More Gryff Rhys Jones. And Tiff Needell
I bumped into him as I was coming out of a tube station in London. He had his head buried in a book while he was walking - as I'm 6ft tall and the wrong side of 20 stone he came off worse. I just called him a twat and carried on walking.

I'm also a motor racing marshal and one year at Brands Hatch we had Tiff Needell taking part. He does some bits for TV including launching his car off the grid in spectacular fashion, leaving bits of tyre all over our nice clean grid. So I picked up a handful of tyre cuttings and when he returned to his garage I walked over and asked him to hold out his hand. He did so and I plonked a load of dirty burnt rubber in his hand and told him "next time you think it's clever to do a big burnout you can fucking clean up after yourself"

Edit: A mate of mine spent the day in a recovery lorry at this race meeting, and in one of the last races of the day Tiff broke his transmission on his car. SO my mate is sitting in the lorry next to Tiff, reciting "Sniff Tiff's diff" to him. He didn't looked impressed.
(Hog UK, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:58, Reply)

back in '86
etruria in stoke held a massive garden festival - lots more exciting than it sounds

anyway one of the attractions was a big stage with stuff going on on it and at the time we went Grotbags (of pink windmill fame) was performing.

While in the gift shop I (aged about 10) saw the aforementioned witch, and told my little brother (who was about 7). He couldn't see her but went off on one about how he'd 'hate to meet that nasty old witch', etc. By this point grotbags had appeared behind him and shouted "WHAT???!!" in a loud screechy witch voice.

Little bro turned very pale and jumped a mile.

The moral of this story, don't be rude about witches.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:58, Reply)

johns not mad - tourettes supremo, i made him cry
i was at a meeting in a community centre in galasheils, and heard a load of shouted fcuks / cnuts / howls from outside the room. turns out it was john from that toutettes documentary from years ago, "johns not mad".

i got to meet him, but short of things to say to someone who is really only famous for calling his mum a slut, i asked him how his dog was.

"i got the dog put down yesterday", he replied and turned away, visibly upset.

still, he called me a fcuk and barked at me a couple of times, so i went away happy.
(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:55, Reply)

Not rudeness, just scaring them
I was once at Kings Cross station going to Leeds. I was short of readys, so I thought I'd look for a cash machine. Couldn't find one, so though I'd ask someone. The nearest person happened to be Clive Anderson off the telly. I strolled up to him and said "Alright mate, is there a cash machine around here". I clearly recognised him, but I pretended I didn't(don't know why). He just looked at me very strangely and said no. I think I scared him. He was with a small child.
Oh and a mates ex girlfriend had a bitch fight in the toilets of the Honey Club in Brighton with Cat from Eastenders. Apparantley she's a right mouthy old so and so.
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:53, Reply)

not really famous...
...but I have called a convicted IRA terrorist a cunt to his face. I was working as a teacher in London, and at the christmas piss-up the assistant groundsman and I didn't get on - although we were separated before fists got involved.

A few months later, Mr J Murphy was part of an IRA cell caught in possession of two tonnes of ammonium nitrate in a lockup in north London. Actually, one of them was shot being "arrested" in a flat near where I was living.
( randompunter, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:39, Reply)

And another...
Dave Beasant - Was on the dodgems with his son a few years back and *everyone* was taking the opportunity to ram into him as hard as they could. The Liverpool fans seemed to take great delight in this BTW.

Dennis Wise - Was in a local nightclub and my mate got served before him at the bar...

Wise: Oi, mate, don't you know who I am?

Mate: Fuck off shorty.

Cue laughter all round and Wise leaving shortly after.
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:38, Reply)

Went to a local lecture hosted by one Patrick "Xylophone" Moore once
After which I joined the queue of hopeful nobodies seeking his autograph and an opportunity to bamboozle the old duffer with bizarre "how heavy is a charmed green quark?"-type questions.

