morning

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:02, archived)

morning dozy

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:10, archived)

alright muppington b

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:29, archived)

milk
3 sugars. Make it strong
cheers
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:35, archived)

get fucked you black bastard gay cunt

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:38, archived)

It's so kind of people to overlook my gingerness

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:39, archived)

shove it up your cunt, dozers

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:38, archived)

Wazzap niggaz? Happy Black Friday!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 0:34, archived)

Bit racist

( broadsword w⚓, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 1:47, archived)

How dare you! I think it's wonderful that they have a day where they reduce the price of things so black people can afford them.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 4:31, archived)

haha

( H.B.Mupps, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 7:08, archived)

eveninh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 23:34, archived)

alright ssh

( broadsword w⚓, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 23:48, archived)

alright

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 0:04, archived)

s;tohjy ddh

( brb shitting dahlias, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 0:12, archived)

Goodnight SSG

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 28 Nov 2014, 0:02, archived)

alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 17:40, archived)

Horbs xx

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 17:47, archived)

Georgia

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:00, archived)

mr.h

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:09, archived)

rich

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:11, archived)

fit chicks in the juicer, time to dirty old man it up

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:09, archived)

nice
I'm 15 minutes away
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 18:12, archived)

what's your best chat-up line?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:36, archived)

Does this cloth smell funny?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:38, archived)

You look like you've been around a bit, can I have a go?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:45, archived)

hard cash

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:55, archived)

fancy a fuck?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 20:23, archived)

lick my piss wizzard

(#1, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 20:46, archived)

put on your cloke first

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 21:16, archived)

fancy putting the fun into erectile dysfunction?

(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 21:43, archived)

Did it hurt when you fell down from heaven?
Because it looks like you landed on your face.
( Glovington, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 22:23, archived)

I really think Deadly Premonition is one of, if not the, most underrated and fundamentaly brilliant video games of modern times

( H.B.Mupps, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 22:27, archived)

if you insist

( brb shitting dahlias, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 19:52, archived)

up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 20:23, archived)

I hope you choke on your faggots and gravy.
Not really, yer alright.
( brb shitting dahlias, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 20:39, archived)

let's get this on the front page then
b3ta.com/board/11116084
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:59, archived)

nah

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:18, archived)

wanker

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:23, archived)

Sorry, but it's really shite

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:24, archived)

SO IS YOUR FACE AND BUMHOLE

( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:25, archived)

certainly

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:25, archived)

^wanker

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:30, archived)

mincer

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 17:13, archived)

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( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 17:31, archived)

oompa loompa stick it up yer joompa

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:36, archived)

inspired

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:38, archived)

yes

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:39, archived)

this is the first time i've ever been glad to see a new mono thread

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:40, archived)

why for?

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:41, archived)

because having spasticfly at the top was making me a bit nauseous

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:43, archived)

I didn't even notice.

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:47, archived)

^upset

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:50, archived)

yeah, the justice system sucks

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:53, archived)

interesting

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:38, archived)

not really

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:39, archived)

"no wait, i meant the other thing... tedious"

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:40, archived)

no I will not

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:40, archived)

why not?

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:41, archived)

dunno

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:41, archived)

well that's not really good enough.

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:42, archived)

just give it a try
you might like it
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:54, archived)

it's no good, it won't stay up there

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:14, archived)

Hey guys!! Cheer up its Friday tomorrow

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:02, archived)

I know right!
Bunch of fun sponges
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:03, archived)

fucking fun crushers the lot of 'em.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:11, archived)

DAY OFF!!!!!

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:35, archived)

excellent what have you done with your free time?

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:27, archived)

I've been mostly off all week
And have a 3 day seminar-type-thing starting tomorrow. AAAARGH.
( d3gu thinks you should buy a Dinohoodie., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:04, archived)

3 day seminar over a weekend...thats very harsh

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:28, archived)

I thought we were all jobless.
Sitting at home, scrounging benefits so we can be on here all day, wearing our index Fingers down to nubs F5'ing all day long.

