Not being able to tell the boss to fuck off or buy a house until you're 50.
Cheers, Dad & Mum.
(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 20:32, 84 replies)

I've got two houses and I'm nowhere near 50.
I don't think you're trying hard enough, pet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 20:36, closed)

Yeah.
And the rental of the hallway cupboard in your Bristol property is fucking scandalous.
You turmeric minged munter.
(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 20:44, closed)

I do like some lolwhacky name calling.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:29, closed)

Eight for me
45 in November.

This could run and run...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 20:47, closed)

I bet they're all full of Romanians
who go out begging every day and wash car windscreens, then go back home after stealing your taxes to pay for their unwashed kids in some nouveau riche gypsy fannypalace.
(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:05, closed)

I'm rather selective
I send that sort of applicant to the paddy idiots who bought in LS9.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:19, closed)

oh man I miss Albert Marshmallow

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:03, closed)

gutted

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:07, closed)

I'm 26 and have owned a house for 3 years.
I think you're doing it wrong.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:09, closed)

You cucumber-dicked sanding wheel botherer.

(SSSSSSSSSS, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:15, closed)

Haha haha hahaha, yeah.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:23, closed)

I'm 39 and inherited a property empire on my 16th birthday.
Don't know what to do with it like, but at least it's something to brag about.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:16, closed)

I think you ought to do the right thing and put the rent up.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:22, closed)

Did you have to get into some sort of arranged marriage just to keep your dad happy?

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:23, closed)

nah
he was dead by then, and I could afford to make the solicitor forge the will
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:26, closed)

Everyone loves a crooked solicitor.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:27, closed)

he was so crooked I had to watch him carry out the forgery myself, and hold a knife to his eyelid while he was doing it

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:31, closed)

My apologies - thought you were channelling Rory there.

( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:30, closed)

oh shit, you mentioned Rory
now Captain Autism will probably roll up and post this link again

probably
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:39, closed)

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:42, closed)

alright The M- WAIT A MINUTE.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 21 Jul 2013, 21:44, closed)

Now is this
"dull" or "dullard",
I am unclear.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 7:59, closed)

I'm 33 and have owned a house for 5 years.
I think this S S S S S S S S S S chap is a life loser.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 20:16, closed)

Got 1st mortgage at 30.
Inherited house/money (sold house, invested money very carefully), paid off mortgage on 1st house. Leased to a good friend at a very friendly rate. Bought current home outright (no mortgage or debt ever again. Ever.) Own both cars.
10 years later, investment dividends provide nice annual income by "skimming the cream" without having to touch the capital - the missus and I only work because we choose to.

Insure your parents and make sure you have a good alibi.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 1:26, closed)

nobody cares.
have you tried reddit?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 5:49, closed)

janet,
if what I have to say so annoys you that you must post rude and disrespectful responses to pretty much each and every post I make - have you thought of maybe putting me on "Ignore"?

I'm sure it would save you a lot of aggro and upset.

Unfortunately for me it would mean that I couldn't post these glib replies that seem to enrage you so much... But, I can live with that. That being said if I'm logged out and happen to come across one your seething, boiled-piss posts I may have trouble not commenting - but just think, everyone apart from you would be able to see it.
That's got to be better than all the diazepam and vodka in world, right?
NB.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 5:57, closed)

disrespectful?
have you suffered some sort of brain injury?
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 13:12, closed)

Be nice.
Having relatives die and living off their money is the only thing that's keeping the poor fat fuck off the breadline.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 7:58, closed)

0758.
Shouldn't you be at work shambo?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:55, closed)

Shambo,
I don't really get why you are trying to goad me into being pissed off about my mother dying.
Trust me, after watching her manage to get her PhD whilst the cancer spread from her lungs to her brain - anything you say is lightweight.
I say this sincerely - if your parents are still alive, I hope they die peacefully asleep in their beds.
If not, well keep trying to goad me. And enjoy your break from here.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:08, closed)

I'm sure you're not pissed off.
It's allowed you to maintain the lower middle class life you'd never have achieved on your own.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:19, closed)

Boring post about house ownership aside, McUglywife is right about not wanting to watch your parents die of cancer. You really don't.
( chthonic, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 15:51, closed)

Pretty sure I knew that and didn't suggest otherwise ... you know ... what with not being a monstrous psychopath.
But thanks like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 15:59, closed)

"if your parents are still alive, I hope they die"
EHRMAHGURD!!1! MODS!!!1
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:29, closed)

what's the point of getting a PhD on your deathbed?
that takes showing off to ridiculous heights.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 13:15, closed)

I should imagine it distracted her from the disappointment of her son
and gave her something to do while she developed the cancer cover story and took her own life.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 14:11, closed)

Pfft!
Now that's cruelty!