I managed to confuse the hell out of the poor old sod by asking him how an ISA worked (he had a cameo as a 'rocket scientist' in an old Abbey National ad with Alan Davies) ... unsurprisingly, he had no fecking idea WTFIWOA.
Not so much rude as obscure, really
( badg3r :: what are you insinuating, you equity ponce? last considered changing his board sig on, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:37, Reply)

Ulrika Jonsson
Back in about 1990 when I was 16 and living in Torquay, my parents were away so a few mates came around to my place and we got all pissed up on cider booze. We stayed up all night ('cos we were that hard), and then at about 7 in the morning we switched on the TV and saw that the really fit new weathergirl Ulrika Jonsson was presenting the weather live from Torquay sea front. So with nothing better to do we leg it down there to try and see her 'in the flesh' and get on TV.
We found her straight away (not difficult to spot a hot blonde with a camera crew on a deserted beach)and went straight up to her. They were on a break and were due back on-air soon. She was even more stunning in real life than on TV, and the whole bunch of us just stood there staring at her with gormless grins, practically dribbling. And then *gasp* she spoke to us: "Aren't you lads a bit too old to be acting like this?" She seemed to find our adolescent drooling amusing.
"Fucking slag" my mate replied. And off we went again.
( Biffins Bridge, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:30, Reply)

Paul Daniels
When i was about 4 or 5, my perents were family friends with Paul Daniels and his wife (any1 know whats shes called?).Anyway, i was invited to their son's birthday party as we went to he same play school. Upon arriving i asked Mr.Daniels why he was "so short and wrinkly." Oh how i laughed when i was told the story 10 years later!
(homochicken, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:29, Reply)

Cat Deeley - Just One More Thing, Ma'am.
Was really rather tipsy at a party a couple of years ago. Met a beautiful young lady and did my famous 'if Lieutenant Columbo were senile' impression for her.

Failed to recognise she was Cat Deeley, and I'm still really annoyed because if I'd known I'd have done my 'Huey from Fun Lovin Criminals' instead.
(microsaulxp, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:29, Reply)

The entire Australian cricket team..
..were in a bar next door to ours in SA. So being the kind, curteous Englishmen that we are (about 200 of us), we all started to sing, to the tune of Yellow Submarine...

You all live in a convict colony,
A convict colony,
A convict colony

And so on until they all left except Dizzy Gillespie who was too far gone to notice anything apart from some woman with juggernorks.
( doctordoctor I feel like a pair of curtains, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:28, Reply)

Sad Prog Rock Has beens
I write reviews for a magazine that specialises in classic/progressive rock, and I mentioned that a band called Arena sounded like Marillion, at which point my personal e-mail inbox, and the magazine letters page was flooded by hatemail from their fans,who are so sad and anally retentive that they live at home with their mums,are all 40,bald and speccy have no girlfriends and have fat beer guts,read teenage sci fi and spot trains and collect Blakes 7 DVD's.I then got the keyborads personal details and posted them on a gay friend finder site. I also pissed Ian Gillan from Deep Purple off during an interview when I asked him about some remastered albums and got a 10 minute rant about how he'd lost the rights to those albums during some court battle over what he had and hadn't paid his band,the interview finished shortly after that! And when steaming roaring blind drunk I managed to insult Andy Powell from Wishbone Ash by saying that its not proper Wishbone Ash,and another band once heckled me from the stage over a review I'd written (when pissed where I got the album title wrong 4 times! whoops!, I also said they sounded like Marillion as well)
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:25, Reply)

My cousin once shouted "Dick and Balls" at
Skin from Skunk Anansi when she asked if the hotel bar was still open. She looked a bit hurt. We bumped into Keith from The Prodigy and Sean Rider from Black Grape the same night but were too scared of them to be rude. 'Twas a Rock 'n Roll night indeed.
(Happycow - 2% pure beef, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:21, Reply)

A mate of mine told Robbie to f*** off...
Way back when I was in High School, we often had little known teen bands visiting to mime to a crappy backing tape.

One day the girls were thrilled that a not-very-well-known-at-the-time band called Take That would be performing in our school hall.

After a paticularly gay performance, Sparksy (the school weirdo) got up and shouted at the top of his voice... "F**K off you gay B'stards..."

