Very Original
Having the surname Nelson is a bit of a curse for un-original having been "admiral" for many years and for some reason "Napoleon", two different blokes there people.

Although my favourite one has to be "Nellie the Elephant" which was quite funny when I was a chubby kid, now as a chubby adult it's kinda annoying.
(kitnel it's probaby infectious, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:50, Reply)

Toffer
Guy in school called Christopher took the latter part of his name apposed to the convensional Chris (may be something to do with his extra carridge as well)
In my year, weve also got a Spaffy, a woogy and one guys actual name is Melvin, which i thought was a nickname for around 3 years.
Edit/: just remembered good ol' Captain Special. Hes a guy who gets my bus, and ive never seen a more suiting nickname in my life.
(popcorndude81 witness of the http://b3ta.com/talk/5000000, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:47, Reply)

'Spud' Murphy
Not because he was Irish....but because he had one, solitary testicle the size of a King Edward.
(tell me about the rabbits, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:46, Reply)

Haircut related hilarity
A lad in my media class came in one morning with a Beckham stylee mohawk. By the end of the lesson everyone had started calling him 'Shark Heed' apart from one fella who must've left his hearing aid at home because his closing gambit was "See you next week, Chalk Heed!". Bless.
(Peter Sutcliffe's Right Bollock, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:44, Reply)

I've never really had a nickname that stuck.
Always wanted a cool one...

Passing names included Badge (Short for badger, as I'm quite partial to the little guys), Crud (Rhymes with my surname- Rudd), Sicknote (I was never at school) and currently, the girlfriend calls me Ruddaroo...or just Roo.

My football team is full of awful nicknames at the moment though:

Ross - "Uri", via (Ross Geller)

Kyle - "Norn" 'Cos he's from Northern Ireland

but my favourite:

Chris is called "Peckerhead" for no other reason other than he's a peckerhead.
( NinjaBadger hides in the bushes and gives you TB., Fri 19 May 2006, 12:44, Reply)

ThunderCats
At primary school Thunder Cats was really popular, the bad character being Mum-Ra.

One girls admission to a friend that she once tried her mums underwear on became common knowledge and she became known as Mum-Bra for the rest of her school career.

Magic
(crumb, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:44, Reply)

Leng
Turns out he's called Joe, but when I first met the guy I was drunk, asked him if he had a name, and (rather uncommonly...I ask that question a lot) he said no...so I decided to make up a name for him.

For no particular reason, I now call him Leng.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Fri 19 May 2006, 12:42, Reply)

Almost forgot the new nickname
My housemate from my other post has a new nickname that I was just reminded of.
After he had been elected president of the su for next year, his first act was to put posters up advertising positions of committees, with a picture of him as gary glitter and the title "do ya wanna be in my gang?"

Well obviously this was rife for ridicule and he is now known as pedo, nonce, glittery mark, fairy mark, mark jackson and just about any kiddy fiddling name you can think of.

Thinking about it...his girlfriend does look rather young.....
(bignutter, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:31, Reply)

not me but my housemate
The guy I live with is abit of a twunt, actually alot of one and due to this he was given the name of cock-scoffer (rather bad for him being homophobic and all)
The problem is, everyone knows him as such, and everyone seems to know him due to his work for the student union. Cue some of the freshers still not knowing him as anything other than cock-scoffer despite the fact he will be the student union president next year (no one else bothered running)
(bignutter, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:28, Reply)

The best nicknames have no meaning
We had a housemate at University whom we one day took to calling "The Milky Bar Kid". Why? No reason whatsoever. We chose the name totally at random to drive him nuts. It worked. He spent about three months coming out with hypotheses:

Him: Is it because I drink milky tea?
Us: No, keep guessing.
...
Him: Er, is it because you found out about the time I jizzed on Susanne X's bosums?
Us: (cough) No, keep guessing (snigger)

