kicks with Mister Sheen
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:10, archived)

disturbed inspired
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:16, archived)

Alright drimble when will you delete this subthread?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:21, archived)

dunno what you're going on about, I can't remember the last time I deleted on here
qotw on the other hand I do frequently
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:25, archived)

Ok mate

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:31, archived)

revolting man

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 19:56, archived)

Alright my mate.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 21:24, archived)

Do you have a sort of behavioural version of Tourette's syndrome or something?

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:07, archived)

I don't know how to answer that, your question is very poorly structured.
It's the use of the word behavioural that baffles me.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:20, archived)

Dissocial disorder is what that's called

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:22, archived)

No

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:26, archived)

characterized by a pervasive pattern of disregard for, or violation of, the rights of others. An impoverished moral sense or conscience is often apparent, as well as a history of crime, legal problems, and/or impulsive and aggressive behavior
Sounds like it fits the bill to me.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:40, archived)

Where did you get my CV from?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:52, archived)

Any bin?
i.ytimg.com/vi/bs1lKPdNfQ8/hqdefault.jpg
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:55, archived)

Not possible.
My cv is so long with the multitude of child sex offences I had to disclose there isn't a bin large enough to hold it
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:58, archived)

She came to give some sort of motivational talk in the hall at my school when I was in year 9.
I think the janitor probably had to mop up a lot of adolescent drool after she was done.
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 21:47, archived)

Don't let baggenfrock/dozer see this

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 21:48, archived)

To be honest you background sockpuppet types all blur into one.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:03, archived)

An the fucked thing is I don't have a sock puppet
Signed up as fucksocks 12 years ago
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 22:19, archived)

hello friends
what's the good word?
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:32, archived)

Hiya dovs

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:35, archived)

heya mongs, how's slade doing?

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:52, archived)

So so , seems to be falling out with the CEO and her given agenda to get loans from our owners shit other clubs

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:00, archived)

histrionic

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:35, archived)

yes

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:52, archived)

The good words are Tournament and Ticket
*double thumbs up*
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:37, archived)

yeah yeah yeah, i got one of them
£80's a bargain for 5 games
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:53, archived)

'giblets'

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:38, archived)

yeah, i am hungry now you mention it

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:54, archived)

prefer twiglets if i'm honest

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:16, archived)

>FKA

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:42, archived)

hi
Just a regular blessed day by Our Lord
( $$ ✅, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:44, archived)

plot-twist: your lord is Lord Lloyd-Webber.
unlucky
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:46, archived)

god be with you

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:54, archived)

prolapse

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:49, archived)

as you are my gp, i've been meaning to talk to you about that

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:55, archived)

tell me all about it, everything that you post here is strictly confidential.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:58, archived)

Can you get that stupid cough advert off the telly, I've had a cough for years

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:03, archived)

Sorry I don't really get to watch telly

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:40, archived)

Well at least take my complaint to the bma

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:45, archived)

brb, taking pictures

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:05, archived)

You are a vet really aren't you.
Like in real life? Asking for a friend
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:06, archived)

I watched Dr Strangelove for the first time last week
Now every time I masturbate I think of you.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:02, archived)

Heliotrope.
I've always liked the word "heliotrope".
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:00, archived)

bit gay m8

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:02, archived)

I think you mean "fabulous", Dr.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:41, archived)

heliotropes vs women in videogames

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:15, archived)

I've never really followed gamergate.
I was surprised to spot Adam Baldwin in Predator 2, the other night, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:42, archived)

Genocide.
obvs
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:23, archived)

What's your plan for the evening and why won't you achieve your goal?
I was going to do a but more on the motorbike, buy it's raining so that's out the window. Might drink instead.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:17, archived)

1.) get work done
2.) because of fundamental flaws in my personality
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:19, archived)

Well, I like you flaws and all Vlad

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:23, archived)

d'aawww geez windy <3

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:25, archived)

hear hear
^a pair of hears
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:38, archived)

Read more.
Tired.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:21, archived)

Maybe have a snooze and then a nice cup of coffee.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:23, archived)

Usually when I try that, I sleep for too long then can't be bothered getting out of bed.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:24, archived)

soz winpig, will delete my post at your request

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:32, archived)

By your command

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:40, archived)

your command

the power of rah
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:44, archived)

Buy celery, milk, and a new football shirt for the new season, and get home by 6:15
Not happening due to flooding everywhere it seems
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:40, archived)

do nothing
because i need to make dinner
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:58, archived)

Early night.
I probably will acheieve it, I'm feeling knacked already.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:24, archived)

What's happened to Anneka Rice?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:21, archived)

Anneka 6/10
Anneka with Rice 8/10
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:21, archived)

Challenge Anneka 9/10

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:46, archived)

I am ignorant

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:21, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anneka_Rice
/thread
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:23, archived)

/ac

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:41, archived)

nope

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:45, archived)

/ac
I haven't even bothered looking it up
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:48, archived)

ooh, you rebel

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:53, archived)

I know right.
I thought about it but then realised there are far more important things in life.

