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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I have killed my laptop. Spilt coffee all over the keyboard. What make and model should I replace it with?
Alt: just for Darth, who would win in a queer off, him or Jason?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:33, 178 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
I spilt wine all over mine
got a usb keyboard and mouse, loaded a duff driver for the main keyboard and touchpad, kept it going.

Sure, occasionally it turns off for no reason, and sometimes when I switch it on it spends 5 minutes beeping at top volume, but that's a small price to pay for not going through the hassle of getting a new one.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:35, Reply)
I spilt champagne and fois gras over mine.
It crashed my Fortum & Mason account and everything - simply awful.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:38, Reply)
Ghastly!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Indeed. The operative had to create a new password and everything.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Cate Archer?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:32, Reply)
Kate Beckinsale.
Eh? Eh? PHWOAR! Eh?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
I'd give her a "Pearl Harbour"
if you know what I mean!!!!!!!!!!

!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
I'd like to have sex with her!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:41, Reply)
it's "do a sex on her" you imbecile

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:45, Reply)
It's 'do a sex on to her' you fool.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:51, Reply)
Fucking hell, steady on

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Underwood.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:36, Reply)
The kind that allows you to type an Alt on b3ta
for those of us who don't give a shit
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:37, Reply)
Oooh. Calm down dear.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:39, Reply)
Get a Chromebook

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:38, Reply)
I got an HP 250 for £279 a few months ago
Its nice though I hate Windows 8
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:39, Reply)
You need a touch screen.
Apparently, it suddenly makes sense if you have a touch screen.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)
I dont want a touch screen
I have a tablet for that.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Then don't have Windows 8 then you fucking spastic.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:42, Reply)
What an idiot.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:44, Reply)
I didn't get an option

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Of course you did.
You looked at teh computer and it had windows 8 on it, so your option was to not buy. But you did, therefore confirming that you're more of a bent spastic than nakers
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:47, Reply)
Show me an off the peg laptop without 8 on it

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)

www.ebuyer.com/store/Computer/cat/Laptops?a05471=Windows+7+Pro+64bit
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
ZING!!!!!!!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
£566 for the cheapest one
Ahm oot
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:56, Reply)
Apologise

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Now apologise

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:56, Reply)
I'm sorry that you'd want to pay that much for a laptop to use at home

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:57, Reply)

store.hp.com/UKStore/Merch/Product.aspx?id=F8R69EA&opt=ABU&sel=PCNB
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Chromebooks can GTF

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
Just pointing out how wrong you are :)

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
Isn't that Al's job?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
no, his job is to draw a picture of you, covered in giant magenta spunking cocks

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
This is true, yes

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
+and generally be a cunt

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
I think thats a jobshare

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
for not saying thank you?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:58, Reply)
HP do a number of them

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:58, Reply)
At least you dont work in IT
and therefore wouldn't have a functioning knowledge of the various OS out there
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:52, Reply)
tggi

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:54, Reply)
I will use version 7. Cr3 told me to avoid windows 8.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/B006UCNSBU/ref=dp_olp_refurbished?ie=UTF8&condition=refurbished&qid=1396431766&sr=1-3
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
yerr I'd want to stick with 7

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
Get an HP Ultrabook.
And an external CD drive
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:40, Reply)
Thanks. I'll have a look.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:43, Reply)
The wife has one, they weight nothing and seem to have a battery life of at least a day.
But they ahve no disc drive.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:48, Reply)
Can't remember the last time I used a cd or DVD drive so that's not a problem.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
My netbook is the same
But as you say an external drive gets round this, How often do you actually use cd/dvd's on a laptop nowadays.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:50, Reply)
Yeah exactly.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:51, Reply)
I use my laptop as a dvd player
so... Lots?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:07, Reply)
Wake up grandad
Its all solid state now
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:10, Reply)
How do I put my dvds in that?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Don't replace it, this is clearly a sign that you should leave the internet
Alt: Darth is much gayer than jaysum
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:43, Reply)
Depends if there was an actual "bum a man" round
and what the prize was. I'm very competitive
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:45, Reply)
The prize will be simply fabulous, darling.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:48, Reply)
When breeders use that term it's code for "no"
We know you people
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
I know you're a real coo-coo

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:07, Reply)
I'd rather have a bowl

