Best Graffiti I Ever Saw
I was sitting in a pub in Oxford outside one of the posh colleges. I needed a crap and went to the loo. On closing the toilet door I noticed the graffiti was a little different to normal. Being Oxford someone had written a rather moving love poem down the door. Being Oxford there was something more: someone else had added a detailed poetry critique. Complete with references and footnotes. Oh those wacky students eh?

(Can you beat that? Best / funniest stories will be used for B3ta radio.)
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:11, archived)

this reminds me of alan partridge
always used a gag from dennis norden's (i think) book of humorous graffiti to start a speech

[edit] on a fence overlooking the M40 (just before Junction 1 westbound), somebody has painted "why do i do this everyday?", which is certainly the most apt graffiti i've ever seen, since it's my route home from work
( atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:12, archived)

demotivation graffiti
what a good idea
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

I saw that the other day coming back from Oxford.
And there's various other bits of multicoloured stuff too small to read as you zip past.
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

one of them says
"i am the king* of peas" *or possibly god, which is nice
( atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

I pass that quite often.
Originally it was just the "why do I do this..." but it has been added to over the past year or so to the point that it has lost some of its original impact.

It's still quite impressive though.

The only time you can read all of it is when the traffic for the M25 is backed all the way up and you can crawl past it.
( jonas is not my name, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:50, archived)

that one alwayus makes me laugh..
..on the southbound M40 right?
(Scribble, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:45, archived)

Yeah I saw that, but on the M25,...
Sat in a traffic jam looking at that,.. 3 months later I'd quit my job and moved 250 miles away from London :)
(HoTWire, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

damn right
I head up and down the M40 every day and see that message... it really is depressing, and 100% of accurate
( Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:33, archived)

Similar,
On bridge over motorway into town, forget where, HUGE letters - "Good morning lemmings"
(mr pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:07, archived)

You mean this?

( Zak Canard remembers this place, vaguely, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:59, archived)

That's the one
Classic
(mr pete, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:43, archived)

LOL!
That is an absolute f**king classic!
(Hektor, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 21:48, archived)

Same again, back when all this were trees
Good
Morning
Lemmings
in the early 1980's on successive pillars coming off the M4 at Hammersmith
(sad b'stard, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 9:48, archived)

Used to be spread over
three consecutive bridges on the M3.
( Flapjack - getting a bagel and playing with the lizard, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:51, archived)

This is not demotivational as such
but it is fucking funny.

www.banksy.co.uk

.
(mr pete, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 12:58, archived)

Banksy is superb...
Having lived in Bristol over the past five years I'm no stranger to his work. If you take a stroll around the streets of St.Pauls, Kingsdown, Cotham etc. you can see many examples of his work.
My favourite is the large one on Gloucester Road showing the teddy bear throwing a molotov cocktail at a group of police with riot shields.
Has anyone seen that? I wish I could post up a copy.
(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

yeah
I walk past it every time I go into the centre, the caption is "the mild mild west", or somesuch...
(matt'twam'asi, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:53, archived)

Currently
there's an advert for something (can't remember what, so it can't be a very good advert) that has a picture of Jaime Rednapp standing next to a fat bloke wearing a shirt saying "I'm Jaimie Rednapp".
Someone near me has written on Jaime: "I'm a Cunt"
( Weetobix is a married man, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:29, archived)

similarly
on a fly poster for the last holly valance record someone had written over her cleavage, "I am a dirty bitch, I fuck Gypos"
( atomic mingus, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:20, archived)

Remember Leah Betts?
There was a poster in Worcester with her on a life support machine. It said "Leah died after taking one tablet of extacy."
Underneath somebody wrote a very very big "LIGHTWEIGHT"
( Last Night Something Something Something Something, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 20:34, archived)

You mean
Jaime Redknapp, the Mexican defender?
(Sybil 'n' Tess, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:38, archived)

In Nelson, Lancashire
There is a railway bridge in the centre, and someone had put 7 pieces of paper along it so it reads 'NIPPLES'.

I thought that was genius. Made me larf. But then someone changed it to the ever present GOURANGA.

Which never fails to remind me of Lenny Henry. "GOURANGA MY FRIEND. AOOOWA AOOOWA"
(V3lvetPresley, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:53, archived)

in a similar vein
spotted on a roadsign near a distinctly middle class area of Reading: "fat nobodys in company cars". Cutting.
(breadtroll, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

it's
Nigel Rees book of graffiti.

He published at least three volumes of it not including best ofs.

And in the second volume, there was one bit that said, "If Nigel Rees uses this, I hope I get paid this time."
( fishsticks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

Oxford is strange
I know of another wall sized piece of thought provoking intellectual vanadlism in Oxford. Simply says "Life is not a paragraph". I dont understand what they are going on about or why Oxford seems to attract a better class of vandal, still makes you think!!!

If its not a paragraph what is it?
(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:37, archived)

silly fool
It's a line from an ee cummings poem.
(punch, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 1:40, archived)

Heh!
You said 'cummings'.
(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:09, archived)

Best I ever saw was on a fence in Leyton.
It simply said "Start Your Sheep". Lasted a good 10 years.
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

On a local crossing light,
underneath the illumintated "Wait" message, someone has scrawled in Tipp-Ex "while I get undressed".
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

fuck
Over the top of the illuminated message on a traffic light near me, someone has written in big bold letters with a marker pen "fuck". The piece of grafiti itself isn't that funny it's just the thought of the retarded, easily amused vandal that did it that tickles me.
(Skippy_T, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:48, archived)

chalkboard in a pub toilet
"chalk below, write your graffiti here"
huge scratched words with a key or something
"try harder"
( Sargant, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

a lot of the roadsigns where i am
have started being written in english only.
welsh nationalists keep translating them.
( Sargant, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

Bloody welsh.
they get everywhere.
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

lets rebuild offa's dyke
you know it makes sense...
( lo, the OTHER greebo warrior, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

it wasn't actually meant to keep the Welsh out
but only to show them how powerful the king was, and anyone who could build something so big and long, was probably best not antagonised.
</documentary addict>
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

Whats the point?
If they can translate them, they can understand them anyway.
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

the point is
that it is their language. They speak it. And not just to piss you off.
( bleepbloop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

well
i made up my own language. I don't speak it, but I could if I wanted to. I don't write it on signs.
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

mmmm
it sounds like you're the sort that thinks that the Potato Famine was caused by a shortage of potatoes.
( bleepbloop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

No
It was caused by an excess of Irishmen
(jonnies, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

.
.
(pikey hardly, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:31, archived)

That
is the funniest thing all day.
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:17, archived)

that and an excess of viable grain being shipped
to the UK - well England more specifically.

edit: summat nicer
( WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:39, archived)

hahahahah
vandal humour :D
( fassit, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

In the ladies loos
in The Bull in Rugby, there's a grafitti argument going on on the back of one of the doors. It starts with one person complaining about the state of the loos (anyone see the irony there?) and is continued by someone else calling the first person a disgusting vandal for grafitti-ing the toilets (what about there?)

The intelligence level of the majority of the people in Rugby isn't too high...
(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

You're telling Me !
Daft Cunts think football is played by picking the ball up and running with it !

And they've got rid of the "Return to Oz" which was always a superb pub (?)

(Living in Coventry is Hell)
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:14, archived)

i'll hear less
slurs about coventry, please
(Dr Cat9 M.D., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:59, archived)

You can hear this ?
You Scare Me !!!!

I mean, most cities build their Ring Roads round the outside !

Is it okay if I slag off Bedworth ?
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 9:44, archived)

Yes, it is!!!
It really is! And feel free to slag off Nuneaton too. I live there. Feel sorry for me...
(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 13:13, archived)

i once saw someone had drawn
a big cock which stretched across the road.
which isn't all that exciting.
( Sir Sand Goblin dellusions of grandad, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

people often do that
in the mountain stages of the tour de france.
it's fun spotting them on eurosport
( atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

Oh Yes
Down the road from us is quite a posh estate called 'The Chase' where all the snobbery live. 'The Chase' is carved into a stone wall and looks very grand......well it did until some thoughtful soul spraypainted 'Chevy' in the middle of it.

Well it made me laugh...
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

i used to shag a girl who lived in chevy chase
it's a vaguely snobbish part of the Washington DC metro area
(greengo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:28, archived)

That was much better
with just the subject line.
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:20, archived)

not as snobbish as
Georgetown.

Makes my soul shrivel.
(laurathefrog, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 2:56, archived)

Hmm..
In our old school bathrooms, someone had ripped the words out of the old Biology textbook, and written " I lick cat's bottoms" in the letters . :)
(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:48, archived)

Saw a sign on a toilet the other day
and someone had removed the "I" so it said To Let...
( Dr.Dunno, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

genius

( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

i once
added an I to a To Let sign, but nobody seemed to get confused, unfortunately
( atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

I love the
"60,000 SQ. FOOT TO LET" signs. I always wished I could change them to "60,000 SQ. FOOT TOILET".
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

i dreamed of doing that since i was a kid
and there was office space above southampton central train station to let.
( atomboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

I got caught sticking a big cardboard "I" onto a sign for a huge but ugly office block in Glasgow.
I explained to the cop that it wasn't vandalism, but architectural criticism. He said "Yeah, it's fucking ugly, isn't it? Now.. piss off. Quick.".
I didn't need to be told twice. I took my aluminium stepladder and legged it.
( chaotic_illuminator wanking enthusiast, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:54, archived)

I saw some graffiti on the bottomeof a toilet door as I was taking a shit.

It was written quite small, so I had to lean over to read it.

It said....

"you are now shitting at an angle of 45 degrees"
(guinea, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:14, archived)

hahahahah
excellent
( fassit, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

In the
Erskine Medical Library in Edinburgh uni one of the cubicles has grafitti on the bottom corner of the wall:

"If you're reading this, you're peeing on your shoes..."
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:25, archived)

My older brother used to glue pound coins to the bottom of toilets with the queens head facing up
Personally, What's quite funny, although not exactly graffiti, Is to write "reading this note will make you [insert insult her- eg.gay/smell/ugly]
(tom the astronaut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:17, archived)

does glue work underwater?
how does it dry?
(chegosaurus sucks at b3ta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:30, archived)

superglue uses
water molecules to initiate the polymerisation reaction for bonding, it doesn't 'dry' as such.

Er... I'll go now.
(Zak is pleased with your offerings, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:40, archived)

he's right
I do use... erm.. that.
( RarelyEvil, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

That's been around a while
My dad spotted it in Oxford in the 60s. When he was JCR member with special responsibility for the underground toilet block (official post title: Rear Vice Admiral. And I'm not making that up.)
( Dr Almost, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

i once saw some graffiti on the back of the loo
in leeds station, it went as follows:
'FREE! HOT GAY CHAT FOR NOTHING!!!
CALL 0800227711 NOW!!!!'

thinking nothing of it, when i got home i opened a can of fanta, and noticed the number was the coca-cola schweppes helpline
( lazygamer with new improved "MNNNNNNGGH" formula, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

did you make a note of the number,
or do you have a photographic memory?
:)
( Kamikaze Stoat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:18, archived)

i have a can of coke
to my left, a cup of coffee to my right.

should keep me buzzing this afternoon...
( lazygamer with new improved "MNNNNNNGGH" formula, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

I have some apple juice
and a box of Lemsip. I'm going to make cocktails. I'm in for a par-tay!
( Kamikaze Stoat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

here i am
stuck in the middle with you
(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:24, archived)

I read that
as pornographic memory...
(Harry, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:50, archived)

I have
one of them!
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:14, archived)

Gay Chat Line
Did you dial the number and thats how you found out it was the Shweppes help line, no memory skills (joke)
(Mexican Chilli Dog, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:58, archived)

The railway bridge
by Harold Wood station in Essex had "B U T T O C K S" in 2 foot letters, which always made me chuckle.
( Ptortoise, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

Getting out of Harold Wood alive
is reason enough to smile.
( PeterSeychelles, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

railway bridge near us in Wigan...
...still has 'QUEEN ROCKS!' written across it hehe
( meathelmet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:36, archived)

Bah. You think that's old?
On a wall in Carlton Scroop in Lincolnshire it still says "USA GET OUT VIETNAM"
( sp3ccylad carries on breathing all the way up to, say, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:08, archived)

on the now closed down police station in Folkestone
there is still 'Stop Pool Tax'
(Weeeeee!!! Pokes badgers with spoons, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:28, archived)

on the wall at our local probation office
"Dogger's mum sucks dogs"
( WD-39 new tattoo tomorrow!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:15, archived)

On a wall in Dublin
"Bert is a dog's diddy"
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

Next to some specifically insulting graffitti
('wayne is gay', or whatever) in Finsbury Park wayne (or whoever the original was aimed at, has replied) 'Whoever wrote this, their mum is a snowblower'. I'm still not really sure what a snowblower is.
(michael_k_vegfruit, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 1:52, archived)

That's
a quote from the dreadful 80s film "Short Circuit" starring Steve Guttenberg. I feel extremely sad for knowing this, and apologise for my geekery.
(mentalageofseven, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 8:42, archived)

hey laser lips...
say no more
( Emohawk, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 12:27, archived)

on a wall in Bristol
"Tracy's nan wears a wig"
(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 14:25, archived)

the graffiti
in the gents at The Shakespear in stoke newington is of a similar bohemian nature.
( discostu RELEASE THE CHEESE!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

and a
great Pub it is too
(@man dinner dinner dinner dinner, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:25, archived)

I travel with a lot of
school kids on my commute to work. And as a new form of uber bullying, they inscribe a note on the back of the plastic chairs with something to the effect of "Hi I'm tracey, for a good time give me a call on 'insert porr bastards mobile number here'" SOme of them get quite provocative, I just wonder how many of the dirty Slough fuckers actually phone those numbers.


Oh, and for the the Scottish people - was driving through the bloody wildnerness of Jockland, nothing but sheep, no habitation whatsoever, suddenly a sign looms near us........................................with "jobbies" written on it. The fact that someone drove miles to do that, coupled with the sheer childishness of the graffiti, disabled me from driving.
( Banana, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

I would

( WD-39 new tattoo tomorrow!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

I've seen some like that
"For hot mexican sex call...."
(Ellis, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

it was
"for hardcore Mexican sex", if I remember correctly, ye silly hoot.
(McDave, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:06, archived)

arse off

(Ellis, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:31, archived)

You live near Slough?
God I go to school there (yr 13 at a convent grammar thank you very much), and I can believe those fuckers doing it
(monsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:04, archived)

Hahahaha,
Jobbies!!! Genius!
(Pedro-a-Go-Go, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:52, archived)

M Kahn is bent!
/Whitehouse
( supermoore: HUNG, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

that one always puzzled me
M Kahn was the name of the bass player in 80s band Japan. Always wondered...
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

Apparently
www.angelfire.com/ok/marywhitehouse/mkahn.html
( bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:46, archived)

I still like my Japan theory


Knowing far too much about 80s pop music, I know that M Kahn was straight (and a dispute over a girlfriend with David Sylvian was a major factor splitting the band.)