Like wrestling.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:03, archived)

you're not wrong
these are boom times in the wwe. i'm optimistic for the 'new era'
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:05, archived)

I genuinely don't understand most of your references

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:59, archived)

30 years.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:23, archived)

She chose... poorly.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ad/63/db/ad63db80df6c0aa6dc518dabaabb6d29.jpg
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:24, archived)

The Great Jumpsuit Famine of 1998 damaged her career in such a way that she never recovered

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:25, archived)

Don't know, don't care.
Her death would have probably made the news, so I expect she's still alive.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:28, archived)

She put you up for adoption
And she still wants nothing to do with you
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:42, archived)

I am now imagining her old leathered cunt

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:45, archived)

what an utterly vile little man you are

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:46, archived)

Hahahahahahahaha
I know right.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:48, archived)

^ making friends everywhere he goes

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:50, archived)

Baggenfrock is not exactly the kind of individual I would want to be friends with
He interferes with children
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:02, archived)

Makes sense, I suppose you don't want the competition.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:18, archived)

oh hahaha

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:20, archived)

It's more about the tenuous connection

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 18:00, archived)

radio 2

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:46, archived)

Saturday 6am
Before the mighty Sounds of the 60's.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 15:49, archived)

As a rule I try not to be awake at that sort of time on a weekend.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:06, archived)

Had to look it up meself
If I'm awake before 10, something has gone horribly wrong
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:09, archived)

+ electric boogaloo

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:14, archived)

AIDS

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:12, archived)

memories of that godawful fucking challenge anneka programme actually make me gnash my teeth with horror. the whole staged bullshittery of it, the sick-making cheeky chappies in vans helping out oh I don't know a blind guide pack or something, that woman on a steam powered phone to glaziers in nuneaton, "oh hello it's anneka here, can you get us some windows by tomorrow midnight, it's for disabled kids, I know it's not much notice and we need them for free, for the disableds, did I mention they have no eyes and are very sad, ohyoucan? Oh that's reeeelly reeeelly graaate, oh WOW..." do you know what, and believe me it takes a lot for me to type this, give me a world of paleo breakfasts, pokemon go and a resurgent far right any day. fuck the past, it was utterly rubbish
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:31, archived)

wow, who knew this'd be the thing to set you off?!

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:35, archived)

soz can't type, having to lay down in a darkened room with a cold flannel across forehead focusing on calming breathing
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:37, archived)

what's a paleo breakfast?
i'm asking instead of googling because i'm afraid if i google, i'll find out it has nothing to do with dinosaurs :(
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:42, archived)

I can't stress this enough mano, please don't google anything about it, watch this instead
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oE4J2WFzPeI
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:45, archived)

haha, yaaaay *claps*

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:49, archived)

I'd have thought you'd have got over the fact that she refused to give you a charity hand-job by now Vladdy.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:39, archived)

stuj, I am a realist, some things are just too much to ask of any other human

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 16:47, archived)

Took one off the wrist from Mr Blobby

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:06, archived)

please please stop bringing up 90s television unless you are going to mention the three good things on television then, OK?

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:13, archived)

Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:16, archived)

only two left to guess now

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:16, archived)

Big Break?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:16, archived)

and just one more

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:17, archived)

Earth 2?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:17, archived)

it's a good guess but the third thing was waiting for god

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:18, archived)

Poor Harvey.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:59, archived)

Noel's house party

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:18, archived)

Just imagine her popping out of a giant birthday cake
Her trademark turquoise jumpsuit coquettishelly unzipped to reveal no bra underneath
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:04, archived)

this whole subthread is making me unhappy

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:12, archived)

This thread seems to have cleared up the Anneka question satisfactorily.
But, it's also upset Vlad. So I think a new thread is in order.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 17:16, archived)

It's pissing it down here
What's the wettest you've ever been?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:13, archived)

Dunno, prolly some time I was in the sea or a pool or something like that.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:18, archived)

i was once in an outdoor pool during a rainstorm
i think that makes it wetter?
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:36, archived)

outsiderjapan.pbworks.com/f/1265734520/snowmonkey5.jpg
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:02, archived)

^paparazzo

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:05, archived)

(8-D [__]=O *SNAP*
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:19, archived)

oh noooooo
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:33, archived)

pffft
me, this morning
during: www.wtae.com/image/view/-/34598030/medRes/2/-/maxh/460/maxw/620/-/oy065kz/-/monkey-jpg.jpg
after: lh3.googleusercontent.com/-C2QfetNyDY0/TYAf37MvgpI/AAAAAAAAAkI/uT3UcJJ9boM/s1600/monkey.jpg
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:47, archived)

I've a distinct memory of a family trip to the beach that was cut short by a downpour,
necessitating a mad dash to the car and then being driven home in our underpants.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:18, archived)

Last year I drove through Germany in a rainstorm so bad
that the wind was forcing it through the sunroof seals to drip on my wife's head. She was not pleased.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:22, archived)

In winter my astra's sunroof used to get loads of condensation on the sunroof.
Which made itself known to you by dribbling icy cold water down your neck when you went round a corner.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:23, archived)

Looking at your nan

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:20, archived)

Probably that time I fell off a rowing boat and then sank it and was chased by an angry goose

( Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:43, archived)

clickin dis

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:44, archived)

chuckling at this.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:44, archived)

You are Mr Bean, AICMFP

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:47, archived)

one of my old housemates was in the episode of mr bean they shot in portsmouth
trufax. tru, dull, fax
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:49, archived)

oh I don't know probably when I was in thatcher's cabinet and I opposed some of her more hardline policies

