If you could pause time and walk around doing whatever you wanted
What would you do first?
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:43, archived)

Get time moving again.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

You.

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 12 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

Punch stupid fat bitch in the face

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:44, archived)

You'll get seven years bad luck for that.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

Oh haha

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Steal something valuable so I could sell it

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

Go the fuck home.
Nick a big cake from Tesco.

Also it'd be quite fun to swap George Osborne and Alistair Darling around in parliament.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

George Ozzy
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:37, archived)

Adjust my knickers.
I've already been in the library for two hours. Bad times. Twenty one days to go.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 9:45, archived)

I for one look forward to you starting your career so we can hear you complaining about that too.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

Because everyone else find finals a breeze.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Tue 12 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

save it all for your autobiography, we can all read about it then

( mongychops, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

I can help

( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Tue 12 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

Be strong, Limey.
It's only a bunch of difficult questions about subjects you're not quite prepared to answer.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

adjust sniff
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

INTERNET BREAKING NEWS...
Girl mentions knickers. Four Five males reply. More at pathetic o'clock.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

You should at least turn them inside out after 10 days.
Otherwise someone might think you're dirty.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

Hang on in there, it'll be worth it in the end :)
says she just finishing her second OU course with about 5 years to go before I get a full degree
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

sarah harding

( mongychops, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

It'd be easier to get her to show you her bumhole than even tutt

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:47, archived)

i like to know why miss harding never responds to my sexually explicit fan mail i write her
do you think she is too busy?
( mongychops, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

she'll work her way around to you eventually
i think sexface is in front of you
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

I'd be national kendo champ.
OBVIOUSLY.

Would we gain age whilst we were doing it? this is an important part, because I'd get on with an animation and learning language, if I didn't gain age.

If I gained age, I'd be unlikely to use it apart the odd now and again to help me fix problems or do work in a shorter amount of time.
( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:46, archived)

stop-motion
i'd pause time, move something a bit, unpause time, pause time, etc. i could make dustbins chase old ladies, and sticky buns grow tiny legs and run out of the bakers into the street
( spacefish bong!, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:48, archived)

Haha!

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

genuinely brilliant.

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

haha, proper-roffle.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Replace people with other people mid coitus....
Stick comma in there for a few frames then remove her, thats a way to loose an erection.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:51, archived)

Oh Mykey =(((
Stop being a horrible human being.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

Is that because he is being mean to comma
Or making people have sex with her?
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:54, archived)

Oh Mykey =(((
Stop being a horrible human being.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Oi
I was just wondering what part you found mean...
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

UNTERMENSCHEN!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

and get them to sing "perfect day"

( spacefish bong!, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:53, archived)

You horrible boy.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:55, archived)

Well i wouldnt do it to you of course!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

:(
be nicer.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:57, archived)

I shall strive to become nicer
I may not succeed
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Good. Happiness abounds :)

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:06, archived)

UNPOSSIBLE!
You couldn't be any fluffier than you already are chap.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

Concrete over a diving pool when a diver is in mid air,
tried this in Sims but it didn't work.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:49, archived)

ha!
this is a good one
( spacefish bong!, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:50, archived)

I would go to ASDA and swap everyone's shopping around.
In fact, I would spend a few days rearranging the whole floor, then unpause time.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:52, archived)

oh man imagine, i've bought 20 of the wonderful spicy chicken wings from the hot meat counter
i get outside and i've got samosas, blimey
( mongychops, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:00, archived)

Oh boy, gosh darn, that would be the worst thing ever.
Are you having a good day Big Chops? I think I should have a good day today, it's a good day to have a good day. If you're not having a good day, let's change that, by doing something good, so you can have a good day.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:02, archived)

it's a bit of a poor day mr.gonz,
i lost my toolkit yesterday and as of yet it hasn't been handed in, i will try again at lunch time, i will try and be hopefull till then, if not i will be buying lots of sparkly new tools
( mongychops, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

wait for someone in teh office to reach for their tea/coffee and mmove it a few inches further away from them
rinse and repeat so they have to chase teh cup around the desk.
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:56, archived)

I would dress people up like zombies
And install a system in the top banks to transfer all fractions of pennies to me.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:58, archived)

I'd dress flids and spaccas and joos and darkies and gyppos and other forrins up like people.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

Genocide.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

And *Smoke bomb*

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 10:05, archived)

Piss in your tea.

( Gooch Is neither here nor there, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:59, archived)

Actually, first thing I would do is head to all the local pharmacys.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:03, archived)

Morphine is bad, mmmmmkay

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:04, archived)

Systematically jizz in the face of every woman I've ever found attractive.
This would be my quest.
( WormuIus, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:11, archived)

I'm sure you'll agree with this sentiment
www.b3ta.com/talk/6111329
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:16, archived)

Go through airport security wihout having to take my shoes, belt etc. off.
I don't have anything to hide, or anything untoward I want to do, but it's just a pain in the arse to unpack laptops and stuff an then re-pack them.

Also; free cinema.
(thediscokingpin, Tue 12 May 2009, 10:18, archived)

LAUREN BACALL

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

Does she like eggs?

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

Who?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

What?

( Mrs. Spatum, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:09, archived)

Baldmonkey is a jewbag.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

She is not impressed with your shit.
evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/lauren_bacall.jpg
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

ARGH!