But look at the photo! I can see why people may have called his sexuality into question.

edit: Just noticed the name is spelt different. Arses.
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

Hee heee :-)
He does look a bit like Lurch's smaller gayer brother...
( bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:43, archived)

I dont know who he is
But the record company logo at the bottom amuses me.
(lucky_13, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:16, archived)

he is also
the wicket keeper of the Pakistan cricket team, I think
(Woody, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:40, archived)

Surely
an euphamism like that must prove it!
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:19, archived)

M. Kahn
is probably a very common name in Pakistan
( smutch, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:21, archived)

Except that's Khan.
As in Genghis, or Imran.
Kahn is Middle-European, maybe. Like Louis I. Kahn, an American architect and very geat man, who was born in Estonia.
( PastorSauce : easy on the anchovies..., Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:32, archived)

hmmmmmm
What about the Wrath of?
(Lord Turkey Boy the First The Real Turkey Boy, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:00, archived)

Isn't that on a bridge over the M1 or summat ?

( Hagbard - Mario Kart DS Code in profile, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

Yup
I've had the pleasure of driving past it quite a few times recently. Makes me laugh every time. Can't remember exactly where it is, though, apart from that it's somewhere between London and Leeds... does that help?
( wrightbyname - correct by nature, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

I always thought
it was on Brixton Bridge just by the underground back in the late eighties. At least I'm sure there was some big funny graffiti there. Anyone remember...?
( Jacksonville believes God created evolution in 7 days, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:36, archived)

Best graffitti I ever saw
was on Springfield Road police station in Belfast the day after the IRA ceasefire. It said "For Sale"
( mother inferior - now fully in compliance with the Trades Descriptions Act, being both a mother and inferior, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

on a vaguely similar note...
.. "Ireland for the Irish, Peckham for the Peckish" on a pub toilet door (not in Peckham though) made me smile.
(<foo>, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 9:42, archived)

Or
"Provo Land" in big letters sprayed on the side of the Brandywell with a big arrow pointing towards the Bogside in Derry.
(Saoirse, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 0:53, archived)

written on an overpass:
"what's gonna set you free?" this was there for years when someone decided to answer on the next overpass: "perhaps some chocolate chip cookies and milk?"
( Melba Toast, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

A great addition was made to a mural on the side of a church
where i live. It's a huge mural of jesus that is alongside a very busy highway. Underneath the hokey portrait of jesus, amidst the rainbows and flowers, it says "LOVE POWER". The letters are about two feet high. Someone had the brilliant idea to add the letter "I", so now it reads "I LOVE POWER" quite appropriate, i think.
(meowmeowkittymeow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:44, archived)

"Free Kuwait"
was written on an overpass in London at the time of the Gulf War
and then somebody wrote below it
"with Tiger Tokens"
(trollbite, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

LMAO
i been a visitor of b3ta for a long time, i am always surprised that is more than one person with the same sense of humour as me.
(lucas_maximus, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 22:38, archived)

In St Ives (Cornwall not Cambridgeshire)
Someone had altered the sign saying "please do not feed the seagulls as they are becoming a nuisance" to "please do not feed the slags..."

not really graffiti but made me laugh.
( Reverend Dan, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:16, archived)

Sheffield University chemistry department, early '90s:
The structure of a large (and plausible) organic molecule was written on the cubicle wall in marker pen, along with "can anyone tell me what the hell this is?".

Underneath, various students and staff had made suggestions. Serious ones.
(Astatine, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

It wasn't arsole, was it?
(see Molecules with Silly Names for more)
( Dr Almost, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

Some hilarious japer had replaced the words "an offence"
in "It is an offence to urinate on Metro property" to the words "a Joy".

Never a truer word...
( Zak McFlimby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:17, archived)

On a desk in school
"Adolf Hitler european tour 1939 - 1945"
( HP SPEEDCORE!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:18, archived)

yeh the 1939-1945 tour
that was there best to date
(Leroy_slade, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

You're all very young
I used to have the T-Shirt
Caused great offence in the summer of '80
(Cautioned by the plod and/or arrested on several occasions)
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:29, archived)

With
the England gig marked 'cancelled', as I remember.

Were you arrested by the style police?
(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:24, archived)

A few doors down
from my house there's a huge piece of hardwood in someone's driveway with an enormous cock drawn on it, just like the ones which often appear on this very site. I think it might have been Dr Dunno on his way home from the pub....

Also our local swimming pool had the 'l' removed from its sign, so for years it was 'Teddington Poo' - not really graffiti but made me laugh when I was a kiddie
(MrsA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:19, archived)

Why would I
be going to your house?
( Dr.Dunno, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

For mashed potato & peas of course

(MrsA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

mmmmmmm
peas.....
( Dr.Dunno, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

on a similar note
"SWIMMING POOL" -> "SWIM IN POO"

chuckle
( wingphil, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:55, archived)

our local pool was called
bishopsworth swimming pool - changed to bishops swim in poo. which is strange, because i thought they spent all their time molesting children. you learn something new...
(muler, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

removing letters is good
the signs on trains that say "please give up this seat if a disabled person needs it" can be easily changed to read "please eat a disabled person"
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:18, archived)

and...
"tools and appliances are kept in the guards compartments for use in emergency" becomes "apples are kept in the guards pants for use in emergency" well, makes me laugh
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

On a Train on the Piccadilly
Line, someone has taken the time to alter the "Obstructing The Doors Can Be Dangerous" to "Obstruct The Doors, Be Dangerous".

How long must they have sat there trying to work that one out?
( Beejay ...he's real, he's different...he's real different, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:42, archived)

Or on Manx Buses
"The director will press for the highest penalties against offenders" to "The director will press his penis against offenders"....
(el pedro, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

On a notice at uni
FIRE ALARMS WILL BE TESTED, to FIRE ARMS WILL BE TESTED
Alarming...
(Fi, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

On old Central Line Trains
From when there was a guard present on all trains, a sticker above the doors read "OBSTRUCTING THE DOORS CAUSES DELAY AND CAN BE DANGEROUS",

a guard had inserted the letter "y" and changed it to

"YOBS IN THE DOORS CAUSE DELAY AND CAN ANGER US"
(lochii, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 17:52, archived)

A small
village near where I live had a problem with people speeding through it, so someone added "twinned with Le Mans" under the village sign.
( bovine www.richardtingley.co.uk, visit or I kill you, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

i like that one!

( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

'False Tit' in huge letters outside Nottingham train station
'If the sheep could talk, what a story they would tell' - near Bristol Temple Meads station

Underneath the Now wash your hands sign in the gents in a pub in Bristol someone has written 'and your cheesy pants and tights'

I have no idea what any of these are on about.
( Dr. trouser, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:20, archived)

Ouch
Small village near Bristol called Cocklake. Local council now fed up with replacing the 'l' on all the approaching signs...
( pattwat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:00, archived)

Pathead
just outside edinburgh often has its signs tampered with to read "Fathead"
( jeffcapeshop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:24, archived)

Wait a minute...
Cocklake is funnier than Cock ake.
(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:35, archived)

er....
he's right you know...i do prefer cocklake
(monhwa, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 5:31, archived)

Another in Bristol...
When resident evil came out in the cinema, someone did a totally professional job modifying one of the posters hung a bit too low in the city centre.

Bush's head on one figure, Blair's on the other and an extra 'P'. It was so well done, I didn't notice it for a few weeks. Nearly crashed my car into it when I did...
( VeryGnawty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:26, archived)

Now that is comedy
We need some photos people!!
(nospoon, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:56, archived)

haha
i was thinkin it said resident pevil for ages then.
(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:37, archived)

I saw a similar one
on Birmingham New Street, when all the green Railtrack signs were up saying "we're working on your station", one had been changed to say "we're wanking on your station". It was so well done that having to look twice was what made it funny.
(InTheStudio, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:55, archived)

Someone
has done that at the Odeon in Brighton. the poster for Love Actually now reads Hove Actually. Made me laugh.........maybe you have to come from Brighton to get that one....
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 12:31, archived)

more common
"now please wash your hands" with the addition "in your piss"
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:22, archived)

At architecture school someone used letraset to write
Bum and Willy on a cubicle in helvetica 12point.

In the same cubicle was: "I don't like vacuum cleaners, they suck" and the more obscure, "Leo Sayer, What a player"
( alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:21, archived)

When I was
at art college in Cheltenham years ago, someone had written in huge letters above the urinal 'ART DIES, GOES MAD'.
I still have very little inclination as to what the faux-intellectual (probably) bearded cockbite that wrote it was on about.
(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 10:54, archived)

i have 2
1. ON train from london to birmingham, i saw graffiti saying "the velvet underpants"

2. Leighton buzzard train station. Someone had graffiti'd
"god is dead"
and someone added "sexy" to the end.
(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

the velvet underpants
is a name of a band. I remember them from the early 90s. They had a song which went, "I lost my pants, I lost my pants in Vulvahampton. Don't talk to me, Don't talk to me, I'm as pissed as a cunt."
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

well i never...
still, "god is dead sexy" made me laugh
(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

bingo jesus
famous round our parts - not exactly graffiti, but hey.


(frankit, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:07, archived)

yay
i pass that on the 86 bus route to Piccadilly.
(troznarf, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:48, archived)

YAY!!!!
I like Bingo Jesus. They gave me free tickets to their gig a few months ago.
(A Pregnant Dog, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

The other band that did a lot of grafiti was "Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead"

( alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

years ago, just before an exam,
I saw someone had written the complete
lyrics to Shriekback's song "Nemesis"
on the inside of a cubicle door. I still
remember them to this day.
(haberman (it blasted him with its awareness), Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

My favourite tune of theirs was
Dog Shit Vacuum Bikes.

"Here they come
Down the street
Dogshit Vacuum Bikes..."

For some reason I can't find that on Kazaa...
( amygdala, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:59, archived)

Saw them live a few times
The only songs I can remember are "Take Some Drugs" (main lyric "take some drugs") and Join The Police (main lyric "join the police" accompanied by member of the band attacking bemused audience members with an inflatable truncheon.)

My favourite piece for graffiti is in Leeds: "what's wrong with being sexy?" in two foot high letters all along a low wall.
(chegosaurus sucks at b3ta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:27, archived)

Note:
They have pooper-scooper motorcycles in Spain to pick up doggy- shit. Neat.
(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:58, archived)

They've also
got them in Paris. I remember an impromptu lunch in the Sacre Cour being ruined by some Parisian council worker skidding to a halt in front of us and sucking up large piles of poodle mess whilst I tried to eat my baguette.
And he sneered at us as he sped off.
Cunt.
Funnily enough, the Parisian council also sluice (sp?) the streets at certain times of the day to wash all the crap and other detritus into the Seine. Nice eh?
(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:00, archived)

I believe...
...it was Hugh Reed and The Velvet Underpants.
( Mystery_Bob, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:19, archived)

Yep,
It's still there, even now. Only sometime in the last few years, someone has added a massive cock and bollocks sticking out the side of the Y-fronts that were alongside the words.

The cheeky scamp.
(v1ctory_1s_m1ne Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

I don't suppose it's really graffiti
but a village near my parents is called Libanus.

Someone taped a piece of blank paper over the 'Lib' bit.
( HP SPEEDCORE!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

.
the sign for the river "uck" is often seen with an added F. The Council has made the sign as small as possible, but not small enough.
(noggin teh nog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:25, archived)

When i was a kid
living in (shudder) Basildon there was a road nearby that the council had decided, in their infinite wisdom, to call "Puck Lane".

Apparently it is very very easy to remove the front part of the 'P' to make it look like an 'F'.
(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:32, archived)

PAC MAN
was originally called puck man, and was changed for the same reason.

FACT
(shiftClick shifts it., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:31, archived)

I was under the impression that
Pac Man was so named after the japanese for 'eat', have I been wrong all my life?
(100%hummusfree, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

yes you have
the puck/fuck man thing is true
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

A village down the road from me
was called cocklake. Guess the erased letter on the signposts.
(PacStar, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 0:32, archived)

surely
you dont even need to remove any letters...
(jamena, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:05, archived)

... cock ake ...
;)
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 13:08, archived)

The sign on Canal Street, which is in the centre of the gay bit of Manchester,
regularly has the 'C' whited out.
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:27, archived)

unlurk
traditionally, so is the "s" in street.

relurk
( godstar, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:08, archived)

there's some town in ohio called "mianus"
and yes, it is pronounced "my anus"
(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:48, archived)

I've always preferred
this place.

www.polkadotmittens.co.uk/names/graphics/twatt.jpg
( rhetoriq ADHD proficient., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 17:43, archived)

Wanker's Corner
It's a place in america I kid you not, I'll find the map one day.....
(Herr Dimitri For Truth, Justice and Fluffeh Tiem!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:57, archived)

Not to mention
joeldcanfield.com/oakcreek/beavercreek.asp
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:39, archived)

ask and ye shall receive
www.parr.com/Stores/Portland_-_East_Side/Wankers_Corner/

I just love the bit about "come and enjoy our legendary service through teamwork.

And it's a lumber yard...got wood?

I think I just did a little wee
(th3ta, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 12:12, archived)

wankers
its a horrid redneck place. I had the misfortune to run out of gas in front of a bar there one night. *shudder*
not pretty.
mullets galore. and lots of pickup trucks.
(kayke, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 4:22, archived)

Muff
Is a plabne in Ireland, in County Donegal! And there's one in Sweden too! Most amusing. Wooden Bong in Australia too.
(Vamos!, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 23:28, archived)

The world famous village
of Twatt is about 15 miles from my parents house.

Oh how we laugh
(Frog-51 ..., Fri 7 Nov 2003, 18:17, archived)

Tame by comparison...
...but I serendipitously came across a place called Nasty a few years ago. We got out of the car and took a photo of ourselves pulling nasty faces under the sign.