So it doesn't matter what day it tomorrow
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 17:28, archived)

*sigh*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:13, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR1VtHOpEw8
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:16, archived)

yeah great

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:19, archived)

law in this country is bollocks
they should execute cunts and stop giving them the benefit of the doubt.
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:23, archived)

I sense that you have a specific example in mind

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:24, archived)

yeah, a rapist, wife beating, child abusing example

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:25, archived)

maybe he was provoked

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:29, archived)

that's what he's saying.
I'm really not sure how that works
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:31, archived)

"I shot that guy in the head because he said something mean about my mum"
"oh, ok. Off you go then, just don't do it again"
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:31, archived)

never know, he might have some kind of tragic accident sometime in the near future
happens every day
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:32, archived)

He certainly will do if he makes the mistake of meeting me ever again.
Based on our first meeting I doubt he's going to want that to happen again.
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:38, archived)

^ internet hardman

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:26, archived)

i think you need a new direction in life
I reckon you should retrain as a faith healer.
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:29, archived)

Sorry, did you say 'nude erection'?
Bit gay m8
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:30, archived)

I am considering a religious path
I mean, it's all made up anyway, so I can just fake it. I'm sure I can learn their fucking book cover to cover.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:34, archived)

you could become an ideationist

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:37, archived)

cheer up, newsletter tomorrow

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:29, archived)

might become a monk or summat
devote my life to spiritual and intellectual pursuits
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:30, archived)

you can poke raw spaghetti down your japper and batter your penis flat with a fucking lump hammer for all I care

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:32, archived)

that's not very christian

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:32, archived)

sounds more like one of those kooky new age religions to me

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:36, archived)

for fuck's sake
b3ta.com/links/My_daughters_haircut_is_in_the_news
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:40, archived)

yeah, I know

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:43, archived)

lucky coincidence that dad does viral marketing isn't it
I mean

not suggesting anything here

just a lucky coincidence
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:44, archived)

I'm not saying that if my daughter wanted a haircut anyway I'd give her a pair of scissors and let her cut her fringe off and film her reponse and hope it goes viral to raise my online profile
I'm not saying that at all
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:51, archived)

it's just fortunate it happened the day before the b3ta newsletter

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:52, archived)

and I don't have any problem with two year olds being given scissors
as long as you can roll a buck out of it, where's the harm eh
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:53, archived)

and with the high online profile the b3ta newsletter has, he's sure to make mi££ions

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:54, archived)

I'm just amazed so many news agencies got hold of it so quickly

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:56, archived)

I guess someone must have emailed them all

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:56, archived)

at least they have dad's approval to use his video
b3ta.com/links/1250768
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:57, archived)

I hope he still finds time to do another video about kittens though

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:58, archived)

although he could save a lot of time and effort by giving scissors to his children more often

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:59, archived)

happy coincidence

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:59, archived)

haha, yeah, must be
I mean there's no way a responsible father would be so up his own arse with self-importance as to endanger then exploit his own two year old daughter just for a bit of internet fame and the money from syndicating the video to news companies

that could never happen
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:05, archived)

you daft git.

( SpunkyBackpack, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:22, archived)

^ upset

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:27, archived)

Yeah I tried to get her to use a machete
but she was too weak to lift it.

Honest answer though is no, it's genuine. If I felt like I could persuade the kids to do something that would be hugely popular in internetland then I would probably get them to do it, but as far as I can tell it's just not possible to set stuff up. I actually tried to get superawesome funny footage of my kittens when they were little but had very little success. Mainly I've found nobody is very interested in anyone else's home videos, mine included.

The irony isn't lost on me, believe me. I've spent a great deal of time making content that I write to entertain, and the most popular thing I've done for a long time is catch my daughter cutting her own hair. I mainly filmed her so I could show my wife as she was still asleep and I thought I was likely to get in to a lot of trouble if she assumed I'd let it happen.

Jacqui told me to put it on facebook as it was funny (I almost never upload phone vids to the internet) and it just went a bit mental.

So there you go. The truth is as usual rather dull.
( crab_bloke), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:46, archived)

tl;dr

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 16:02, archived)

I know how you feel

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:34, archived)

sympatico

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:35, archived)

might stare wistfully out the window for a bit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:37, archived)

don't. it's awful out there

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:44, archived)

it's grey and dark mano, and despite what the telly says it's not looking a lot like xmas at all

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:47, archived)

no that is what xmas looks like, any other picture you may have in your mind of it was actually invented by pepsi cola

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:53, archived)

oh! holidays are comin'! holidays are comin'!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:54, archived)

^MONO's favourite

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:56, archived)

BRING ON THE ICONS!
ACTIVATE THE ICONS!
CONTENDERS, READY??!! ICONS, READY??!! 3...2...1...
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:05, archived)

cheers

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:45, archived)

cheers

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:47, archived)

having fun then?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:39, archived)

yep

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:43, archived)

*sympathy*

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 14:54, archived)

*empathy*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:02, archived)

*sociopathy*

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:06, archived)

*endoscopy*

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:09, archived)

I want to be happy, but I can't be happy, til I've made you happy toooooooo
I want to kick Victoria Beckham really hard right in the fucking pancreas, if you could kick any celebrity really fucking hard in the pancreas then who would you choose and why?
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:21, archived)

Some managers have trouble putting labels on their emotions and need to develop their "feelings vocabulary".