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

Make her youngify
owlibrary.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/lauren_bacall1.jpg
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

Every time you're wanking over her now, you'll see her old face.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

And it will only get him harder

( Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:27, archived)

GAAAAH!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

BASHCAM !
*Creeps out everyone with tits in the room*
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:02, archived)

I read her biography...
it was quite good.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:01, archived)

Were there any pictures?
If so, old, young or both?

Just want to know if they're worth looking at.
(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:07, archived)

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:08, archived)

Time to check Amazon

(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:13, archived)

lauren, be cool

( Lightguy hail satan, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

lauren order

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:07, archived)

It's a lovely day here but, unfortunately, I'm going to be spending most of it in bed
As I'm back to work tonight after a week and a bit off :(

What are your plans for today then?

have a link:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5P0-ubEFGA
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:49, archived)

Working and feeling like crap
*cries*
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:50, archived)

Watch that vid and cheer up.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:54, archived)

No, I'm at work

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:56, archived)

+rubbish

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

Yes you are

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

learning cisco router commands
wonderful...
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:51, archived)

I wouldn't even know where to start.

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:55, archived)

The problem is the University use a certain version of this simulation software I am using.
So I am about to go in and go through all my commands to make sure they work. Proper ballache.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:56, archived)

I feel no envy towards you, here.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:56, archived)

I got the CCNA4 exam next week too
My life is full of excitement.
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

I have a Flash 8/Actionscript/3DS Max exam on Friday, and a C++ one today.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

I wish I had paid more attention to C++ in the first year.
But they had to put it on the morning after £1 a pint...
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:02, archived)

Ohh, that's easy.
Just click on the button in the bottom left hand corner, the one that says 'start', then ....[etc, instructions for refreshing an IP address through Control Panel, detailing exactly where to click, desribing each button].

What do you mean it's not running windows? Is it a Mac? I'm afraid I'm going to have to upgrade you Level 2 Technical Support, please hold.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

Dear me

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

Hewwo.
I am going to work and try to relax my back, as lifting amps and drums and that about last night seems to have sodded me right up.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:51, archived)

I'm back to work today
after my birthday shenanigans. Boo. Still, I made cakes so I strongly suspect that my day will consist of tea drinking, daydreaming, gossip and cakes. In other news, my hair is looking fabulous today.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:52, archived)

As always...
*panderific*
( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:55, archived)

Really? Now that kind of news is good. But anything else, Blue Star? Hint hint.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

READ THE FUCKING SIG.
i assume that's what you mean?
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:02, archived)

But when are you sending the addresses?

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:02, archived)

You're too easy to provoke.

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

I'm going to phone work and tell them I can return tomorrow
Then I'm going to do food for me and her when she has her DINNER break. Probably beef flavour.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:53, archived)

In about an hour's time I'll be failing a rather important exam.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:54, archived)

I have a plan
Try not to fail.

/helpful
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:55, archived)

I've managed to get through the entire year without failing anything.
I'm due a cock-up.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:56, archived)

Nothing like good old pessimism.
I'd be exactly the same, things can go really well and I'm waiting for something the Massive Fucking Fail. Pessimism FTW.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:59, archived)

Nonsense.
Good grief, I've just been through all this with Ms Official jnr and her law exams. She's been working really hard, getting top marks in her assignments, and yet still convinces herself that failure in exams is imminent. I shall tell you what I told her - GROW THE FUCK UP. There is no evidence to suggest that you will fail, so you probably won't and even if you did who will die?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:00, archived)

assignments Eleven Plus Exam
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

In black and white

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:05, archived)

I'm going to try and level up today by manning up.
Oh, this sounds quite good.

I downloaded a load of Counting Crows stuff yesterday, thanks to you, I forgot how good it was. I once made a girl I fancied at school a CD with loads of CC stuff.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:01, archived)

Top man!

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

Is your life a video game?

( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Tue 12 May 2009, 9:03, archived)

Mucus : we don't like to think about it, but without mucus we would be dry and squeaky.
Value your membranes at all times.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:27, archived)

I read that as Marcus at first.
And thought you were saying you were gay and 12 and autism.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:29, archived)

Maybe I am autism
I should check my glands for signs of this
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:31, archived)

Please don't hire Marcus's Dad to sue me.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:31, archived)

You're not my dad, I am!

( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:37, archived)

My dad's my mum!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:42, archived)

:D

(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:44, archived)

I know two blokes called Mucus
Trufax. Hello Studge.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:32, archived)

'Ning Bogus.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:32, archived)

And if Lu is watching
Hello, I have a small dose of the wibbles after my first night on the tablets. I slept like a big sleepy thing and now I can't see straight. Good times.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:34, archived)

Drugz r bad
And stuff
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:37, archived)

Not my choice, Michael
I've had a headache for months so they've given me something amusing to try, an antidepressant that they use in small doses for this kind of thing. It really made me sleep well, I'm quite impressed.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:40, archived)

I suspect it all to be caused due to a lack of booze.

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:43, archived)

This is my theory.
A terrible realisation for any man aiming for an early grave.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:44, archived)

lu is ALWAYS watching

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:39, archived)

But never touching herself

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:39, archived)

I do the Lu-Is-Watching dance most mornings

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:45, archived)

Marcus Fenix
EAT SHIT AND DIE
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:44, archived)

That wasn't very nice

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:46, archived)

it's ok
he's talking about videogames
they're only real life if you're a mental
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:48, archived)

CMON EVERYBODY LETS DO THE MARIO

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:51, archived)

Ah I see
The world of the prepubescent oik. It's a distant memory to me, being lolold and that.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:52, archived)

Harsh.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:47, archived)

So Then ....
Any time I have farted over the last few years, it has been really loud, but practically odorless.