Haven't got the photo, but here's the multimap link


This also gives me the idea of typing random rude words into the location bit to see what comes up - I'm off to try it now!
(Bob Hopelessness, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 13:38, archived)

Dunno if this counts, but.....
I mate of mine had a new stereo for his car and he got a little sign to place on the dashboard saying "In-car stereo removed",
He awoke one morning to find his driver side window smashed and the words "Just Checking" on the bottom of the sign.
( Kris Fucking Kristofferson won't somebody think about Jade!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:22, archived)

No way

( Banana, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

way

( Kris Fucking Kristofferson won't somebody think about Jade!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

no way

www.snopes.com/autos/theft/carthief.asp
( jeffcapeshop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:26, archived)

hah
That is the best yet
( Agent Muu Dan Deacon = win, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 4:52, archived)

oh round where we used to skate when i was younger there were some arseholes who used to vandallise things
and also a grumpy security guard type who used to call the police... one time he saw these people write the words "fuck you" in permanent marker on the front doors of the building so he called the police and then came out to confront them. He grabbed the pen off one of the guys and hen scribble VANDALISM IS FOR CUNTS underneath where they'd been writing, at which point the police turned up and sw what he done and we got to watch while he squirmed.... ahh i love it when the world has a sense of humour
( lemony, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

temporary graffiti
some friends of mine and I managed to change a sign which read

"Country Property Agents"
in to
"Cunty ropey gents"

by the cunning positioning of hands and guitar necks.
(noggin teh nog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:23, archived)

I used to live in a place called Shillinghill.

Regularly somone would cross the ll's to make Shittinghill.

Hillarious
(guinea, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

I used to live near failand
We would sometimes use black tape to make the signs read "Fatland".
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)

Not exactly on topic
But reminds me of the fact that I used to live in a place called Balsall Heath.

So called because there was nothing there.
(Wizlevard, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:26, archived)

The magnetic sign in reception at work
on occasion gets changed from PASSES MUST BE SHOWN to ASSES MUST BE SHOWN.

At one point we managed to find some more letters from other sentences on the sign and make "TITS ON TOAST"
( HP SPEEDCORE!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

South Yorkshire Busses used to have signs reading..
Cut out the fuss, show your pass on this bus.

They were made of self-adhesive plasticy stuff, and were regularly modified to read:

Cut out the fuss, show your ass on this bus

Funny first time I saw it. I was well caned though.
(Gypsum Fantastic, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:49, archived)

Me and a mate went into Halfords
with a load of white sticky labels with the word 'toast' written on them. We went to find the 'baby on board' signs. We stuck the stickers on over the word 'board'.

I guess you had to be there...
(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:47, archived)

Somebody once changed the sign on a school near me
to Queer School.

Not really graffiti but driving to Hinkley I passed a roundabout. One the exits was labelled 'Willey' and happened to be located in a comedy place.
( Mr Peet the Pastafarian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

I've seen
'beware limbo dancers' on the bottom of toilet cubicle doors a few times. Very old - but probably the best graffiti ever.
(8-Ball, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:24, archived)

my personal fave
on the back of a dirty white van

"I wish my wife was as dirty as this"
(noggin teh nog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

on a dirty police prisoner transort van,
my bird saw "Gary Glitter On Tour" drawn in the dirt.
(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:32, archived)

:)

( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)

Outside Leicester Crown Court
On a prison wagon, "A con is for life, not just for christmas"
( fineart, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

to which is replied
'She is'
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:32, archived)

I love as I have done for ever
Be alert - the world needs more lerts
( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

Usually followed by:
"No, be aloof, there's too many Lerts around"

then

"No. Be alert, there's safety in numbers"
(100%hummusfree, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

On the back of
a recently washed gleaming white transit, in black marker pen : "Also available in dirty grey".
(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

just after gulf war 1
i saw a van with "iragi prisoners in transit" written in the grime on the back
(funkenstein Born from an egg on a mountain top, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

once written along the side of my dad's car:
fitted with anti-glare paint
(Fille, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

Dirty white car.
Also in kidlington there was inscripted in the dirt on a white car for sale,"also avalable on white"!

Not the best but quite good!
(punkman03, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:52, archived)

Well
i never.
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:48, archived)

She Is!
no.. really
(tom the astronaut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:21, archived)

Again on the back of a van
"Well driven? Must be stolen"
(dirtyhippy, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:24, archived)

your username is appropriate
theres a vw microbus down the road from my house and on the back is written, i beat up four hippies and all i got was this lousy bus.
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:36, archived)

i've seen....
"I wish my wife
was this dirty"

To which some lag had added
's sister
to the top line.
( fishsticks, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 10:51, archived)

Can't remember where it was
but I passed a grubby old white van and somebody had quite carefully sketched a naked lady into the dust. Practically a work of art (but with big knockers!).
( monster munch is old enough to know better, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:08, archived)

always liked the old
"stephen hawking washed my van' line ...
( coco, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

I saw this in Chicago in the 80s:
On the back of a dirty van was scrawled "Drive Like an Egyptian," which was amusing until I thought about it.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 0:25, archived)

Also on a van....
Spotted on my way to work one cold, miserable morning....
"D & J Evans
Plumbing & Heating Engineers,
We do exactly what it says on the van."

To which some genius had added...

"Drink tea and eat biscuits"

absolutely classic, my thanks to the author, still makes me laugh.
(jr_jayr, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 15:04, archived)

Somewhere in Crouch End
"Jesus Saves" to which someone had added " but Satan gives good head".

Oh, and a longstanding one in Cambridge is the lamppost in the middle of Parker's Piece (for those who don't know, it's a huge area of open space in the centre of the town) which has "Reality Checkpoint" painted in neat letters on its base. For a while there was even a nice brass plaque until it got nicked.
( chthonic, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

On the way to a beach party
down the Gower, underneath a large sign claiming Jesus is Lord, some funny fucker had added the word VADER! Is it true?
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:36, archived)

Similar sign...
On the A69 from Newcastle to Carlisle there is (or was) a sign saying "Jesus Saves" by the side of the road. A little further on someone had placed another: "But Gazza scores on the rebound".
(natto, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:53, archived)

more blashempy
The classic church sign "Jesus Saves"
was always paired with the follow up "But Beckham scores with the rebound"

(insert football player as appropriate)

again not grafitti but my dad was confused at a news board advertising the local paper which told "Astley mental patients like cabbages"....he thought to himself...i like veg too but is that news?
( pobx, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:35, archived)

I saw
one that said "Jedi Knight Man-Insane!"
No shit Sherlock.......
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 14:02, archived)

On the ceiling above the urinals in a pub loo that you could only see if you looked up:
'You're pissing on your shoes'
(mrfalafel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:28, archived)

Similar
Why Look Up Here When The Jokes in Your Hand
(Adaminho, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:32, archived)

ha!
hahahahahahahhhhaaahahhahaha, ahem
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

Saw
'Satan shat here' scrawled on the inside of a cubicle door in blood, vomit and shit...

down my local.
(Pouched_species, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:29, archived)

You live in
Hull then?
( Kris Fucking Kristofferson won't somebody think about Jade!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

gosh!

( corington, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

Sign saying "Plesae Mind Your Head"
on a train had been tippexed to say "Fleas in your head"
and faded graffiti in Bedford still saying "Roxy Music" and "The Clash"
( corington, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

Bit of a trick, that is.
Saying as the word plesae is nothing like the word fleas.

/Uncunt.
(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:42, archived)

In pub loo way down behind the toilet you could only see if you were on your knees puking into it:
"An hour of nausea is a victory over death"
(mrfalafel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:31, archived)

my all time favorite graffiti:
1) In huge letters in the women's room of a local punk venue "I'm not leavin' here til I catch a marlin"

2) Spraypainted on the side of the highway: "you need slacks"

3) a local tagger in my city writes "lick nuts". it's all over the city and it always makes me giggle.
(meowmeowkittymeow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:59, archived)

I can't remeber the source,
or indeed the exact wording...so..um..this could be completely inaccurate, but it was something like:

Shakespeare, 1554-1616: "To be, or not to be"
Sartre, 1905-1980: "To do is to be"
Sinatra, 1916-1998: "Do be do be do"
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

.
that's from the start of subway, luc besson.
(geckofun, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:26, archived)

Is it?
Someone had copied it onto a bog wall in Bradford then. The scamps.
(BeAst - did it wrong on:, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:43, archived)

before i went to university
i went along to hear a lecture about what it would be like
i sat at a desk on which someone had lovingly carved:
"hand in hand
hand in gland
gland in gland"

i took it as a portent
( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)

so
did you get any?
(noggin teh nog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:36, archived)

once
by accident (it was dark)
( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)

good.
I'm glad. Never got any at Uni, fell in love, stalked her, never got a shag. Still wood five years later (and it aches like shit).
(noggin teh nog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

Fucking hell
youre not me, are you?
(Daveybaby, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:39, archived)

Danish writer/humorist Soya in the 50s/60s
wrote a poem (or copied it?) called "A love poem":

Hand in hand
hand in it
it in hand
hand in hand.

I usually write/recite that whenever people bug me for poetry.
(Carthag, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:46, archived)

naughty but funny one....
again - on a toilet door, in my local public house, someone had written

"imigrants go home"

which was pretty nasty, but you had to laugh at the second part which someone had added

"and stop eating our swans"

genius.
(JBoom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:35, archived)

haha
That's one of the best
(Ellis, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:38, archived)

perfect!

( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:39, archived)

Arf!
Arf!
( splorp ®, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:40, archived)

there used to be
'pakis go back to africa' near my school

genius or fucknut? who can say
(psausage76, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:16, archived)

On a bridge in Poplar
there was/is the phrase "Packey Cunts" which just shows you the level of education you get round there.
(Lambkin, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:03, archived)

another pub,
NF scratched in the wall,
someone had added
love the gay skinhead look boys
(pesh, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:14, archived)

in a toilet
somewhere...

Sometimes i come to sit and think
but mostly just to shit and stink
( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:37, archived)

It's all over the place:
Some come here to sit and think
some come here to shit and stink
some come here to scratch their balls
and read the writing on the walls
( sick_boy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

When I was in college people kept on adding to that in a sort of rhyme duel
Only the next two after that spring immediately to mind:

You've got a very good point,
But I only come here to roll a joint.

And further more I'd like to add,
A line of coke aint half bad
(KingMong, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:19, archived)

Sign saying 'Sheep Dog Trials'
graffitti underneath saying 'He's innocent'
( Dai_Marzipan Ain't no party like an S Club party, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:41, archived)

'Bill Stickers is Innocent'

( Thor_sonofodin https://twitter.com/Thor_sonofodin, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

ah, same
but Bill Posters round these parts.
(~Sunny~, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:04, archived)

Sign on Smith St, Fitzroy
My father used to see this everyday on his way to work, and he took a photo one day, pity I lost it. A badly painted sign reading:



"Bill Posters Will Be Prostituted"

Knowing the area, I can't help but feel that wasn't a mistake...
(Niktau, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 6:18, archived)

Similar

Longnor Sheep Dog Trials, word Dog replaced by Shagging. Often wondered who turned up!
(DrinkatMoes, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

more justice
there used to be a great literary masterpiece on my way into work

JIM + PAD IS NOT GUILTY

I often thought to myself "i bet they isn't!"
( pobx, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:41, archived)

woo

( Obz Click, ting, stamps, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

hahahahaha
that fucking cheese eating bastard!
( Lumpbucket says: Try Giddy 3! http://www.giddy3.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

i remember nigel

( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

hehehe...
Laughing in the middle of your boss talking is NOT good...you bugger.
( rhetoriq ADHD proficient., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

"Itsa Newport Ting" amused me so much it made me spirt my crisps...
...over the seat infront, on the train to Cardiff once. Maybe I imagined it! Newport has it's own gangstas?
( darth munki is crushing a grape, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:42, archived)

on the M4 into london,
on the LONDON sign, someone has added 'ting

it's been there years :)
( spiny is content., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:08, archived)

being anal
doesn't it say London (Thing) 44

between jn 13 and 12 ....
( the mighty badger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:25, archived)

Shops around here
Sell cans of Ting.
It's a Jamaican fizzy pop drink - a bit like Lilt.
As Bob Marley once said
"Every can of Ting
Gonna be alright"
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:48, archived)

Ting
It's carbonated grapefruit jiuce from St. Kitts (West Indies).
(anotheradam, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:59, archived)

I stand corrected
Well, sit actually.
I wasn't far off !
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 9:54, archived)

Me and my sis
changed our local village sign from Please Drive Slowly to Please Die Slowly. Mainly cos most of the village are cunts.
(jonnies, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

I just remembered an old one
it was under a slide in a park i used to play in.

"IF YOU READ THIS YOU ARE GAY!!"

class
(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

graffiti stuff
heh. I wrote that once on a blackboard in a bog, in a pub in Cambridge(Champion of the Thames). I went back for a slash about an hour later and someone had written a paragraph about why they weren't gay.
(thrain, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

when we first saw the graffiti
my friend claimed he wasn't gay because he didn't read it.
we asked what he didn't read, and he said he hadn't read the graffiti saying "if you read this you are gay"

CATCH 22
(snitchell, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:51, archived)

a blackboard
in a bog?
(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:57, archived)

yeah
for writing graffiti on so you don't do it on the walls
( NomDePlume fo shizzle my nizzle old bean, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 2:43, archived)

They've
got one of those in the Gloucester Arms in Oxford just off the the Gloucester Green.
Prolly the only rock pub in all of Oxford, a real shithole but a great place to go and laugh at the goths. Miserable bastards.
For some reason or other I always end up getting leathered there when I visit the dreaming spires...
(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:21, archived)

Gay
If you're gay
(Anak, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 23:08, archived)

on a train, you get them signs that say
"Please give up this seat for a disabled person"

Someone has scribbled out certain words and letters so it actually read

"Please eat a disabled person"
(JBoom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:43, archived)

Yes yes yes!!!
I saw something very similar on a bus about 15 years ago - "Please eat the elderly and disabled."
Still makes me smile now...
(Sleary, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

I worked in ASDA a long time ago...
...and someone had changed the signs saying 'please do not smoke at this table' to 'please do not eat this table'.
( sick_boy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:52, archived)

there was the classic tube one too...
'Obstruct the doors and be dangerous'
( ExactlyHowLongDoIHaveToBeHere, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:50, archived)

variation on a theme
or "obstructing the doors can anger us" .. think it was on the picadilly line
( the mighty badger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:27, archived)

i saw
that one too, but some one had scribbled "GAURDS" on the end of it
( The Ginja Ninja, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:53, archived)

its that time again...
my dear god sir, i've seen this too
(pissycocks GIRAFFETASTIC!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:57, archived)

similar
Trains in Sydney:

At night, please travel near the guard's carriage, marked with a blue light.

changed to

At night, rave near the guard's carriage with a blue light.
(mxxx, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 1:13, archived)

Isn't it
At night rave near the guard's compartment naked with a blue light?
(Funt, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 5:14, archived)

On a condom machine
in a pub in Winchester was lovingly inscribed:

'Insert baby for refund'
( doctordoctor hasn't annoyed a left-wing liberal since, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:46, archived)

On a broken condom machine in a pub
the landlord had put a sign on it "Out of order - please use withdrawal method"

Made me laugh.
( Farmfoodsman, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:22, archived)

On a different condom machine...
...in a different pub, I've seen written "don't buy this chewing gum, it tastes terrible".
(Illon Gruci, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:28, archived)

with thew obligatory reply;
'oh, but what bubbles ... '
( spiny is content., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:10, archived)

How about
"Homes for retired Semen. Please give generously."
( L-Space - scientia sapientes vocat., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:46, archived)

or
25¢ for recaps...
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:34, archived)

I think you'll like this one!
On old Merseytravel buses in Wirral and Liverpool there used to be a sticker on the windows similar to those seen on trains, warning against criminal activities/vandalism on public transport.