I'm not making this up Frank, I swear.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:25, archived)

Maybe kicking someone really hard in the pancreas will make you feel better?

( SpoonMeiser, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:27, archived)

No, rewarding your brain with acts of violence is not a good idea
Before you know it, kicking someone in the pancreas is the only thing that gives you any kind of pleasure anymore.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:29, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7784535
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:32, archived)

fuck off you horrendous fish wife

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:33, archived)

tell you what though, I'd give that green nignog lady from Guardians of the Galaxy a good seeing to

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:34, archived)

alright hankster

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:44, archived)

haha, he did like to wank up the telly screen didn't he

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:46, archived)

no you wouldn't, if she laid so much as a finger on you you'd cream your pants and collapse in a ball of tears and apologies

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:52, archived)

I would apologies

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:56, archived)

"a ball of tears and apologies"

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:58, archived)

wanker

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:03, archived)

so?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:21, archived)

That's ridiculous!
I mean, there are other organs...
( SpoonMeiser, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:34, archived)

Pffft.
Like managers having emotions and feelings is even a real thing.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:27, archived)

In my company all the people who don't actually have any staff reporting to them are called 'managers'
Then it's directors, VPs, etc. It's a fucking joke. A meaningless, soul crushing joke.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:30, archived)

They must pay you an incredible amount of money
otherwise surely you'd just leave?
( SpoonMeiser, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:35, archived)

I'm a glutton for misery

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:36, archived)

I have an extensive feelings vocabulary
prick
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:30, archived)

Sorry, you're saying that the only thing in your vocabulary is feeling pricks?
Bit gay m8
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:31, archived)

oh hahaha

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:33, archived)

haha

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:34, archived)

get them a dymo labeller
that works on everything. including, i assume, emotions
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:31, archived)

Good idea
I can print out all the emotions I can think of, then stick to my forehead whichever one is applicable in any given moment. I'm wearing 'MURDER-RAGE' at the moment.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:32, archived)

i feel like that one might get a fair bit of use
come and work in the loan store. there's none of that shit
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

I can make tea and coffee REALLY well
Could you use someone like that?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

yes

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:41, archived)

I'll fax my cv over this afternoon

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:46, archived)

ALL of them.
BECAUSE. That's why.
'Ning Gilgy, I'm already on my second pint.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:26, archived)

Nice work

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:28, archived)

Bono.
I fucking hate Bono.
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:27, archived)

I'm not sure how easy it would be to kick someone really fucking hard in the pancreas, there's all manner of other organs closely packed around it

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:29, archived)

but yeah, if I was compelled to choose someone to kick in the abdomen it would need to be someone female and smaller than me so I didn't get my head kicked in

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:30, archived)

Female and smaller than you, what like Blue Star?
:D
She's gonna GET you for that tangles. Can you hear the pitter-patter of tiny angry feet yet?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:33, archived)

I clearly didn't think this through, she'd easily beat me up

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:41, archived)

She would though.
Gingezilla RAGE is a thing to be feared.
She hit baldmonkey so hard he got catlegs.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:51, archived)

I'd better watch my step, she lives round here I think

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:56, archived)

Oh, so you're a qualified doctor all of a sudden??
I'm sorry, but if I want medical advice, I'll ask DOCTOR 2Can. A respected physician.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:31, archived)

he is currently working in the black market organ trade i think
down ol' tijuana way
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:32, archived)

disgusting

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:34, archived)

oh I'm better than that
people have been known to come to me for advice because they are not happy with their gp
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:40, archived)

Really? Ok, you're on.
Tomorrow at 9:00? Should I bring a sample?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:41, archived)

telephone consultations only

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:42, archived)

Oh ok, well I won't be able to get to the phone box until more like quarter past

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:46, archived)

you'll have to stick the receiver up your posterior so he can get a sense of what's wrong

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:53, archived)

Wonder if I can reverse the charges

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:10, archived)

have you tried clapping along as if you feel like a room without a roof?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:30, archived)

will self so I can hear what type of big fancy words he comes up with when rolling about on the floor in agony

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:32, archived)

haha, he'd be all like oh my I am experiencing profligous discrepitudity in my abdominable submandibular prostheses
while you stamped on his fucking spleen the fucking cuntstack
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:35, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR1VtHOpEw8
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:04, archived)

not clicking that, could be a virus

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:27, archived)

i.imgur.com/MiftnyD.gif
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 12:59, archived)

i.imgur.com/iTKpB1T.gif
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 13:04, archived)