The headmasters face was a picture.
(Halfcircle, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:21, Reply)

The Beatles
Not me but my Mother, and a vice versa situation where a celebritie was rude to her...... she went to see the Beatles at Sheffield City Hall, and being an excitable young lady she waited outside the dressing room door, and when The Beatles appeared my Mum launched herself straight onto John lennons back, at which point the great man himself turned round to her and told her to 'Fuck off'.
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:16, Reply)

Big Daddy
Whilst on a school trip to the Crystal Palace sports centre in the 80's who should we see but Big Daddy training at the pool. Wow! of course we all loved Britains favourite wrestler at the time and so a group of us approached him and asked him for his autograph. To which he replied "Piss off you annoying kids".

The resulting "you fat bastard, you fat bastard, who ate all the pies" song from us echoed across the whole swimming centre.

needless to say he wasn't our favourite wrestler after that.
(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:14, Reply)

DeMontfort Uni Students Union, Cira '95
One saturday night heavily lashed up on diesel, Stella and Vodka - saw Steve Macdonald from Corrie fame sitting in the corner, acting cool and chatting up some of the lasses. Me and a mate staggered over and said " 'ere, you're off the telly.." he just nodded and smiled, to which we replied "Daft cunt" and walked away. Oh, the wit i have when under the influence still amazes me... i'm sure a bit of wee came out as I walked away in hysterics...
(TheManofScience, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:07, Reply)

Not me but my Dad
My Dad is quite high at the BBC, (the radio side) basically if anything goes wrong, its his problem.

Back in the day when Chris Evans did radio one, my Dad received a call from the Studio manager saying that Chris had started a BBQ and was inviting ppl in over the air. (any smoke would cause BBC to evac)

My Dad promptly visited Chris and told him to get his arse out of the studio and piss off home before my Dad threw him out.

I was very proud :D
(Shifty Bloke, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 10:04, Reply)

Keanu Reeves
I was living in Sydney during the filming of the first Matrix. After a hard day of cleaning up operating theatres, I wanted nothing more than to go home and have a couple of bevvies before going to sleep. Unfortunately they were filming one of those 360 shots outside the front of my fucking house (which they had covered with scaffolding to make it look 'spooky' - It was the same spot that they pulled the bug out of his belly button if it helps you get a mental pitcure).

After standing there watching cameras move around keanu for about 5 minutes, I got the shits and walked through the set. Keanu whipped around and asked me what I was doing, and I told him I was going home and to fuck off. A couple of days later, on 'Today' (one of our morning shows) he was being interviewed and mentioned that they had to cut one of the scenes because someone walked through the set. Who knows, maybe the series would have made sense if I hadn't done it...
( gronkpan https://twitter.com/VomitingLarry, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:57, Reply)

Not really being rude to a celeb more like the other way round
A buddy of mine was once doing a little daytime browsing in HMV on Grafton street in Dublin when he spots flea(The Chilli Peppers), doin a little covert shopping skulking around the rock section trying not to be noticed, so Tom picks up a Chilli's CD and goes over and asks for an autograph at which point flea promptly asks him(in an exceedingly unfriendly tone)to leave him alone that he is just trying to do a little bit of cd shopping. Now Tom doesn't take kindly to anyone being rude to him especially not an over inflated pop/rock/funk(what is that type of music anyway?) star so he runs out the door and starts roaring to all the lovely people on the street that flea is inside giving away free tickets to their upcomin gig ah! the horror!

(famous people be warned!)
(We Love You Jimi!, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:52, Reply)

Cliff n Liv
In Newcastle, Australia,we were out for a curry one night. It just so happened that Sir Cliff was in town doing a gig that night. I was out with a bunch of mates & had had one too many bottles of wine. The restaurant was empty apart from us pissheads, when in walks Sir Cliff and Olivia Newton John with posse/big burly blokes. Pisshead me pipes up "Alright Sir Cliff?" "Hi there" he replied out of politeness.
"Alright Livie?"
Snubbed.
Bitch.
(Lambswax, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:52, Reply)

Gerry Marsden
Odourous, obnoxious self important scouse "star" Gerry Marsden was once doing a show at the Liverpool Playhouse. At the interval he asked for the disabled audience members to be removed from the stalls as they were making to much noise. After the interval we moved them to the front row of the stalls and told them not to worry about getting excited and making noise.