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:08, Reply)
I was once offered £1000 to have sex with a man
I took it in the end
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:51, Reply)
+back

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
TTJ

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
No, your microcock was TJ

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
My ex used to use it as a toothpick

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
You wish

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
:-( sad times

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Thankfully I have accidental damage cover with my contents insurance, so I won't be leaving the internet.
Sorry to disappoint you.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:46, Reply)
If you're going for Windows 7
This doesn't look too bad

Alt: Jason.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
You should walk into PC world and say "Hello, I have a lot of money and I need a COMputER for my videos can you tell me what to buy"
they are very well trained and knowledgeable in there.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:49, Reply)
Any of these probably
www.ebuyer.com/store/Computer/cat/Laptops?a05471=Windows+7+Pro+64bit
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:51, Reply)
don't bother replacing it. ta
also coffee spunk whilst frantically searching mumsnet
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:53, Reply)
Fuck off you fat ginger cunt.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:55, Reply)
if you microwave a steak and let it cool down a bit
then wrap it around your bell, you might be able to pretend you've had sex in the last 12 months
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:57, Reply)
Oooo Does this work? BRB

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
just don't microwave a melon
b3ta.com/questions/bashthebishop/post1090640
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:02, Reply)
Waste of steak.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:00, Reply)
this^
I had steak last night and have steak for lunch today

I have not fucked either of them
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
at least one part of this post has got to be a lie

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
Which part?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Well he had steak last night and has one for lunch so I am not sure which bit that leaves

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
this was my suspicion too
*looks suspicious*
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Its fucking mayo, OK?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
possibly the best name for spunk ever

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
"secret sauce"

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:06, Reply)
I vote for "cock yoghurt"

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:06, Reply)
You've got cock yoghurt all over your face

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:11, Reply)
+ on my face
edit... curse you sporters
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:13, Reply)
When it comes to cock yoghurts, I'm always first
No, wait...
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:14, Reply)
I wanted to chuck my cock yoghurt all over Swipes face but she insisted on swallowing
Vegetarian my arse.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:32, Reply)
RIP little tadpole 4eva in R Harts

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:40, Reply)
Man chowder

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:27, Reply)
Population paste

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:52, Reply)
haahaha

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
why?
you can eat it afterwards
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
Who's more evil
Malcolm Tucker, Chuck Bass or Regina George?

Show your working
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 10:59, Reply)
Don't know who two of those are

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
i love malcolm tucker
i also do not know who the other 2 are
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:03, Reply)
Must be a gay thing

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
Not necessarily
Could be* a girl thing

*Is
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:06, Reply)
Boo you whore
As if you don't know Regina George. I bet you're even wearing pink cos it's Wednesday
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:05, Reply)
Terrible racism
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Regina_George
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:10, Reply)
i hardly ever wear pink
today i am in the exciting colours of charcoal grey and chocolate brown. lawyers don't get to wear fun colours.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:14, Reply)
However you frequently have a pink sock

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:24, Reply)
I bet your hair is so big because it's full of SECRETS

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:29, Reply)
Regina George is excellent, as is Malcolm Tucker
No idea about the other one, you colossal mary.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:17, Reply)
Gossip Girl character
Super evil in a really flash way
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:25, Reply)
Yeah you definitely win the gay off.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:36, Reply)
I DEMAND MY SIMPLY FABULOUS (DARLING) PRIZE

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:38, Reply)
*throws bottle of Stoli*

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Even I've never watched that
You ever seen The Blacklist?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:39, Reply)
Of course you haven't
You're not a girl, or a bender, and I don't think that either exceptional levels of bitching or haute couture are especially impressive to you.

Nope, my interest was piqued by your SnapChat last night actually, any good?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:45, Reply)
Aye, it's one of my favourite series at the moment, James Spader is fucking excellent in it
It's between that and Suits for what is actually my favourite, although that'll all change next Monday.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)
James Spader unnerves me
I don't know whether it's the number of pervy roles he's taken or that he's been really crap in all of them
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:51, Reply)
He's been excellent in 2 of the 3 roles I've seen him in, and I try to forget that Stargate exists.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:51, Reply)
I'm never forgiving him for Crash
or anyone else involved in it
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:05, Reply)
as an adaptation of the novel it was pretty good