It read :

THE MANAGEMENT WILL PRESS FOR HEAVIEST PENALTIES AGAINST OFFENDERS

someone must have been playing around one day and discovered that this was NOT the best way to word such a sign...

As from then on people took great joy in scratching off some of the letters so that it was left reading...


(nutty_nut_nuts, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:48, archived)

hahahaahahahahahahahah
*breathes*

hhahahahahaahahahahahha
( Herr Tezcat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:39, archived)

delurking just to say...
yes! I remember those signs, have been trying to remember the exact wording all afternoon. Them were't days.
(juicer, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:55, archived)

hahaha
kids eh
(Jibbed, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:01, archived)

Not as good as the above, possibly.
In Cambridge, Bateman Street has had a letter scribbled over for years, making it the hilarious "Batman Street".

But the best I ever saw was in the gents in the Natural Sciences building at Swansea University (out of the library, turn right opposite the biology office and past the first year biology notice board, toilets on your right - I think it was the far cubicle, but this is a while back).

Someone had written in big letters "KENT IS A SAD CUNT". There was a lot of space, so someone else - probably a geographer - had added the odd letter here and there to make it "KENT IS A SAnDy CoUNTy" (apologies for the dodgy capitals, there, it's the best representation of what I actually saw).
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

There is actually a Batman Avenue in Melbourne
and a Batman Hotel nearby!
100% FACT
(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:04, archived)

In Turkey ..
.. there is a city named Batman. Always made me giggle.
(I was penalized for that, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 8:29, archived)

This could be...
Because Melbourne was first founded by John Batman.

Being a big fan of the comics, I find this very amusing! Considering before Melbourne, we were going to be called Batmania! HAHAHA
(Niktau, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 9:15, archived)

I sprayed this all round brighton when bored once...

(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:49, archived)

i also put up this poster on the main trainline in melbourne
to whore my site
(son of crazymum, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:57, archived)

so,
it was you. i saw it at the seven dials and almost fell off my bike!
( calihal, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:17, archived)

I
think you should do it again. Make sure you get Churchill Square, as I want to see that when I wake up.
( vulga nie jestem Polakiem, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:13, archived)

I saw
one of those Joey Deacon things up by the Dials only the other day. Made me chuckle.
( D3xt3r Don't take any guff from these fucking swine...., Sun 9 Nov 2003, 14:33, archived)

On a garage door in Acton
"Fuck you mum" must be fun round their house at christmas
( alistair, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

In a local graveyard...
...someone had scrawlled 'I am dead' on a gravestone.

hehe
(dirtbox, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

Also from Oxford -
In my student days, in huge white letters on a wall near New College:

"ANARCY NOW"

I always wondered whether the spelling was deliberate.
( Cassidy : Vissi d'arte, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:50, archived)

i read somewhere
someone wrote Romanes eunt domus underneath a statue of some roman guy

woo python 4real
(iceblade, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:58, archived)

I heard about that
That was in Bath or Gloucester I think. Prolly Bath, the level of education in Gloucester is somewhat *ahem* lacking.
(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 11:26, archived)

( Pootle where's his tart on his sleve?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:55, archived)

theres a free ian brown
on dickenson road in manchester. also on plat lane somebody has scrawled on a shutter

"2 burk u losis"
( parsley, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 13:56, archived)

i went to africa
and there was some giraffiti
( Sunshine Elephant, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:01, archived)

i once saw this on a lesbian
anti-pornography poster in edinburgh



"tits oot - lesbo hunk"
note that the 'artist' has also drawn the tits in.
( magoo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

Inspired from a bit of graffiti

/pearoast
( Hotdog, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:03, archived)

Bus stop in Loughborough:
Osama is a minger
(jokeface_killah, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:05, archived)

I saw one at a bus stop similar to that
"Osama has no penus"

I am still bemused as to what a penus is
( Queen of Cheesecake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:32, archived)

It's
an ancient Roman writing implement.
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:01, archived)

my favourite graffiti
was on a fence next to the park in my home town. somebody had scrawled on the fence with a biro 'Graffiti or Art?'. what a twat.

i also liked Dogpool Lane in Birmingham being changed to Dogpoo Lane, and Prawn Cocktail on a pub chalkboard menu being changed to read 'raw Cock'
( Spoon, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

Dog Poo Lane
Every morning I drive down Dog Pool lane and every morning it rasies a smile.
(hanuman, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:16, archived)

I always found it quite amusing
that a street sign for canal street in Manchester (also known as the gay village) had been changed to anal treet
(bullitt, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:08, archived)

.
i've seen a 'please eat the elderly and disabled' on trains as well
at my secondary school years ago there was a cantene with a menu thing on the walls, and because it was made decades previously one of the options was 'cold sweet' which changed quickly to 'old wee'
it probably still says it even now
(John Doe, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:14, archived)

not quite the same but
whoever wrote the menu for our school canteen obviously didn't check what they had written. We had a 'mourning break'.
(sanity challenged, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:03, archived)

i was about to write that!
ahh.. the fun
( Naive Amoeba Hardly ever goes on this site anymore., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:13, archived)

I think the best for me has to be
in the edward boyle library lift at Leeds uni

"Jesus Loves YOU"
and underneath
"But everyone else thinks youre a cunt".
( discostu RELEASE THE CHEESE!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:14, archived)

one in the 4th floor gents
of University of Manchester Chemistry department..(brace yourself)

Potassium Ethoxide rules C2H5OK

Makes me shiver everytime i see it... bwuuuuhhuhhu
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:15, archived)

Probably somewhere in every Chem dept in the country.
I can vouch for Sussex Uni. It used to be in the lift.

A couple I've seen recently:

'Sorry for the Inconvinience'[sic] sign by an NCP carpark in Brighton with it's spelling corrected and a note saying 'see me after school'. And a note in the girls toilets at the Concord club - 'Lick here if you want to live for ever X'.
( cupboardy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:32, archived)

Ooh, I've seen that NCP sign I have, it's not far from the station
(ex-rat, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:08, archived)

In the medical school
at Newcastle Uni, someone's graffitied one of the men's toilets with an offer for gay sex, ending with the promise
"I'm nine inches long and two inches thick."

Underneath, someone's written
"Are you a ferret?"
( Flapjack - getting a bagel and playing with the lizard, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:17, archived)

Crabs
In the Engineering building at UCL some of the toilets have quite high ceilings - in one of the blokes traps there were arrows going up the wall to next to the cistern where there was some writing - but it was so small that - here's the genius - you had to stand on the toilet bowl to read it. And it said "No use standing there mate - the crabs in here can jump 10 feet"
( the mighty badger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

In some engineering office toilets
Someone had taken a sign from the workshop and stuck in on the back of the cubicle door, saying
"All objects over two pounds must be lowered by hand"
( Flapjack - getting a bagel and playing with the lizard, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:49, archived)

Now that I like - consider yourself saluted ;)
Nowhere near as good - but in my PhD years there were 5 of us in a house in bounds green - much sign stealage - including the following: on the toilet door "haringay council - no dumping £2000 fine" on the wall inside the bog "haringay council - no ball games" and on the wall in the upstairs bog "Thames water - no swimming" ... we were easy to amuse back then...
( the mighty badger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:15, archived)

On my bedroom door
I have a sign stolen from the post room of a certain Govt Department saying "Bomb Area. Do Not Enter"

Some friends at university lived in a house where there were 4 or 5 blokes an done girl. They went to France once and while there they stole a direction sign for a town. They took it home and put it on the wall of the hallway pointing towards the girl's room. The town?

Brest.
(Lambkin, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:26, archived)

at my mum's old work
they had a lot of immigrant workers from countries where the lavatory arrangements are different - the ladies would stand on the toilet and squat when they went, and it was common to find dirty shoe-prints on the seats.
So someone did some signs and stuck them up - "no use standing on the seat, the crabs in here can jump ten feet".

Has the added bonus of rhyme. Management took the signs down though, lest anyone got offended.
(myngemold, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

Crabs revisited
If memory serves me right, this is an old bit of graffiti from WW2...

It's no use standing on the seat
the crabs in here can jump 10 feet.
If you think that's fucking high
go next door, the bastards fly
Swinging off chains and such resources
is laughed at by their airbourne forces
That's why it gives me reason, a cunning wrangle
to give my bollocks room to dangle.

Something along those lines anyhoo. Check out the 'Graffiti' series of books by Nigel Rees for more. Pure genius some of the stuff in there.
(Jackanory, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:49, archived)

Crabby crab crabba
I saw a similar one whilst shitting in a youth hostel in Australia.

"Don't bother trying to wipe the seat
A healthy crab can jump three feet."

a bit worrying if you're already sitting.
(kookoobirdz, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:25, archived)

Two really
Once, when driving along the motorway through Lyon (France) in a traffic jam, I saw this plastered on a noise reduction barrier:

"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Francaise" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Algeria Algerienne" - which was crossed out and replaced by:
"Why can't you bloody frogs make up you bloody minds?"
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:17, archived)

The other was on a train at Lime Street
The locomotive had a name plate: - it was called "Robert Burns"

to which some wag had added, "very easily"
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:19, archived)

At university
in the AI department bogs, was this predicate calculus statement:



This translates as - "For all x and y, where x is a dalek and y is not a dalek, x exterminates y"

After 48 hours in the lab, stuff like that became funny.

/geek
( UncleLewy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:19, archived)

lovely predicate calculus
that and lambda calculus were the bane of my life.
( jonas is not my name, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:17, archived)

Banksy stuff,..
I particularly like Banksy's zoo stuff, "Laugh now, but one day we'll be in charge" and "I'm bored with fish" on the walls of the penguin enclosure in Regents Park.

BUT then I looked at his site and noticed the best graffiti ever, someone had scrawled on the wall outside his recent show "Banksy is a fucking Sell Out" ,..
(HoTWire, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:20, archived)

I've seen that...
...'laugh now...' one in Manchester with a monkey above it.

On Oldham Street
( meathelmet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:51, archived)

Not really graffitti but....
first week in august I was in pateley bridge with the missus (small town in north yorkshire... Pateley bridge, not the missus)
Anyway someone had altered the cricket club fixture to
Shitey Bridge
vs
Chimps
Match Sponsors
Twat

If I can find the picture, will post as an edit. Still makes me laugh...
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:21, archived)

when I lived in Waterford,
a load of Romanians came over (mostly kid for the summer, and some immigrants) and someone had sprayed on a wall:

"Romeans go home"

well, it made me chuckle
( Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:24, archived)

oh, and on the way through Dublin
someone had sprayed "Tallaght is gay" - nice to see an entire city engaged in "that sort of thing"
( Reckless_Rik, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:26, archived)

On the back of a toilet door in Totnes,
a drawing of a stamped envelope with the name and address
"Mary Lykes,
The Cockwell Inn,
Tillit,
Herts"
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:27, archived)

There's a place called Maching Tye
in Hertfordshire.
(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:40, archived)

its called Matching Tye
and its in Essex
( Spoon, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:52, archived)

Maybe there's two...
;-)
(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:56, archived)

and it's
very nice I might add, along with Matching Green, which is also pretty
(39811 basic bytes free, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:47, archived)

that's my
standard answer to...Jamaica?
(Murun Buchstansangur's hairpiece, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:43, archived)

Uri Gellar is a Bender
- posted in the right place now!
(cowkicker, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:28, archived)

It still makes me laugh
but for years, on the back wall of our local firestation in Billesley, Birmingham, in massive letters, someone had written "Louise is a pin-hole". It must have been there for about 10 years before they finally cleared it off. Everytime I went past in the car with my Mum and Dad, they'd wonder why I'd start piss myself laughing. I never had the bottle to tell them why. Juvenile, but still amusing.
(v1ctory_1s_m1ne Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

The simplicity is endearing
Toilet wall:

"You smell"
followed by
"Sorry!"
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

It used to say
"Wolverhampton Boys Rule"

On the bridge before Wolverhampton station (going northbound)

Always used to make me chuckle...
( bloid ....dloibbloiddloibbloid...., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:34, archived)

"Owslha watch out! Spotty bum's gonna get ya!"
...On a wall next to McDonald's in Waltham Cross.
(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

And in a restaurant toilet wall:
"You're food makes me (sic)"

cheenius
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:37, archived)

In Bristol
In a wall in Bristol, I saw 'E. Doust is an ugly MP bitch' - who is E. Doust? What is an ugly MP bitch?
(Wax cat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

Written on the dirt
of a white van.

"My other car is just as shit" (Soure White Van, M40 outside of Birmingham)
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:40, archived)

The most satisying graffiti I ever saw
was on the shutters of a video shop in Liverpool. It said
You Fat Cunt Weve Got Youre Batman Video Ha Ha Ha.

And there is a small alleyway in Hemel Hempstead called Fishery Passage. Which regularly gets four-letter alternatives graffitied over it.
( Flapjack - getting a bagel and playing with the lizard, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:41, archived)

some near my house that quite simply, and for no apparent reason just says
PORNO
( huggybear, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:43, archived)

On a cubicle door in Glasgow Uni:
"Nietzsche says God is dead."

