So, Im going away with my parents next week to Whitby.
As far as I can see, the cottage has no wifi and only a telly downstairs.
How will I pass the yawn inducing evenings?
Bearing in mind I wont be able to get blind drunk. well, I could but thats not much fun for them.
My dad's taking a tablet. Hopefully I should be able to put my sim into that and watch telly from 3g?

When was the last time you holidayed with the parents, and how was it?

alt. Anyone bothered about the Government reshuffle or is it same bollocks, different head? I have no idea who any of them are.

altalt. Lunch or suttin'
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:16, 171 replies, latest was 10 years ago)

You're concerned about spending a few days without a tv?
You could maybe have a conversation with your parents, or are they even thicker than you?
Failing that you could read a book or summat.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:20, Reply)

Can he read do you think?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)

I've seen no evidence of it so far

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)

apart from the fact that I listed a couple of books ive read yesterday

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:34, Reply)

Ah but I can't read either

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:35, Reply)

yeah, but they were Stephen King.
You need a reading age of 10 for Stephen King.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)

Oh here she is.
Always pop up to be sly and snide.
You're turning into Rory
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

Nah, Rory is occasionally funny

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)

Rory wasn't nearly as boring.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:43, Reply)

it's not being snide mate
Stephen King isn't a very good writer and his novels only require a perfunctory reading comprehension level.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:44, Reply)

I think he's a much better writer of long stories
His short ones are a bit shit.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)

other way around, I found
His novels aren't very good. Some of them are so cringey it's funny.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:46, Reply)

I genuinely love The Stand
The proper 1200 page one. I've read it so many times the covers have fallen off and been sellotaped back on again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)

I've read prolly about a dozen Stephen Kings, but not that one.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:52, Reply)

I'd recommend it
Also the TV mini series was rather good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:55, Reply)

yeah my Stephen King period ended 20 years ago.
Thanks for the tip though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:56, Reply)

Must have been a heavy flow

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:56, Reply)

I also liked The Talisman

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)

i just read "under the dome"
which i think is a modernised version, but not sure, as not read "the stand". it was good. as was the one about the jfk assassination.

king is like jilly cooper - total masters of what they do. if you want to sneer at what they do, go for it, but millions of people enjoy it, so it can't be bad.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:58, Reply)

actually, it very much can be bad in spite of being enjoyed by millions
I've never really understood the 'argument' you just put forward.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:00, Reply)

first, you are the self-appointed arbiter of "bad"
and looking at your taste, well, you should sack yourself immediately.

secondly, what is the point of writing? if it is to be read, and to entertain, and to make money, which it is for nearly everyone who writes, then they win.

next?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)

the point of writing is not to make money.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:02, Reply)

yer
it's to starve in an attic all noble-like.

as if.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)

getting paid to do it is nice, granted
But there is no correlation between the quality of the writing and its financial success.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)

as judged by whom?
who is assessing this "quality"?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:06, Reply)

well, you could start with what is studied in academic institutions as a broad rule of thumb

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:08, Reply)

i don't consider where you got your degree to be "academic"
so that stuffs you for starters
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)

I mean all academic institutions across the UK.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:52, Reply)

Like Harry Potter

( Peej, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:10, Reply)

No I dont

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:14, Reply)

I did however like the irony of the book credited with getting kids reading again
putting a lot of small independent bookshops out of business with supermarkets selling them as a loss leader
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:15, Reply)

neither is it necessarily to entertain

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)

yeah, let's ban all writing that is for such a sordid purpose as to entertain, people should never ever enjoy it
let's have only overblown pretentious wank and then we can all be like the emperor's new clothes and pretend to love it on a messageboard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)

I never said to ban it yeah

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:07, Reply)

people write because they want to be read
most people today would rather read stephen king than george eliot
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:22, Reply)

I think you're deliberately overlooking the word 'necessarily'.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:53, Reply)

Alright 'Gary Cranley' nice to see pomposity levels are at an all time high!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)

haha! the most preening pretentious pillock on here, yet he always accuses certain other posters of pretension!
And he forgot to log out before posting about his favourite meal!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:10, Reply)