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:07, Reply)
I do like The Blacklist
it's getting really twisty too.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:48, Reply)
Told you Lenovo were shit.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:01, Reply)
This was operator error. Spilling a load of coffee on the keyboard would break any brand.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:04, Reply)
No it wouldn't
you can throw Dells in a bath and they still work 100% guaranteed. You just bought a shitty knock off IBM and its broke because its shit.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:17, Reply)
I often go deep sea diving with my Dell and aside from teh wi-fi being a bit patchy it works fine.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:19, Reply)
Thats the fault of the access point, your Dell is still working 10000%

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:22, Reply)
it's national autism awareness day today
you should be nicer to these people
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:23, Reply)
These people? What? B3ta Autisms?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:26, Reply)
I want my headstone to read "free wifi"
that way my grave will get a lot of visitors.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:26, Reply)
Entering the cloud

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:29, Reply)
I reckon it would be quite easy to make your grave a wireless access point.
Leave me enough money in your will to set it all up and I'll do it.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
this is funnier when you think that lenovo and dells are the names of your kids

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:20, Reply)
-1/10
lenovo and dell aren't even in my top ten film characters
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:21, Reply)
Top 5 washing powders though, eh?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:22, Reply)
Daz
Surf
Ariel
Persil
Bold
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:24, Reply)
But you do call your Fixie
Legovo
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:23, Reply)
I don't have a fixie, soz

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:24, Reply)
^ Owns a fixie and rides it while wearing low rise skinny jeans^

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
"Jimmel"

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:30, Reply)
ba ba baaaaaaaaaa

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:31, Reply)
sportssheep

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)

www.fisher-price.com/img/product_shots/V2769-laugh-and-learn-smart-screen-laptop-d-1.jpg
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:28, Reply)
You know, cos your small.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:29, Reply)
his small what?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
I did a wrong type. Soz.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
i think he was implying battered would be searching for porn on his kiddie fiddling machine

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:48, Reply)
You should totally get something running Ubuntu.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:28, Reply)
The black one from space trek?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
I can't imagine the Nazis ever allowing a gentleman of colour on one of their flights

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:36, Reply)
Alt. Darth
The Strictly Cum Mincing, sequinned gayhemoth
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:33, Reply)
You're totally a lot gayer.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:34, Reply)
Talk to the elbow gurlfriend. You aint worth the extension!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:37, Reply)
Lies
You are extended right now aren't you, we know the perversions that your type get up to.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:41, Reply)
Not for nobody on this site!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:44, Reply)
oh come on
what about the purple-faced little midget, frantically bashing CUNT into his keyboard?

or the panting, wheezing leprechaun begging desperately for scraps about things that MIGHT ONCE have happened to PEOPLE HE DOESN'T KNOW?

or the bearded stoner and his yurt?

or the metal-faced clown with the turquoise shell suit, worn in a totes ironic way?

how can you resist?
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:47, Reply)
I will have you know I am a beautiful human being

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Are these all the same person?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:49, Reply)
i don't think anybody knows
i know that nobody cares
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:57, Reply)
and thems the best ones!

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:59, Reply)
An Etch-A-Sketch.
Alt: Darth could easily out-gay any actual homosexual out there, with the possible exception of Louis Spence.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:42, Reply)
Fucks sake
I'd manage to erase that cunt from my memory
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:43, Reply)
Poor b3th

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:43, Reply)
I know.
They're so mean to me :-(
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:44, Reply)
Terrible bullying of Darth.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:43, Reply)
hoho

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:46, Reply)
Just because
Darth B3th
r f
Jason Swipe
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:47, Reply)
urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:49, Reply)
Ewwwww

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:50, Reply)
Swipe and her diet of designer veggie sarnies, family-run pizza and 'classy' fizzy booze, surely?

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:57, Reply)
Also:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1845459-Fanny-farts
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:59, Reply)
Slinging ya jelly

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:58, Reply)
I did not need that mental image

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:00, Reply)
I don't think anybody did.

(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:01, Reply)
the real question is....
why did he think of it in the first place?!
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:02, Reply)


(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:03, Reply)
Damn, now I want one of that woman holding up a torch only now she's giving you the finger
but I can't find it :(
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:09, Reply)


(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:10, Reply)
Dragon 32 with external zip drive.
Les ballons du chien.
(, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 12:29, Reply)

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