So not only did it drive him mad trying to guess, we also discovered all his dirty secrets. Fucking genius.
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:25, Reply)

now let me see...
being a unidexter, i used to get the usual Pegleg, jake, etc.... v. tedious, v boring - one chap did manage to make me laugh with "monopod"... although 'twas better for me, there were a couple of brothers there known as "cunt eyes" and "bubble" - one because he was a squinty (and borderline monger) bloke, and the other was just fat. We had a chap whose surname was Downes - hence "syndrome"....
A girl i know is blessed with the surname "Paler", so became "Vlad the Im", although finally she ended up as "hammers" as she was told she had a face like a bag of them....

i thenkyew.
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:14, Reply)

Not really the worst..
But: From first name: M, Maz, Mazzer, Mazmeister, Mazmeister General, Mazbalunka, Balunka, Marj (current)
From surname: Jib, Jibbers, Jibberwawa, Brillo, Brillopad
or
Biffo Poips (I don't know why either, but my bro's use to reduce me to tears with it when I was 7)
Apols for lack of humour, but am still scarred...
( parttimebabe is almost there..., Fri 19 May 2006, 12:11, Reply)

OOOOH good one :D got some stories here
Cum Thirsty Kirsty - She gave it out a bit...
Donkey - Was a bit slow when shrek came out... never realised the chat up line potential
Big Dave - Remember the pot noodle adverts?
Prune - Had a bit of a wrinkled face very young
Bad Behavior Briggs - Proceeds to get mindblowingly drunk, throw up, start a fight and be very leering towards women at least twice a week

will post more when i think of them

Cum Thirsty Kirsty never complained about the length, so neither should you
(Adam Mack, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:08, Reply)

University OTC
Some of my friends at uni were involved in the officer training corps.

There was a small ginger bloke there that got called "Thrush" behind his back. I asked why and was told that it was because he was an irritating cunt.

I laughed.

Edit: I notice that someone else has used this. Up until now, I honestly thought Thrush was an original work of genius by my friend. B3ta has officially crushed my spirits.
( Kroney, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:05, Reply)

I had a habit
of making up highly amusing nicknames for people, and then not telling anyone in case the person found out and was offended, eg:

All-Conquering Will: a lefty called Will.

Ten-tons: a guy called Brenton who was a bit chubby.

The Rare Old Mountain Jew: a Jewish guy whose father was Scottish.

Lionel from the Age of Vinyl: a guy called Lionel, who kept going to clubs despite being a bit past his use-by date.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:05, Reply)

I was called Shiteater
Because I got drunk and ate my own shit.

True story.
(blackfacedfightinggibbon, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:03, Reply)

Where I used to work in London...
Everyone in the office had a nickname, some quite convoluted:

Mark became "Porky" - coz he was quite large (although we sometimes told people it was coz he fucked pigs)
Rick became "Rutger Humungrananque", sometimes shorted to "Rooty". It was because he had a really long surname.
Romesh became "Romulan" although none of us were Trekkies.
Paresh became "The Brown Man", "The Dark Destroyer" or just "P" if he was in a good mood.
Sharon was "Shazbot"
Marc was "Little Mo", because he was huge, and his initials were M.O.
Gary was "Spock" or "Logical Twat" coz he was a boring twat.
Phil was "Glaston" coz his surname is Berry.
Chris was "Elvis" coz he always mumbled.
(another) Chris was "Stumpy" coz he limped and was short.
(another) Chris was "Geedub", which was short for GW, the initials of Gold Watch which is rhyming slang for Scotch, coz he was an alcoholic.
And me? I was Ken, after someone mis-read "Kerry Mountain" on a fax and phoned asking to speak to Kenny Martin. After I became a Christian they re-named me "Born Again Ken".

And where I work now we call our team leader "Dan Hammer" coz it sounds like her name but we suspect she might secretly be a man.

Phew, that was a long one... how was it for you?
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 19 May 2006, 12:00, Reply)

It's...
When my 3 year old gets really excited (usually about Thomas the Tank Engine) his eyes open *really* wide and his mouth gets pulled into a grinning rictus.

So now he gets called 'Cardinal Fang' due to his resemblance to Terry Gilliam's reaction to the comfy chair.

