I have a conundrum
No, that doesn't mean I've kidnapped a b3tan. It's a colleague's 18th birthday party this evening, and I'm wondering about the best method of abusing my power of getting him totally of his face. Any suggestions as to the quickest method? Of course, anything that will provide a horrible hangover in the morning is the best idea.

So far the only thing I can think of is tequila, beyond that, no idea.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:12, 34 replies)

Just drop a shot of sambuca into every pint he drinks
And keep the pints coming
( rofl harris, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:13, closed)

talk to him for a solid 10 minutes.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:14, closed)

Your hair has a similar affect on me.

( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:16, closed)

That's because it smells well nice and you're a bit gay, innit.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:21, closed)

Piss off.
At least I'm not the vainest tranny in London.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:41, closed)

He is 18
Just offer to pay for his drinks all night, and he will drink himself silly all on his own.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:16, closed)

This.
I'm not sure any input from you is needed to help him drink himself into a spewing coma. Or do you mean you want ideas of what to do to him to take advantage of this inevitable state of ethylated helplessness?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:21, closed)

I'm not the only contributor to his alcoholic armageddon.
Besides, it's tradition (well in Wakefield at least) to get someone completely and totally ratarsed on their 18th.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:40, closed)

I think it's tradition anywhere there's both alcohol and 18th birthdays...

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:49, closed)

Aye
Especially in the wastelands of the north.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:01, closed)

as FSS said
this (and only this)
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:33, closed)

Rohypnol

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:18, closed)

give him...
a double measure of both Gin and Dark Rum (darker the better) in a glass and get him to neck it!
(Clashrock is being stalked by his brother on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:22, closed)

TVR
Tequila, Vodka and Red Bull.

Never fails and the added bonus he won't be able to sleep through any hangover

Tasty too
(epicsnail Likes working nights, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:33, closed)

Top Shelf/Dirty Pint
Get everyone to chip in a {quid|two quid|fiver} and buy one of everything off the top shelf. Wang it into a pint glass, stir and serve. If he doesn't finish it, then he has to streak naked down the road outside the pub.
(A Nony Mouse, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:37, closed)

these instructions are too general!
the top shelf of my favourite bar is stocked with mugs of hot shit
( valoukh newsgash.wordpress.com, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 15:58, closed)

If he's a bit of a poof
When it comes to drinking. Ie not aquired the taste for beer. Stomach wants to churn before heads even dizzy.. Then get him a stella with a smirnoff ice. Known as a Turbo shandy. Half a stella top up with Smirnoff ice. Few of them will have him bollocksed.
(Miggyman, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 13:43, closed)

A funnel
A supply of drinks and some strong accomplices.
( Udderbelly A tale of four titties, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:10, closed)

Never Fails
Extra Strong Coffee
Red Bull
Wrey & Nephew
Cocaine
Mdma
Ketamine
Meth
Turps

A Pint Of
(PassTheKhat, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:14, closed)

Give him Liquid Cocaine
A cocktail that is solely for the purpose of getting wasted quickly. Consists of liberal amounts of Jägermeister, Peach Schnapps and Vodka mixed together in a big glass. Drunkness is assured. Horrible hangover guaranteed.
(Happy Little Cupcake desires macaroni pictures., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:20, closed)

Green Paraqueet
1/2 pint glass.

Shot of every clear spirit on the back of the bar.

Topped up to the rim with Crème de Menthe.

Get him to down it.

If he can hold it down for five minutes, he's in the .22 club!
(SatchmoR No, mummy, don't put knitting needles in my ears!, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:22, closed)

Top Shelves
I did a top shelf pint on my 18th. I woke up on the living room floor to find my socks floating in a washing up bowl full of sick.

If you get him wrecked you have to take responsibility for him, let his mates do that.
( Dervel OTBC, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:37, closed)

Cement mixer
Get the barmaid (or man, I ain't no sexist) to prepare two drinks - one bailey's with a shot of lime in it, and one without. Give the lad the one *with* the lime in it (lime cordial, not an actual lime). Say that you will give him £50 if he can beat you in a competition - namely taking the whole of the drink in your mouth, holding it in your cheeks, and swilling it around as long as you can by moving your head (so you know he is actually doing it). You'll just be gargling with bailey's (far from the worst thing that can happen) while the lime in his drink will curdle and solidify with the bailey's, meaning he has a disgusting mouthful of lumpy jelly.

He'll yak, or gag at the very least - and he'll probably spend the rest of the night feeling pretty fecking awful.

Don't blame me though, okay?
(Bappage, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:40, closed)

Cointreau
at my local - the owners son has developed what is known as a cointreau wave. Similar to this baileys thing.

Everyone in the group has a shot of cointreau and holds it in their mouth. then they play follow the leader - gargling, swishing around the mouth etc for as long as you can stand, then swallow and breath in over the glass the cointreau was in. Guaranteed choking/possible sick and orange flavoured hangover.
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Tue 13 Jul 2010, 9:27, closed)

Snooker ball in a sock.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:43, closed)

the morning after
to cause a bit of longer term suffering and fully ruin all future memories of what should be an important birthday I would suggest that you get a couple of pints of guinness into him first. Should make for an eventful Saturday morning. Also half a guinness, half a cider and a shot of pernod is vile.
(cname, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 14:58, closed)

Snakebite
is fairly pleasant to drink but is guaranteed to make you very unwell very quickly. It consists of half a pint of (cheap) cider and half a pint of (very cheap) larger with a shot of vodka and a dash of blackcurrant (to disguise the taste). Any student will tell you tales of bright purple sick and a vicious hangover after a night of 'Snakey-B'!
(Bob Frapples is de-lurking on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 16:27, closed)

Pleasant?
It sits on your stomach like a concrete bowling ball, and it's got the foulest head known to mankind.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 9 Jul 2010, 16:51, closed)

The foulest head known to mankind
Is that which was supplied by...

starts mumbling and remembers aphorism about talking about sex on b3ta.com/qotw

.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 17:12, closed)

That......
if it's done with decent vodka and cider is a purple nasty, or it was when Mrs TP drank them in Southend in the early 80's. Without the vodka its a diesel.
(tinypod will never learn. Ever., Fri 9 Jul 2010, 19:42, closed)

LSD
the good kind mind, not the rat poison you grab off the street
(goorf, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 4:05, closed)

Armageddon
Single measure each of Cointreau and Drambuie in a glass, and ignite it.
Has to be drunk with a straw (quickly before the straw melts). As he's drinking it, pour in a single measure of Blue Bols and another of Baileys.

Takes a while to kick in, but you'll notice when it does
(nibblet99 is avoiding work on, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 14:02, closed)

Offer to cook the following morning's fry-up yourself, giving it all that about how good you are at it.
And then look hurt if he doesn't gobble it down like it's manna from nirvana.

;)
( Sea Tramp the thinking woman's 8 Ace, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 8:26, closed)

Vodka, Gin and Lemonade
The Vodka and the Gin cancel each other out, just leaving the lemonade. Seriously. By the time you realise you might have had too many it's already far, far too late.
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 14 Jul 2010, 11:05, closed)