Shall we give the banks a say in this?
Gosh I can’t believe the bile that is being vented here on these hallowed pages.

Yes, banks will screw anyone if they can make a profit because they are beholden to their shareholders. Yes, they also make mistakes as any company will do, especially as any mistake is magnified as banks are pretty much the most ubiquitous service there is. This is a fairly major beef as it seems that any mistake directly affects the customer in question virtually always negatively.
No, I am not a banking shill. Yes, my banks have made mistakes with my account. Yes, I have hammered them when they did and I got a positive resolution most of the time. Yes, they are bastards for T&Cs but to be fair that is what has to be adhered to.

Does there need to be so much hate?
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 1:38, 4 replies)

overdrawn
I am, and always have been, the proud owner of a cash card.
The only way I can get my money is either in my branch or from an atm, and this suits me fine. No overdrafts, right? No money in means no money out. Or not, apparently.

Somehow, I've managed to be overdrawn twice. On a cash card. The first time was a night out, took out £50 for drinks, then checked the damage the next day. -£70, apparently. I'd been able to take fifty quid from an account that already had minus twenty. I repaid said money, and questioned the clerk thoroughly on how I got overdrawn on a cash card.
"you can't!"
"i just did."
"oh... it's sorted now though. next..."

Fast forward 2 years, and i'm piss poor. My job hasn't paid me wages for over a month (i'm "paid" fortnightly) and my account has 70p in it, so I haven't been able to get food for about 5 days. I check my balance at 7 in the morning on a friday... still 70p. bugger. machine registers me checking this, at asda in Dundee. by the time I get to my online account, about 3 hours later, to transfer a £20 loan from dad, my account is overdrawn to the sum of -£99.30. bollocks.

I storm to the bank with a statement printout and (politely) demand to know why I haven't eaten for 5 days for lack of money, when someone else has £100 of my money. from a cash card account. They look at my shabby frame suspiciously and grill me as if i was trying to scam them. I kindly point out that as i'd accessed my emptyish account at 7am in Dundee, i thought it rather unlikely that I'd be withdrawing £100 at 9am from an atm in fucking WEMBLEY. They concede after another 5 minutes that time travel is indeed limited to the use of only Steve Martin (seriously, he NEVER AGES.) I get my money back after a week... followed by a bank charge for being overdrawn by £100 for a week. cock.

another visit with another statement and some firm words about bank charges on penniless fraud victims gets this sorted, and all within 2 hours... they're quick enough to take it off you though.

banks are poo. here endeth the lesson.
(DonMorte Cake is a made up drug, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 1:16, Reply)

American Express
Many companies are fuckwitted enough to use Amex as a corporate credit card, that means in most places in europe only US hotel chains and car hire places will accept it. ( so it costs more) it is a personal card but you are not liable, and my arse is a shirtbutton and michael jackson was not a child violinist
They also have this usage profile thing, which when you spend 6 months at a time in the workshop, the 1st day you go abroad on a job they cut off your card. " why do we use amex ?" oh because it`s unlimited.
yeah right, when it isn`t blocked.

I turn up in germany, and the rigger driver has had to abandon the tow truck as the gearbox is stuck in first, so I try to hire a van, declined by all the airport places as the amex card has been blocked. I hire one on my own card, we get the gear for the job loaded. I`ve lost the mobile phones in the truck ( this is 10 years ago I didn`t have my own then.) so we go in set up the sat tx dish, and I blag a line back to base. God bless baz my boss who toasted them, go back 2 years, 3 years and tell me it`s inconsistent, you cunch of bunts.

Here is the maddest thing, if went in to heathrow and took out $2000 (or was it $2.5k? one of those was the max cash advance) no-one raised an eybrow, but 300 quid in germany got blocked.

