The guy sitting near to me keeps doing lines from Monty Python & The Holy Grail
What should I throw at him to shut him up?

Alt: Outside of the above and Withnail & I what is the most quoted film by people in your social circle? There's a good line in the film 'Highlander' about oafish clansmen but I can't remember it right now.

Altalt: Best sauce to go with a bacon, egg and mushroom bap/roll/cob/sammich. Or no sauce at all?
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:55, 98 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

This guy looks hilarious
not that I read any of the words
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2202054/Meet-real-life-Popeye-31-inch-biceps-big-grown-man-s-waist.html
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 15:52, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So,
Sparkling or Still?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 12 Sep 2012, 14:32, 151 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's the best 'Crude and slow, clansman, your attack was no better then that of a clumsy child' in 'talkies' history?
Mine is in 'Highlander'. It's in the bit where Sean Connery's character says 'Crude and slow, clansman, your attack was no better then that of a clumsy child'. Do you know it????


This should certainly spark some wit and repartee which will entertain us all for at least an hour, I'll be bound!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 13:22, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I watched and enjoyed a JCVD film the other day.
It was called 6 bullets and it's basically a Taken clone.

What did you have for lunch?

I had a stew I made last night.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 13:20, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What's the best "Fuck off" in movie history?
I'd say it's in Life Of Brian - "Are you the Judean People's Front?"

Alt: Lunch?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 12:13, 104 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

That was shit.
Sorry to do this but I need to know how many seats to book for the pre-lolb4sh curry for the 29th.

It will be at Needoo's at 5:30pm.

Don't forget to post some funny replies to this! You won't look like a prick at all!!!

As you were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 9:41, 143 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Carrying on from willenium's excellent idea of a projects board where B3TANs can collaborate...
...Which B3TANs would you choose for a collaborative project, based on their online persona?
I'd choose Enzyme as the spokesman for the first UK euthanasia clinic.

Alt: Doing anything exciting today? I'm being dragged to a trade show at the NEC that has the most tenuous of connections to anything I might be interested in but lunch will be free. Ah well.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 12 Sep 2012, 8:15, 160 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Fuck that shit. Who's the best /offtopic person?
Alt question : Who's the worst /offtopic person.


I vote Gonzo. To one of these questions.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 20:50, 43 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It will be eight flipping years since I became a member soon
where do you think we will be in eight years?

alt: Do you think there should be a /projects board where b3tans can collaborate on things?

alt alt: crossbow or longbow ?

alt alt alt: favourite chocolate bar?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 18:15, 94 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have you ever spanked one out to a picture of a b3ta member?
I know some of you kids are chums on the facebook so you have the opportunity right there. If you're blind to b3tans in reality who do you imagine would be a bit tidy based on their posts alone?

Alt: In a celebration of all that's British who would you choose to close the ceremony?

Altalt: You've got 50p and two hours to live, what do you spend it on?
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 15:51, 107 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Been a long time since I posted an OT
I went to Canada two plus weeks ago under not very good circumstances, it was never really a place to think to visit before, what place have you been dragged to and found it surprisingly acceptable?

Alt: In the last two weeks I have missed out on gossip what’s been the highlight of B3ta gossip since the last bank holiday weekend?

Alt Alt: I received great words of advice from a man on his death bed what great words of advice have your received and would like to share with the rest of us?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 15:25, 50 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

inappropriateness
i have just caught sight of myself in the mirror. i was quite pleased with my new grey suit. now i realise that by pairing it with black tights and a white shirt, i look as if i'm wearing my school uniform, albeit with many more wrinkles and grey hair. i have also headed out for lunch with clients, only to realise i am dressed exactly like the waitresses. when was the last time you were inappropriately dressed?

alt: which do you look better in, mirrors or photographs? which are more accurate?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 14:13, 146 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well, this is good*!
*SPOILER ALERT: It's not actually good.

HH prolly misses his old gran'paw. Batts misses his cat. What do you miss?

For me, I'd say Rentaghost.