UH-OH!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:11, Reply)

orwell.ru/library/essays/wiw/english/e_wiw
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:04, Reply)

it's not mass market shit, therefore it's pretentious wank
tl;dr
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:06, Reply)

Pulp fiction is like pulp telly
it can be enjoyable without being of "artistic merit"
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:14, Reply)

never said it isn't

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:17, Reply)

By that logic
The Jeremy Kyle Show, One Direction and Cheryl Cole are all works of genius.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:07, Reply)

this is the very nub of my gist
Also, The Sun must represent the highest quality journalism.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:12, Reply)

It is often held up as a good example of clear journalistic writing
As is the Daily Mail
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:13, Reply)

Not sure about "clear journalistic writing" but there's absolutely no doubt that it's a very important paper.
You don't fuck with The Sun if you're a politician, certainly.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:25, Reply)

If one of the main points of journalism is to effectively communicate a story, then The Sun does it perfectly.
Often with just a headline, sometimes with help from the first paragraph.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:28, Reply)

apparently writing isn't about story telling or anything fun
can't you read?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)

Now, now.
Counter or don't. Sardonic sarcasm is unseemly.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:31, Reply)

I read that someone doesn't rate Stephen King as a writer, in spite of his success and popularity.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:32, Reply)

maybe someone is just jealous of success and popularity

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:37, Reply)

I don't deny it's possible, but I don't think that's an obvious conclusion to reach.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)

i repeat... can't you read?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:42, Reply)

If you read the posts back you will see that the main gist of what he says is "Lol jaysum is well fick"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:45, Reply)

Yer.
They certainly know their audience and voice.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:30, Reply)

This.
Secret Window Secret Garden is great.

The Shining is well tedious.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)

I mentioned one Stephen King book, the other being made into a movie, and 2 seperate authors.
You're being your usual "hilarious", pedantic, sly, snide self.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:50, Reply)

better snide than sodomised!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:52, Reply)

Better snide than pride would have worked better

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

How any man can be proud of sodomising another man is beyond me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:55, Reply)

yo hi
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:56, Reply)

hahaha

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:01, Reply)

I don't yell from the rooftops whenever I fuck, dear.
I know you would, with it happening so infrequently.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)

never since his sister moved away

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:04, Reply)

1998.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:18, Reply)

he'd love to be like his beloved "rorers"
you've just made his week.

granted, your competition was a hamster and not getting his piercings stuck on his watch when he picks his nose. but still.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:57, Reply)

click

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)

And another.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:13, Reply)

I was going to take Trivial Pursuit.,
We've not always been too close, now Dad's retired I think he wants to bridge the gap.
Im scared!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)

How old are they?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:28, Reply)

My Dad's 59 and mum is 56 I think
He took earl retirement.
Dad doesn't really drink and Mum doesn't at all. she has severe epilepsy and is medicated to the eyeballs.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Jeez!
Your dad's 5 years older than me
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:38, Reply)

lol old

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:39, Reply)

Been your age sonny...
...There ain't no guarantee you'll reach mine
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)

But there is a good chance I could live longer than you

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:48, Reply)

nah
It just feels like it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)

'How will I pass the yawn inducing evenings?'
Try going out and seeing the sights of Whit.....Oh right, yeah. You're screwed.
Haven't holidayed with parents for many years on account of them being dead.
Alt: Not a jot of difference between politicians of any type. They're all cunts, only the colour of their ties differs.
Altalt: I'm just going for lunch - it will be something from a pub menu. And beer.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:22, Reply)

I will most certainly be getting the sights in. Im staying right at the foot of the Abbey so that's nice.
5 days of it however....
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)

You could always explore the surrounding area if you get bored with Whitby
You're not far from the North York Moors and it's a nice walk from Whitby to Robin Hood's Bay.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)

Yeah could have a wander on the moors... Might take a couple of kids

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Where the fuck are you gonna get goats from?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

GOAT LOL

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:52, Reply)

dont your lot catch fire if you set foot inside an Abbey

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:02, Reply)

We'll find out!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:03, Reply)

A week off from all that shit should do you good GJ
I can't wait to get off the grid for a bit. Play cards or board games or do some hippy communing with nature type shit. Press some flowers and write some poetry.

