threesome, foursome, whoopsome
I was hanging out with a good female friend and the ex of my ex - a nice guy who I didn't know well, but now we had similar scars from the ex and we got along well. Let us call them Susie, and Jason.

Susie's old college roommate Katy came down to visit her for the weekend that summer - she was attractive, well endowed, and had a problem. We were all sitting in Susie's room when Katy shared a concern that was really eating away at her.

She thought she might be a lesbian!

After much discussion we found out the source of this fear, Katy's boyfriend couldn't make her orgasm. And if she couldn't cum with a man, then obviously... she was a lesbian.

This terrified Katy - it would be such a difficult life! She wasn't sure if she could like women! What would she do with all her clothes?

It was heart breaking, and I was immediately moved to help in any way shape or form that I could. I actually tried to offer advice first - how was the boyfriend's technique, did he use fingers when going down on her? how was foreplay? did he pay enough attention to her breasts first? Could you show me (go ahead, use my body...) what you to do? etc etc.

The story emerged (without demonstrations unfortunately), the boyfriend's technique was "whip it out, stick it in, thrust thrust, done"

I was getting more and more certain that the problem wasn't Katy or her orientation.

In a subtle and cunning plan, Jason and I, heroically offered to take one for the team, and prove to her than Men could indeed make her orgasm - if the men actually did something (anything!) to try to make it happen.

I got down to business by getting down to her business and Jason took the upper deck, in short time Katy had confirmed her place a couple times on the side of heterosexuality. I suggested we practice some other things as well (she could show her bf when she got home...) and Katy got a whole afternoon of delight and fun and Susie even joined us for a bit at the end.

Result right? Who could ask for anything more?

Katy could. She decided Susie showing up at the end put the whole experience in the "maybe it was cause a girl was there" light, and she'd need more experiments to find out for sure... the poor girl, she's probably still trying to figure out the truth to this day.

In retrospect I don't think I was the one with the cunning plan that weekend.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 17:02, 41 replies)

Wait . .
Er, wut?
(username failed moderation, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 17:23, closed)

It's a story, you know something that's made up
don't worry about it
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 17:36, closed)

If I was making it up ...
it wouldn't have been MMF =/

Still a fun weekend though =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 17:49, closed)

tl;dr
Girl visited, used the story that she was worried she was a lesbian and needed to be shown she could enjoy sex with men to get me and another guy to give her sex.

Ta da! that was the whole thing.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 17:48, closed)

Calling AB... calling AB.
This post is defcon 3 on the bullshit scale.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 18:11, closed)

Do you live on a trailer park?
Because from your stories all your friends seem to be dumb, on drugs, or just a bit whoreish.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 18:36, closed)

No but...
Not from a trailer park, but I do see your point - and acknowledge it's validity.

In my defense, all the stories I have about the friends who went to Harvard, have high paying jobs and are loving, faithful, supportive family types are ... well, just not as entertaining.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 18:44, closed)

That's true, I suppose.
Stories about not cleaning the wheels of a Porsche properly get dull.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:23, closed)

Maybe if we tell it right...
The loving supportive husband bent over the wheel of his porsche, straining the thin material of his khakis. Taught muscles outlined against the pleats he lovingly caressed the inner folds of the rubbery material while his wife, kneeling next to him in her sheer silk blouse gently and thoroughly stroked each lugnut with the soapy slippery wash cloth until they were dripping with...


It could work. I'm not saying it's working for me. But I think we could make it work. I'll see what I can do.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:44, closed)

Razzle Readers Wives Letters Page called
they want their story back.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 9 Jul 2012, 18:41, closed)

Dear Allisade...
...thank you for your submission, but sadly we will not be publishing this effort as it's far to fantastical.

Yours

The Editor, Razzle.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:09, closed)

=)
First, let me say - Thank you AB, I appreciate the humor and quality of the response =) It's much nicer to be mocked with some style and substance.

The funny part of all this to me? I held back in writing this up - making the story tamer than the reality was - I was afraid if I included everything, especially the parts flattering to myself, people would think I was making it up =)

Live and learn huh?

Oh well =)

Have fun gang - but don't write about it later - no one will believe it =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:39, closed)

You should definitely use more smileys.
It is extremely endearing and will win you lots of friends.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:44, closed)

Awwww
Thanks! =) =) =) =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:48, closed)

'It's much nicer to be mocked with some style and substance.'
WTF? This is AB you're talking about.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 1:13, closed)

And he was copying WobblyHat!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 1:25, closed)

Alright Grassy. I like how you've opted to become one of my fans so you can get upset at me more efficiently.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 7:14, closed)

I prefer you address me with my surname thank you.
保持親近你的朋友和你的敵人器
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 7:46, closed)

oh, I doubt that.
We just separately came to exactly the same kind of judgement of the OP because that's how it comes across. Give it the old Razzle Dazzle etc.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:30, closed)

Awww. You can actually spot the point he slopped in his shorts and lost interest in making up sex lies.
Sweet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:40, closed)

You see...
This is where you show you don't really know me, I would *never* lose interest in telling sex stories =)
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 19:54, closed)

Try harder.
You're about as convincing as a Tibetan recluse writing about the Isle of Man TT races.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 20:01, closed)

Fap fap fap fap fap

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Mon 9 Jul 2012, 20:58, closed)

Ah...
...it's about time someone came along to replace SpankyHanky as Internet Walter Mitty Sex Bore.