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:55, archived)

I went on a longboat holiday on the oxford canals
2 things worth noting are that at night it is very dark and when drunk longboats are fairly symmetrical. One night I decided to go for a walk. I walked out of the end of the boat, said hello to my family who were enjoying a drink sat out on the back of the boat and jumped straight into the canal. Turns out they were having a drink at the front of the boat. I was always under the impression that canals are very shallow but this must have been a deep bit because I was fully submerged.
( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:55, archived)

/qotw --->

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:59, archived)

But its "Tinkering" this week
week month
( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:02, archived)

so it is
cheers
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:10, archived)

elicited an actual laugh in the real world

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:59, archived)

Look before you leap, hmm?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:01, archived)

Indeed, too dark and too drunk

( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:04, archived)

I have, whilst a bit drunk and maybe a bit stoned, sat down next to chairs I've intended to sit in.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:06, archived)

did Trigger do a face?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:12, archived)

If you can't appreciate an idiot falling into a canal I feel sorry for you man.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:21, archived)

^ got 99 problems but slapstick ain't 1

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:26, archived)

i swam 26 miles, i was like a prune

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:01, archived)

escaping alcatraz?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:06, archived)

like mongy's going to run away from anything starting with "alc"

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:13, archived)

he loves his alcoves, that one

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:21, archived)

^ SSG's drunk ex-housemate

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:31, archived)

idgi

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:41, archived)

Doves + booze = alcoves

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:47, archived)

of course, how silly of me

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:01, archived)

charity thing, don't like to talk about it

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:22, archived)

say no more mr wal... err, i mean chops

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:27, archived)

Once it rained a bit while I was riding my bicycle and that was very wet and even my willy got wet even though I was wearing trousers and pants.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:50, archived)

That's a bit weird.
I've just had a 15mm slit appear in my earlobe that was quite reluctant to stop bleeding.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 12:55, archived)

congratulations
your earlobe is now a woman. You need to stuff tampax in your ear once a month for the next 40 years.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:00, archived)

Might just seal it up with superglue.
I had to sit on the bog dabbing it because I didn't want to look like a werido and ask the receptionist for a plaster with my ear bleeding.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:02, archived)

tell her you were attacked by an angry crow

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:03, archived)

Seagull would probably be more believable round these parts.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:05, archived)

ul a
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:30, archived)

That time with the water and that.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:04, archived)

^ dribbled a bit down his chin on a first date and died of embarassment

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 13:16, archived)

morning

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 6:29, archived)

In an ideal world, I'd send the kids downstairs to see the digital babysitters, whilst me and the missus got down to some martial business.
Instead, I'm getting ready to go to work. Arse.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:03, archived)

Drive to work with your wife on your lap, lotus position

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:07, archived)

Her name isn't Elise, but it's the thought that counts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:49, archived)

Martial business?
Are you planning an invasion?
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:03, archived)

They take turns chopping up blocks of wood with their fists
their kids were conceived thanks to mm's one-inch punch.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:36, archived)

This is one of my better typos.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:46, archived)

There's a strikethrough opportunity here so obvious I'm just going to hint at it obliquely.

( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:46, archived)

clint's got it covered
media.giphy.com/media/bCvqAZLeVeq40/giphy.gif
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:36, archived)

wow, it's almost as if that was the joke I was aiming at in the first place

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:40, archived)

looks like they just didn't believe you possess the verbal dexterity to have done that on purpose, grrrmachine. think about that for a moment

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:53, archived)

duh
i just can't resist an erb opportunity
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:54, archived)

#420blayzit?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:57, archived)

not now, i'm at work
meet me behind the bins at lunchtime
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:02, archived)

I've sent to kids to stay with the wife's mother for a week
Bliss
( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:33, archived)

Sweet.
No doubt you're at it like a pair of rabbits.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:38, archived)

Don't be a fucking idiot Smith, We've been married 10 years.

( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:45, archived)

'member sex, eh?
What were that all about?!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:48, archived)

Making kids I think. Lets see, I have two kids, I have had sex twice, The dates all match,
Yup that must be it.
( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:50, archived)

I've had sex twice, but have three kids.
This seems terribly unfair.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:53, archived)

It is terribly unfair, only a fool would have more than two kids

( Peej, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:55, archived)

Amen.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:59, archived)

grrr/monmun
have a week ya'll
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:08, archived)

That apostrophe placement is doing my nut in

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:11, archived)

makes me sho nuff glad I ain't no apostrophe

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:20, archived)

Moingnong

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:23, archived)

Helloyoyoyoyoyo
(like a ruler being twanged and pulled backwards across a desk)
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:26, archived)

The only instrument I can play at grade 6 level

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:29, archived)

that and the pink oboe, eh?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:24, archived)

If your knob looks anything like an oboe, pink or not, you should probably get down to the doctors ASAP

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:52, archived)

ACTUALLY
mine snapped once and now it has a complex arrangement of scaffolding supporting it not unlike the metalwork on an oboe. so there
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:04, archived)

disgusting

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:06, archived)

:(

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:19, archived)

;)

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:29, archived)

(:)

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:32, archived)

ヽ༼ຈلຈ༽ﾉ raise your dongers ヽ༼ຈلຈ༽ﾉ
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:38, archived)

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ PRAISE HELIX ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:42, archived)