MORNING
'reet?
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:04, archived)

Your Bumholiness

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:12, archived)

sup

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:20, archived)

chilling, little bit of illing

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:23, archived)

word

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:25, archived)

Whatever

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:19, archived)

Morning Mono!
Got Friday to Monday off, fucking ace.
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:21, archived)

prick

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:25, archived)

Cheers

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:27, archived)

wanker

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:28, archived)

Cheers

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:33, archived)

alright legless

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:36, archived)

yeah, pretty much

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:48, archived)

cool

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

Word up, anus lover.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:50, archived)

hardly

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

i.imgur.com/WxLZKR3.jpg
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:06, archived)

morning

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:58, archived)

alright

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

do you ever wonder what it's all about, MONO!?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:25, archived)

MONO Alfie
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:28, archived)

No, I'm Alfie Noakes.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:34, archived)

Hello Alfie!
Got any tales from the north??
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:36, archived)

Well, my name is Alfie Noakes, and I remember the time your mother...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:40, archived)

[rest of the sketch]

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:40, archived)

is this an old person thing?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:07, archived)

yes

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:23, archived)

tch young people today have no respect

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:26, archived)

that is really old tho, very early 80's, I was in primary school and im old

( mongychops, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:28, archived)

it was 1977, when I was one, but they recorded it so I was able to listen to it in the early 90s

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:45, archived)

what were the 70s like, grandpa?

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:47, archived)

lots of fun, none of us had to work and we all rode around on little tricycles wearing well cool dungerees and that

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:52, archived)

I seem to remember everything being either brown or yellow
Or brown and yellow
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:59, archived)

orange was quite common too which complemented the browns and yellows perfectly

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:03, archived)

Ideation is a word
IDEATION
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:33, archived)

Doing a ri-fucking-diculous course on 'strategic thinking'
This is a direct quote from the section named "Create the right environment":
Express appreciation for seemingly "wacky" ideas—the more playful and imaginative, the better.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:34, archived)

I think I'm just going to kill myself now, get it over with

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:35, archived)

"Use toys and humor to "loosen" people up and put them in a playful mood. The more relaxed people are, the easier it is for them to envision fresh possibilities and open themselves to new ideas."
fuck me
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:35, archived)

this all sounds pretty sexy

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:41, archived)

Man, this is horrendous

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:41, archived)

I think *someone* needs some toys and humour to loosen them up a bit

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:46, archived)

Almost every answer in each assesment is basically the same
Take as broad a view of things as possible, come up with new solutions that are hopelessly vague and might not work (no such thing as a bad idea) and keep pushing for improvement, even if it's not possible. This is the biggest pile of wank I've ever read.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:52, archived)

that does sound like flim flam
you should interpret 'use toys and humour' as an excuse to play games on your ipad during the meeting
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:16, archived)

It's not come at a good time for me, Manolith
I won't lie
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:23, archived)

i don't think there IS a good time for that kind of malarkey

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:48, archived)

No, I think you're right

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:01, archived)

oh dear :(
some cunt probably got paid loads to put together that shit
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:50, archived)

I know
It's a collaborative effort with Harvard business school too. Unreal.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:58, archived)

I hate staff training
some cunt decided every other company was doing it and felt they had to bring it into our company without understanding what it was about!
( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:03, archived)

Sounds like he'd enjoy this course
At its core it seems to be about not having to understand what everything's about. In fact, it actively discourages gathering 'too much' information.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:25, archived)

have you had to do that colour wheel shit where they ask a bunch of questions then tell you what kind of person you are and how to deal with you in the workplace?
because that shit is wack
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:28, archived)

I haven't, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time
We had a security course once that showed a photo of an open gate and it asked "Is this a potential security risk? Y/N"
Then it asked what the solution was:
1) Call your manager and get them to secure the gate
2) Inform security
3) Close the gate
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:39, archived)

4) call the police and hide in the stationary cupboard

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:47, archived)

Just had one about change management
A change won't occur unless you implement a change.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:56, archived)

I don't understand.
are you trying to tell me that things don't just happen ?!
( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:00, archived)

Apparently not
This is news to me, MONO
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:09, archived)

what about 'everything happens for a reason'?
is that one true?
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:21, archived)

defo

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 11:26, archived)

shut up

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:38, archived)

Swear to god
My days are full of this bullshit. It drives me up the fucking wall.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:39, archived)

kill everyone

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:52, archived)

Kill them, Machine....Kill them all

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:22, archived)

no, no it isn't

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:07, archived)

I don't understand the world anymore
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideation_(idea_generation)
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:23, archived)

go fuck yoursen

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:30, archived)

Can do!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:39, archived)

alright, mr meeseeks

( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:49, archived)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullshit
( manolith hooray for me, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 10:46, archived)

hiya

( $$ ✅, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:50, archived)

cooee

( MONO!, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 9:53, archived)

morning
I can afford real whisky.