I did get all the stuff on my card refunded by the company and the interest paid, but I was nearly maxed out at £3k and it took 4 days to get the Amex card unfrozen, (Edit, the amex operator told my boss it was unfrozen the sme day, unfortuately real life didn`t support that assertion)the hotel didn`t take amex anyway, and I had a contractor to pay for. I was on edge so close to my credt limit.

we had one day off which was a public holiday, and I asked the girly at the hotel if she had any good recommendations for restaurants, we have greek, we have chinese and bavarian and we have Engiish.
I could see upside down "English" was the Taj mahal and creased up. I rang them and when i dropped into English got a brummie on line,and when i asked about cuisine, he said what do you want? the germans are a bit wimpy. can you do dosa`s? oh yes mate so we had a south indian feast, all the kerala dishes, my oppo was gobsmacked he`d never tried any of the veggy stuff and he lived not far from Southall.

I still don`t know how amex keep trading.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Sat 18 Jul 2009, 0:46, 1 reply)

These sorts of stories make me feel like a spy
a really, really shit spy, but a spy none the less. Hang on a second whilst I don my trench coat and fedora.

I know of some people that I can't name for obvious reasons. At the time of this story one of them worked in what is now known as HMRC, the other at a bank. The happenings are quite recent, at some point in the last boom, anyway.

I'll start with the HMRC. They're investigating a lot of banks for what is arguably theft and tax evasion. In short if they didn't steal the money then they at least didn't pay tax on it.

Now, to the man from the bank in order to explain the naughtiness. This man was given advanced warning of his being got rid of and he was told he'd be allowed to keep the company car. Wait, this is a bank? Now, as many of you no doubt know and the rest suspect when a bank wants to get rid of you they don't give you a few month warning and a car for nothing. So what was it this man had to do, what was it he was doing in order to feed his family 'til he was laid off, what was it they were giving him all the niceties to keep shut about? In banks there are dormant accounts, those that have been left untouched for years for whatever reason. This man had to go through each of these accounts and transfer their money from the inactive account to the bank's own coffers.

Now, I'm sure there are ways out of arguing it's theft if it comes to that, by saying you're moving it from one part of the bank to another merely for liquidity reasons or such, and if they came back to claim it then you'd give it to them. They are, however, making profit from this and as they're trying to keep it stumm they're not paying any tax on it. The HMRC now knows this, the HMRC are very upset.

Sure, banks screw us all over with rip-off interest rates, 'computer errors' and downright incompetence, but next time you find yourself thinking, "Well, they are out there to maximise revenue." remember that they'll do anything to maximise revenue, even if it means blatantly break the law or, knowing full well that they're doing so, fuck over the helpless.

Cunts.
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Fri 17 Jul 2009, 23:43, Reply)

We're being bomabarded with mail at the moment.
Notifying us that the mortgage deal we arranged is due to come to an end and would we like to consider a new offer? Especially now that interest rates are favourable again.

Interesting thing is, we were refused a mortgage on the grounds that we didn't actually want to borrow that much, since we were buying the missus' place from the council on the basis that she'd lived there for so long we'd get a good discount. Half of the cost was to be covered by the profit I'd made on selling my place (in a frankly overpriced area that I'd fortuitously managed to get a foothold in thanks to divorce and an unexpected inheritance, otherwise I'd have been living in a duck house on an MP's estate), the remainder of which would go into various savings to fall back on if the boiler exploded, or the bonnet fell off the car, or other such disasters. Forward planning or what?

So yeah, mortgage company, you can fuck off. You didn't want to know when we wanted to assist your business by borrowing at an interest rate that was, frankly, over the odds. We're not going to bail you out now that you've realised that your lending policy was based on a flawed premise of giving money to fuckwits that couldn't afford to pay you back.

Mongtards.

And you can't take our house off us either
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Jul 2009, 23:29, 1 reply)

Don't die. Whatever you do, don't die!
By the time my ex mother-in-law died, I had already been split from her daughter for a good while. We were still quite close at the time though, the situation with her mum’s illness kind of being the glue that continued to bind us. More fool me, but nevermind. Blood under the bridge and all that.

The day she died, we both went up the street to sort a few things out – notify the undertakers, close bank accounts, that sort of thing. I went along more for moral support than anything else, having been made redundant in all other aspects. All was going well, until we got to the last bit of financial stuff to sort out. With the Halifux; with whom the outlaw had some shares and a TESSA. We went in, waited in the queue, then got to the counter. I let my ex do the talking, whilst I stood back.