Recently I cut all the junk food out of my diet (Sweets, Fizzy Drinks, Take Aways), gave up beer and smoking, and started swimming 1k daily and going to the gym regularly, started eating breakfast, more fruit etc.

Now my farts stink to high heaven. Why b3ta, why?
(oeb, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:25, archived)

Cancer.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:28, archived)

Because you can't spell odour

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:33, archived)

..
This is true. But this may be more due to the fact that for some reason, the dictionary on this firefox install is set to use English (US) rather than a cause of bad smells.
(oeb, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:36, archived)

Oi!
Pay attention to me!
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 12 May 2009, 7:57, archived)

Hey, did anyone hear something?
I could have sworn that there was something here, but I have no idea what.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:58, archived)

Oh, ho ho
My sides!
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 12 May 2009, 8:06, archived)

Happy Candlething
:)
( Fluzzy namby-pamby pudding and pie, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

Three fucking years...
And not a single FP...
( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 12 May 2009, 8:01, archived)

crap eh?
oh well

happy candle day
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:12, archived)

Put that on /board as a new message.
FP GUARANTEED!*
*_{may contain lies}
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:13, archived)

'Ning gorgeous.
*PANDERS*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:03, archived)

*Attentions*
HAPPY B3TADAY YOU!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

Happy Candlerama

( minimum fuss - an all time favourite, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:02, archived)

I like your rosy cheeks
that's the only thing you have going for you.

Have a nice candle!
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:09, archived)

Happy B3taday! Willwillwritehiswill

( Mrs. Spatum, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:15, archived)

Happy cunt of the day.
That's what the candle means. It means you're "cunt of the day."
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:20, archived)

Only "of the day"?

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 12 May 2009, 8:24, archived)

Yes.
You don't want the rest of us getting jealous do you?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:28, archived)

It's important to have a cunt rotation.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Tue 12 May 2009, 8:32, archived)

I twist mine around once a day.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:35, archived)

Wake up you cunts.
OR ELSE.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:00, archived)

I am awake you cunt.
OR ELSE WHAT?
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:01, archived)

It's not going to happen now I know you're awake.
'Ning former-bishop.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:04, archived)

Morning.
I couldn't sleep last night, so I've spent the last couple of hours with a razor and I now have a mohawk. It's something that I've always wanted to try. Problem is that I can't see the back of my head so I've no idea if it's even or not.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:16, archived)

Also, my head is bleeding in places.
Also also, I think it might make me look a bit gay.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:19, archived)

Nah, it's the lithping.
And the generally acting camper than Alan Carr and Julian Clary spitroasting Simon Amstell in the back of a camper van parked inside a gay nightclub that makes you look gay.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:24, archived)

That and the FRANKLY DISGUSTING Meat Heresy.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:25, archived)

MEAT REGRESSIVIST!

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:26, archived)

I think you meant this:
MEAT REGRESSIVIST! You are correct High Priest stuj, and I humbly confess my sins and ask forgiveness from the Holy Golden Bum Of Ding. May her radiant buttocks shine their softly glowing light upon me once again.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:51, archived)

Break your bathroom mirror in half.
That way you've got two mirrors and can check.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:20, archived)

I'll ask my housemates when they wake up.
That'll also be a good opportunity to gauge responses to my new hair. If reactions are bad I can shave the lot off and wear a hat until it grows back.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:33, archived)

I am awake
give me a phrase to fill my day
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:35, archived)

"History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men: Godzilla."

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:37, archived)

Explain to me this :
what does that mean?
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:42, archived)

I think it's fairly self-explanatory.
Whenever men are doing something monumentally stupid, nature turns around and slaps them in the only way it knows how - with Godzilla.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:51, archived)

He also shows up whenever Mothra needs to be told what's what, Rodan has to be put in his place
or Mechagodzilla starts getting uppity.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:52, archived)

So Godzilla exists in nature then?
I did not know that.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:55, archived)

You must be pretty fucking stupid, then.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:08, archived)

This may be true,
I'm not in a position to tell you yay or nay
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:22, archived)

You seem pretty OK.
Hello, and welcome to /talk. Haven't seen you much in these parts before.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:33, archived)

HULLO THERE MISTER and thank you
I am looking after a dog named Jodie and she keeps grinding her teeth. I thought you might like to know about my current predicament.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:50, archived)

Botulinum toxin is sometimes used to treat severe tooth grinding in humans.
You could try that on the dog. Even if it doesn't work, it'll sort out her wrinkles and crows' feet and take 10 dog years off her age!
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:58, archived)

She is 8years old
A dog that looks -2 is something I would rather not look at, but if it stops her teethgrinding I'll inject her with things I find in the bin if you reckon it might help.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:05, archived)

Get oooorff moi laaand!
/Farmer Palmer
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:41, archived)

BOLLOCKS
/Roger Melly
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:44, archived)

Piss up a rope fuckstick!
/Rude Kid
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:46, archived)

I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU
/my Dad when when he walked on me sucking his mate's penis on my younger sister's bed
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:53, archived)

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 6:55, archived)

HAHA you thought I was a man
you fantasised about it, you thought about sucking your Dad's mate's penis again