Weather's a bit shit, innit?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 7:45, archived)

Good morning.
Never been a fan of whisky. Smells like the waste solvents barrel at work.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 27 Nov 2014, 7:50, archived)

you nose-wrong
Put a tiny splosh of water in it. Takes the pure booze edge off the nose.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 7:53, archived)

Cheaper and more effective not to drink it.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Thu 27 Nov 2014, 7:55, archived)

alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:01, archived)

hobblepops

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:03, archived)

shammer

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:12, archived)

My boss got a bottle of whisky from a client last xmas.
Fucker doesn't drink and it's sat in the office crying out for someone who will drink it. He won't give me it.

Weather's shocking
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 8:14, archived)

Just thought I would share the joy...
Today I noticed that Sainsbury's has an offer on for Jack Daniels. It's normally too expensive for me, so I was well chuffed :)
( d3gu thinks you should buy a Dinohoodie., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 1:18, archived)

you might like this then
www.hotukdeals.com/deals/alcohol-spirit-megathread-asda-tesco-sainsburys-morrisons-waitrose-2035725
( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 27 Nov 2014, 1:57, archived)

Thanks!

( d3gu thinks you should buy a Dinohoodie., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 15:52, archived)

alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:38, archived)

mr.h

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 18:09, archived)

rich

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:08, archived)

evening you horrible bastard

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 18:18, archived)

mupps

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:08, archived)

yesum just having a pint

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 18:33, archived)

Just having my second

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:08, archived)

bit dead here, might finish this one and fuck off home with a bottle of plonk

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:43, archived)

fucking alchy

( H.B.Mupps, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 20:14, archived)

bit harsh, I had 8 months without a drop

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 20:25, archived)

mediocre, thanks!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 18:40, archived)

Georgia

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:09, archived)

xx

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 19:10, archived)

I am now.
Hadn't eaten all day until dinner. Yourself?
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 20:50, archived)

The Mexican business lounge leaves a lot to be desired.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 21:22, archived)

I'm super, thanks for asking.

( brb shitting dahlias, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 22:03, archived)

Yalreet

( d3gu thinks you should buy a Dinohoodie., Thu 27 Nov 2014, 1:10, archived)

eveninh

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:08, archived)

woah, threadrush

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:09, archived)

alright gobbo

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:09, archived)

alright

( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:16, archived)

standard

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:10, archived)

Best of British
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:19, archived)

Former Best of British
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:52, archived)

eveninh?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:12, archived)

yeah, H is one higher than G
so eveninh is just that little bit better
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:25, archived)

this is his schtick
www.b3ta.com/users/searchposts.php?id=80867&board=talk_archive
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:41, archived)

prick schtick, right?
hahaha, I'm here all week
( $$ ✅, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:01, archived)

isn't it great?

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:25, archived)

Premature salutation.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:34, archived)

wank wank wanky wanky wank wank

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 16:55, archived)

Haha here he is!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:00, archived)

get off my fucking case

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:04, archived)

Oh come on, don't be like that

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:04, archived)

I'm telling you, back the fuck off, I ain't in any kind of mood to deal with your fucking bullshit today

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:06, archived)

chequebook and pen!

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:03, archived)

I remember Arthur Mullard used to be one of the celeb guests on that programme
until it turned out he used to rape his daughter

then the showbiz work sort of dried up
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:05, archived)

Wasn't he dead, by then?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:14, archived)

dunno
I like tits though, and ladies' bottoms
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 17:32, archived)

lot of negativity in here today
cheer up, yeah? it might never happen
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:21, archived)

:D

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:26, archived)

are you cheering up or just happy that others are unhappy?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

I'm already happy.

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

did you see someone fall in a hole or get hit by lightning or something?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:51, archived)

no, I'm just having a great day :D

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:54, archived)

the spirit of the season is with you. marvelous.

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:20, archived)

go fuck yoursen

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:36, archived)

peace be with you

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:41, archived)

I won't bother scrolling down then

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:31, archived)

i wouldn't want anything to put a dent in your happy-go-lucky demeanour

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:52, archived)

poxy campers on cod are pissing me off

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:02, archived)

i bet
i can't be arsed with fps games
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:21, archived)

Funny place to pitch a tent.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:22, archived)

it's a bivvy

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:41, archived)

Oi Oi, be lucky!