“Hello”, she said, “My mum died this morning and I’m sorting out her affairs. I know she’s got some shares and an account with you but I can’t find the papers; I was just wondering if I gave you the details, if you could let me know how much was in them and possibly close the accounts? I’ve got her death certificate here”.

“Yes, of course”, the cashier began. This sounds promising. “I’ll make you an appointment”. Or, maybe not.

“I don’t really have to want to come back, to be honest, can’t you just tell me now?”

“I’m afraid we can’t”.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a private matter”.

“But there’s nobody in here”.

“It’s company policy”.

“I really don’t mind, all I want to do is get this sorted today so I don’t have to worry about it. Please?”

“You would need to make an appointment to be seen in a private room”.

“Honestly, I really would prefer to sort this here”.

And on it went for another five minutes whilst my ex got more and more frustrated. Eventually, probably to shut her up and get rid of her, they acquiesced to her request, and the matter was sorted quickly. The accounts were closed and the assets transferred to a holding account.

“Thank you”, said my ex to the teller monkey, politely but with obvious disdain.

“You’re welcome”, came the terse reply, “but next time this happens you will need to make an appointment”.

My ex turned, and calmly remarked “I can assure you that my mother isn’t going to die a second time”. Then she turned on her heel and walked out. Secretly, I was quite impressed.

I closed my account with the Halifux the very next day.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Jul 2009, 23:13, 3 replies)

Two faced twats
God - when you owe them money they are on your back with phone calls proffering polite threats with regard to payements,i was some 4 1/2 K in debt and when i finally had to wedge to pay it off they made clearing the debt so difficult i nearly exploded with frustration.

I think they preffer it when you owe them money as they can break out the thumbscrews to negociate "terms" !!!

Twunts
(shug, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 23:09, 3 replies)

Bad luck with cash machines
Mis-vends are rare enough with cash machines that most of you will have been lucky enough to not have a clue what they are. I am however unlucky enough for it to have happened to me not once, but twice. From experience I can tell you that a mis-vend only happens when you are trying to take out a large amount of money.

The first time I was unlucky enough to be the victim of a mis-vend was during the brief period where my father was actually sticking to his word and paying for my education. Since he lives in the States and I live in good old Blighty, he used to put my monthly living costs into my American account. This account charged me a percentage plus standard fee to take out money in the UK therefore making it advisable to take money out of the cash point in as large a sum as possible. I very quickly discovered that at the time most cash machines would only let you withdraw £250 at a time but Abbey would let you have £500 a go. One day my father emails me to tell me he's deposited my monthly stipend into my US account so I duly head to the cash machine to withdraw my £500. I go through the usual rigmarole only to be told that my transaction could not be completed. I thought that maybe the money hadn't cleared into my account yet so I went to an internet cafe to check my online banking, only to see that the deposit had indeed gone through but so had the aborted withdrawal. I immediately ran back to Abbey where they told me I had to fill in a form to get my money back. In this case I only had to live on beans on toast for about a week before the money reappeared in my account.

The second time I was the victim of a mis-vend was just a few months ago. I was in my student's union and without enough money to purchase my round so needed to visit the cash machine. Since it was a Friday night and I was planning to go clubbing on the Saturday, I decided to take out £100 to do me the for weekend. I put my card in, gave the machine my pin and selected the £100 option, the machine then returns my card and tells me that it's processing my transaction. All well and good so far but at this point the machine starts having a complete hissy fit and beeps like mad for about a minute, finally resetting itself to the "next customer please" screen without giving me my money. I of course have a complete freaker and inform the conveniently placed bouncer of what has happened (always good to have a witness against the banks). He relays this to union staff who, very kindly, take me upstairs so I can check my online banking to see if the money had gone out, and subsequently ring the bank up when it transpired that the money had, in fact, gone out of my account. I first rang up the bank who's cash machine it was, only to be told that I would need to talk to my bank. Why??? It's their mistake, what does it have to do with my bank really? So I then ring my bank, informed them of what's happened and was given the advice of wait a few days to see if the money comes back into your account and if not, go into a branch and fill out a mis-vend form. So a week later when my money had not reappeared into my account I went into my branch and told them what had happened, filled in the form and was told that I would get my money back within ten working days. It took a month for me to get that £100 back. Luckily I was alright for money at the time, but imagine if I'd been a piss poor student trying to take out their last £100 so that they could eat? Surprisingly enough I didn't get any interest on that hundred quid either.