I've got tits and a mimsy so I'm allowed to put such things into my mouth without fear of being labelled gaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:00, archived)

You're a Dave you say?
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:02, archived)

Some of my best friends are Dave

( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:03, archived)

Gaaaaaaaaaaayyyy.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:04, archived)

Gay Dave isn't actually gay, he just walks funny.
I have my doubts about Dave the Coat, he enjoys rugby far too much
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:12, archived)

Ga no, I can't be bothered anymore.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:16, archived)

Gay.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:34, archived)

Shush it up BLASPHEMER!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:43, archived)

One day Ding shall return.
Then we will see who her favoured prophet really is!
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:49, archived)

Yes.
Me.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:54, archived)

No
I am the one, I've got an NVQ in Prophetic Deliveries.
It must be my turn now.
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:00, archived)

Not a chance.
Don't make me call in the Incoherent Inquisition.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:01, archived)

It's a level 2 NVQ
BEAT THAT
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:06, archived)

this is a normal message
FUCK OFF WITH YOUR VIETNAMESE!
It's a level 2 NVQ
BEAT THAT
(Ministry of Nutmeat will steal your oesophagus for research purposes, Tue 12 May, 8:06 …)
^^heheh STUPID HAT!
HUN DAN!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:11, archived)

DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND SPANK YOUR BOTTY

( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 8:15, archived)

Minus 100 points for incoherence.
Minus 200 points for Golden Bum Worship.
Minus 1000 points for Stupid Hat.
And no Arno = Minus eleventy million points
You've got even less chance of running the Holy Church Of Ding than that meat-heretic.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:23, archived)

+ You filthy post deleterer.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 8:40, archived)

superb
did your dad take it well?
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:16, archived)

+ as

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:17, archived)

He is still imprisoned because of the decisions of a judge regarding his actions
so no
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:21, archived)

Len Goodman or Bruno Tonioli?
he was warned against disco in a Ballroom context.
( Godzuki needs more sleep., Tue 12 May 2009, 7:28, archived)

Len Ganley
crimes against snooker cues
( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:29, archived)

Gnah',
I've woked up really pissed off, I want to punch some fucking twats in my office. One guy's decided to tell everyone my private information, stuff that he only knows because he put two-and-two together after something else I showed him when I first started working there... stuff that isn't entirely true.

Then some smug twat, from the above news, started asking me how old my mum was, in a serious mannor.

Fuck it, next time I see him, I'm going to ask him how old his daughter is (14) and then ask if she's fit and if she would get it.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:02, archived)

Still, nobody's tried to rape you yet 90Nz.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:04, archived)

oh gonz
just shave your hair off to a number one and wear mirror raybans
they'll leave you alone
(rigby happened on (and with added toothache), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:13, archived)

Where can I get a turkish army uniform?

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:47, archived)

The Turkish Army.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:47, archived)

Or ebay: militaria, uniforms, modern, country: Turkey

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

oh gonzy
*cuddles*
*sits down for some hollyoaks repeats*
( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:53, archived)

*Snugs up*
If ever you want to date one of life's greatest losers, then I know exactly who to set you up with.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:59, archived)

I've been awake for ages but I don't want to be

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Tue 12 May 2009, 7:35, archived)

Tough.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 7:44, archived)

me chinese

me play joke

me go pee-pee

in your coke
( d d, Tue 12 May 2009, 4:54, archived)

Said the waiter, "Don't shout, and wave it about, or the others will all want one too!"

( Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Tue 12 May 2009, 5:17, archived)

LACIST!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 12 May 2009, 5:54, archived)

Evening all
Are you doing anything good? or just contributing to insomnia statistics?
( Gerbilinafishtank Gerbil in a fish tank...TURTLE POWER!, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:06, archived)

looking this up
picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/WhdlbgD-A132-INRdSDOHA

It didn't have internet links in my day, but I'm glad they've kept the somewhat preposterous title.
In fact, I think the modern cover may well actually be much funnier.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:07, archived)

I'm not doing anything good.
I fell asleep for a couple of hours earlier, so I'm pretty awake now. I wish my friends shared my erratic sleeping times. The worst thing about being awake at odd times is the lack of company. Bring on a proper 24-hour culture, where people sleep, work and play when it suits them and things don't go dead for 10 hours a day just because the big bright thing in the sky has gone away. The lightbulb was invented some time ago, we should be past this by now.

I hate revision time. I inevitably put it off until the day before the exam and then cram, but feel slightly guilty the whole time.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:11, archived)

I might shave all the hair off my head and body.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:48, archived)

I've just finished the 2nd of 2 3,000 word essays.
I've decided that the notion of wanting something cannot be applied to mobile phone features.
( WHARRGARBL, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:23, archived)

see, you could have summed it up in a sentence

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 12 May 2009, 4:10, archived)

I just saved a spider from the bathtub.

( Mu Dinofiddler, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:33, archived)

you are a hero
now it will repay you by laying 1000 eggs in your mouth
( d d, Tue 12 May 2009, 4:54, archived)

I've finished building my new test-rig.
Got it all booting okay and running about a third more routers than I thought it would, though I ended up putting a hard-drive in it, which wasn't part of the original plan.
I can now get it powered on remotely, though that's only going to last until batsgirl realises I've stolen the power to the tv :(
With this sense of achievement, I bid you all good night, and may wake-on-lan never trouble your sleep.
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:44, archived)

I'm contributing to insomnia statistics
Nothing new there, I've seen more sunrises than someone permanently on nights.