Alt: Best TV theme apart from Monkey and Streets of San Francisco and SuperGran? I'd say Rentaghost.

AltAlt: Rentaghost, yeah?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 12:55, 213 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I have just had one of my cats put down.
Anyone want a dead cat?

(not the one I was looking for a home for - which is being rehomed on Sunday).

So that's 2 down, 2 to go. 4 cats was too fucking many anyway.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 11:18, 161 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

HOME SWEET HOME

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 10:43, 60 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have any of you been called up for jury service.
If so how did you manage to get out of it*

If not would you like to serve on a jury?

*I already know how monty got out of it. www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2200948/Juror-tells-judge-try-cases-extreme-views.html
(PsychoChomp, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 10:06, 46 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Where's Quinton

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 8:48, 116 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Alright you group of puss-filled wart-ridden mangled vulvas?
What’s the most annoying habit of the person(s) you live with?

Live on your own? Saddo. What’s lacking in your personality that means that nobody wants anything to do with you?

Alt: wankers.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 11 Sep 2012, 8:22, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

no olympics... shame

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 19:34, 44 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right,
Fuck your thread Jimbo, I've just read on Facebook that 3 people I was at school with, having recently had babies, have decided that putting amber necklaces on them will stop teething pains. HOW CAN FOSSILIZED RESIN STOP PAIN?????
What hocum and bunkum do people you know believe?

alt: What hocum and bunkum do you believe? We must have at least one new age hippy craZy who prays to some sort of moon goddess about periods?

altalt: WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 10 Sep 2012, 16:17, 132 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Enough of the nonces.
When was the last time someone said something to you that made you feel great - and what did they say?

Alt: so, are you looking forward to afternoon tea?
(Jimbojames Wishing every day could be like today, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 15:18, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

SO....Lighty's a nonce. Who knew*?
You're a fucking nonce too. MMPS is easily the biggest nonce in Scotchland and I don't just mean he's really fucking fat (which he is). Coming on here with his deep-fried birthday giving it the fucking lah-di-dah Billy Big-bollocks.

*apart from all his victims, obv.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 13:49, 179 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Right, new thread time
Alan Turing has been bestowed the honour of a special Monopoly version to celebrate his life. I'm assuming "Go To Jail" will involve soap and violent bumming

www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-19543039

Who should get a special board game and what would be in it?

Alt:
Meal betwixt breakfast and dinner?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 12:14, 167 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

There was some paralympian chap on the radio this morning.
Moaning because he had only won a gold silver* medal and that the last four years of his life were now shit and pointless.
Should the moaning cunt be grateful for what he achieved or is he right to be unhappy?
Is there no such thing as second place for you? Are you driven to always win?
How do you cope with success or failure?

Alt: Post some funny stuff, you cunts.

*Soz, sporto this was so dull I wasn't really paying attention.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 10:37, 89 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning.
Alright? Good weekend?

What did you get up to?

Alt: What of note is happening this week?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 10 Sep 2012, 8:45, 150 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sunday afternoon and I still ache from Friday night
where oh where did my youth go?

Please distract me from my pain and the never ending pile of work
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 9 Sep 2012, 13:19, 28 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Saturday Night Shut-in Party!
Bring your own sense of inevitable lonely death.

Also: how are we all today? Enjoying the sunshine?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 8 Sep 2012, 21:52, 47 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

It's a sunny Saturday morning - the weekend stretches out in front of us, full of potential.
So, my sweaty-handed internet shut-in brethren (there are no women on the internet - trufax) what are your inspirational and uplifting ideas for what will be a great weekend?

Alt: best tandoori recipe - I need to get a really good one for tomorrow's BBQ.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 8 Sep 2012, 9:00, 29 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You can't all be off getting social lives.
I bought a book today, I'm one page in and had to look up 4 definitions. I don't think its going to go well, I think I'm going to have to find another one. This is why I don't like books with bits bassed ages ago like before WW2.

You got any good book recomendations instead?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 7 Sep 2012, 19:11, 13 replies, latest was 12 years ago)