In addition to machines deciding not to give me my money, I am also plagued with machines deciding to keep my card. I was moving out of halls into a new place, while buying my train ticket from the machine when the machine did the most unusual thing of not only not giving me my ticket, but also not returning my card. At this point I had about a fiver on me. Fortunately when I was cooking dinner the night before I told one of my hallsmates that I was moving out that day and they offered to give me a lift to the station, so when my card got eaten I was able to borrow some cash for my train fair and to live on for the weekend until I was able to get to the bank to withdraw some money. If I hadn't of gotten a lift to the station I would have paid the taxi driver with my last fiver and found myself in the middle of nowhere with no money and a load of luggage which I wouldn't have been able to drag anywhere.
For my current tale of card eatage woe see my previous post: b3ta.com/questions/banks/post483682
(mmm....beer, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 22:28, 1 reply)

some
unfortunate soul recently stole my sisters card details.
this poor soul then attempted to take £300 from her account.
the bank then notified my sister as they thought it was suspicious that she was trying to take out £300 when she
only had £10 in her account to begin with.

unlucky mate.

.
(stitched, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 22:24, Reply)

My (recent) ex
is the complete opposite of me though, she must have at least 8 credit cards and has paid zero interest on all of them, whenever the free period is nearing she pays it off and just gets a new one.
I'd be 26k in debt by now if I tried that....
(She's an ACA so I suppose that helps, she still does my books spot on too, best put that, her sister will read this. ;-) x)
(Kip, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 21:47, Reply)

I'm fucking loving this QOTW
I've fucking no idea what most of you are on about with your long words for being in debt and some bizarre interest rate term, but it's interesting none the less.

Anyway, banks lent me £26k over several cards and loans (yes, me, that shit with money bloke over here) I defaulted refused to IVA etc... Came to an arrangement and 7 years later have paid it off in full.
My debt, my fault, nuf said.
(Kip, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 21:14, 1 reply)

National Bestminster Wank
I had a lovely surprise, a diect debit had been applied early and took me 98p into the red the day before i got paid, and an unauthorised overdraft penalty was applied. The direct debit date had been changed from previous years and I had no notification of the change. Having pointed out the obligations under the agreement, i got nowhere. Until that is I rang their press people from a number I got from work and blagged my way to someone senior.

Their guidelines said if it was less than 10 pounds and less than 1 week (I think?) it should be ignored, certainly 98p for less than 12hours! I`d already found someone with head not just used to keep ears separated, at the branch who`d said this, but didn`t give a name. but 3 months on it had not been refunded and I was thinking about credit ratings. Two asbestos letters saying what had happenedone to to mr important and cc`d to the branch manager based on a view from a barrister friend on the direct debit agreement , got some results after I followed it up by turning up in person and kicking up up a shitstorm in the branch when the manager tried all sorts of excuses as to the delay and piss poor response. Thrice armed is he whose cause is just.

I had both a visa and mastercard from them and as I always paid in full, I got a letter saying that they had to impose a charge on me because they were making no profit. I said fine have them back and I sent a letter to the banking ombudsman complaining about the wording, they still make a profit from the vendors end as they take a negotiated percentage from every transaction. The letter I received therefore contained a lie. Of course that was the last I heard.

I moved onto phone banking many years ago and my personal manager was great, even called me from time to time just for a chat. 4 years ago she left to have a baby. Not many people can have a convo with their bank manager on these lines" its a shame you`re pregnant and going" you sound like you`ll miss me" " yes I will, but it`s such a shame someone else got in first". cue laughter.