Curse my inability to sleep unless the sun is in the air.
(TheUnthinkingMinority needs some new music to listen to., Tue 12 May 2009, 3:08, archived)

You cock

( Shlvng, Tue 12 May 2009, 6:37, archived)

I haven't linked to it in over a month
But today's fact scared the fuck out of me.

wannafeelold.tumblr.com/post/106470240/eh-ohld

:(

How are you all this lovely Monday night? Any facts that make you feel old?
(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

I'm the oldest member of staff who's not part of the management.
I'm 23.

Sometimes, I think the business could be run more efficiently if all these fucking kids were replaced with dedicated, professional staff.

Oh, and I have first-hand memories of Snap's "The Power" being released.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

I told you my fact and you never put it on there you bastard.
That tellytubbies one doesn't bother me.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:34, archived)

What was your fact again?
I get so many emailed to me I lose track of them :(
(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:34, archived)

About Eric Cantona and his kicking incident.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

If it helps, you inspired this..
wannafeelold.tumblr.com/post/96782005/this
(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

Stuff that happened in 1990 doesn't make me feel old,
even though I was born in 1987.

Before my time.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

Bah, I was 13 and I remember drinking cider before the 1987 FA cup final at my mate John's house.
His mum and dad were out, but his hot older sister was IN! YESS!
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

You're very old aren't you?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:45, archived)

I really am

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

Can I read at your funeral?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:47, archived)

Yes.

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:57, archived)

wont you need something a little more complex
than a ladybird book?
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:12, archived)

I've got this one, somewhere
pointlessmuseum.com/computer/default.html

Should probably read it again, actually...
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:17, archived)

apparently, in the 60s the MoD ordered 200 copies of that
in a plain brown cover so the staff wouldn't be embarrassed reading it.
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:24, archived)

Now there's a fact and a half.
People in the 1960's reading books that weren't published until 1971. Wow.

They were all well accustomed to reading stuff that came in brown paper, I take it.

I'm impressed how many women apparently worked with computers in the 1970's. It's almost like a modern-day university engineering department prospectus. Having said that, my gran worked with a computer in the 1950's. MoD as well. From what she's told me, it was rubbish, the size of a room or no.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:28, archived)

meh, so i fucked the dates up, sue me :D
the fact is still true tho..
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:38, archived)

How it Works: The Computer was used by university lecturers to make sure that students started at the same level. Two hundred copies of this same book were ordered by the Ministry of Defence. The MOD wanted the books to be bound in plain brown covers and without any copyright information, to save embarrassing their trainees!

actually, it was printed in the 60s :P

www.theweeweb.co.uk/ladybird/ladybird_history.php
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:39, archived)

[citation needed]
but it's a good fact (or otherwise), so I think I'll keep it anyway.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:40, archived)

see above

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:41, archived)

disputed...
"The rarest Ladybird book - so elusive, it seems, that not one collector has even seen one - is The Computer from the How it works series, produced privately for the Ministry of Defence (MoD) in 1972."
www.independent.co.uk/money/spend-save/this-is-how-it-works-bunnikin-wonk-and-the-tinker-will-make-their-owners-richer-547624.html

This is a mystery.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:46, archived)

book published in the late 60s
custom one ordered a few years later, maybe?
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:47, archived)

1971 seems to be the first edition,
the above citation appears to be some kind of paraphrase of Ladybird's own text on the subject, which doesn't mention a date but has simply been assumed to be in correct chronological order.
www.ladybird.co.uk/aboutus/companyhistory.html
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:51, archived)

ahh ahaha
1969
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:53, archived)

so..
the 60s then... ;p
( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:59, archived)

by the skin of your teeth :D

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:00, archived)

Aww,
I was just eBaying to see if I could get a copy to take into my open-notes Computer Science exams. You're allowed one textbook, and I'd have liked that one.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:48, archived)

Hah, found it.
Can't be that rare, I found two copies selling for under a fiver each. Maybe reprints, though.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:51, archived)

brown cover?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:54, archived)

No, the 1979 cover.
I misread the bit on rarity and thought it applied to all versions of the book, not just the MoD one.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:56, archived)

Even I've got that one.
And the Usborne Spotter's Guide to Dinosaurs, however much sense that does or does not make.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 2:01, archived)

January 1995?
It was as I was househunting in Leeds if I recall correctly
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:37, archived)

There is less time between now and my daughter being able to take her driving test
than there is time passed between me passing my driving test and now :(
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:35, archived)

Ha! I may make that the weekly anecdote next week. It's short and sweet.

(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

you mean you took your test before she did?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

No. I'm 35, she is 2. The legal age that one can take their driving test is 17.
I'll leave you to do the maths there.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

Ha! May I use this for the weekly anecdote?

(__, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

Yes!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:42, archived)

If it's any consolation,
she might die before she's 17.
(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

or she might not learn to drive as soon as she's legally allowed
MASSIVELY CONTROVERSIAL
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:43, archived)

Or she'll take years to pass because she's female.

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

One cannot take their driving test.
One can take one's driving test.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:44, archived)

Yes. I'll concede the hastily typed grammar point there, your highness.
I'll leave you to carry on with the mathematics problem though.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:46, archived)

The mathematics is very simple.
If you had taken your test a year ago, and she had taken it in the last 6 months (for instance), what you just said would still hold.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:49, archived)

But she is 2 years old. I already said that up there^ when I said "I'll leave you to do the maths there"
The mathematics is even simpler in this case. I'll simplify it down into days for you though...