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:34, archived)

can i borrow £20?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:35, archived)

Yeah, I guess

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:36, archived)

can I borrow £50?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:36, archived)

No

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

i assumed we were roleplaying as tim and tyres

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:37, archived)

I'm not sure who they are, sorry

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:42, archived)

from cult 90s sitcom spaced
i was going to make a lazy age joke then but i decided against it which shows admirable restraint, i think
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:51, archived)

Oh, that
Sorry, I'm with you now
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:58, archived)

are you? where?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:21, archived)

There
*points*
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:22, archived)

that's not you, it's a pile of binba... oh

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:41, archived)

:(

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:45, archived)

you know i don't mean it, you big girls blouse
/ac
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:51, archived)

Shiny shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girl child in the dark. True story.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:54, archived)

I can vouch for the veracity of this story

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:00, archived)

If you could sum me up in one word, it'd be verisimilitude

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:04, archived)

sorry, the word I've got on the card is 'fat'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:10, archived)

I prefer 'husky'

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:13, archived)

it wouldn't fit on the card

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:16, archived)

sounds dodgy

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:00, archived)

see above

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:01, archived)

Oh. It is

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:04, archived)

but I wanna go home

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:44, archived)

did you get into a fight after drinking all night?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:51, archived)

Passed out with my girlfriend
woke up drunk. no fights
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:54, archived)

you weren't on the sloop 'John B' then?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:56, archived)

Not this time

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:06, archived)

we're at the halfway point of the week
you can make it, buddy!
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:53, archived)

Actually I have friday off
and monday, so its better than that
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:54, archived)

wow so do I, and Thursday, and next week, and December and so on

( mongychops, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:09, archived)

Great!
I'm gonna get proper messed up
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:04, archived)

see?
things aint so bad
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:20, archived)

You're right

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:03, archived)

proper moist

( $$ ✅, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:46, archived)

#sheknows

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 11:53, archived)

Started watching House of Cards
Pretty good
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:31, archived)

yeah, i enjoyed it
kevin spacey is pretty great
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:42, archived)

He is
I have to admit, during the first episode I had no idea what was going on. Halfway through the second though, it started to make sense.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:45, archived)

i think that's a product of it being a netflix exclusive
they know people are likely to watch more than one at a time
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:51, archived)

Yeah, that makes sense
Good show though. Intrigued to see how far he's willing to take it.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 12:53, archived)

it's the chance that it might never happen that is making me so negative :(

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:00, archived)

well then there's no hope for you

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 13:43, archived)

It's my last day in Mexico and it's fucking windy.
I'm gonna drink tequila to cheer myself up and make the flight home more bearable. 🐻
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 15:18, archived)

morning everybody

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:55, archived)

Your Bumholiness

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:56, archived)

alright?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:16, archived)

yes

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:07, archived)

Alright Gareth.

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:16, archived)

Neil

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:55, archived)

wut?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:57, archived)

I assumed your name was Neil
Is it not?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:58, archived)

Greg

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:01, archived)

Ah. of course
Named after the "bakery"
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:02, archived)

Named after Gregory Peck, apparently.

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

Gregory a
e ri
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:04, archived)

LOL

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:04, archived)

is that short for Neil?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:02, archived)

short for Kate

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

Here's one for you
I think someone I went out with at college is a teacher at my son's school. Imagine that!
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:57, archived)

yes I have noticed how much younger teachers seem to be getting nowadays

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:59, archived)

There's one at my other son's school who looks almost young enough to be my daughter
Very difficult to wank to someone like that. Very difficult indeed.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:00, archived)

I know you're not one to give up though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:01, archived)

It's like playing snooker with rope some days

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:02, archived)

now that is a sexy image

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

Like trying to pierce a capri-sun with a worm

( Glovington, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:06, archived)

Morning MONO!

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:16, archived)

Yeah am great mate thanks for asking.
Glad you are doing well too.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:37, archived)

best one ever

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:28, archived)

why for?

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:30, archived)

just have this feeling, today is gonna be a good day
actually, today will be an absolute shitstorm, but better to keep smiling through it eh
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:31, archived)

YEAH :D

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:42, archived)

#grinandbareit

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:43, archived)

what are you baring?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:54, archived)

HIS BUM BUM PROBLY

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:00, archived)

'bum bum probly'
there it is, the most coherent you'll ever be
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:04, archived)

it did seem uncharacteristically profound for him

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:06, archived)

Do I need to be more coherent than that though?
Do any of us, in this modern world?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:06, archived)

you're very philosophical today

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:54, archived)

innit

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:59, archived)

❤
(#1, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:36, archived)

xx

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:42, archived)

❦
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:44, archived)

BUMHOLES 🙈
(#1, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:47, archived)

they are amazing things...
things come out of them and go into them.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:50, archived)

YEAH!