Now it is any one of a bunch of jobsworths and you can hear the intelligence inhibiting hairgel "innit?" Read the file, read my notes and then think, and call me back. Don`t piss me off I`ll move my custom, even If they are no better at customer liason,they`ll jump at someone totally reliable, but I`ll say I left because of you, and in writing, have a nice day.
(tootired Is searching for a funny sig, nothing good so far, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 20:03, 2 replies)

data protection bollocks..
Some evil shite managed to get hold of my card details, which I found out about when the Co-op bank rang me to let me know. There followed a long conversation establishing which transactions were mine and as I knew exactly when I'd last used it (as I'm paranoid I generally try to use cash) it was quickly established that a whole range of purchases (on-line betting, mobile phone top-ups, charity donation (which confused me - a thief being nice to unfortunates?) and some other stuff being bought) were not by me. This was quickly sorted, but then I asked where the purchases had happened and the address where the stuff was to be delivered and they wouldn't tell me. I asked why not, and it's for data protection reasons, apparently. Why are the banks protecting criminals data? Admittedly I would have gone to the address and extracted either the money or the equivalent value of entertainment, by means of rapid, forceful movements of my foot/fist into the shithead who was robbing me - but no - apparently the banks have a duty of care to look after robbing bastards - but then I guess they are looking after their own kind.
(thebadangel, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 19:57, 11 replies)

remember it only takes 6 years..
Are you sitting comfortably....then we'll begin....

There is a six year limit on taking civil action in the UK. So what? I hear you little chipmunks say...

Action to reclaim a debt is a civil action. ie a ccj is only possible if the creditor takes you to court within six years of making contact with you over any debt you might have with them.

With me so far? Good, keep listening.

Get a credit card as soon as you are old enough. Don't use it too often and when you do repay that month. After maybe a year only pay half one month. You will be offered a higher credit limit very quickly. Follow this course of action for a couple of years. Then apply for another credit card from another company, do the same. Keep it up and in 10-15 years you will have 20+ credit cards with credit limits in the thousands. And a very good credit rating.

Pick your destination country.

Spunk the cards oh so madly and oh so badly. Buy diamonds, foreign currency, hit the cash points etc. Spunk them baby, spunk them. Plan to max them out inside two to three weeks.

Take out bank loans for as much as you can. BIG loans.

Leave enough money in your bank account to cover one month of repayments on all cards and loans. (Thus establishing an intent to repay and protecting yourself from charges of theft)

Move to your destination country leaving your new address with a few choice friends and relatives.

The credit card companies can't make contact with you. They don't know where you are. They know where you are not because all mail and phone calls to your old address are returned or unanswered.

Six years of no contact and the statute of limitations on civil actions kicks in. No way of taking you to court = no way of forcing you to repay the debt.

£80,000. No comeback.

Kiss my shitty ring HSBC Abbey National Lloyds Sainsburys Goldfish Barclaycard Mastercard etc etc etc.

Fuckers.

How d'ya like them apples!

Serves you right for all those mortgage foreclosures.

Fuckers.
(godisdove I like cheese, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 19:54, 32 replies)

Back in the day, I needed a bank account...
...as I was about to start University, so I thought I'd better get myself one of those student accounts. Nat West were advertising their student accounts which gave you a free Young Persons Railcard, and as my uni was a fair distance away from home I thought it made sense. So into the bank marches I.

"Hello, I'd like to open a student account please".
"Certainly" says bank lady, we sit at her desk and go through all of the associated procedures. It was back in the day, so a DNA sample was unnecessary.

"There we go" says she, "your account is now open. Is there anything else I can help with?"
Just as I am about to ask where my railcard is, it finally dawns on me that I am in actual fact sitting in a branch of Lloyds TSB.
(mcnelson, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 19:25, 1 reply)

I went to a cash point
and sat in the slot was a £10 note!