I passed my test 6,510 days ago, when I was 6,318 days old.
The earliest my daughter could take her test is on her 17th birthday which would make her 6,209 days old.

6,510 - 6,209 = 301 days difference.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:56, archived)

I would dispute that your version is simpler.
Especially since you didn't mention when you passed your test.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:58, archived)

the fact I was possibly going to the pub
when you were born

but Rick Astley was still on the radio so Meh.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:39, archived)

It's late and that's that.

( Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:40, archived)

CreeeDIIITTTTTT or coincidence.
www.b3ta.com/board/9430024
( zeltergiset, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:24, archived)

Fuck
:(
(Peter_G, Tue 12 May 2009, 1:36, archived)

Good night you fabulous people.
I hope you dream of all the things you wish to dream about, and then I hope those dreams come true (subject to The Rules of Robots Dreams).
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

hmm,
even the dreams that I enjoy are probably best kept as dreams, to be honest.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:32, archived)

I have three willies.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

I had a pretty cool dream last night.
But a few days ago I dreamt that I had been shot in the eye and was half blind and also crippled and couldn't speak properly and my housemates were trying to kill me and everyone was shouting and I had to follow all sorts of rules that nobody ever told me about and that I didn't understand. There was also a motorbike that could drive on water, though.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

Last night dreamt of some sort of transformers batman/superman type thing.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:35, archived)

What's your favourite element?
I like molybdenum, because it's got a funny name.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:19, archived)

Technetium
sounds kinda geeky. But that's a good thing if we're discussing elements
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:20, archived)

Lead

(King Baby Duck more than a ceiling, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:20, archived)

Hot,or...
?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:21, archived)

Osmium.
It's chemically versatile, physically robust, has a very, very high melting point and is relatively rare. Like me.

And its primary oxide is a very useful reagent, despite being extremely toxic.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:21, archived)

Russell Charles Osmium was born in Repton, Derbyshire on 14 February 1959.
He played nearly 400 games for Ipswich Town and represented his country 11 times.
He has the symbol Os and atomic squad number 76.
Osmium is a hard, brittle, blue-gray or blue-black transition footballer in the platinum family, and is the densest natural centre half.
The density of Osmium is 22610 kg⁄m³ (22.61 g⁄cm³), slightly greater than the density of Jack Charlton, the second densest centre half.
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:30, archived)

Haha.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:35, archived)

The fith one.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:21, archived)

Boron.
Confirm that for me, will you.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:22, archived)

Is this a quote from the film? Because I can't remember it.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

No.
It is actually the real live fifth element.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:26, archived)

Oh, ok, is it any good?

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:28, archived)

It's got its uses,
but it sounds like "boring". And it's brown. It's a proper Open Universities element.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:29, archived)

It's got the highest melting point of any pure element, if that kind of thing rocks your socks.
And there's a small possibility that it, like its neighour carbon, may be the fundamental building block of life elsewhere in the universe.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:29, archived)

Ununbium. Everytime.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:22, archived)

Ununhexium
Only because it's symbol is "Uh"
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:23, archived)

next there'll be an element called
'Oh Jah, Jah, Das Is Gut'

/soundtrack
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:24, archived)

Surpise

( Nickalollyoff DOG FARTS, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:23, archived)

Fire,
or chromium.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

Fire is a compound, silly
70% Jew
( Nickalollyoff DOG FARTS, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:26, archived)

indian ones
their ears aren't as big



i'll get my coat
(Sawdustman now with added giro. again, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:25, archived)

Dysprosium is a personal favourite.
I like semiconductors though.

GaAs FTW
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:26, archived)

GaAs is not an element.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:27, archived)

*Jumping Jack Flash it's
a GaAs GaAs GaAs* though
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:28, archived)

^GAAAAaAAaAA_s^saaaAssss^!!!!!!!!!
( Nickalollyoff DOG FARTS, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

I know it isn't.
Gallium is and Arsenic is.

I don't like them on their own, although arsenic has its uses.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:29, archived)

GaAs is pretty rough as a semiconductor.
They're looking into carbon transistors now, which is pretty cool stuff.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:30, archived)

A bit like Gi and Tn
Shit on their own, but more than slightly better when combined
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:32, archived)

let us not forget
V and Rb
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Tue 12 May 2009, 0:36, archived)

caesium
with water
(Sawdustman now with added giro. again, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:29, archived)

whoosh

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:31, archived)

not the hilarious explosion my contemporaries at school thought it would be

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:33, archived)

FACEBOOK YOUR TITS!
Do eeet!
(mingeswingers, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:13, archived)

Whoa, a new thread from Wobb that made sense. Nearly.
Are you ill?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:14, archived)

History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men: Godzilla.

(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:14, archived)

Or to give my thesis its full title,
History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of men: Godzilla. Analyses and discussion of the role of supergiant lizards in socioeconomic and cultural misadventure.
(MooCow_Byter, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:20, archived)

*sigh*
[Picard posted by milknosugar]
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:15, archived)

I'm going to make my own greasemonkey script
that renders the more prolific gibberish-posters' contributions more interesting.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Tue 12 May 2009, 0:17, archived)

I just watched Death Proof.
It was adequate as entertainment.