He is an objectionable, squattish, talentless scrubber.
(cottonreel, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:39, Reply)

Shhhh!
While at the London film festival, we were sat waiting for Sophia Copola and Scarlett Johansson to introduce their film Lost In Translation. As the lights faded there was lots of loud chatting over my shoulder I swung round and said "SHhh!" half way through the Shhh I realised that the noise was Scarlett Johansson and Sophia Copola stood right next to me in the isle waiting for their cue to go up on stage. I shhed Scarlett Johansson!
Ooops.
( Happyperson, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:32, Reply)

Just remembered
Our team here at work went on a residential training course in some posh hotel near Plymouth. The new Warner Village complex had it's grand opening the day before, so as we were arriving Jonathan Ross and Caprice were leaving.

That night, beered up, I started chatting to some people in the bar. They claimed to work for Warner in the marketing dept, so I went on to tell them how shite Warner really is, that the only good things they've done are Babylon 5 and Bugs Bunny, and how they really need to start releasing good films before the company goes down the pan. Saw their pictures in the paper the next day - it was the Managing Director of Warner UK, and the Vice-President.

To be fair, they took it really well and even offered me tickets to an advance screening of the Matrix.
(Foss, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:29, Reply)

Chris Eubanks
Every year, some friends and I do the London to Brighton Charity Bike Ride. Afterwards whilst getting cunted at a seafront bar (as is tradition after a hard days peddling) we spotted lisping fuckmonkey Chris "thimply the betht" Eubanks on the opposite side of the road astride his Harley. Several of us then stood up and shouted at the top our voices "Oi Chris you wanker". He spotted us and roared off down the road, only to do a U turn and come back. We shat ourselves at the prospect of a good hiding from a professional boxer only to see him come past showboating and waving at us. Seems that the vocally challenged wankpot has (luckily for us) gone deaf.
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:17, Reply)

Not me, but a friend of mine
went to see a Broadway show in New York. There's a minor kerfuffle in the seats behind her as a couple of latecomers come in, and pretty soon after the talking starts.
"Oh, I could sing that much better than her"
"I know you could baby!"

My friend turns around to give them the filthy "shut up" look. But it continues. And continues. There is shooshing at them from my friend, and after more and more "I'm better than that" conversation from these people, my friend spins around to them, fiercly telling them "SHUT UP OR LEAVE!!"

When the house lights came up, my friend saw that she had been shooshing and growling at Whitney Houston and her mother.

Silly drugfucked cranberry. (Whitney, not my friend.)
( HairyCanary as Ann B. Davis as Alice, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:16, Reply)

Birmingham Irish Centre, John Peel
Peel was hosting a gig featuring Brummie band Broadcast - I dragged my mate Dave along. I spotted Peel skulking in a corner and, being a Fall fan, decided it would be a good idea to go and chat about the relative merits of Mark E. Smith's latest bandmates or somesuch.

A couple of minutes in, Dave blurts out "Sorry, who are you?"
(flying_pasty, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:16, Reply)

Mike Flowers
is my Mothers Cousin, at a Wedding a few years back my Sister asked me to go with her whilst she got his autograph, after signing her Menu her turned to me and said "You too?" I said "Nah, I think your crap"
( Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:13, Reply)

When I was about 13-14 or so
I did the Junior Great North Run.
Wolf from Gladiators was handing out medals to everyone at the end and was giving people a great big "GRRRRRR"
Of course inevitably when it came to my "GRRRRR" I had to reply with the only answer I could, which was "Fuck Off"
( Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:09, Reply)

I met coronation street's 'spider' in a nightclub in Stafford
it was one of those shitty PA jobs where they prance about on stage and sign autographs, they passed a mike round and asked if anyone had a question for him, after a dare by my mates, I calmly asked for the mike, looked him in the eyes, and simply asked "why are you such a c**t?"

the bouncers quickly took the mike off me and i was ejected from the venue.. it was bloody worth it.. stupid prick..
(Chunk Mcfunk, Thu 15 Apr 2004, 9:04, Reply)