I needed £20 so I put my card in the machine and watched it blue screen and reboot into windows XP. Piece of shit.
(MrChimp previously Monsieur, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 18:33, 5 replies)

When I was in the *habit* of suing banks....
My misses wanted her charges back - again, the spiral was caused by their fuck up (as mentioned in another qotw answer), and by this time, I was getting so blase with it I sent this:

-------------------------------
Dear Ms. Dchurch,

Following your letter dated ##/##/##:

I will:

[ ] Deposit the full amount in acount number xxxxxxxx on 15th May.
[ ] Await legal papers from Northampton
[ ] Ignore legal letters, judgement and await bailifs into head office.

Signed:__________________

-------------------------------


Sadly, they just paid the dosh back. I had a frame waiting and everything.

I was on first name terms with their solicitor by the end of it, he must have just thought, "cheeky fucker".
(dchurch bah, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 18:22, Reply)

Last year
I stuck my card in the ATM at my bank and requested a withdrawal of cash. A message came up on screen saying 'Insufficient funds'.

"Hmm", I thought. "Now is that me, or them?"

Badoom, tish!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 18:20, 1 reply)

Clydesdael Galashiels
A Mate of mine used the Clydesdale bank cash machine at night during the time of night when they get their software update and it swallowed his card. He went back the following day with his passport to get his card back. The harridian's behind the security screen said they couldn't had over the card, so as to prevent fraud and instead it would have to be sent to for destruction; even though he was a French national with valid photographic ID - making it easier from him to prove himself in a small Scottish uni town. Instead he had to wait for a new card to be shipped over from France and hope that his wallet didn't run out of cash.
(trainee mad doctor is currently trying to build a secret laboratory, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 18:14, 1 reply)

Santander
I just went to the cash machine, it froze up on me and re-booted. The nice lady inside said I cant have my card back until tomorrow morning! I need beer money and its not fair!
(Dr Zoidberg is going for a scuttle, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:34, 1 reply)

I hate Lloyds TSB
Long story short: owing to their incompetence I was left completely broke - albeit temporarily - as a student. I had to jump through all kinds of hoops to get my money back and I received no apology, compensation or indication that they realised quite how badly their mistake screwed me over.

Back in the day, before I knew how to write up a good qotw answer who am I kidding, I'm still winging it even now, I submitted this story and thought no more of it. It wasn't until later in the week I noticed the grey text that usually says, "You have 0 unread messages." had turned into a red "You have 1 unread message." as someone had felt the need to respond to my answer.

From that moment on I was introduced to the joy and excitement of exchanging gazzes. b3ta was no longer just a cathartic place to vent or try to entertain but it was also a place to chat to like minded cynical, twisted but ultimately fun loving people.

I'm still looking forward to the day when I can meet that person but I'll always have to grudgingly thank Lloyds TSB for our indirect introduction and making me actually pay attention to the name of the posters which led to me attending bashes and squirting the OT section of QOTW with all of my love.
( djtrialprice, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:30, Reply)

Scabby Abbey and the account closure farce!
Let me regale you with a tale of shenannigans so silly I was lost for words!

It all starts back in 2005 and in the concrete wonderland of Milton Keynes.... my ex had been banking with Abbey for many years but had eventually seen the light and got a proper bank account. As such the Abbey one had a little over £1 in it and was still registered at her parents address. Periodically a statement would turn up announcing the pitiful balance etc.

So when we decided to move to Devon and were dealing with loose ends, mail forwarding etc it seemed common sense to close the account.

Into the branch in the city centre we went and explained to the desk gibbon the intention to close the account. "You can't" he said. "we don't have any money". This seemed like an odd thing for a bank to say, but sure enough looking around we realised the cashiers had been replaced with numerous ATM machines for paying in and withdrawls and any manned desk was just that, a desk... with colourful leaflets of all the debts we could be "sold".

So this was a problem. The account contained an uneven amount, what's more at less than £10 the ATM machine was no use anyway. So the desk gibbon advises that to close the account he could issue a cashiers cheque for the total balance of £1.52 and the account would be closed. Easy, we'll do that then and after 30 mins (???? how long!?) we leave with a cheque and the assurance it's all sorted.