( Glovington, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:53, archived)

FUCKYEAH!

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:55, archived)

good

( Glovington, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:06, archived)

morning mono
nearly christmas!
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:53, archived)

get fucked

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:55, archived)

what's your favourite christmas song?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:59, archived)

MONO come all ye faithful

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

Killing in the name

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:42, archived)

ho ho ho!
Is santa bringing you anything this year? Hair care products perhaps? A leg shortening gel? An anti-lethargy lotion maybe?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:57, archived)

i don't really need hair care products. it just looks like this all the time
i don't think leg-shortening gel exists and i wouldn't want to end up like detective baby legs
the anti-lethargy lotion sounds useful though!
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

I'll see what I can do
Alright?
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:05, archived)

yeah, tired
you?
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:55, archived)

Fed up

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:59, archived)

job-wise?

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:01, archived)

Well it's a trickle-down isn't it
But yes, mainly work. SO BORED.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:06, archived)

can you be seen, where you are? if not, pick up three objects and try to juggle them
I BET YOU CAN'T
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:22, archived)

You'd win that bet
When Mrs Hats was writing her dissertation, every time she got stressed she'd pick up the juggling balls. By the time she'd finished writing she was a juggling master.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:36, archived)

I only have 14 and a half days of work between now and Christmas

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:57, archived)

SHIT OFF
Alright Tangs
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:59, archived)

ain't I a rotter?
alright babes, you ok?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:01, archived)

Yeah
Bit bored though. I'd rather be doing something creative with my time, but there we are.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

as long as we can continue to waste out employers' time being pricks on a moribund flebsite, it won't all have been in vain

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:05, archived)

I just can't help thinking that there's something else out there

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:07, archived)

are you going to go out and look?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:08, archived)

No
Not really sure what I'm looking for.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:11, archived)

Can we have the icons on today?
can we? CAN WE?!
( Glovington, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:01, archived)

it's important that it is timed right to optimise MONO!'s upset level

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:03, archived)

^gets it

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:05, archived)

can you tone down the sexism please?
I'm not here to be objectified
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:07, archived)

SHE/HE/IT KNOWS.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:41, archived)

moist!

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:02, archived)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
We're a right pair of lads!
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:12, archived)

you shouldn't dress your username so provocatively then

( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:53, archived)

everybody?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:55, archived)

nearly

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:55, archived)

wow

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:58, archived)

Bleh.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:21, archived)

blah

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:12, archived)

Good morning MONO!
I can still feel the red wine running through my veins
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:42, archived)

you might be drinking it wrong
you should have pissed it out your cock
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 9:56, archived)

alright, there's no need to be coarse

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:00, archived)

isn't there?
isn't there really?
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:02, archived)

maybe there is, what the hell I do care?

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:04, archived)

I have a mad hankering for potato waffles

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:15, archived)

tat
( manolith hooray for me, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:19, archived)

disgusting

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:22, archived)

will bear that in mind tonight

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:23, archived)

Fantastic.

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:12, archived)

It really is.

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:23, archived)

:D

( MONO!, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 10:42, archived)

morning

( Glovington, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 1:27, archived)

morning gloves

( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 1:46, archived)

sounds like something pall bearers wear

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:07, archived)

marnin

( brb shitting dahlias, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 3:21, archived)

Morning tit

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 4:25, archived)

morning sweetheart.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:06, archived)

I was telling someone yesterday we only eat meat twice a week at ours
And somehow in the last two days managed to eat some form of pork for five meals in a row.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:11, archived)

up yours, dickface

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:24, archived)

I don't think he can hear us.
How's the morning for you now, horbs?
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:41, archived)

warmer now
And yourself?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:49, archived)

Struggling to get out of a warm bed.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:53, archived)

One for the wank bank

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:56, archived)

something about good rates of interest.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Wed 26 Nov 2014, 8:02, archived)

season of mists and mellow fruitfulness

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:49, archived)

by which I mean,
bit fruity innit
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:50, archived)

are you coming on to me?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Nov 2014, 7:55, archived)

alright

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:48, archived)

alright

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:57, archived)

shove it up your cunt, dozers

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:06, archived)

alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllright

( brb shitting dahlias, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:00, archived)

brbrbrbrbrbrb

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:06, archived)

mr horribrribrrible

( brb shitting dahlias, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:45, archived)

mr.h

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:26, archived)

rich

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 19:26, archived)

yer

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:31, archived)

I took 40 quid from a pound stake on the palace game on sunday
20 from the villa game last night. Banked a bit, bought a scratchcard today and won 50 quid.