I'm off to Scotland in a few weeks time with my brood and the Mums. First time holidaying with them (apart from day trips to London) since my early teens.

Alt: As long as they've been shuffled into a line that one good sniper shot could cap the lot that's fine with me.

Altalt: Leftover mexican lasagne. First time I've looked forward to my lunch in ages.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:23, Reply)

I keep meaning to make a Mexican lasagne

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)

What do you do with that, just add spice and kidney beans?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:31, Reply)

The one we do is a spicy mince with peppers, kidneys, mushrooms, onions, jellypeenos
mixed with some lime rice then layered between flour tortillas in a deep round dish. Then just stick some kind of cheese sauce over the top and stick in the oven.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:36, Reply)

That sounds fit

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)

I'm sure you could knock up a spicy mince

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Just use some McBeef

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:42, Reply)

With castanets!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:52, Reply)

Make a chilli for the sauce
Use tortilla instead of sheets of pasta. Use sour cream and cheese for white sauce
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)

The ingrediants keep trying to get over the spoon and into another recipe

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)

Very good

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)

yeah Im looking forward to the r&r but I need stimulation after a couple of days.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Having just googled 'Whitby attractions' and found plenty I'd like to do
I can confirm I'm a seriously boring old fart. "Ooh, 199 steps you say?" *phones dignitas*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:33, Reply)

It's quite a nice place.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Im right at the foot of there.
I saw loads of bar acts the week prior and following. hah!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:37, Reply)

They are tiny little cottages there, so finding something to do outside might be a good plan.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Will Jason fit inside them?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:45, Reply)

D'you think Ma & Pa Potato are as fat as their son?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:49, Reply)

Matato and Patato

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:50, Reply)

I like this.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

I imagine they are quite nice normal people, eat the same meals on set weeknights, go to church on Sunday
They attribute his weight gain to his 'lifestyle' which they still believe is just a phase.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:52, Reply)

Aside from the Church, you might be just right!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

;o)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Its just a silly phase
that I'm boning poo
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

It does widen the circles of your friends, though.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:57, Reply)

Have a wander down into the harbour, a few beers then back for a bottle of wine
Open fire going, that kind of thing. Read some books, draw or paint. Put your phone and tablet away. Trust me. My work phone fucked up about 5 days before I went to Tenerife. 3 weeks with no phone was wonderful!

I've been to Centerparcs with my parents. Its canny, to be honest.

Alt:
Mrs Cow is over the moon that Gove has gone, being a teacher

AltAlt:
Jacket potato with tuna mayo.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Im going to discover how boring I am!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:31, Reply)

I stopped going on holiday with my parents when I became an adult.
Maybe have a conversation or go for a walk, or read a book.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)

I started going on holiday with my parents again when I became a parent.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)

So you could fob the kids off with granny and grandad and smoke it up on the balcony?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)

We all have our reasons for doing things, Winds

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Talk? Play games? Read a book? Go for a nice walk?
I have never been on holiday with my parents.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:24, Reply)

Sounds shit kill your parents.
Alt: The quota thing annoys me. Sure the government's full of white public schoolboy idiots, but the whole "We're going to have more women and ethnic minorities" thing is just - well - patronising for them - whatever they do, there will always be an element of feeling like they're just a quota-filler.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:26, Reply)

'just a quota filler'
That's nice love, now just nip off and make us men a sandwich, there's a dear.