You can imagine the confusion when 6 months later a bundle of post arrives from the ex's parents which tell a very different story... It seems that having taken away actual cashiers and cash from the branch Abbey now make a charge of £3 to give you your money in cheque form. So having issued a cheque for the full balance of the account they then instead of closing the account put it £3 overdrawn to cover the cost of the cheque!

Now for the icing on the cake. Having closed the account we'd not given them a forwarding address, what's more the overdraft was not authorised either. So 6 months of charges, letters etc had increased the debt to over £100!!!

My ex doesn't like dealing with stuff like this on the phone so asked me to try and sort it, but of course for data protection they wouldn't deal with me so back and forth we go until eventually someone see's the light and agree's to cancel the original £3 charge (for issuing a cheque to close the account) "as a gesture of goodwill"!? then continuing to cancel the charges arising from their original mistake. So having received a statement will a zero balance at last we again had to request the account be closed in writing.... yep you guessed it, they took so long to sort it that they then applied another months interest to the debt and again the account went overdrawn by a few quid!

Finally the wall began to show a dent from my continued banging my head against it and I wrote a very "final" letter....

I advised them the circumstances up to that point and announced we would not be sending any payment to correct their mistake and that if the matter was not resolved within 5 working days I would take great pleasure in passing the story on not only to the financial ombudsman but also every newspaper I thought might have an interest as well as the newsletter publication for their shareholders to see where their money was being wasted.

Funnily enough the account just dissappeared after that...

but honestly, what idiot came up with the idea of a bank with no money or cashiers?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:29, 4 replies)

My Old Man
is a retired I.T. teacher. When I was a uni student I considered myself confident when it came to arseing around with computers. I was proud that when I got stuck, I could call up me dear old Dad.
He would patiently guide me through the process of how to recover the contents of the hard drive I'd wiped (did I mention I thought I was tech-savvy) and unlike my local computer store wouldn't charge me up the arse for it. Which was all well and good.

Until one day when I got a call from my Mum. Who wanted to discuss my finances.

'Ooooh... shit' thinks I, but like a good Son duly hopped on the bus home to face the music.

Turns out that dear old Dad had bought a piece of software that allowed him to view the details of any account registered to the family home address. Upon hearing this news all the blood drained from my unkempt, emaciated face. Clever Dad.

My collossal student loan.
Very well. We all know about that one. Not ideal but no problem.

The student bank account, £1k overdrawn.
Got a bit of a bollocking for bad money management but nothing too savage.

The other student bank account. The one I didn't tell them about.
Also £1k overdrawn. Shit.

The Visa Card. All £3500 of it.
Now not even Nick Leeson had to face the wrath of my Mum.

Still, it worked. I'm not in debt now.
Apart from the student loan. That and the humungous mortgage.

Bugger.
(toomanydecibels has bleeding ears on, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:17, 3 replies)

From the other side of the fence
If you get a job as a cashier in a bank don't, on your first day serving customers, wonder what the button under the counter just by your knees does. Or if you do, try and remember what it was your manager told you about it.

Don't press it. Don't, when you discover it doesn't seem to do anything, press it again, and again, and again.

An armed response team WILL be called, and you WILL get sacked.

Very embarrassing.
( rofl harris, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:11, 2 replies)

loan advice
sage advice given to me by more than one person.

when taking out a loan with your bank (or with anybody else for that matter), never ever bother with the loan protection insurance thing. you know, the additional money you pay on top of your repayments each month which protects you in the event of you losing your job and not being able to make the repayments.

you pretty much have to die before it becomes worthwhile.
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:09, 1 reply)

Not really a bank, more a post office.
When I was a student, my mum signed me up for a post office account, rather than the posh bank accounts my college mates had, much to their derision. No cheque book, no cash card, just a "book" with which to get money.

It had two columns, one marked "withdrawl" and one marked "deposit" which the cashier would fill in as necessary. One day, as I tried to take out £50, the rather ancient old dear announced she had forgotten her glasses, and promptly wrote £50 in the "deposit" column. Result: me and my mates drunk for 3 days, and they all signed up for post office accounts.
(tid, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:01, Reply)

Mergers and Acquisitions
So far I've banked with four different companies without having to raise a finger.

