When I was 26 my then girlfriend's 15-year old daughter got pregnant.
Much shock and dismay in the family, even more so when people telling me about how terrible it all was heard my reply of "It could be worse - at least it's not mine"
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 13:46, 46 replies)

...because I always come on her tits

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 14:02, closed)

Up the bum,
no babies.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 14:08, closed)

Haha :)

(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 14:10, closed)

you realise that when your partner has children that there is a clear moral boundary, right?
and you just laughed at the jokey image of ejaculating on a 15 year old girl.

Really?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 5:19, closed)

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 6:22, closed)

Can you have that printed on a t-shirt?
Nonces could wear it while they are noncing - to give those little victim bastards something to really think about.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 6:39, closed)

I was talking about moral indignation. I am not interested in talking about nonces although you seem unfortunately preoccupied with the matter. Perhaps a cry for help?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 6:53, closed)

are you calling me a nonce?

(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 6:57, closed)

Well, you're too ugly to be a victim so what conclusions can we draw?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 7:02, closed)

/looks out window nervously
what colour is my shirt?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 8:21, closed)

lemon
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 8:29, closed)

thats not me...!
that's my toddler - you're noncing in the window at my toddler you fucking NONCE?! Arrrgh!

/*foams
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 9:06, closed)

no, you are definitely a lemon.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 9:08, closed)

that is just the kind of witty barb
a nonce would come out with.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:16, closed)

To be honest, it was a laugh of relief that no-one had called me a nonce...
...or leapt to the obvious conclusion that because I'd made a joke about the baby not being mine that I clearly had actually had sex with my girlfriend's daughter (which I of course hadn't).

Of course the image of ejaculating on a 15-year old girl isn't a funny one, even one that is clearly sexually active and aware enough to deliberately set out to get pregnant because she wanted a baby (yes, this is how it was).
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 9:41, closed)

That was the way I read it.
and then I joined in the discussion of non conventional birth control. Not entirely sure how that makes us both paedophiles, but you live and learn, eh?
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 10:00, closed)

I have an erection.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 10:31, closed)

excellent. slander her character completely.
The little slut, eh?
And you didn't find it funny, but your response was, and I quote, "Haha :)"
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:13, closed)

Wind your neck in, I think he probably knows her better than you do and so has at least some reaons to comment on her character either way.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:33, closed)

Right, okay.
I know I'm giving you exactly what you want by rising to this, but:

1. I don't think that ejaculating on a 15-year old girl is funny. I do however have a dark sense of humour, hence my original story (which is true) about telling people that "It could be worse, at least the baby's not mine". Most people didn't laugh at that at the time, unsurprisingly. Some of them though, did.
However - the response to my story made me laugh, partly out of relief that I hadn't been called a nonce, as I've already said. And yes, partly because it amused me - in the same way as the original "at least it's not mine" line did. That was just an unthinking response, almost a reflex - the same way as maybe you'd laugh at something in conversation that you didn't really think was funny. I type as I speak, generally, hence I typed "Haha :)". The smiley was to infer that it was all good-natured banter and that I didn't seriously think that Quention Oftiweak really actually liked coming over 15-year old girls' tits (Quentin, you don't do you? Coz that'll seriously undermine me if you do).

2. I think (I'm not 100% on this so I may be wrong) that stating a fact about someone generally isn't thought of as slander. My ex's daughter TOLD us that she wanted a baby and she'd deliberately set out to get pregnant. As you can imagine, her mum was pretty gutted, especially when she had to leave school early and miss all her exams due to the pregnancy. As far as besmirching her character goes, I'll be the first person to stand up and tell the world how proud I am of her actually, for later getting the qualifications she'd missed out on at the end of her school life, starting her own business, building it up to be a success and then selling it.

Now, I know that child abuse is a very serious (and touchy) subject, and in general it isn't something people joke about - however on b3ta very little is sacred - witness the posts that appear almost instantly on /board just about every time someone famous dies. Indeed, when Jess was killed there were posts making jokes about it almost instantly. I didn't see most of them because they got taken down, but there were some that I did see. If you were about at that time then you might know that I got shitty with one particular user, but that wasn't actually over the joke he posted itself, more the abuse he was giving people for "getting sad about the death of someone they don't know". I've gone off on a bit of a tangent there, but the point I was trying to get to was that not a lot is taboo on here, so a post (that IN NO WAY inferred I like to fuck kids) followed by a light-hearted response to a comment which I didn't take seriously appears to have caused far more of a response than I intended.