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:33, archived)

Back the fuck up a bit
Did you make a bad pun and put your sunglasses on?
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:41, archived)

No mate. I'm just all excited about another super cool week of b3ta bant3r!!!!!
Bike is running, it was a dead short in the ignition, had a spare in the pile of stuff. I'm going to ride it to Poland and shit in the stairwell of your tower block.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:47, archived)

Glad you got it fired up
I don't live in a tower block, but I can recommend some if you want to try the authentic Slavic squatting experience.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:50, archived)

Yes please.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 7:52, archived)

For prestige
For record-holders
For Communist authenticity
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:05, archived)

I might stay a couple of weeks and do all 3
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:14, archived)

Start immediately m8
note the date
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:23, archived)

I'm on my way

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:42, archived)

mcbeef's holiday
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:15, archived)

That last one does at least incorporate a large number of communal green spaces.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:01, archived)

not any more
that long green park in the middle of the pic is now a 6-lane highway with a tram line in the middle.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:03, archived)

Yay, progress!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:05, archived)

There's some in Russian manufacturing towns where they're just dirty black soil because the ground is too toxic for grass to grow.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:27, archived)

I'm quite disappointed that the mail link doesn't have comments.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:28, archived)

first time that's ever been said

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:54, archived)

I just want to see their readers get upset with them because they said there's something good in Poland.
I get the impression that that's not the sort of thing they like to hear.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:58, archived)

Alright

( mongychops, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:37, archived)

sorted

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 8:42, archived)

morning grrr, everyone

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:10, archived)

morning manolith
one double decker left :(
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:18, archived)

it'll last longer if you ignore it

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:24, archived)

but that's to deny it it's raison d'etre
I want it to achieve confectionary nirvana
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:28, archived)

There's no raisins in a Double Decker, you fool.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:29, archived)

stop changing the Topic

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:35, archived)

good idea, blast it with a shotgun

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:36, archived)

Too soon.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:39, archived)

To that point, I had a Fry's Turkish Delight the other day
And didn't find it vomit inducingly horrible. Funny old world, eh?
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:54, archived)

They say that peoples tastes change as they get older
ie you stop being a salty fuck about everything
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:30, archived)

It must balance out - you become an insufferable cynical cunt about everything
but you can eat sweets you never liked as a kid, fair trade I guess
( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:44, archived)

Got a few left on the list I hate, so clearly still a bit young at heart
Fuck you Crunchies
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:50, archived)

Crunchies are lovely,
but they don't half stick in your teeth.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:53, archived)

^never had that friday feeling

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:55, archived)

Morning, mano.
The family and I were out at an English Heritage site, yesterday. The staff there were directing teenagers to the on-site PokéGym and Pokéstop.
I fear that I've placed myself on the wrong side of history.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:18, archived)

haha
makes sense, attract new visitors any way you can. i've been to victoria park in town twice more than i would have otherwise since installing the app. join us, monstro. come to the poké side
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:27, archived)

By all accounts, it was good hunting at this place.
But, no, I'm not getting involved, much to the chagrin of my eldest.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:36, archived)

If your kid wants to do it, I'd suggest you start
two weeks ago I played with a radio controlled boat on a lake with my Dad, and he deeply regretted not buying said boat for me 20 years earlier when I fucking asked him to for Christmas.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:40, archived)

I'm struggling to imagine a scenario where I regret my children not spending more time glued to their tablets.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:43, archived)

this seems inconsistent with your desire for a 'digital babysitter'

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:05, archived)

I think he ran into a lot of negatives and was all like www.cathub.tv/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/yarn-play-cats-and-yarn.jpg
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:12, archived)

san pellegrino? that's one fancy cat

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:32, archived)

My gripe there was that I had to go to work.
Pay attention, manolith.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:32, archived)

you have so many gripes, it's hard to keep track

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:59, archived)

It's probably wind.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:08, archived)

Ahoy hoy
Someone in our office clearly has had a post-Christmas cupboard clear out and has brought in a box of orange matchmakers, the dirty rotters.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:48, archived)

Pride is the enemy of those who aspire to gluttony.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:54, archived)

i thought it was a parade for benders?

( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:06, archived)

First grot mag I bought
was Parade. No doubt the youth of today would scoff at the notion of obtaining their pornography in print form (or paying for it).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:36, archived)

Or finding it under bushes by the side of a railway

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:51, archived)

Pride Orange Matchmakers
gluttony eat something nice
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:10, archived)

my step-mum loves the fucking things
makes birthdays and christmas easy, i suppose
( manolith hooray for me, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:34, archived)

Mint, yes
Others, no dice.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:54, archived)

See? To proud to just stuff your face.
I'd even eat a Double Decker, if someone needed to offload a few.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:37, archived)

^ feeder

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:58, archived)

^ drinks cider from a lemon

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:09, archived)

The drummers wife was my secondary school art teacher
Who quit after they got signed to tour the world with them.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:16, archived)

My mates mum was one of the art teachers at my school,
and her husband (also an artist) claimed to have co-written "She's Not There".
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:22, archived)

Her husband was supposedly Rod Argent?
Blimey.
( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:25, archived)

Co-written. He made no claims to have ever been one of The Zombies.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 11:37, archived)

My legs aren't working.
Toilet fail.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:41, archived)

H3llo!
As a longtime lurker I thought I'd use my 3rd candles to say hello and start participating.
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 18:15, archived)

Alright

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 19:34, archived)

Alright!

( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:15, archived)

Also, as a long time lurker you ought to know how dead this place is on a Sunday.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 19:35, archived)

I kind of fucked up my plans by accidentally getting smashed
still,chippy tea though
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 20:23, archived)

I didn't manage to get anywhere near a drink until nearly 6.
Had the shakes about 4.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 20:45, archived)

Up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 20:15, archived)

Dickface
Where does the penis go on this face?
Or is the whole face a penis
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:02, archived)

Thats some serious lurkage. Not very Jolly after all are you?!
has posted 0 messages on the main board
has posted 1 messages on the talk board
has posted 0 messages on the links board
has posted 0 stories and 0 replies on question of the week
( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 20:31, archived)

They might be jolly on the inside The LOVELY planearm. Who are we to judge?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:27, archived)

When will this hacking of dormant accounts stop?
#hackgate
Someone should alert Hugh Grant, or Steve Coogan.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:12, archived)

Ha I'm actually a real person
Though I'd be impressed by the bot that not only used B3ta slang (who started the 'candles')
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:08, archived)

HAPPY CANDLESDAY THE LOVELY LURKER!
Brace yourself, I'll be using Deep Heat and sandpaper lube.
*Cakerapes*
'Ning /talk I am ALL of the boozed.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:26, archived)

STUJ! STUJ! STUJ!
It's stuj!
( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:27, archived)

'Ning THe LOVELIEST Vlady
I finally gave in and got a new browser to get around the 'your browser is old and shit, get a new one' captcha thingy. Fuck, I LIKED IE6.
:(
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:30, archived)

is THAT why I have to click pictures of pie or grass or shops or trucks or pie again every time

( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:33, archived)

I wasn't getting the pctures. Just 'Fucking get a new browser' messages.
Sadtimes Vlady. you don't want to know how long it tookm me to download IE 6.1 to get to see the fucking shops.
:(
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:38, archived)

wow, rude

( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:49, archived)

HI STUJ!
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:38, archived)

/\/\88/\/\

( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:50, archived)

:D
(^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM RIO CARNIVAL SPIDERS! (^(^;;^)^)
'Ning The LOVELY MUppsy!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:52, archived)

Hi stuj!
Today was a good day, I found a wasp nest outside the conservatory, I poured ant killer powder all over it and it killed all the wasps and ALL OF THE SPIDERS!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:31, archived)

Why were there spiders in a wasp nest?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:36, archived)

I didn't want to get to close to the wasp nest so I just squirted and powder at it from a couple of meters away and it went all over everything. There used to be a lot of spiders out there.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:39, archived)

Without spiders you'll have a garden full of flies, wasps and moths, congrats

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:47, archived)

happy candles
give rob your money. that's participating.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:38, archived)

I did!
And have a bit in the past. Shall I put up an icon for solidarity?
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:12, archived)

Maybe then senpai will notice you

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:14, archived)

This sounds
Ominous. Is Senpai the gatekeeper of icons?
Actually, as a genuine question, has anyone documented the B3ta icon eras?
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:19, archived)

Partial plus some guesswork
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2396567
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:22, archived)

That's great!
But I thought the bear was first? I had a bearface once upon a time, the hotmail account it was linked to was devoured by porn spam. I was a teenager
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:35, archived)

Just added a few dates in

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 0:16, archived)

just uploaded a screen grab
i.imgur.com/zKw8IPX.png
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 2:41, archived)

This is great!
Going by the timeline we're probably due a new set - could make for a diverting image challenge
( Jollybones, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:47, archived)

Hiho new person / lurker / hacked account
Best crisp?
( H.B.Mupps, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:40, archived)

quentin

( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:54, archived)

blake

( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:21, archived)

stone

( H.B.Mupps, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 0:43, archived)

Roses?
Also, niche
( Jollybones, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:04, archived)

see?
crisperanto.org/images/mulligan02.jpg
obviously you'll have no further questions, how could you
( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:59, archived)

hi Jollybones, welcome to talk!
it's a friendly forum and I'm sure you'll get along just fine with everyone. It helps if you like bivvies, autism, negativity, spelling (correct or incorrect) and puns, but DON'T PANIC if this isn't you! I am sure you will bring your own unique qualities and interests to the group. After all, it would be a very dull world if we were all exactly the same!!! You might even encourage us to broaden our horizons a bit. You never know! :-) We don't judge and we don't criticize. We accept you for who you are, even that thing you keep secret because you know society would cast you out. We know about that. To start off with we always ask 'new arrivals' as it were to tell us a bit about themselves. The standard questions are as follows. There's no word limit:

If I was a biscuit, I would be...

My ideal pet is a...

With my family and friends, I am famous for...

The best thing I cook is...