Written underneath:

"God says Nietzsche is dead."
(Seebeedee, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:44, archived)

i think the original is
"God is dead" Nietzsche
"Nietzsche is dead" God

it's a good one either way :)
( magoo, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:57, archived)

usually followed by
"Nietzsche is God" - the dead
( Legionary - My god, Brian, there's a message in my alphabets, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:47, archived)

Late 70's in Portsmouth..
The was a large wall with the slogan:

"TORIES ARE BEST"

Written in three feet high letters, it stood there for years until one day when some clever sod changed it to:

"TORIES ARE BESTIAL"

Which made me laugh like a drain...
( Darryn.R www.themoononline.com, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:45, archived)

"I'm pink, therefore I'm spam"

( Herr Tezcat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:46, archived)

Inspired by Ray Winstone
A bridge over a river near me has written on it:

"you're fat and i'll throw you in the river"
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:50, archived)

Hmm... Interesting...
Some grafitti near my hotel when i was in Minnesota, in the US, was on a JobDig post ( these signs with papers listing jobs on them, and was a really good help, got you jobs ANYWHERE, has a sign saying " Woo Yay." in permanent marker. It made me literally laugh till i scared the guy I was on a date with, Methinks we have a Minnesotan poster/lurker.
(number 27-hunter, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:18, archived)

Taking a shortcut near the Mile End Road
I used to come over a canal bridge. One morning I crested this bridge to be confronted by the words "SMASH THE TATE" painted on a wall opposite.
"Someone really doesn't like modern art." I thought to myself.
It was only as the perspective changed did the "S" in front of "TATE" appear from behind a lamppost...
( Rooster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:51, archived)

In a toilet at high school
"Jesus Saves"
"Allah Invests"
"Buddha Pays Dividends"

also in a toilet at uni
www.ratemypoo.com
It's appropriate.
(kupsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:52, archived)

I heard
Jesus Saves
Allah Forgives
Chthulu thinks you'd make a nice meal.
(notcarlos, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:54, archived)

cthulhu saves...
... in case he's hungry later

(or s/cthulhu/yog sothoth/ if you prefer...)
(haberman (it blasted him with its awareness), Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:04, archived)

also
Moses scores on the rebound
( spiny is content., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:16, archived)

Jesus Saves
But the Mongol Hordes.
( Flapjack - getting a bagel and playing with the lizard, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:32, archived)

Along a similar theme.....
"Jesus Saves"
to which had been added
"Green Shield Stamps."
followed by
"He is a redeemer."
(chimpos, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 15:57, archived)

jesus saves
and also
Jesus saves
Moses scores from the rebound
(discobunny, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 1:31, archived)

A mates just reminded me of some
we saw on a stagecoach bus in sunny Manc

Anyone who reads this is gay and fucked up

and

Bin Laden is a Twat

There is no words to describe the occassionally genius of the becapped manc scally
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:54, archived)

I remember once...
Again, during my college days.
Somebody wrote 'I love young men' on the toilet door.
Someone else had added 'So do I.'
A third had changed So do I to SodoMi.
(CerberaSpeedTwelve, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:04, archived)

In the dirt on the back of a transit....
Dirty.... but not as dirty as the video I've got of your mum.
(monkeyinasuit, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:58, archived)

Also in transit dirt
'I wish my wife was as dirty as this'
( Hotdog, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:11, archived)

www.boners.com/content/789945.1.jpg
( Syncubus Yarr! Ye'll be walking Planck's Constant! [GMT-5], Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

If been looking out for a van with this on for ages.........
.....so I can write "She is, mate" underneath....
(Just Some Guy from Hull, Mon 10 Nov 2003, 12:04, archived)

Semi-Relevent
On one of the newspapers (I think it was the express), they had the title

"TORYS HIT"...

But the spacing looked odd, it looked more like "T O R Y S H I T"
( Gonz Bare jokes, I be playin', just forum chatta, innit, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 14:59, archived)

Um
But surely a newspaper editor would know that it's "tories" when it's plural.
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 11:16, archived)

Some more......
On lots of the old buses running round Edinburgh; "Please extinguish all pipes and cigarettes" changed to "Please extinguish all pi es"

Also in the freshly painted toilets at college; "The painters work is all in vain, the shithouse poet strikes again"
(City, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:00, archived)

Another
Life is like an egg
You only get hard once
You only get laid once
And your mother sits on our fence
(kupsta, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:01, archived)

On the wall of the Gents at my workplace :
A sign saying "Please don't put chewing gum in the Urinals", underneath which was scrawled "or the Balkans"

Well I laughed enough to piss on my shoes, anyway.
(Chillijam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:01, archived)

I once found some toilet grafitti written about ME!!
It made me feel truly famous. I was both awestruck and proud at the same time. It was when I was in college and it accused me of being a pretentious wanker or something. Not very funny I know, but this was an engineering department after all.

I felt like such a hero.
( dr_fonz, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

in three feet high letters, sprayed on a wall in humourless Govan:
I SHALL REWEASE... BWIAN
(kebabish, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:03, archived)

On our way home from Glastonbury...
we stopped off in a small town for a bog break. I went into the bog and the door wouldn't lock properly, but sod it, I thought, its already heaps better than the Glasto toilets.

Graffiti on the back of the door was the usual stuff - be here at 8pm 23/6/01 or whatever for a good time.

It then struck me that it was today. I finished rapidly and left (while noticing a couple of guys hanging around). I didn't have a watch, so asked wifey the time. 7:58 or something.

Argh! Close one.

It appears that at least some of those messages really are genuine.
( stup0t, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:06, archived)

Oxford is full of stuff like that.
The KA pub has the best graffiti ever, but I've always been too drunk to remember any of it.
Turl Street regularly becomes Turd Street, and there's a sandwich place called 'Heroes' that is currently 'Herpes'. Bloody good sarnies, regardless.

Although there's a whole website devoted to graffiti found in the assorted libraries around the city: users.ox.ac.uk/~peter/humour/graffiti.html (Not sure if it'll work outside the Oxford network though...)
(DuckieMonster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:07, archived)

yes
it does
( Mockingbird is an actual practitioner of SCIENCE (TM), Tue 4 Nov 2003, 18:11, archived)

Here at work there's some on the back of a toilet door....
..that reads. "Flush twice. It's 200 yards to McDonalds" which unnervingly, it roughly is.

The best I've ever seen was on a bridge on the way into Hindley from Wigan. It just simply said "Fuck Off" in shitty black spray paint. Nice!
(Evil Bastardo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:07, archived)

More graffiti
There was a lecture theatre here in Dundee Uni which has just recently been refurbished, but before that it had a classic collection of graffiti. Stuff like "Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?" Then someone wrote "Vote Labour" (this was about 15 years back, during the days of the Thatcher govt). Under this, someone else had added "..and ruin your country", to which a third person had contributed "mansion".

Also, there's a village near Kinross called Crook of Devon, presumably so called as it lies on a bend on the River Devon. At one time, some wag had written under the village name on the sign:
"Twinned with the Thief of Baghdad".
( K2k6 is suspicious of the blue sky, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:18, archived)

on a similar note...
near ripley n. Yorks there is a little village called Bedlam, a few years back someone had written below it "Twinned with l'unacy"
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:26, archived)

graffiti
"The Queen Sucks Hitler's Cock" amused me. It was on some wooden boarding near St James's Park a couple of years ago. I think it was the aggressive alliteration of k sounds, or something... perhaps being stoned.
(Ihaveagirlfriend, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

visible from the charlton-london bridge train, just outside deptford
written neatly on a brick wall: "I SPIT ON YOUR 47 VEGETABLES". curious...

after panathinaikos had beaten man u in the champion's league, someone had daubed the team's name on a wall at UMIST, to which someone added, "NO, THIS IS A GEEK UNIVERSITY"...

and on the wall of tesco metro's in andover some years ago, an illiterate racist had daubed: "COMBAT 18 - NO NIGERS"
( martian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:21, archived)

when i was at UMIST, there was a famous bowling green in the middle of the campus
one night someone poured weedkiller or similar on it, try to spell out the name of the place in massive letters. but science students being what they are, for the next month or so the green had 20 foot high letters burnt into it spelling out "UMST". someone later went back and put an "i" into it...
( new_matt, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:40, archived)

On the way
to my local when I'm back in Cardiff are the classics "Mmm...Cheese" and the ever so insulting "Edward is Posh"

Also in the toilets when I was at Uni read "Heisenberg wasn't here, and even if he was...you didn't see him.
(Nigel Meek's Incredibly High Waistband, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:24, archived)

There is a converted public loo building down my road
They turned it into a house, the building project went on for ages, and when it was finally finished they put a "To Let" sign. It can only have been 24 hours later that someone added the missing "I" in the middle.
(jazi, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:24, archived)

Better than "wash me"
One of those transient, only graffiti until the loser washes his filthy car; seen in West LA.

"I wish my wife was this dirty".
(obiwab, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:27, archived)

and the reply
"she is, mate"
( muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:35, archived)

OK that's the 3rd time this one's been up
Doesn't anyone read them first?
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 14:07, archived)

down a desk leg at parkwood school bedford
"limahl"
( muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:31, archived)

On a bridge in Leyton
"Blacks and whites unite... and kick out the pakis"

on the liitle building in Soho Sq "Osama woz ere" written underneith was "fuck off you muslim cunt"

All in Grimsby "Jon Fox the nonse P. D. O. FILE"

"Dave Micheals had a banna shoved up his ring piece by Gozney"

"Scrobbo Ya Dead"
(El_Presidente, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

Also in grimsby
simply 'Fuck It' written in huge letters on a wall
( so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:06, archived)

And
being from Humberside myself I know exactly how they feel about Grimsby.
(Surgeon_General, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 12:05, archived)

In an underpass in High Wycombe
a picture of a head with a huge spliff in its mouth.
and underneath, "High Wycombe"

Elsewhere, just the word "Spliff!". Such enthusiasm.
( muteboy, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:38, archived)

We made some stickers once
intended for the sole purpose of putting near notices that stated 'Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted'. They simply said 'Bill Posters is innocent'


How funny we thought we were. Sigh.
( Nath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:41, archived)

big hairy coke
I was once on a train and saw, carved into the headrest of the seat in front of me
"I want a bolw job."

Although this desperate dyslexic pails when compared to the graffiti I found drawn
on a Co-Op wall in Nottingham, "Lee is a coke sucker" it read and was accompanied by an illustration of
Lee sucking on what appeared to be someone's erect 'coke'.
(monkeyjam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:45, archived)

I didn't see the point in this one..
.. it's in a lecture theatre at brum uni:

"Ranbidemdubopdidu, dem tings alright." - Rasta Man Dave

makes me chuckle.
( Kavanagh "I love boobies, best of all the body parts...", Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:45, archived)

In studentville, Leeds
"HAVE YOU SEEN OUR LOVELY SPIDER?"

accompanied by drawing of said arachnid. It was a beauty.
(Anger...Pain...Fear...Aggression...Watercolours?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:52, archived)

was
the spider barking?
(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:18, archived)

Oh, and another one...
"The Canadian Muffin Company" in Cambridge has been "The Canadian Muff Company" for a long time now thanks to a well placed blob of red paint.
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:53, archived)

my friend lives in a town caled puckington
some bright spark changed the P to an F

:oD
( Rev. Jesse. died of heat exhaustion on, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 15:58, archived)

I nearly
craked my buggering ribs at that one
(Roland Deschain, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:47, archived)

Not very inventive but...
Leicester Road, Rugby, on the side of a bridge - "Boycott Shell". Only readable after you've passed the Shell garage.

Someone altered it to read "Boycott Is Innocent" after he smacked some woman about.

Also:- on a slide already heaving with "KEV LUVS SHAZ 9T8" and the like - "PEOPLE WHO WASTE TIME WRITING ON PLAYPARKS ARE BENDERS". How clever.
( Neth, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:00, archived)

I know who that was!!!

It was Dave Edwards (no surprises there!)
(The Squirrels in the graveyard steal my drugs and swear at me!, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 15:29, archived)

In a cubicle in the downstairs gents in the university of portsmouth engineering building
someone had drawn a bloody good cartoon of the rear view of a knickerless, stockinged woman, bending over wearing a very short skirt.

That cubicle was always the busiest for some reason.
( Gingey is able to shoot Mind Bullets, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:03, archived)

Made me chuckle
"Out of order" sign on toilet door, someone wrote "bang" at the top
(mr pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

sign on _inside_ of
toilet door -- "out of order - do not use".

(later made into pic: 1378238)
(haberman (it blasted him with its awareness), Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:11, archived)

Or
'Out of Ordure'
( Jacksonville believes God created evolution in 7 days, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:09, archived)

That must be near the cubicle that says...
Known

Time = Money
Money = sqr(Evil)
Girls = Money * Time

Therefore

Girls = Money^2
Money^2 = sqr(Evil)^2 = Evil

Girls = Evil

Made me chuckle, but then I'm a geek.
(Ash, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:41, archived)

yay
i went to portsmouth uni
( Rev. Jesse. died of heat exhaustion on, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:56, archived)

So did I
but I don't like to admit it...
(Ash, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 19:04, archived)

Eugh...
I used to live in Portsmouth (since I was a wee lad infact, born there), but I moved away, cos I got bored of the smell of urine... Live in Bristol now, so getting used to the smell of shit.
(3N1GM4, Sat 8 Nov 2003, 18:36, archived)

One line written above a urinal...
"I'm Pink therefore I'm Spam"
(abitsick does dallas., Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:10, archived)

Had one of those
at Lancs university.
(.david, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:20, archived)

Wot college were you at?
I hope it wasn't county...
(scruffy, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 6:41, archived)

At School
Someone wrote 'Mr Falk Sucks Cock' on the back of his lab coat in big black pen.. Chemistry has never been so funny (xcept the time when he set fire to his hand)
(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:11, archived)

We had a chemistry teacher who was afraid of fire.
She promptly set fire to her register and evacuated the lab.
( Kamikaze Stoat, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:04, archived)

In edinburgh
there used to be a shop called World Of rugs in Morningside we spent hours constructing a massive D out of cardboard sprayed to match.A ladder and copious amounts of superglue completed the deal.
Stayed up for at least a day thu. which was nice
(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

A loving message to our transatlantic friends
used to adorn a desk in Edinburgh Uni library. An American had written: "Scotland is such a pathetic country. It's so small it would get lost in Texas." Underneath some unimpressed local had replied: "Small? A bit like Vietnam you mean? A lot of Americans got lost there."
( calgacus Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:28, archived)

Again in a lecture hall at Napier
"Yir Ma Wanks Dugs" - sheer undiluted genius
(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:30, archived)

another simple one
essex road
to
sex road
(doktored, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

seen in a nightclub in swansea

bigger
( Happyperson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:17, archived)

but it lasts
ages
(pikey hardly, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:37, archived)

when did
they start taking dollars in wales? :D
(south, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 22:15, archived)

On a wall at my old comp school in big letters...
Mery Christmas.