Well done that man.
(Queen of the Harpies, a dedicated Marshmallow puppet, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 17:18, closed)

This isn't quite smug enough.
Nice try, Ringo, but you're no LIEmallow.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 9:51, closed)

Liemallow bought all his imaginary houses with imaginary money that he imagined himself.
He's not a porky poshboy immigrant living off mummy's pennies.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:04, closed)

More than just
"living off" & much more than "pennies".

Remember that when you are sitting there at work. :-)

My mum would be well proud, and she was a stingy bitch!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:15, closed)

This is more like it!
Could you maybe drain your pool, then fill it with all those pennies and swim about like Scrooge McDuck?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:23, closed)

No. But there's freshly roasted
Huey, Dewey and Louie at the next bbq for all attendees.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:30, closed)

i have only ever eaten duck when cooked in a chinese.
I may have to try it on the barbie
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:41, closed)

I wouldn't.
Magret is too fatty. You can griddle it but if you lob it straight on the grill it'll shoot flames eight foot high. And legs need slow cooking.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:44, closed)

slow cooked duck
might be an option then in a nice sauce.
Though 8 foot high flames sounds fun
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:58, closed)

I once set fire to a lilac with duck fat flames
in what Guinness have officially recorded the most middle-class arson EVER.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 12:03, closed)

Did you insist that they use Perrier to put it out?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 12:37, closed)

Yup.
As I sit here making the world better I'm constantly wishing I was a chinless underachiever who's satisfied with a life more mediocre than the one he was born into.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:29, closed)

Oh Fucking Jesus God!
Finally a benchmark that I can work towards.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:31, closed)

I'm well acquainted with Jesus.
That's not Him.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:06, closed)

I bet that hippy cunt never had a property empire.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:16, closed)

His dad had a thriving carpentry business
until he went bankrupt from the pressure of having to fund his son when he went and joined that Wacky cult thing. The worst of it was he wasnt even his real dad!!!
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:43, closed)

Typical crustafarian.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:45, closed)

there was the time
all his mates came round and got stoned but there wasn't enough food in the house and all he had to feed them with was cod in breadcrumbs
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:59, closed)

Or cashed in on a terrorist attack with his moped.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:17, closed)

Or hacked tweenage girls' email.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:17, closed)

Forgot to mention his SUV and 40,000 litre walrus tank

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 18:35, closed)

No, he drove Liemallow away.
The bastard.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 19:52, closed)

h8erz gonna h8

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 23 Jul 2013, 0:50, closed)

Well I'm 40
I bought my first house in 2007, and now 6 years later I still own that house plus I have a metal garden shed and a gazebo too, but the gazebo isn't waterproof sadly.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 6:03, closed)

A metal shed?
You flash fuck.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 8:00, closed)

yes tell us more about the Shed

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:43, closed)

When I was 11 my father gave me some invaluable advice
"They're not making anymore of it boy, so always invest in fudge."
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 6:39, closed)

Oh God.
& you took over my username?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 7:33, closed)

...and gave it back to you, then took it again.

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 21:14, closed)

I'm only 5, and I have a media-rich multi-platform portfolio spanning the globe.
You're clearly just a work-shy prole with no ambition further than getting drunk on a Friday after work and impregnating some easily-impressed local womb.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 8:45, closed)

Few things would give me more pleasure than telling various levels of management to go fuck themselves,
but then I wouldn't be able to make my mortgage payments.
Tragic, really. I don't even own an imaginary coffee machine.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 9:05, closed)

I live in a rental property.
Oh wait, I'm doing this wrong
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 9:54, closed)

But you do appear to be a Dr.

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 22 Jul 2013, 10:57, closed)

I'm a Dr only in the St or Ave sense.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 11:30, closed)

I'm a Bvd.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 16:00, closed)

Not to be confused with a
bvvvt.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 19:37, closed)

What's your wife's BMI?
This is very important.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 24 Jul 2013, 13:18, closed)

Did they drop you on your head?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 22 Jul 2013, 18:36, closed)