*runs and hides*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:29, Reply)

Precisely.
Whatever they say or do, they'll always know that there's a glimmer of obedience behind the eyes of their audience that wasn't earned by respect, but is there by obligation.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:31, Reply)

maybe take an ipod, you don't want to hear them shagging.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:38, Reply)

The parents of gays can't shag - everyone knows that.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:40, Reply)

ipod camera
hear miss
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:41, Reply)

Hello. Im DEAF!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:53, Reply)

NO NEED TO SHOUT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

How do you listen to all your favourite camp euro-trance then?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:54, Reply)

LOUDLY

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:55, Reply)

with headphones

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Just before we moved. It was good fun.
I was just reading the morning thread. Placid carries around quite the chip, doesn't he.
( Kroney, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)

i have a horrifically complicated piece of advice to do
involving covenants across 12 different leases.

i've spent the past 4 hours trying to find the right fucking leases because some people are so shit-incompetent that when their job is filing, they can't even get that right. what a waste of my time and stress. how do they think the people who actually have to do the grindwork cope? imma have to write off about £2,000 for this. fuckshitcunt.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 12:59, Reply)

you will have to find the common Arc

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:05, Reply)

i will be smashing some skulls soon

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:06, Reply)

I don't recall asking about your work but ok.
U ok hun? xx
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:06, Reply)

Well, maybe you should relax, and sit back and just say out loud.
"I'd like those leases back now please, filing fairies, it's been fun hunting for them, but I now have important soliciting to do, it'd be nice if they turned up"

And then the filing fairies will put them back and you can get on with being a lawyer or whatever.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:12, Reply)

my trainee is scared of me today
she's never seen me lose my temper before. it's not her fault. but still, she has to share a room with me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:23, Reply)

Poor cow.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:24, Reply)

your turn later

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:27, Reply)

I thought that was yesterday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:28, Reply)

that was the warm-up
HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:29, Reply)

YESSSSS AN EVENING OF COMPLETE OVER REACTION TO EVERYTHING!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:31, Reply)

sounds like someone's blobbing.....

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:33, Reply)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)

You may as well give her good reason to be annoyed at you
I recommend spending several hours in the pub before returning home with half a meat feast pizza, brought as a peace offering.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:34, Reply)

fuck that, he's cleaning out the budgie and then running for miles at the gym
with me on the cross trainer behind him, so he moves faster.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:36, Reply)

You sound like a brilliant girlfriend

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:36, Reply)

defo one to take "up the aisle"

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)

Bollocks, it will be me dragging you to the gym, you will bitch and whinge all the way and whilst we're there, then admit you're glad we went on the way home.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)

are you still talking about the gym?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:42, Reply)

I suggest to counter this strip naked at the first possible opportunity
and waggle your genitals at her. this will result in either:
1) laughter and defusing the situation
2) rumpy and indeed pumpy
3) a swift kick and lots of pain

Now if you look at that statistically then a 2 in 3 chance of fun is a risk worth taking
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:35, Reply)

You forgot the more likely:
4) A withering (literally) look of contempt, an immense feeling of shame
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)

That's so hot

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)

Nah that one never happens
With this technique you have to REALLY commit to the waggling no half hearted shaking
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)

I will try.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)

NEVER GO FULL WINDMILL

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)

it's not worth the bruised thighs

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:46, Reply)

Unless you are pissing

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:48, Reply)

Are the people who do the filing in the same building as you?
Could you not ask them if they have a system or if they'd know what sort of place they might be?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:25, Reply)

well, i found the leases i do have
chucked willynilly into a box marked "historic deeds".

human laziness on the part of former colleagues who are no longer with us.

because they left, not because i killed them.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:27, Reply)

Sounds like you're fucked then.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:36, Reply)

pretty much
gash
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:40, Reply)

Well, this is all very boring.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:15, Reply)

^

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:19, Reply)

I might go for a walk

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:21, Reply)

*obvious strikethrough*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:23, Reply)

Oh silly autocorrect, I meant wank.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:24, Reply)

yeah well, got work to do now innit.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:20, Reply)

I've found someone stupider than you.
"have you had any problems with the fridge at all?"
"no, not really, it doesn't get cold anymore so we put the milk in the fridge downstairs, but otherwise it's fine"
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:38, Reply)

I like this

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:39, Reply)

I decided to not fix the fridge, as it's not on the call out list.
But I have mentioned to the bloke that getting cold is a primary task of a fridge, so he's well within his right to add it to the call our list.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:41, Reply)

Does it still function as something they can attach bits of paper to using magnets?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:43, Reply)

good god

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 15 Jul 2014, 13:45, Reply)