Wait...no it isn't.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 21:20, closed)

He's even got Spanky's board-flooding technique down pat.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 23:04, closed)

Let's see -
Latent homophobia - check.
Misogyny under the guise of sexual (rape?) fantasy - check.
All rounded out with a good dose of chauvinistic "Let the real men teach the silly girly a thing or 2 about how to do it properly" - check.

Meets all the prerequisites (& I never thought I'd say this but...)
He's all yours AB. Go for it.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 9 Jul 2012, 21:26, closed)

While I don't mind being gone after (well, I do, it kinda sucks, but I understand it at least), I feel the need to respond to this as it's incorrect on not just one, but all counts

Latent Homophobia? I had a threesome with another guy, we enjoyed it - yes I would have preferred a threesome with another lady but... that's not homophobia that's just preference. This isn't homophobic, it's homophillic (homophallic? =))

Rape / misogyny fantasy? A very nice lady asked me and my friend to have sex... it was nice. No one hated on any gender. No one was forced. There was no disrespect except possibly to the non-present boyfriend.

"Let the real men teach the silly girl ..." - This is the closest to fair in the bunch, because she did ask for help from us and was, objectively, a bit silly. On the other hand, she had no problem orgasming on her own, she knew how to cum, just hadn't with a guy (cause the boyfriend was crap, not her) - and as I stated in my last sentence of the original post - I'm pretty sure it was *her* cunning plan to have sexy fun that weekend, not any great work on our part, if anyone was used / taught / taken advantage of (happily admittedly) - it was us =)

I really don't mind being on the wall of shame or whatever, but at least get me there for the right reasons please!
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 3:00, closed)

Oh Lordy!
Infidelity - CHECK!

Going for 5 ftw.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 7:41, closed)

I think...
...you mistook cunning plan for cunning lingus.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Mon 9 Jul 2012, 21:52, closed)

This happens to me
all the time.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 9 Jul 2012, 21:54, closed)

My old da used to tell me
"Ah, there's some that talk it up and others that get it up."

It's time to clear up the used shot wads from under your bed. Your mum knows and one day soon she's going to bring it up with you.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 2:46, closed)

Do any b3tan's actually have sex?

This isn't really in direct reply to your post (which I kinda like, the quote is funny and the commentary is cute) - it's just the most recent post and the number of replies to this really is making me wonder.

Is sex (or threesomes if you prefer) really that rare for everyone that it's worth this much disbelief / comment?

Or did I just write this so poorly it needed to be made fun of, and the sex angle was the easiest to target when mocking?

Just curious really - I wrote it quite quickly while at work and was going for a laugh so maybe I made it sound less believable by not going into detail and just glossing through it, but ... the responses I'm getting are like people don't believe sex *happens*

Or is it just talking about it that's not allowed?

I obviously crossed a line - just curious where it was I guess.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 3:18, closed)

You can talk about sex;
the only line you crossed was to make your passionate escapades seem a bit too derivative of a cheezy porn flick.
The story is all in the telling. Life is a frail process, painful frustrating and joyful by turns. You may well have fucked a lesbian to such a climax that she turned about on her nature, you may have thought you did, you may have convinced yourself you did, or you may just be a pathetic compulsive liar. The telling of the story leads the audience to draw the most plausible conclusion.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 4:28, closed)

This is fair, and I appreciate the answer - I can accept it was a poor telling - and has been deservedly mocked.

Next time I'll take my time and do a better job of it =)

Just a thought - there's a certain bandwagon aspect to it all too, isn't there?

ah well, lesson learned either way. Thanks for the thoughts.
( Allisade would love to hear from you, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 5:36, closed)

Just a thought - there's a certain bandwagon aspect to it all too, isn't there?
Dear Christ on a stick! You've been here a year longer than me and you've only just come to that conclusion?!

Less time writing wank-stories to Penthouse and more time watching the show unfold here methinks.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 7:22, closed)

Ever heard the phrase "those who talk about it the most, are doing it the least"?
This is why no one will believe you, and chooses instead to call you out as a sweaty, basement-dwelling, virgin.

I don't make the rules, but I do enjoy seeing them enforced.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 9:06, closed)

I guess they do
But a lifetime of a catholic school education has left them unable to talk about where the bad man touched them on the foo foo.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 10:22, closed)

The reason people mocked your story was because it was clearly written by somebody who's never seen another adult in a state of undress.
Either that or you are autistic. Hope this helps.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 17:39, closed)

Probably both tbh.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 17:49, closed)

Posts like this....
...are like a velcro boulder rolling downhill in the park. The further down it goes, the more sh*t it picks up.
Binthere, dunthat, got the velcro t-shirt from a previous post. You just have to laugh.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Tue 10 Jul 2012, 20:41, closed)

I'd had my eye on cheryl in Accounts, but I never thought she'd be interested in a guy like me...
{razzle autocomplete}
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 10 Jul 2012, 21:51, closed)