Don't think that school was working for them
( Weetobix is a married man, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:18, archived)

Poor Emily
EMILY FRENCH IS A BIG TITTED WENCH
(saucykipper, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:19, archived)

...or lucky Emily

(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:59, archived)

To the sign
'University of Reading', somebody had added 'and Writing'

Not graffiti but Hertford has a barbers shop called 'Dead Swanky'... you can guess which letter periodically goes missing...
(oiseau, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:29, archived)

We wrote a huge....
...chalk stop message in the road when we where kids


A little old fella stopped in his car and couldn't figure out what he'd stopped for.
( meathelmet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:34, archived)

Also classics seen include....
....'Stardate ##### : Beamed down for a crap'

and 'Don't beem me up scot....' with a big long T going up the side of the wall.
( meathelmet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:02, archived)

If there's a bigger bite, it can't be found
Two on the walls of my local shopping centre in Mansfield:

"Be a winner, eat your dinner"
and
"Alan Meale, Wagon Wheel" (Alan Meale is Mansfield MP)
(Shake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:35, archived)

You gotta have a system
.
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

Mansfield, Nottingham?
were that blue peter fella came from the one who got kicked out for drug abuse, u from there??

well i am and the cineam recently showed "league of extraordinary genitlemen"
hehehe
(dan_clarkie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:12, archived)

On one of the tunnel entrances
going south on the Kings Cross line towards london is written "Kropotkin Lives!"

It's not funny, but it amuses me all the same.
( chthonic, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:38, archived)

Bidford upon Avon
stages a charity Duck Race every year.
Most years the D and R on the posters get turned into Fs
(spike, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:40, archived)

cheesy!
Someone had sprayed a 30ft long message on a wall in central Paris proclaiming "La France est la reine du fromage"

... and proud presumably?
(macmonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:40, archived)

When I worked at the Body Shop factories..
.. we had chalkboards in the cubicles. Inscribed were such wonders as:
"Here I sit amongst the vapour,
cos there is no toilet paper"

and below that:

"Oh, what a lot of wit,
you'd think Shakespeare himself came here to shit;
For all you know that may be true,
cos Shakespeare had an arsehole too!"

and my personal favorite:

"Spencer is gay"
(Grobie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:41, archived)

at a favorite restaurant
on the wall of the mens' restroom someone wrote "Save Russian Jews" and another person had come along and written "... and collect valuable prizes" underneath it.
( kingoffools, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:52, archived)

A mate has just told me of
some grafitti on a bus stop opposite the finglands bus garage on wilslow road in fallowfield,Manchester
"If you're a scally then just stop it, you look like a cock and people would rather you were dead"
Kind of gets it across nicely, doesn't it. Cheers Ben D
(northern seth back is giving him jip again, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:55, archived)

please add..
.. can you also stop tucking your trousers into your socks as it is demeaning to humanity.
(evil pete, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

"But I'm a homosexual!"
written in the male bogs in the Twelve Bar on Denmark Street, London.

Funny coz it sits alone, refuting a statement that only exists inside the writers head.
( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 16:57, archived)

"David Sylvie is a BIG HAIRY APE"
Informative AND entertaining
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

for a while on South West Trains
you couldn't go anywhere without reading 'except (at) Woking'

Do not use unless in an emergency... except at Woking.
Do not open door when train is moving... except at Woking.

and, the most common of these:
Do not flush toilet when train is at a station... except Woking.

I have no idea what it was all about, but the dedication of these people did impress me at the time.

A good one for filthy toilets is this, in pencil, works best with a date for reasons that should be obvious:
Dave, goods stashed in usual place. Mike. 04/11

Not sure if this qualifies... written in shit on the back of a toilet door:
WHO FUCKING STOLE MY PEN?
( Manic declared war on Old Media, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:02, archived)

A pub in Islington;
'My mum made me a homosexual'

the reply was,

'If I gave her the wool, would she make me one too?'
(jem, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:07, archived)

I nearly
peed myself at that!
( Blobcat Previously known as Amazongirl, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:59, archived)

that was at central station sydney
from about 1975 to 1978.
Just near
"its better to be wanted as a murderer than not to be wanted at all"
(gamera, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:12, archived)

In my student union...
someone has scrawled www.sheepshaggers.co.wales on the wall in the toilets. well it made me chuckle. and pee on the floor :(

also, the bridge nearby has 'SINBAD IS INOCENT' sprayed on it. He must have been illiterate as well.
( Purple Robot Now with added doom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:08, archived)

Outside my local paper shop a few year back,
on the board for that evenings Bolton paper,it read..."Jobs Blow for Gulf War Heros".After a rip and tear,the heros were feeling much better.

"Blow Jobs for Gulf War Heros"
kept us amused for the rest o'the night.
(Loft, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:14, archived)

Made me laugh

(TheGoodStuff, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:09, archived)

on the 200 bus...
...i saw someone had picked the letters off them litte ticket bins you get by the doors of buses, so instead of reading 'used tickets' it just read 'tits'

oh,and the usual scratching bits off tube signs, like 'obstruct the doors, be dangerous'
(nawtie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:11, archived)

On a sign in a town local to me during a spell of SERIOUS flooding
The town's name is Carrick-On-Shannon, the "on" had cleverly been crossed out and replaced with an "under"
(KingMong, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

Just a couple...
...an old one from Oxford (late 70s or early 80s) and one which always appealed to me:
"Is this mindless vandalism?"

One I invented - and please steal if you like - was to find an 'Armitage Shanks' on a piece of porcelain and add the clarifying message:
"Armitage is a shanker"

A nice one near my home in York now is:
"Paul has got big feet" - wicked huh!
(Che Grimsdale More fridge-magnet than babe-magnet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:13, archived)

I am saddened to report that
on no occasion have I seen the graffiti: "your all gay"
I shall have to become a ruffian for a while, don my indellible marker and introduce the greater public to this unparalleded expression of illiteracy, humour, irony and down-right homosexuality-ed-ness
(rymix, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:14, archived)

Lived in a house with a
bloke who had a tendancy to be a bit of a wanker so one very pissed night me and a mate spraypainted in 5ft high, red letters, DEAN IS GAY!! on the subway near the house. Very juvenille and a bit council estate but very amusing because he had to walk past it everyday.
(Dave Mash, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:16, archived)

Graffiti at Tesco's
I saw a huge banner outside Tesco's that made me chuckle. It was an advert for doubling reward points if you bought petrol at their garage. It read "Pump up your reward points" and someone had written underneath "... and shag your mum". I bet they don't have things like that written in toilets at Oxfooord.
(jskunkbox, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:17, archived)

Not Mine

But still bloody funny
(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:21, archived)

on the liverpool street line I saw
bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
bump 'n flex
bump 'n felx
bump 'n flex
(el_grimley, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:01, archived)

Let me set the scene...
I'm taking a waz in the downstairs toilet of Prince of Wales Feathers, on Warren Street. The loo is pristine, not one bit of Graffiti, or so i thought until i knoticed somthing just to the left of the door frame. Upon closer inspection, as it was too small to read from the urinal, i found it to be a deep etching containing biro ink reading...

"Michael Jackson sucks cock"

roughly this big

|------------------------------------|

However, despite its minuteness, it had been etched in with such ferocity that it was obviously impossible to remove.

The most baffling part, for myself and those i sent to see it? What the fuck had Michael Jackson done to this poor guy.
(GlobaModule, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:25, archived)

Maybe
he'd sucked his cock.
(Daveybaby, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:56, archived)

i remember living in bristol
quite a few years ago, and in brislington there was a newsagents with "D.Clutterbuck sales coke" written on it. I was never sure if D.Clutterbuck was the shopkeeper or a drug dealer.

some kids used to spraypaint the date on one of my mate's garage door. every time he tried to paint the garage door and get rid of the graffitti, those pesky kids would come along and write the new date in the old one's place.
( GTA, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:25, archived)

On a toilet door at university
"Terry Waite, world hide and seek champion 1985, 1986, 1987"
( Disco, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:26, archived)

genius

( rob Add me on twitter: http://twitter.com/robmanuel, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:29, archived)

Umm
I think you'll find lord lucan had been winning for ages before that!
(ean, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 17:00, archived)

Nigel Rees' Grafitti...
...books contain many gems. Some of my favourites are:

By the toilet roll holder in one university toilet: 'Sociology degrees - please take one.'

By the lightswitch in the toilet of an Oxbridge Divinity library: 'A light to lighten the Genitals.'

On a sign advertising a gay community folk festival: 'There's nowt so folk as queer.'
( wrightbyname - correct by nature, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:27, archived)

Last of the Summer Wine - wtf is that all about?
Back in the eighties, just after Thora Hird had been made an OBE, she was opening our village fete and someone had overwritten the "OBE" on the welcome banner to "OAP".

It was bloody funny to this particular 11 y.o.
(Conditional Identity If you need any help........, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:30, archived)

I saw this in my local, though it was only up for a while
on the toilet wall next to the urinal:

Any fool can piss on the floor.
Be a hero and shit on the ceiling.

Made me laugh, but I was drunk at the time.
( Rusty Shackleford www.junt.co.uk, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:39, archived)

Impressed me...
The scene... A toilet in Peckham
"Ireland for the Irish"
and underneath, in different handwriting "Peckham for the Peckish"

It rang my bell
(CrudeButEffektiv, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:43, archived)

seen in Geneva, Switzerland
It was written in French, and can be traslated like this:

"Even a child can piss on the floor,
be a hero and take a crap on the ceiling!"
(Shaolin_Bukkake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:42, archived)

At a petrol station by my house....
On the pump it says "Beware of spillage" which was changed to "Beware of Pillage"

Which I think is equally if not more important.
Dirty Vikings.
(Creator911, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:45, archived)

Not *funny* funny, but...
For several years, there was a spray-painted diagram of a Stirling heat engine on a wall in Truro town centre.

Oh, those wacky Truronians... you never knew what thermodynamic principle they would lampoon next!
( Amish Information Systems certified by http://twitter.com/ofquack, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:48, archived)

Graffiti in a Liverpool Uni toilet cubicle
On the left wall: For the rules of toilet tennis, see the other wall.

On the right wall: For the rules of toilet tennis, see the other wall.

Repeat ad nauseum
( Zak Canard remembers this place, vaguely, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:50, archived)

Remembered another one...
at my senior school they had these foldable seats with stickers on the top of the seat back saying they were made by Sandler Seating.

A few scratches of the sticker later and you had 'anal eating'. always bound to impress visitors.
( Purple Robot Now with added doom, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 17:54, archived)

In the alley way between Upminster and Hornchurch in Essex...
...my mate done a smilie face on the floor and then some girl got raped in that alley and the graffiti was in the papers, and recently someones sprayed BOATHEAD all over it lol.
(Valo, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:13, archived)

Serial Killer Apreciation Society?
I once saw 'Free Dr Shipman' on the back of a white van. It did make me laugh.
(negativefactor, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:11, archived)

This has probably been mentioned......
.... but I couldn't be arsed to read all of them.

On a big plain brick wall at the side of a shop on a busy high st was an official looking sign saying 'BILL POSTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED' underneath in permanent marker some cad had written 'Bill Posters is innocent'
( Chumfatty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:27, archived)

Did you get
your free Dr Shipman?
(Chillijam, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:10, archived)

Nope...
...I'm still waiting for it. Postal Strike probably
(negativefactor, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 16:56, archived)

"Colin has three bars of soap...
and one of them is plain flavour." Surreal, and somewhat beautiful, in a playground in Twickenham.

Also, I note that the Public Records Office in Kew has finally tired of replacing the "L" and changed its name to the National Archives.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:20, archived)

so now its....
anal archives
(El_Presidente, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:41, archived)

It is
now
(Jimmaw, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 21:29, archived)

Dodgy Venue in Wycombe
i went to see a band and on the toilet wall was written ....

"If you think punks dead your dead"

Also a great source of graffiti was the exam desks at school.
(Spoondeath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:23, archived)

is that
the White Horse?
lol
(Fort, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:46, archived)

yeah...
..s'gotta be the White Horse. Top venue, have even played there a few times meself, frightening bogs though!
(Scribble, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:08, archived)

Wie Adolf Hitler sitz ich hier
die braunen Massen unter mir.
(Sorry, I failed to translate this while keeping it funny).
Commonly written on german public toilets.
( azerty, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:34, archived)

Did some german 10 years ago
I think it means something like .....

Like Adolf Hitler I here the brown masses under me
(Spoondeath, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:40, archived)

You mean you did some google translation?

( xian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:38, archived)

I think it means
Like Adolf Hitler i sit here with the brown masses below me
(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:55, archived)

i think i can
Like adolf hitler i sit here
the brown massing under me :P
(dan_clarkie, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:36, archived)

theres a gang in our town
called "The Mexicans".

They graffiteed their name on the side of the biggest building in town--they spelled it

"The Mecksikans"

everyone laughed and laughed--so the next night they crossed it out and re-wrote it the right way right below it. They never got much respect, that gang
(-Ironic Ferret-, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:38, archived)

LOL!
This big house near where I am staying in MN has the name of this gang called the Pheonix-Flame Cigarettes in giant grafitti. They also spelled it Feenix-phlame sigarets. * EVIL GRIN* Cunts.
(number 27-hunter, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:17, archived)

My old school
was next to a river and we used to get really bad fog drifting up and engulfing the grounds. Also, at the back of the school field was a huge embankment stretching up at an angle and facing the entire school. I always felt that it would make a nice canvas. So one morning we dissapeared out into the freezing fog and left our mark in the frosty grass by shuffling our feet. An hour or so later as the sun burned away the residual pea souper - Hey preso!! a thirty yard long cock and nuts for the whole school to guffaw over, it lasted the rest of the day.
( Cosmo Smallpiece Nickers Nackers Knockers, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:42, archived)

in response to goodness knows what
someone painted on a wall near belfast city centre, in large letters
"ULSTER HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH"
(it's quite probable that someone had been killed nearby, that sort of thing used to happen quite a lot in that part of town) and then some bright spark came along and painted above it
"No topless bathing"
made me laugh
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed has nothing to say about Michael Jackson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:49, archived)

in co-op bogs
in a small broadband enabled market town in north staffordshire:

birth, school, work, then die. Is that all there is to life?