Please do try to keep the answers legible, and as far as possible within the broadly christian ethos of the site. Can't wait to hear what you have to say!
( vladimir, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 21:47, archived)

#bivviylives

( mongychops, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 22:47, archived)

custard cream, dug, narc intake, nothing.
(terryhoosh remembers when this was all fields, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:12, archived)

man's bust frund

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:15, archived)

dead, dead one, not being dead, dead.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:27, archived)

dead, dead one, not being dead, dead a time out bar, arctic tern (frequent flyer!!!), going on holiday, a little something I learned to cook during our recent break in liguria
( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:22, archived)

A biscuit, affable, stopping just short of unpleasantness, chicken casserole.
fun
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:45, archived)

great answers Jollybones! :-D

( vladimir, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 9:16, archived)

Thanks!
( ° °)
( Jollybones, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 10:02, archived)

On your nans saucer, your nan, your nan, your nan

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Mon 1 Aug 2016, 0:24, archived)

Hi! I've just been out for a disappointingly bland and overpriced curry and yet my bowels have reacted as if it was a fucking bhut naga phaal.
What have your bowels been up to?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:23, archived)

Hello! My bowels have been attempting reignition following an excess of booze and party powder.
Please send me the location of said curry house as I think my gut flora needs repopulating
( Jollybones, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:48, archived)

Totally pushing that prick down the board

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:06, archived)

Do most conversations you have end with the other person wandering off whilst shaking their head?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:21, archived)

sebdoe got booted for less

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:47, archived)

I can't help thinking the wrong person got banned in the Dozer spat.
And Dozer was a complete prick.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:32, archived)

I tend to agree with you.
I am a complete prick. But that spat petered out once dozer realised his only come back he could make was the first insult he tossed about.

I say bring him back.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:06, archived)

I agree with this really. His accusations of noncery weren't just directed at you and were indeed odd.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:07, archived)

His accusations of noncery WERE directly focused on me I think until someone else stepped in
And then I think he just went bat shit crazy and started to say some things that, even I, as the residence nonce, started to find a bit odd.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:13, archived)

Filthy thread deleter.
Comes to something when the self elected intellectual has to delete entire subthreads to save his blushes.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:36, archived)

You mean in real life?
Or if I spent as much time as drimble talking to people on the internet?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:05, archived)

Why not both?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:07, archived)

Are you a complete fucking moron?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:09, archived)

Why are you so angry mate?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:18, archived)

I think I have just made a conscious decision to not suffer fools gladly

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:59, archived)

Also I am single handedly making b3ta an interesting place to be on a Sunday
Remember /board for REAL PHOTO SUNDAY? That's like /QOTW now it takes a leap year to come around before the board refreshes
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:02, archived)

You're not making this interesting at all; given we're all living on scant amounts of borrowed time, reading your posts are a very subtle form of murder.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:06, archived)

And you know when I go for my CBT meetings the woman I the chair always
Accuses me of being suicidal. Double standards.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:14, archived)

This is a piss-poor attempt of publicly ignoring me online.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:05, archived)

I don't consider you a fool.
In fact to dispel that concept I will say now, YOU are not a fool that I have decided to not suffer...

Is like one of those double negative sentences that doesn't really make sense? Or just my poor grasp of the English language?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:09, archived)

Also it is quite difficult to define your referece without the correct grammatical format yo use if you just keep saying lots off words one after the other that sounds good in your head it ends up looking like you dont understand the English language

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:08, archived)

*wanders off whilst shaking head*

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:23, archived)

media.giphy.com/media/JwNPAckJDiPsI/giphy.gif
( $$ ✅, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:13, archived)

Thanks man.
So glad you cancelled the 'ignore' function you implemented when you last got upset.

It takes a real man to admit his mistakes.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 17:04, archived)

Alright

( mongychops, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 14:49, archived)

alright m
shame about pokevision, eh?
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 14:55, archived)

Did it get shut down

( mongychops, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:07, archived)

for now, yeah

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:26, archived)

I logged out and saw fucksocks is still an idiot

( mongychops, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 15:54, archived)

i'm starting to suspect it's not just a phase
:(
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:05, archived)

This place is like flypaper for mentals

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:06, archived)

It's why I couldn't mod, I'd banned it years ago

( mongychops, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 16:20, archived)

morning everyone. it's sunday. remember that you are all special

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 8:19, archived)

Some of us are more special than others.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 9:11, archived)

2 can, dozer, manolith, drimble, shambles?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:45, archived)

^the uppest settest

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:51, archived)

I think you are a brilliant moderator of this forum and you should wear that little badge for as long as you can
I am sure your nan has some brasso for it somewhere
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 12:50, archived)

aw, someone's cranky
/ac
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 12:58, archived)

1. I don't even know what /ac means. Perhaps that's because I leave my house more regularly than most.

2. I have been a nonce, thief, coke head, and kerb crawler according to the hive mind of a geriatric community.

Being called cranky, is frankly, a breath of fresh air.

Thanks Earthquake
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:06, archived)

At least you're not upset.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:12, archived)

As a sociopath with narcissistic tendencies and a personality disorder I genuinely don't think I have the ability to be upset
And if I ever became upset I wouldn't know it...it's so good that there is this community here that can point it out for us folks.

How much do I owe you?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:16, archived)

Sociopathic narcissists can get upset when things reflect badly on them.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:27, archived)

I don't believe someone with narcissistic tendencies let alone the sociopathic position would even understand that something was reflecting negatively upon them.
I am however happy to spend the rest of Sunday afternoon debating this with you.