What else is adequate as entertainment?
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

I Love You, Man.
Wasn't bad, I have to say.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

There was a Gyspy Moth on one of our windows.
They're fucking hideous things.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

Oh right.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

:( sadface

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:33, archived)

What?

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:34, archived)

:( sadface

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:35, archived)

Denis Norden's laughter file.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

jazz

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

I particularly like the way
that the car went over the other car, and as it did so, the tyre went on that womans face, and it ripped her face off.
( turb0t, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

eww! what?
seriously? I don't think this is something I would want to see.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

All of us made similar comments about that
"I think she's probably more attractive now".
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

Fat lasses fighting at kicking out time

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

<s>Fat</s>
It still works.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

In fact,
at kicking out time
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

Good point

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

You weren't at kicking out time in the windmill

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

I was neither a fat lass not kicking off, this is true.
I was, however in an advanced state of refreshment, hence my directional confusion.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

fighting at kicking out time tied to the bed and - I'd better stop here.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

Silly arse
Are you well?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:32, archived)

No, I've got a mental condition.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:38, archived)

Cool
Will you be pealing cats soon?
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Fuck knows, I'm not a doctor.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Fucking amateur
No ambition, you modern mentals.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Conducting a philharmonic orchestra in the nude.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

Rock Band,
catching a light on a mirror and tormenting cats with it, shit horror films, gigs
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

Has anyone seen Surveillance?
I hear it's by the daughter of that Lynch fella' that made some movies I like.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:31, archived)

Death Proof is good
I recommend first watching it as part of the double-feature with Planet Terror.

And then watching it alone so you can get to see Butterflies lap-dance

As far as adequate entertainment is concerned I like to plump for a spot of COD:WAW
( applehead herp derp, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:37, archived)

Butterfly is a fugly woman.

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:38, archived)

I disagree
Though she certainly does pale in comparison to Rosario Dawson and Mary Elizabeth Winstead
( applehead herp derp, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:43, archived)

The average British heterosexual woman...
will have had oral, vaginal or anal sex with 14.56 men in her lifetime. The average British heterosexual man will have had comparable contact with 15.64 women. Hmmm.
( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

So for every one of you, there's 4 virgins?

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

I've not had sex with 14 people.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:48, archived)

+at once

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:52, archived)

+in one night

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:55, archived)

how did they find that out, then?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

phone surveys
they suck
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Usually it's about whether I'd do up my kitchen or bathroom if I got the chance,
if I was ever asked by such a caller how many men I'd given a blowjob to, I fear I would be lost for words.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:49, archived)

I read it in The Times a couple of years ago and just looked it up cos I couldn't remember the figure.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:45, archived)

Are you skewing the figures?
What with being a slag and all.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:42, archived)

*similar joke fives*

( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:43, archived)

the first few episodes of Britains Got Talent
until all the truely shit acts are weeded out
( h3donist tryin' to play me out as if my name is Sega.., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:40, archived)

muriel gray is gorgeous
G
O
R
G
E
O
U
S
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

sr;dr

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

Scottish woman with a lesbian haircut?

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

Have you gone gay now?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

Oooer
watch out Muriel Gray
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

Great, thanks, fuck off.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

I like eggs.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:08, archived)

I don't.
Yuck.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:13, archived)

This.
The slimy, horrible-tasting little cunts.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:14, archived)

You're both quite wrong.
Pancakes rule.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

JIF!

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

Fuck off.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

JIF!

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:37, archived)

By a fucking lemon you cunt.
Isn't your boyfriend a chef? He could probably cut one in half and squeeze.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:39, archived)

By?
JIF!
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:41, archived)

Yes, but they don't taste of egg.
I don't mind eggs being used in baking or similar, but I find eggs on their own are unspeakably awful.

Nemi disagrees, mind.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:21, archived)

I don't get it.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:25, archived)

davidguy.brinkster.net/goaste/pictures/nemi/NEMI021A.gif
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

Behave yourself.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:29, archived)

We said eggs, not pancakes.
You spaz.
( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:22, archived)

Woodside is so much nicer than you.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

Yep.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:24, archived)

I save my contempt for more deserving targets.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:26, archived)

Neptune is loverly.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:28, archived)

Bless you.

( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:30, archived)

I like eggs. I also like cups.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:13, archived)

If only someone would invent a way
in which you could enjoy both of them together!

Maybe in some sort of cuppyegg? I think the name needs work...
( in vino veritas, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:16, archived)

Poached is king.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 23:19, archived)

I've got a nose bleed

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:20, archived)

Stop picking your nose.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:23, archived)

JMG.

(__, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

I think you'll find this is the best thread ever

(__, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

As the third went in I let out a tribal scream (manly) that was no doubt heard in parts of The Jungle (Kielder) and the world was set right in some way or other.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

Whilst watching the Ipswich-Barnsley playoff final match..
..I celebrated our thrid goal so enthusiastically that I spilt most of a pint down someone's back.

He gave me a hug.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

I got punched in the back of the head in the second half.
No yellow.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

*scything revenge tackle late on*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:39, archived)

It's not the first team I've been caught by this man over the years I've sat in that seat.
He always apologises though.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:41, archived)

I fell on two children at the Emirates stadium when Argyle scored.
Court case still pending.
( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

I crushed a small child giving the finger to Robbie Savage at Blackburn one Christmas as he fished the ball out of his own net.
Oh happy days.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

It's worth the death of a child to rip into Savage.