Then it said "wot about sex" underneath. The word sex had then been inserted between each of the four stages above.
(pygmy giraffe, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:53, archived)

Birth, School, Work, Death
Single and Album by the Godfathers circa 1988.
( The Mighty Gusset Really ought to update his profile !, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 10:02, archived)

somewhere
on the way to Alton Towers near (or in) Uttoxeter I noticed there's a Stone Road. A blighter had vandalised it, it read Stoned Road
(happylobster, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:54, archived)

IVE SEEN THAT!

(Cockfosters!, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 18:58, archived)

In the same vein..
..we have some easily abusable place names near us, thus:

Hem Lane becomes Hemp Lane
and
Uckington becomes..well I guess you can figure that out.
(negativefactor, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:34, archived)

And on the
way somewhere, there is a sign that says "Effingham"
phnar phnar
(anotheradam, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 3:28, archived)

While not exactly graffiti
I have posted inane signs around my workplace before, one of the better being a sign which read "WARNING: Do Not Remove This Sign". It was up for weeks, being one of those safety sign construction toolkit jobbies I guess everyone just ignored it.
(.david, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:12, archived)

Not written graphtti
But kinda cool.

When the escalators and extra shops were built in a shopping centre nearby, someone stuck a toy wooden parrot on a ledge u see as your going up. 5 years later its still there
( Blobcat Previously known as Amazongirl, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:42, archived)

did you know?
theres an escalator and lift company called schindler's lifts?
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:15, archived)

All the lifts in our shopping centre are made by Porn & Dunwoody.
This never fails to make me laugh.
( monster munch is old enough to know better, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:23, archived)

Crazy
and zany indeed
(seamonkey, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:47, archived)

there used to be a hairdressers in the exchange arcade
located just behind the council house in nottingham. it was originally full of various shops, tobacconists, toy shops, hairdressers, etc. (now its full of pretencious wanky designer clothing shops and homeless people sheltering from the rain)

but one shop, well, hairdressers, i remember quite clearly was called 'the public hairdressers'
and oh how i laughed when someone stole the L off of the sign!
( Munsta is looking for hummus, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:28, archived)

nottingham is fun

(Ellis, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 18:21, archived)

It is indeed

but does painting parts of the left lion pink count as graffiti?
( Sack Sack - Norfolks laziest, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 2:06, archived)

Best Graffiti?
Somewhere on the Underground in late 90's: "Ooh-err in a Kenneth Williams stylee"

Also someone in my town has put stickers nearly all over a lamp post near my local Sainsbury's
I will try to supply pics tommorow

And some local twat tried to be all racist once but couldn't spell right
The legend on the postbox read: "Pakies go home"

Most people thought it said "Pasties go home"
Hehehehe
(Boss Mew Klaatu barada...necktie?, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:32, archived)

my student house
front door had "sex" in blue marker inscribed on each of the four panels.
( jeffcapeshop, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:43, archived)

train travel.
on the way to liverpool lime street on the train there is a bit of graffiti on a wall that says
"NO POPE HERE"
strange...
(EvilNoodle, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:48, archived)

I've seen that...
...I think he paid a visit in the 80s or summat
( meathelmet, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 21:42, archived)

Lucky Pope

( useful_idiot, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 15:44, archived)

a few years ago
the neon lights on the Superbowl opposite Old Trafford football ground in Manchester had a defective B. so for many months the large neon sign read 'Super owl'.

the mental images of a super owl never failed to make me laugh.
(honeybadger, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:45, archived)

I used to take a train into Kings Cross every Friday Night and see a neon sign reading

General
    bing
    lies

Not until I went past in daylight did I suss out what it meant.
(General Plumbing Supplies - Obviously neon is pretty unreliable)
( monster munch is old enough to know better, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 11:27, archived)

that reminds me
of my favourite sign ever: ELF SERVICE. it hung over a roundabout i used to pass every day, & wherever the S got off to, it took ages to return :)
( wh00ps where's my, Fri 7 Nov 2003, 16:42, archived)

best graffiti
Saw this on a wall in strood, kent about 10 years ago, was in big blue spay can scrawl on a brick wall at the end of the road, I guess its about as shocking as three words can possibly be " FUCK MY MUM "
(teddyb, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 19:50, archived)

I remember...
...a TV news report from outside Falkirk Sheriff Court during a particularly nasty trial.

The news crew must have been in a rush to set everything up and shoved the reporter up against a nearby wall to do the report.

As a result, over his shoulder, the words 'FUCK OFF' were written clearly for the world to see all the way through that bulletin.

Not big or clever, but it made me laugh.
( Mystery_Bob, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:18, archived)

Oh...
...just along from my house there is "SATAN IS MY MASTER, I AM HIS BITCH"
( Mystery_Bob, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:22, archived)

Welsh TV
saturday afternoon sports round up about 3 years ago.

Two presenters. Camera moves back for a two-shot, leaving only the central four letters of the word Saturday visible between the presenters.

After a good 15 seconds, they cut away to a brief report and on return, the camera has moved slightly. Spoilsports.
( chthonic, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:23, archived)

In Cambridge (like so many others)
When you're walking from Christ's Parts (or something like that, it's a park) to the station, you find Janus House. Me and Hazz couldn't resist this-


In a pub in my village in Essex, there was once "Look up *above it* Look up *above it* Look up *on the ceiling* Now look down- you've pissed all over your trousers." which I liked.

Oh, and driving into Cambridge we go past the Genome Park which someone had change a sign to read "Gnome Park".

Tables at school: Bordom kills, English should have a health warning
*some teacher* is a bitch on EVERY table of her classroom.

My friend Lucy one had one of those "Lucy is a slut" ones on the toilet walls- first she heard about it was when she walked in there and someone (not knowing she was in there) read it out loudly. Owch.

EDIT: arse, sorted out wrong code now.
( Whillow, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:28, archived)

lol
heh heh heh... anus...
(xxhazziexx, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:43, archived)

Christs Pieces
I used to live there
( xian, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:32, archived)

Bloody hell
Why are there so many Cambridge b3tans and never Cambridge bashes? Though the only place I can get served there is the Russian Shop...
( Whillow, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:30, archived)

think its called
cryers piece, is it the one with the princess diana memorial that the little 12 year old cunts sk8 on?
(iain with two eyes, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:34, archived)

Yeah
It's also got a police station right next to it, we didn't find out this untill we had smoked too much weed there to care.
( Whillow, Thu 6 Nov 2003, 16:16, archived)

I live not far from Penistone.
Hours of fun. Hours.
( sp3ccylad carries on breathing all the way up to, say, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:26, archived)

Yeah
It's called "Christ Pieces"

I always thought it would have made a good menu entry for a Golgothan KFC a couple of thousand years ago.
( 100% Cock I believe that Gorgonzola is the best cheese., Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:23, archived)

okay, um...
On the way into Watford is a wall that says LOOK DEEP, MY EYES SHOW YOU MY SOUL which I have always found touching.

Also just outside Finsbury Park station there is a marker-scrawled message reading FREE AFGHAN STAN. Who is he, I wonder?

And I had another one but I forgot it while reading the above thread.
( Dr Phil Kitten, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:31, archived)

On the wall of a pub toilet....
The painters work was all in vain
The shithouse poet strikes again

classic :D
(FoetalYouth, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:34, archived)

the best ive eva seen
in st ives (cornwall) there was a sign next to this massive surfing bech tht was meant to say no dogs, someone had scralwed on a picture of a shouting man and chaged it to say no dogs or townies i spen hte rest of the day chucling and eating pasties.
yay first eva post
(spanley, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:42, archived)

Elvis suxs
I am currently working in a very dull government office in Wellington, NZ. In the toilets on the 11th floor someone has written 'Elvis suxs' on the wall. The thing that puzzles me is that the offices are not open to the public, and were only re-decorated a few years ago, which means that the message has to have been written there by one of the staff. I spend my days glancing around the office suspciously trying to fathom which of my co-workers harbours a festering hatred of The King strong enough to make them deface the toilet wall. The recent revival of interest in Presley's songs has granted me the opportunity to mention him in casual conversation around the coffee machine, but none of my probing has provoked the kind of furious reaction I would expect from the culprit. This is how I imagine the conversation would go when I found the man responsible:

Me: Morning. Getting a coffee there I see. Hey, by the way, I just heard that 'new' Elvis song on the radio this morning, but i'm not sure what to make of it just yet. What do you think of it?

Culprit: Elvis? Would it suprise you to know that I am a cell leader for an underground militia set on denouncing the life and works of Elvis. We have operatives in New York, Cairo and Peru set to deface The Statue of Liberty, The Great Pyramid and Machu Picchu respectively with huge slogans which will reveal the true nature of Elvis's work and start the demise of Rock and Roll as we know it. And me? Well it was I, yes I who wrote 'Elvis suxs' in biro on the toilet wall!
(TommyTheMuff is a new dad and luvvin it, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:42, archived)

on a peice of hording
near covent garden

( weebl Cheese Barns, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:46, archived)

More badgers...
On the wall outside my Chem lab when I was doing my PhD:

"All students are reminded that they must at all times have a dead badger in their sink..."

Followed by

"Students which do not have a dead badger may get one from reception. Thank you."
(aardvarkadam, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 20:50, archived)

Oh ! Oh !
Saw a big van today with "Badger Removals" written on it - excellent choice of name
( wonko the sane, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:01, archived)

help, badgers!
they're bigger than you think

phew, thought i wasnt gonna get the opportunity to write it on this board
( rhcpaul - if you play defender i can be your hyperspace, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 16:21, archived)

on a huge viaduct over a road
about 60ft up. In huge letters - We have balls of steel
(christophaloph, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:12, archived)

On a bridge
Scrawled into the paintwork "I have just had a warnk." Underneath that, someone had written "If it was as good as your spelling, I wouldn't of bothered." Helpfully, someone had circled the "of" and corrected it to "have."
(ed_pearson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:21, archived)

On the mean streets ...
... of Gowerton you can expect to see shit graffiti. I remember seeing one which was on a warning sighn by an electric pylon that read 'Danger of death' now it is cool as it is but some pube changed two letters so it read 'Banger of beth'
(Bombast, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:20, archived)

There's a bridge running over the Charles River in Boston
and there's a big college rowing race there every year. Usually people spraypaint things on the bridge for their team, or something nasty for a team they want to lose. One year someone spraypainted "Tufts! I'm risking my life to warn you, there is a bomb in your boat bail out bail out BAIL OUT!"

Tufts didn't win that year, so I guess that, as a distraction, it worked.

On the toilet door in the arts and architecture building at my school someone had written: "Taking a shit is creating shit, so it must be art, eh?" Under that, in response, "Fucking architects."

Also, on the ladies bathroom wall in the A&A building, a very detailed pen and ink drawing of two gentleman kissing. Actually quite tasteful, and very skillfully rendered. With the caption, "I don't care if you're gay, stay out of our bathroom."

I don't know, I laughed.
( TheFelineAnarchist, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

.
Opposite Oxford road station in Manchester some anti-war protester has written "WAR IS CRIME" on the wall. Not that interesting, but underneath someone else has written "so is graffiti". Made me laugh anyway.
(jawjut, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:23, archived)

i used to work
as a security guard at a UPS center, and on one of the restroom stall walls there was an entire conversation written out in graffiti between about 4 people. went something like
"hang hoffa by his nuts"
"what nuts?"
"he doesnt have any"
"its spelled doesn't"
"no its not"
"no, thats right"
it apeared over the corse of a week, in diffrent handwriting too.
(Mynd, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:29, archived)

I once read
"Rose are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm on Prozac,
Ten Pence for your Tractor"

Which I came out of the khazi giggling my arse off.

Especially when I told my then girlfriend that I saw it seconds after I sat down and then told her that there were loads of people heard me laugh like a loon on the bog.
( vulga nie jestem Polakiem, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:31, archived)

the best bit of graffiti i saw has to be...
in a fairly run down area of my town where the words "Fuck Oof" (spelled like that) was sprayed across the outside wall of the public library (surely they should of checked with the dictionaries inside). It was there since I could remember but was removed a few years ago.
(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:32, archived)

Fuck
On the subject of fuck. At my old school some vandals broke in and sprayed in big yellow letters the word FUCK on the side of the drama studio. The school was swift to remove it but while using the high preshurer water washer thinggy accidently traced the word. Now theres a filthy wall with FUCK being the only clean bit.
(Bombast, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:38, archived)

At my old
office, a person was scrawling on walls claiming that 'Robert Smells Bad!!' A while later, a post-it note appeared on the drink dispenser, saying 'Even this machine knows Robert smells bad!'
(jeligula, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:39, archived)

Well....
im only half way through this lot (so kill me if its already been said) but the best ive seen is:

In big white writing 'Bill Stickers Is Innocent' on a bridge in Northolt (London)

Also in a pub in Euston, there was the usual rubbish Arsenal are great, Chelsea are the best... at the bottom of the door was 'IM BEHIND YOU, NOW SCREAM AND MAKE IT FUN FOR ME!'
(templett, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:46, archived)

Not the most
politically correct graffiti but here goes:

In a pub in Chiswick (no prizes if you can tell me which one) the gents toilet cubicle had the usual graffiti ("MUFC rules!", etc) except, written halfway down the wall was this gem:

"It is my belief that the sale of pens to the working classes should be banned"

Apologies if that offends anyone but it made me laugh for a couple of hours.
(Crumpet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:47, archived)

Various Milton Keynes subways
Especially around Springfield, cast aspersions upon the sexual preferences of a person called 'Rory':

"Rent Boy Rory"
and
"Rory is gay"

I had no succes in confirming these rumours.
(mcnelson, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:28, archived)

Did you see
"Bent Rory" as well on a house in Springfield? Just by the H6! Man, that's been a running joke in my family since 1988.
(noahlovesnesquick, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 9:14, archived)

hmm...
While vising friends in South Texas (the heart of the Bible Belt)
I once saw on a bathroom door:
"Chrissie is a gosh darned cheater! She has no respect for herself, her friends, or God. Pray for her." Hardcore.
Next to: Sarah fucked Andrew dirty and loved it"
It made me giggle.