Sorry. A bit geekier than I realised.
(McDingo, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:59, Reply)

thankyou hippie parents
i have the pleasure of being given the middle name of elrond (circa lord of the rings), a great name to grow up with hence time spent explaining who elrond was, lord of the elves etc only to be constantly called Prince of the fairies, the fairy king etc all i needed as an emotionally disturbed teen anyway.
I'm currently known as Pockets as i always talk to customers with both hands deeply in my pockets, i even get company memo's to mr pockets, at least it's better than king of the fairys,
aplogies for boredom and crapness
(faquar lives, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:58, Reply)

my parents used to call me

'Elongated Man', after the superhero, because they thought the name was funny (and come to think of it, being stretchy is a bit of a silly power) and because I'm quite tall.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:58, Reply)

Wellbelove......
I have had many variants of my Surname above...

Wellybob
Smelly glove
wellbell
I well be love you!
Mouldy glove
Weeble


I also used to be called Special (i got card with it in and everything) as I'm a bit dim and to rectify my blonde moments I'd say my "Mummy calls me Special", My own fault really!
(bectoria, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:55, Reply)

my ex....
I was (for a while) going out with a guy who my friends deemed to be totally unsuitable... However as i'm sure many of you will agree, love is blind (and looking back on it, i must have been as well)

He was the most whingy, calculating, boring and petty man on the planet. He was also jewish and a jumped up lawyer with delusions of adequacy.

It was only about a month after i finally saw the light and dumped him that i found out the nic-name my friends had honoured him with. Whoever made it up i salute - i mean it deserves some respect to call a gay jewish lawyer

"Ally McBagel"
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:43, Reply)

Little girls and boys are evil.
My last name is Amanda Dagley and when I was little there was a terrible little girl that used to call me Amanda Gag Me. Sure, my feelings were hurt, but I beat her up so it was ok...
(i watch the cars, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:43, Reply)

More of a title than a nickname.
I went to uni with this chap named Herok. We allowed him his name, though when we wished to summon him he would be called:

Herok, DESTROYER OF WOOORLDS!

When saying the "DESTROYER OF WOOORLDS!" part, you need to amplify it and say it like the sinister and enthusiastic voice from movie trailers.
(God_of_the_mind, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:39, Reply)

Er...
Everyone calls me Cunt.

Or cunting bastard. That works too.
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:37, Reply)

Whilst working on a dice (craps) table,
we had nicknames for most of the punters, the worst ones being Colgate (due to the appalling state of his teeth), Spaceman (off his lid on cocaine most of the time), fifi (don't know why but he was a bell end anyway) and my absolute favourite:

There was a Chinese lad with a very long face, but our overuse of cockney rhyming slang described this as a boat (boat = boat race = face), hence the nickname Viking, because he had a long boat.
(Udidin is chuffed to have made the newsletter, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:35, Reply)

Wish it could have been my nickname
A high school mate of mine was the proud owner of a quite sizeable appendage.
He was dubbed The Tripod.
(mudskipper, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:35, Reply)

One more...
I work for a magazine sometimes. My nickname in the office?

Wilbur.......I'm called Chris for funks sake.

WTF?
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:31, Reply)

Whatever happened to....
EGG-MUNCH.

an unfortunate chap at school. wonder if he's still alive. wonder if anyone cares.
(TurboGEEK is thinking wizards should know better., Fri 19 May 2006, 11:28, Reply)

I love this thread...
Honestly, it's all flooding back to me. I have loads!

Obviously, and not really all that funny (although anyone who, like me, is called Christopher will understand) i was plagued with the name of that twattish cartoon bear...Kissifur when i was a tot. That name still comes back everyonw and then, although thankfully i'm 6ft3 and 17stone so people generally retract it if i'm within earshot.

Also, as i now live in the south and i'm a Manc i was lovingly reffered to as (to be shouted in a loud husky voice) MONKEY!

Y'know, northern monkey...no? Not that funny as an insult, but when you have a workshop full of mechanics hurling it at you it becomes quite amusing.

I'll go and think of some more.

I have a mate called Brett Grubb who is reffered to as, annoyingly, Brett.

Come on people!
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Fri 19 May 2006, 11:27, Reply)