1. Commerce Union Bank (which used to be the German American Bank, but that was before my time).

2. Sovran Bank (Fuckers who can't spell.)

3. NationsBank (Fuckers who run words together.)

4. Bank of America (Really the same fuckers as NB, who changed the name when NB bought B of A.)

What next?
(uncle_bud is not the jelly roll king., Fri 17 Jul 2009, 17:01, 2 replies)

Special Treatment
A few years' back I was on holiday with the now current Mrs There.

She'd got herself previously a credit card from a company carefully selected on the basis that they offered her a free mobile phone. Anyway, she'd phoned them before we left to tell them we were off to the US, just so they wouldn't think anything was up when the USD transactions started appearing from random places in California.

All was well for a day or so, then ... card was rejected. Phone calls to the credit card company had to be made to coincide with UK opening times, of course, and by the time things had been sorted, we were more than halfway through the holiday. We'd been using my faithful "work" credit card (from the ShatWest) in the meantime ("work" were very understanding about it ... I'm self-employed).

And the credit card company that had caused us so much grief for using our card in America, even after we told them we would be over there?

Errrm ... American Express.

(Ditched it soon afterwards anyway. Sh*t customer service and nowhere takes it anyway, apparently thanks to their exorbitant merchant charges.)
(Neil_E_There didn't the Aussies used to be good at cricket?, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 16:57, Reply)

Why education is almost worth it
I recently moved back to the UK from the USA, and since it was going to cost me a small fortune to transfer all my money from the US account to the UK account, decided just to come home and withdraw cash to pay into my UK account. It worked out cheaper in the long run, but did involve me taking out £250 a day, and going into the branch to pay it in.

Now, when I moved back, I was staying with my fiance, who at the time, lived in a disgusting armpit of a town called West Drayton. I saw many many lovely folk there, including the morbidly obese woman vomiting on the steps of Morrisons at 10 am, and the piss-soaked chav buying baby food, cigarettes, and a bottle of vodka in Tesco one morning. Not a nice place.

So on the first day of my plan to pay money in, I went to the bank, withdrew my money, joined the queue of inbred scumbags, and eventually got to the counter. the woman behind the counter took my cash, holding it as if it was diseased, and with a look of immense disdain on her face, paid it into my account.
This happened again the following day. And the next. On the 4th day, she actually looked at my card, and did the most delightful double take.

'Are you the holder of this card?' she said.
'Um, yes' I replied (wanting to add that it would be a bit fucking odd to pay £1000 into someone else's account over 4 days, wouldn't it, and more to the point, how did it take her 4 days to look at the card?)
'Oh, well, 'Dr'. VitaminC, is there anything else I can do to help you today? Would you like to buy some insurance? Or discuss a free overdraft facility?' she gushed.

And from that day on, every time I used the bank there, she almost fell over herself to help me. All because I spent 4 years of my life playing in a lab, and happened to have a title other than 'Miss' as a result. It pisses me off a bit, since my fiance, who earns double what I do, but just happens to have a foreign sounding name, is treated like shit everywhere he goes.

However, I have since insisted on having 'Dr' on every bill, account, card, whatever, in my name, and have received pretty good customer service as a result. It's very tempting to change my title to 'Lady' sometime in the future, and see what happens then.
( ascorbate, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 16:53, 5 replies)

An example of a phone call
DRONE: Hello there, is that Mr WillyNilly speaking?

WillyNilly: Yes, yes it is.

D: Well hello there Mr WillyNilly, my name is DRONE calling from Mastercard collections department, you appear to have been late on your payment this month for £25.37. Would there be any way you could make some sort of payment to us today?

W: No, no there isn't.

D: And why is that, sir? Are you suffering some financial problems at the moment?

W: No it's not that. It's just that I can't get to a bank on a sunday because they're closed so why should I let you get money out of me on my one fucking day off of the week!?

(Yes I am fully aware that people have different shift patterns and everything but I just find it a complete double standard for them to ring me on a sunday morning)
(WillyNilly SillyBilly, Fri 17 Jul 2009, 16:47, 2 replies)