Edit: Oh and: there are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who read binary, and those who don't.
(blubear, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 21:50, archived)

My locals
have great graffiti! One has "you are all bastarards" and the other has "you are all noobs"... the same person maybe?

Oh dear me I joined just to post this
( GeordieSteve, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:08, archived)

beep beep
Me and a few friends were road trippin' in north wales and came along a city called Bangor. It is a proper shithole.

I needed to take a dump (well, leave a dump, I didn't take it with me) but was too scared to go in a scary Bangor pub for fear of being raped so we drove to a service station, while I sat atop my throne and contemplated life I saw this gem on the door of the cubicle:

"Fuck off home English wankers"

Nothing too special about that, but underneath someone had written:

"We already are home, we just let you live in this shithole"

Made me giggle like a girl.

Also on this door, someone had written:

"My name is Simon,
When I'm not shagging
I'm wanking"

Someone had changed this to:

"My name is Simon LeBon,
When I'm not shagging sheep,
I'm wanking horses off"

The door is now available on audio cassette for the visually impaired, or so another message made me believe.

It was a good dump.
(tricky_soul, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:14, archived)

Recently took a road
trip from Ontario to Alberta.
Wrote "PENIS" in every single gas station bathroom we stopped at from Toronto to Edmonton. (got the rest on the way back)
( cheesemaster a screaming naked asian man driving a semi, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:22, archived)

I saw one!
One the way back from France to England, on the ferry, someone had written one of my all time favourite jokes on one of those crappy blue tables :

Two goldfish are in their tank. One says : I'll drive.
(Stoat ~ Back @ b3ta after 4 years, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:25, archived)

My favourite toilet graffittittiffiittii
Every poet, when he dies
Finds erected in the skies
In honour of their style and wit
A monumental pile of shit.

Well done, not only have you shat: you've created a monument to a poet.


I confess to writing this in any new toilet I go in.
( wanky art student is liable to phwoar at any minute, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:32, archived)

I was famous in Leeds Uni Ladies...
I was reliably told by 4 seperate sources, that for some time, in the Ladies dunny in Leeds Uni (just outside the Old bar, if anyone knows the place), there was a scrawl that read:-
'Jesus doesn't exist'
to which someone replied -'Yes he does, he works at Clarence Dock Bar'
(that'd be me then...)

Oooh, to be well known around those cubicles again...

Oh, and currently there's a spate of 'Wet Paint' being written on (almost) freshly painted walls.
Made me laugh.
(jesusbagpuss, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:34, archived)

Best i've seen
is on a desk in a lecture room in uni of newcastle upon tyne.

1/fuck off x 1/fuck right off = 1/right
(smigga, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:45, archived)

tuesday
I realise I have almost certainly missed some deeper point but mathematically should that equal 1/(fuck off)^2 right ... ?
( the mighty badger, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 10:46, archived)

If I remeber maths from
20 years ago (jesus!) it should be (1/fuck off)/(1/fuck right off)=2/right. Surely?
(Chimichanga!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 20:35, archived)

No..
If i remember maths from my class last week then badger is right
(Moppith, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 4:35, archived)

hmmm
who gives a fuck? I got it wrong anyway :)

Should be

fuck off x 1/fuck right off = 1/right
(smigga, Sun 9 Nov 2003, 18:42, archived)

I grew up
in a hole in South Wales called Newport, and drank in a collapsing hole of a bar called (shortened) "The Brahms" (owned by Steve Strange, if I recall).

Anyway, halfway up the stairs to the (*ahem*) toilets someone had carved the words (8 inches high) "I went to the Brahms, and their dog ate my homework".
( wonko the sane, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 22:54, archived)

On a shed that houses police push bikes in Oxford....
People
Of
Limited
Intelligence
Controlling
Everyone
(ad, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:13, archived)

I went back to Newport
for a visit a few years ago. They'd built a bypass / overpass type thing,
and on the wall of one of the ramps up to a bridge, which was about 12 billion tons of concrete were the words
"The speed of light is proportional to mass"

Which I thought was pretty good, for Newport.
( wonko the sane, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 15:39, archived)

there's a great one in cambridge
where someone tried to write "apocalypse" on a chimney but ran out of space so had to scribble it out and do it again a couple of feet lower down. d'oh.

ps - hullo b3ta... have decided to stop lurking and start posting
(egglet, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:28, archived)

Does it still say
"Meat is Mudrer" on the wall of Sidney Sussex College opposite Sainsbury's?
( chthonic, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 11:41, archived)

I 2 joined 4 this.
No. 1: On the stall's wall (it rhymes in German):

Don't waste your time reading the jokes on the wall,
Because the biggest joke is between your hands.



No. 2: the desk next to me on the far back of the classroom one day had the word "scrub" written all over it. It must've taken the dude hours of patience for writing what seemed like at least one thousand instances of the word. You literally couldn't see the desk's color anymore... Next week, same class, the desk was clean. That's when I pictured a janitor like in The Simpsons, cursing the brat who did all this, having to scrub all of it away... What I hard time I had to contain my laughter for the rest of the class...
(st0pid, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:52, archived)

I got two.
The first one was scrawled on a generic bathroom wall.

"Life's a bitch
and then you die.
It really sucks
Unless you're high."

Personally, I was the inventor of Anti-Graffiti. (And if you came up with it earlier, then fuck you, I've got the patent, la la la.)

I would go around to typically childish graffiti - "Tanner is a FAG." and either simply write the word 'not' in, or write the exact opposite of what they wrote immediately below it.

Steven Black sucks the cock.
"The guy who wrote that wishes Steven Black would suck his cock."

Robert is a gino.
"The guy who wrote that wishes he was a gino."

That sort of thing. I was rather pleased with myself.
(A Wooden Leg Named Smith, Mon 3 Nov 2003, 23:56, archived)

Isn't that
a bit like writing "Graffiti is for cunts" on a wall?
(Crumpet, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 12:00, archived)

Surprised no one's seen this:
"There are 10 types of people in this world; those who understand binary, and those who don't."

simple elegance is what that is.
(DonkeyRhubarb, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:16, archived)

The funniest I've seen
wasn't even a joke or witty piece of writing, just some idiot at school who wrote "Seth Wright, 10 Toole." He's also the sort of kid that would do that sort of thing. Stupidity or bravery, I still found it funny.
( mike woz ere message me with some flounces or failures please, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 0:29, archived)

I've seen two of the best poems in the same stall
The first:
"There once was a girl from Peru,
who loved to bathe in man goo.
She said it was tough, to find quite enough,
but even a sprinkle will do!"

The second:
"Life is a waste of time
and time is a waste of life,
so let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!"
( [marcus] is the fucking moon lord!, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:08, archived)

In my music teachers office
He has a picture of a wall he saw somewhere. It says something like "Make peace, no more violins".
Obviously spellcheck was not the most useful thing in this case.
(penguinpower, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:25, archived)

I think
that could be true, if the Grafitti Artest( a misspelling Grafitti Artist)hates violins, or just hates my flatmate. his name is VIOLINS! Which mother would name their child VIOLINS, after the musical insturment of DOOM?
(number 27-hunter, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 22:35, archived)

graffiti around the keele uni area
A few...
"if god was to give the world an enema, he'd stick the hose in Stoke on Trent"
Underneath the British Standard sign on the condom machine
"So was the titanic"
"Here i sit in silent bliss
listening to the dribbling piss
now and then a fart is heard
followed by a falling turd
i sit and smell the rising vapour
and see some bastard's nicked the paper"

probably all been seen everywhere else in the world :P
(Fantastic Mr Porter is bored, and wishes it was, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:20, archived)

On a ferry on the way to the Isle Of Arran...
On the inside of the toilet door: "Stop having a brickie".
(...And You Will Know Us By The Waste Of Thread, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:35, archived)

being a celtic fan i appreciated this..
on the toilet roll dispenser in my uni toilets, someone has written "rangers season tickets available here". theres another good one where someone has written "masturbation stunts the growth" on the door, then on the ceiling it says "liar". well it made me laugh
(king_graham_of_grahamsville, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:37, archived)

On a bridge near to my secondary school....
Someone had written "I fucked Steer's mum" (Mr Steer being the headteacher). Someone else had written underneath: "- by Steer's dad".

Also, on a desk in a lecture room at Brunel Uni: "I shot Phil Mitchell"
(...And You Will Know Us By The Waste Of Thread, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 1:45, archived)

On Stockport Library...
the endeering and enduring phrase 'I LOVE PLUM' is scrawled near the entrance. I'd take a picture of it but i've no camera, be it digital or old fashioned.

But it's true.
(fnerk, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 2:58, archived)

Reverse the Curse
On an bridge over Storrow Drive (one of the main roads through Boston, MA) there is a sign that should say "Reverse curve". I moved here about two years ago and it has always been graffitied (sp?) to read "Reverse the Curse", presumably a reference to the "Curse of the Bambino", an ancient curse against the Red Sox baseball team who sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees and have never since won the World Series. This year included.

Over this past summer the sign was replaced. Not more than two days later so was the graffiti. Even as a non-fan I find this excellent!
(UnlikelyBostonian, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:02, archived)

alright!
we're getting more bostonians on here!
thank cats, i was starting to feel like the only one.
oh, and since i'm now at college, i have taken it upon myself to scrawl 'reverse the curse' in permanent marker all over the campus. also 'believe' with the red sox 'b'.
( TheFelineAnarchist, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:07, archived)

graffiti...
they were doing construction on one side of a road, and there was a sign directing traffic that read "squeeze left" -- under which someone had written "nut". what was particularly funny is that the added text was done with such care that it blended perfectly with the sign.

that "reverse the curse" graffiti has been there for years on storrow drive.
it gets repainted over every time it starts to fade.
enough cops have turned so many blind eyes to the painters, that it's safe to say it's a nearly-endorsed boston landmark.
(pinknoisemachine, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:06, archived)

Here i sit, broken hearted,
came to shit but only farted.
(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:57, archived)

remembered another
I wrote at high school and it lasted the whole time I was there

LLAW EHT NI KCUTS MA I PLEH (letters backwards)
(kupsta, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 3:58, archived)

In 6th grade, on the post of a volleyball net
"8 inches
can go for many hours
875-555-1234"
(futile, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 4:54, archived)

In San Diego California
There is an area by the 805 lined with the back fences of peoples homes. One section is painted a darkish red color and is frequently used for graffiti. Guess the owner was fed up and put his own, but tragically didn't pay attention to what he was writing and ended up with "Taggers are idiots and asshoholes!".
(PrenatalFlunky, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:13, archived)

Can't believe no one's posted this
Unfortunately, I've only seen pictures from my boss, having never been myself. Beltway, Washington D.C. There's an overpass, and just over the view is a rather creepy looking building. Quite reminiscent of the Wizard of Oz. Someone fitting spraypainted across the overpass "Surrender Dorothy."
(puttysan, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:13, archived)

My first ever post....lazy funker that I am
Best dirty van graffiti i've ever seen was " Shhhhh, illegal immigrants sleeping"

Also have seen several times variations on "I am 12 inches, do you want me", to which I am forced to respond "that depends on how big your cock is"
(Moustachio, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:23, archived)

old reply
"Well its 12 inches long but I don't use it as a rule"
(ho_yus, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 13:33, archived)

more of a serious one
but in various places of the new york subway, some guy has started writing his journal/life history/wake the hell up people type stuff. he started this after he lost nearly everything and tried to kill himself. now, there are walls with writing, and labeled by page. last i saw was only page 3.
(Plus9AgainstOgres, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 5:30, archived)

On a toilet paper/bog roll dispenser
Is printed the logo and name of the manufacturer-- "Rollmaster"

Above it, someone has written, "wipe faster with", thus making a rather catchy advertising slogan.
(+3 Crapulent Vambrace of Win, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 6:16, archived)

in KBC at edinburgh uni in the bogs years ago...
smoke blunts
          the herb
          rothmans
          the white owl
( wingpig eating around the cow shape since 1976, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 6:49, archived)

On a condom machine:
"Don't buy this gum, it tastes like rubber!"
(retro, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 7:39, archived)

Free Nelson Mandella.....
with every box of Weetabix


(wall in Birmingham)
(AndyA, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:14, archived)

On one of the M1 bridges
LESUS SAVES

Obviously the religious fruitcake got confused while painting hanging upside down or something.

Twatmangle!
( Signify, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:16, archived)

random Australian graffiti
There is a lovely bit of vandalism that can be seen on a fair amount of the trains around Sydney.
With a small amount of white-out the 'At night travel near the guards compartment, marked with a blue light' easily becomes 'At night, rave near the guards, naked with a blue light'
(notthatgreg, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:32, archived)

And on another one southbound on the M1:
FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT


the right for what exactly?
( The Zombie Pirate of Dr. Blackwolf is sucking diesel on, Wed 5 Nov 2003, 13:44, archived)

chouchter brilliance
For those who don't know, chouchter's are referred to as people who come from anywhere North of Perth. It's a fairly derogatory term, and my mate Gourlay was a prime example of why it was coined.

In an effort to show his coolness, he told us down the pub one night that he'd written "smoke up the gange" on our quarter pipe we kept by the river in Thurso. When we got down there, we found that we he'd actually written was :

"somke up the ganga" in two foot high letters.

Idiot.
(weedom, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:36, archived)

Cambridgeshire Drug Action Team, bless em.....
... have put up large pink posters in the toilets of many of the pikier local pubs that say, "While you're in here, what's happening to your drink?" This is blatantly an invitation to grafitii, among the responses I've seen have been:

i) Oxidation.
ii) Inflation.
iii) Being pissed in.
iv)Being Mickey Finned (??? What??)
v) Being Rohyped.
vi) Being Fucking Stolen.

I think maybe Cambridgeshire Drug Action team may have needed to leave less pink space on the posters. And I'd like them (out of purely casual interest, I must emphasise) to explain to me what 'Mickey Finning' a drink entails.
(fixit, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:41, archived)

Mickey Finn
is slang for mixing your drinks.

I have no idea why, and the story about how I came to know reflects *really* badly on my mum, no matter how many times I tried to type it correctly.

So I shan't mention it at all.

dictionary.reference.com/search?q=mickey%20finn

/edit slightly different definition, now that I've read it more closely. Bloody americans.
(weedom, Tue 4 Nov 2003, 8:53, archived)