3 quid spent and 107 gained.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 19:28, archived)

nicely done

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 19:32, archived)

fucking lol, won't be long before litigation
m.downloadatoz.com/apps/de.go2android.watchface_aw_rolex_1r,1186063/screenshots.html
( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 19:50, archived)

Alright.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BwQBjJvN5Y
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 25 Nov 2014, 18:51, archived)

colonel

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 19:28, archived)

How's it going?
Just got back from Canterbury. Lovely place.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 25 Nov 2014, 21:45, archived)

Nothing to do past 10pm
except hang out with posing twats in Chill, 12 year old chavs in the Works, or ponces and ruggerbuggers in Alberries.
( brb shitting dahlias, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 22:21, archived)

Meh, I'm getting older.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 25 Nov 2014, 23:35, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=soXRqB0X2sI
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 20:57, archived)

Alright, now what?
Anybody got anything they'd like to bring up? Haha, but you're not allowed to say "my lunch" or something like that haha.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:48, archived)

You choose, I have nothing

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:53, archived)

If you could go back in time, where would it be and why?
I'd go back to Studio 54 and do coke with Liz Taylor
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:54, archived)

I'd do coke with almost anyone

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:55, archived)

well, yeah buy it would be cool there with the birth of disco and all the "celebs"

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:00, archived)

True

( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:01, archived)

Plus the drugs were better then.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:07, archived)

That would be quite cool actually

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:33, archived)

Wansee 1941.
STOP MUCKING ABOUT AND WIN THE FUCKING WAR FIRST YOU SPACCAS! THE JEWS AIN'T GOING NOWHERE NOW YOU'VE GHETTOED THEM ALL!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 25 Nov 2014, 21:51, archived)

Hitler.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:06, archived)

I'm off to the beach in a minute to go paragliding.
I'm slightly worried my trunks might fall off.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:19, archived)

you should try the bone fishing

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 17:29, archived)

mongychops appreciation thread
I liked that time he bullied baldmonkey off the board, what's YOUR favourite mongychops moment?
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:26, archived)

I liked it when he was in the mirror or summat for bullying the nonce from steps

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:31, archived)

bit gay

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:31, archived)

he's one of the best online bullies of all time
just ask that Fouritchy sequence bloke

oh wait, you can't he's been bullied off the board
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:33, archived)

haha victims of bullying are pretty funny

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:38, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/7105784
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:33, archived)

top mongying there

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:36, archived)

I liked that time that he was on a dark desert highway, cool wind in his hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air. Up ahead in the distance, he saw a shimmering light. His head grew heavy and his sight grew dim and he had to stop for the night
( MONO!, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:34, archived)

that was a classic, like when he all went down to Montreux, on the lake Geneva shoreline
to make records with the mobile, he didn't have much time
(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:36, archived)

dunno

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:42, archived)

well link one of my posts then, it's not like anyone cares what you say anyway

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:43, archived)

cunt could of just picked one of my numerous front pages, but no, he acts the fat wanker, as per

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:45, archived)

I go to all the trouble of making this thread to show how much we value our elderly forum posters and he has to go and fucking ruin it

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:48, archived)

Alright, alright....CHRIST
b3ta.com/talk/7501018
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:08, archived)

too late now you bloated wanker

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:13, archived)

oh
well never mind. I gave it a go, that's all that counts.
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:14, archived)

dunno who that is, soz

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:43, archived)

you wouldn't like him, he's a semi-literate drunkard

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:45, archived)

Semi-literate because only part of his reading finger was chopped off?

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:47, archived)

fucking pissing down here, might have to drive up the pub

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:48, archived)

get some cans in, get wankered at home, cheaper innit

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:51, archived)

I'll do both

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:04, archived)

you'll do as you're fucking told

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:07, archived)

I think it's a former forum member who died or summat

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:51, archived)

I bet we still won't get new icons

( mongychops, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:59, archived)

I liked all those things that weren't in his remit

( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:47, archived)

haha, yeah, he did say that too much though

(Synchromesh gearbox, overhead cam, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 15:49, archived)

Saying 'of' instead of 'have' and drinking during the day
Those are the only two I can think of
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:10, archived)

should of paid more attention
haha get it!
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:12, archived)

haha yes I do

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:14, archived)

what about 'juicer'?
I think he said that a bit
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:15, archived)

yeah, now you mention it, that sounds familiar

( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:20, archived)

Never heard of her.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Tue 25 Nov 2014, 16:48, archived)