Oh no I just remembered, I couldn't give a fuck.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:41, archived)

You do seem to be getting a bit wound up over this.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:43, archived)

this literally everything
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:46, archived)

How's Jake the Snake doing?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:54, archived)

pretty good, i think
diamond dallas page really saved his life, i'd say. scott hall's too.
( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:56, archived)

tl;dr

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:59, archived)

seems odd that you'd ask then

( manolith hooray for me, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 14:03, archived)

Could you define being 'wound up'
I did finish the previous post by saying 'I couldn't give a fuck', being more intelligent that 99% of the remaining cohort is just the cross I have to bear.

I think that is almost the exact statement I made to the custody officer at the police station before they dragged me to a cell.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:53, archived)

Just that the tone of your post co.es accross to me as you being a bit annoyed.
For someone who doesn't care it does seem to come accross that you care quite a bit.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 14:13, archived)

Name-checked again! This place would be dead on its arse without me.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 23:33, archived)

I kipped on a mates sofa.
I'm in a spoons waiting for a fry up. They're not serving booze yet, which is somehow making it even more bleak.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:11, archived)

the woman has just made me a bacon and egg sandwich
Sunday roast later.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:44, archived)

I've eaten and am now having a pint in somewhere less soulless.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:34, archived)

Hull?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:09, archived)

Are you my brother? He turned up at my house at 1am and kipped on my sofa
Also it turns out that 24 hour delivery services only actually operate for 10 hours. Cunts.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:44, archived)

Break the closed loop of white guys talking to white guys about other white guys.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:30, archived)

Prick

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:42, archived)

Aw petal

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 10:49, archived)

Prick

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:01, archived)

^upset

( $$ ✅, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:21, archived)

Oh alright? Have you taken me off ignore just to make this statement?
Or was there a more pressing reason to make me aware of your existence? Like killing yourself
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:34, archived)

I think you'd benefit hugely from turning off your internet device and going outside for a bit.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 11:42, archived)

Says drimble who in 6 years has posted approximately 5000 times more than I have.
I think perhaps you should open your crimson curtains a little more mate yeah.

Fucking cretin
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 12:45, archived)

It's quicker to just type 'NO U'
hth
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:19, archived)

Well you can 'hth' all you want but you are the human that goes around a text based forum correcting the incorrect usage of 'it's'
Which becomes even more depressing when you realise you are correcting a programming error in a predictive text system.

Perhaps it would have just been quicker if you hadn't have fucking bothered.

Haha you fucking imbecile
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:25, archived)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7970783
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:33, archived)

My hangover is not getting any better.
I think the only option is to get back on it and deal with it tomorrow.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:13, archived)

I just had to get a taxi to pick me up to take me to the garage for a bottle of vodka.
The round trip in the taxi was £3.20

It was worth it so I didn't have to interact with reality or walk anywhere
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:18, archived)

You can't even sit in a taxi in Aberdeen for that.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:31, archived)

To be honest I would have given the taxi driver £50
If he just shut his BNP fucking mouth
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:55, archived)

I know the feeling windy.
I was going to spruce up my cv today. I guess long term gratification is losing out to short term gratification yet again.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:32, archived)

I did do a couple of hours on the motorbike, set the points gap, timing, bit of a clean of the carb and a few other bits
I've got no spark at the minute so it's going to be sn evening swearing at a wiring diagram one night this week. But 2 hours was plenty, I feel right rough.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 31 Jul 2016, 13:42, archived)

Morning everyone. It's Sunday. Remember your please and thank yous.
I express my gratitude to all...
( PooPants, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 2:26, archived)

Now fuck off.
( PooPants, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 2:26, archived)

Get fucked four eyes

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 3:01, archived)

You know when you fart and it smells exactly like food you ate earlier
What's that about?
( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 8:12, archived)

You need to take a long hard look at yourself and your actions

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 8:15, archived)

The fart smelled more like cheese and onion pie than the actual pie did

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 8:21, archived)

evening everyone. it's saturday. remember that 2 can is a nob

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 19:24, archived)

k

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 19:25, archived)

cool

( manolith hooray for me, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 19:48, archived)

*blushes*

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 21:37, archived)

What's the difference between a nob and a knob?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 30 Jul 2016, 19:54, archived)

Special K

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 20:00, archived)

Taking a piss can be a devilish difficult and unusual experience on ketamine.
"Hang on, why am I holding a dead alien lizard in my hand? ...oh, it's my penis!"
( Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 20:59, archived)

how far away is that toilet?!
oh, it's dead close... pisses on floor - wha...?
*puts hand out to steady self - misses wall*
( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 21:38, archived)

#brexit

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 21:56, archived)

^ satire

( artifus is doing it all wrong, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 21:56, archived)

dunno
i just think it looks funnier without the k
( manolith hooray for me, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 22:08, archived)

If b3ta was a living entity someone in a woollen jacket would have taken it round the back of a make shift tent and ended it's misery
Oh and someone has stolen my curtains...why?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 22:01, archived)

it'll outlive us all
and how could we possibly know the answer to that?
( manolith hooray for me, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 22:10, archived)

42

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 23:18, archived)

its

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 23:38, archived)

Tits

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 23:56, archived)

Morning everyone. It's Saturday. Remember to pay your tax bills

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 9:28, archived)

Don't see why I should fund Blair's illegal war

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 9:44, archived)

more like BLIAR amirite?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 13:00, archived)

I've volunteered my time and skills to help a friend's small business.
I should be due some sort of rebate.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 10:32, archived)

Na you're alright

( H.B.Mupps, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 13:27, archived)

I think I may have paid too much tax.
It's would know this for definite, but I never told HR when I moved 2 years ago and thus my old address is still in the payroll system.