If you're genuinely upset or hurt by my comments then I sincerely apologise from the bottom of my heart, and I'd be happy to talk to you by gaz or even phone to sort it out.

If you're just trolling for a response, then I hope this is adequate.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:44, closed)

It's a sad day
That you have to defend yourself against libellous remarks on what was obviously a joke.
Is everyone that’s joked about having people in their basement actually condoning this? No. And neither were you condoning child abuse.
Practically every comment on this web site could be deliberately misinterpreted if you so chose to do so.

I think anyone that chooses this line of trolling has more of a personality disorder than people that joke about a touchy subject.
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:08, closed)

That was better than your original story.
By a fair bit, actually.
And I'm glad you were so calm and mature with your response to my Terribly Tactless Post - itself, of course, a response to your original Terribly Tactless Post. Unlike the hate-filled howling mob who climbed over each other eating their own faeces in sheer indignation that anyone should dare question what was clearly not a crowning achievement in your life.

Casually posting anecdotes about the sexual activity of a child for cheap laughs still makes you look like a cock. And I'm not going to budge on that one.
However - and you really shouldn't care what I think - I think you are generally a pretty decent guy who regularly posts some entertaining stuff and maybe posts about his dead girlfriend a tad too much for comfort, but I understand that it is probably part of the grieving process and others maybe should as well.

In summation, I think you should do something unexpectedly and randomly nice to the child whose mother you insulted on here to make up for it. That will learn you to a be a better person.

Chee...nah, I just can't do it.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:14, closed)

Well I'm glad we got that one straightened out :)
I'm off to lunch now - want me to pick you anything up from the shop?



I am a bit of a cock, everyone knows that. I'll bear it in mind about Jess... I've kind of tried to keep talking about her like I would if she was still here, y'know?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:21, closed)

oh g0d noooooooooo! don't apologise....!
arrrgh..I'm shrinking!...melllllting!!
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:19, closed)

Eh?
I wasn't apologising...
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:21, closed)

eh?
ah right. Look I'm just about out of moral outrage and am off to bed.
Thanks for being such a top sport, it's been real =)
the howler monkeys can calm down now.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:25, closed)

well gritty, by the same token you had probably better do something nice for all the dogs who got raped by your internet buddies

(OTT, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:29, closed)

why do you assume I didn't avenge them?
well I did.
I have a commemorative plate to prove it.
What have you got? Nothing. That's what.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:17, closed)

i just like fucking kids

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:16, closed)

gritty fuck face can fuck off.
Prof! I really don't think there was any need for a post clarifying that you are not nonce inclined.

Anyhoo, just hit ignore for gritty and am now off to watch the aristocrats. Gritty, i gazd you my address so that my complicity in all the horribleness put forward in that movie can be swiftly punished. when you grass me into mi5, homeland security and the nonce squad they will come knocking on my door and drag me off to humour jail via the waterboard.
(OTT, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:01, closed)

I don't believe your lies.
You didn't gaz me your address at all.
where do I send the braying mob?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:16, closed)

don't take this the wrong way but...
...you are a woman right?

Having said that you can now send the angry mob of feminist lesbians to the address i just gazd you. just make sure you give them some de-odourant :-)

i can keep on making tasteless jokes, just let me know which group are unfortunate enough to have you champion their cause.
(OTT, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:31, closed)

Yeah, but she's also Australian
So the correct answer is, "Not really"
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 14:28, closed)

*"Not really
you cunt."
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 15:21, closed)

I stand corrected

(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 16:26, closed)

the 'money shot'
can ironically end up costing you a lot less money
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 14:17, closed)

The save money shot

(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 15:47, closed)

the moneysupermarket shot

(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 15:54, closed)

confused.cum

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Mon 7 Nov 2011, 22:17, closed)

You guys are all laughing about sexually abusing a child?
Isn't there a word for that?
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 3:17, closed)

Yes
"Humour"
(rampants, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 7:42, closed)

Comedy Golden Shower
I just wet my fucking pants.

www.secasa.com.au/index.php/workers/21/54
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 8:23, closed)

I think it's 'nigger'.

Hope this helps
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 10:32, closed)

I think the black people
would not like it that you mocked The Sacred N Word like that.
(Gritty, yet fluffy. kipperpillock is obsessed with me =), Tue 8 Nov 2011, 11:14, closed)

They'll cuss you
and yo' momma.
(ThatNiceMan thought he was being funny, Tue 8 Nov 2011, 12:19, closed)

Wait,
is THIS the post that made gritty flitty (I can't remember, sorry) so mad? Really?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 2:14, closed)