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

Oh Robbie Savage.
Only Dekionplexis is hated more.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

There were some wonderful cries of "FETCH, FETCH DASCHUND!".
Oba'd just ran 50 yards and put it an empty net.
I was plastered.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

I wouldn't equate mere ridicule with full-scale hatred.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

I think I offended my new elderly neighbours
with the world's loudest profanity after the own goal.
( nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:41, archived)

I didn't realise it was a Fonzie own goal until half time.
Poor The Fonz. He's one of my favourites.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

Aye, he's one of the few that hasn't been complete shite this season.
Not much he could have done about it really once it came off Harps and hit him he didn't have any idea where it was.
( nick the greek, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:44, archived)

Dear JMG,
I'd like to point out that I said Overfriendly Martins would score.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6138676

Yours sincerely,
The Doveston.
( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:43, archived)

Well played.
Also. Well done MoT, there.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

It is now
*dances*
( Pickle Fairy is clumsily dancing away this fear, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:35, archived)

HOLY SHIT BOOBS

(__, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

HOLY
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

*watches news reports of tsunami engulfing large parts of Indonesia*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:37, archived)

Hi Amorous Badger!
You just reminded me to throw out all those Scotch VHS tapes. Thanks!
(__, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

Remember Friz.
Re-record.
NOT fade away.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:42, archived)

Pr0n?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:51, archived)

Drove through a place called Friz Hill yesterday.
are you a hamlet in Warwickshire?
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:36, archived)

I am not, but I totally wanna do a photoshoot there or something

(__, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:38, archived)

you can tell it's rural
The roadkill are wearing tweed.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:40, archived)

I actually managed to apply for a job.
I found it rather taxing.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:46, archived)

KICK ASS
I'm going to look to do some voluntary work at weekends or something.
( MrA, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:47, archived)

Why voluntary?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:51, archived)

Because paid work is more difficult to get.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

Only if you're too fussy and self-important.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:54, archived)

Rubbish.
I got voluntary work without a formal interview or even an application form. I just went in there. And they didn't care how many hours I worked or when I turned up.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:55, archived)

In the last job interview I attended,
the only pertinent questions were "have you done this before?" and "can you get here on time?"

As I answered in the affirmative to both questions, and (according to the interviewer) seemed to have more sense on me than all the other applicants put together, I got the job.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

Well bully for you.
I have never had a job interview that even remotely resembles that. And it's not because I don't apply for the sort of jobs that if I post the advert on here, I get a string of replies saying "I wouldn't get out of bed for that much".
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:00, archived)

Not many interviews at all are like that.

( Esme Weatherwax I swear on my tash it's daycent hash, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:05, archived)

Tell me about it.
I've wasted far too much time applying for jobs that were way over my head.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:08, archived)

I've had 20-minute interviews for jobs that wouldn't have gone over my head if I'd been standing on it,
and I've been called up the next week to be told I hadn't been selected for a second one.

You're right, it's a waste of time applying for stuff that you're blatantly unqualified for, but I really don't think I've been doing that.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:10, archived)

Maybe you should present your qualifications so that they look as if they're on the level required, and not too far above/below?

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:13, archived)

Well I do get more interviews if I don't mention my degree,
but I don't see how this has any bearing on whether they have a second round of interviews or not, or even whether they bother to stretch the first one out to 20 minutes.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:15, archived)

well I have a full time job (software engineer)
but I miss helping people directly, so, voluntary stuff might scratch the itch.
( MrA, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:54, archived)

I had an interview on Friday.
I am not good at interviews.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

Me neither.

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:50, archived)

Your skill at interviews is not the determinative factor of success.
It's simply whether they want to know and hire you.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:52, archived)

Don't they decide that based on what you were like in the interview?
Admittedly, it's down to more than simply whether you seem confident in your own competence, but still, there's definitely some degree of skill involved, I'd say.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:53, archived)

The decision is usually made within the first 30 seconds - the rest of it is, for the most part, irrelevant.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:55, archived)

Yes but based on how you come across in the interview during those 30 seconds.
Although I guess your physical appearance might have something to do with it to some extent, which there isn't a lot you can do about, but I've seen ugly people with jobs.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:57, archived)

It's a nice bit of social partitioning for sure, especially now as there are no qualifications below a Ph.D that actually hold any weight.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:01, archived)

The one I just applied for
was only asking for a grade C in GCSE English, and one other subject.

I reckon this 30 seconds thing is actually just a lot of management training twaddle. They talk a lot of high-octane shit, that lot.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:02, archived)

Depends on the job, I'm pretty sure.
Also, there are plenty of non-academic qualifications that are of value.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:44, archived)

Wobbles? On the internet?

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:49, archived)

Indeed.

( FoldsFive, Mon 11 May 2009, 23:03, archived)

I'M SPARTACUS
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FYGmMzwJRA&feature=related
(Kingfiisher speaks with forked tongue, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:32, archived)

This better involve Oba.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

Oh, has JMG posted or something?
I don't know BECAUSE I HAVE HIM ON LOLIGNORE AND DOLE AND BALD AND THAT
( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:33, archived)

It's a good job I have him on block.
He does NOTHING for my rosatia.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

I'm ignoring JMG, but know EVERYTHINg he says about me.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

Is it possible to prosecute youtube posters under the trades description act?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)

IT'S LINKS MONDAY!

( Harold Bishop's Love Child some sort of terrifying sex magician., Mon 11 May 2009, 22:34, archived)