#thatsinterestinggormo
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 14:43, archived)

How does one affect the other?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 14:59, archived)

Your address on payslips etc get fed back to Hmrc no?
How else do they know where you live? I've certainly never told them.
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 15:21, archived)

Yeah but that won't affect how much tax you pay you spastic
I think it's jus the way you worded the ridiculous statement you made
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sun 31 Jul 2016, 8:16, archived)

Hitler

( mongychops, Sat 30 Jul 2016, 18:12, archived)

Bored of that now. 2016 strikes again, this time taking away the voice of Postman Pat.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-36924472?ocid=socialflow_facebook&ns_mchannel=social&ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=facebook
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 16:40, archived)

They should never have given Pat a helicopter.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 16:52, archived)

and Mrs Mangel

( $$ ✅, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 16:54, archived)

postman pat was the voice of mrs mangel?

( manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 18:59, archived)

No, Postman Pat was Batman.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 19:29, archived)

That was Bruce Wayne

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 19:37, archived)

Never mind

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 17:34, archived)

Totally pushing that prick down the board
I'm going to London. Where are you going?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:50, archived)

somewhere near brighton

( MONO!, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:51, archived)

Be more specific, your bumholiness

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:52, archived)

Haywards Heath

( MONO!, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:53, archived)

Commuter town

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:55, archived)

I've never been there

( MONO!, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:13, archived)

GAYWADS Hearth, more like!

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:55, archived)

Hay Ed
s
+'s private club for child molesters
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:57, archived)

A place called Deertown for a wedding
It's going to be a proper Polish peasant party
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:52, archived)

Oh deer

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:55, archived)

you think that's bad?
the stag party was unherd of
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 11:56, archived)

up the juicer

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:02, archived)

i.imgur.com/iAMEFCq.png
( manolith hooray for me, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:05, archived)

I'd buy that

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:11, archived)

+ for a dollar!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:15, archived)

For lunch, then a curry later, followed by copious amounts of beer

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:12, archived)

France

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:13, archived)

Mind your neck

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:33, archived)

my sympathies

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:34, archived)

Not London

( keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:19, archived)

Nowhere, this week.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:20, archived)

Top of 8NB

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:21, archived)

Following on from Grrry's talk of coffee ladies. I once had an Irish customer on the phone who mid-sentence bellowed 'OH FUCK! SHIT. I've just missed the confectionery trolley. Can I just put you on hold? OnsecondthoughtsI'llcallyouback'
*click*
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:36, archived)

I just ate an entire pack of fruit pastilles in ten minutes
and now i feel sick
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 12:55, archived)

Now I want fruit pastilles

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:06, archived)

Reckon I could eke out a single Fruit Pastille for 10 minutes.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:25, archived)

Do they still make Wine Gums? Not seen 'em in years.

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:29, archived)

Yes

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:31, archived)

That's good. Do you still get market stalls where you can buy things like big bags of just blue smarties and that?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:32, archived)

Dunno

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:33, archived)

I did see popcorn tic-tacs for sale the other day, blew my mind

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:35, archived)

yeah
my Junk Food Stash contained a 4-pack of double deckers, a 3-pack of Pastilles and 2 multipacks of wine gums.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:34, archived)

Are wine gums ever sold singularly?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:36, archived)

Yes

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:40, archived)

why are you such an authority on confectionary?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:43, archived)

My dad was Bertie Bassett

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:46, archived)

yeah, we all know your mum got up to allsorts

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:48, archived)

_...chuckle
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:52, archived)

he buys them in bulk at the cash and carry
then sells them individually at a loss outside schools to put the local paki shop out of business, because he's a racist.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:47, archived)

Well there's no point in anybody watching me on dragons den now is there you ruiner

( mongychops, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:48, archived)

youtu.be/-HkGxmYCyjI
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:46, archived)

I read an article about a woman who managed to irreparably damage herself by eating too much cheese.
www.mirror.co.uk/news/real-life-stories/woman-left-bedbound-barely-able-8510525
( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:29, archived)

a woman overdosed on liquorice and died

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:37, archived)

Bet she got a good run for her money, though.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:38, archived)

a good the
for her money s
h o
ugh
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:40, archived)

It's not so funny when you take time to explain the joke.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:45, archived)

well I didn't know the joke was there
I've eaten loads of liquorice and never mcbeefed once.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:45, archived)

It's a very old joke. I heard it on The Goon Show.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:49, archived)

I once eat so much angel delight I was sick. Where's my article?

( Slippery Mick &#8207;, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:45, archived)

Fruit Gums or GTFO

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:34, archived)

Fruit Gums are rubbish.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:38, archived)

now steady on

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:40, archived)

You know I'm right.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:47, archived)

Whoa, whoa, that's a bit much mm
I don't come stomping in here enforcing my sweet fascism on you
( H.B.Mupps, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:51, archived)

Of course you don't - oppressing inferior sweet choices is my schtick.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 14:01, archived)

work, like a fucking mug

( Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:07, archived)

like as
fucking m Toby j
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:24, archived)

Shit.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 29 Jul 2016, 13:57, archived)